It's the Singles Forum Oldies/Newbies Mingle! (How can we best blend the old user/new user crowd?)

Hey Everyone!

Something I've been thinking about lately is that we have a lot of new faces (well, avatars ) on the forum and I've been wondering... What is the best way to blend our CC Singles Forum crowd?

* How can we introduce ourselves to each other and get everyone talking back and forth?

* How can we help make people more comfortable sharing posts and replying to/joking with other users?

* If you're someone who's been here for a while, what helped you make the leap from silent observer to active forum participant?

* If you're someone new, welcome! What things would make you feel like diving into the discussions?

I always see a lot of great people I'd love to try to banter and joke with in the forum, but if someone is new or I don't know them that well, I tend to refrain because I don't want them to feel like they're being picked on. What are your thoughts on how we can bridge the gap?

I admit that I'm slower than a tortoise when it comes to meeting people here. I'll generally become familiar with their posts over several months, then maybe have the chance to drop them a PM and get to know them, but that can take several more weeks or months. Usually when I'm here, I have a limited amount of time, so I will often choose to use it to write a post I've been thinking about and have to write out before I lose the thought. Unfortunately, I'm only able to get to know one or two people at a time this way.

How can we change this, and for everyone here, so that we're all meeting new people and talking?

What ideas do you have for helping our CC Singles crowd get to know each other better, or even at all?

I suggest pizza or coffee.

That should cover at least 29 of every 31 people on this forum. The rest would consume them together and therefore are inherently anti-social anyway.

I'm always the silent viewer
lol
Unless I'm really stirred to respond, or if I need prayer.

I guess I am a bit shy when it comes to chat here, but have been making more effort to get involved. There are a few people I would like to get to know more, but I am hesitant to send unsolicited chat messages or PMs. So I try to interact with the, where I can in threads here.

The people I have gotten to know the best are the ones I chat with pretty regularly. Same with people I have gotten to know on Facebook. We do regular text, voice, or video chats.

Ok... So anyone who doesn't like coffee or pizza is out!

Just kidding. Although if anyone suggested that we should offer DECAF coffee, I'm pretty SURE that person would be thrown out for real.

*shakes head*

Ah, what are we going to do with those silent observers!? (Chinese water torture? ) KIDDING! Just kidding! Come back!

Hope to see you around a little more, Aephus, as well as anyone else wanting to take the plunge.


This is an excellent point, Hamarr. Some people might be intimidated by a PM that seems to come out of the blue or may have had bad experiences with hit 'n' runs in the live chats. This is exactly why I hold off on trying to answer/banter with some people's posts as well. In my head, I'm seeing it as hopefully being funny, but to the other person, it might feel like just getting laughed at , and that's definitely not what I'm going for.

I do hope we're able to get some threads going, written by a number of different people, so that we can give folks a safe, non-threatening way of getting to know each other.

Those who like neither coffee nor pizza are welcome. After all, we need someone to be the butt of all the jokes.

I've always had difficulty with forums :T, though it is nice sometimes to check back periodically on a thread I've created with a question to see what people have to say.

I sometimes miss the days where I'd sit on AIM and have some good conversation.

Everything seems to have happened so fast. Time just goes on and on.

Sometimes I feel I've lost the ability to really connect with another human being relationally. I mean, I can talk with people and be around people, but there's a closeness I'm really lacking.

I use the chat room thingies, but only because one popped up one day for no reason. I didn't even know they were there.

Thank you for sharing this, Aephus, and I hope you'll continue to share your thoughts.

The disconnect you describe is very familiar. I think most people feel it today as a result of our reliance on electronic devices for interaction--I know I've felt it for years as well.

I hope that maybe, with God's guidance, we can somehow change that. However, perhaps my expectations are too unrealistic. I just remember the days of old pen pal letters (made with real pens and paper!) and the genuine connection I felt with people, sometimes on the other side of the world, only through written words.

My old, stubborn self keeps thinking that if paper letters (without the capacity for background checks and online biographies) could create such a real connection, how much more could we have on the internet.

Please, don't stop talking to us!

Nobody chats with me. Maybe I have cooties... or bad breath.

I tend to feel that lack of connection in real life so I sometimes place too much on online contact. Except that can be unfulfilling in a way. Being a 40+ single man without a lot of in person contact has been on my mind a lot. Trying to make friends at church can be a pain, or sometimes getting to know anyone at all. I’m probably not very skilled in the ways so need to be for socializing, but I do know it gets harder as you get older for everyone.

I was thinking back to my 20s where I seemed to know tons of people. Had some good friends I have lost touch with, too. College skews your view of how things are going to be.

It is easier for me to meet people online at least. I do sometimes get depressed thinking about he distance. Like the difficulty in meeting up depending on how close of friends they become. The more connected everything feels the more alienated and cut off I feel on some level.

I've chatted with a few folks here, but only because a chat room thingie popped up one day. Before that, I didn't even know it was here.

Most people are generally intimidated by me for some reason. If anyone has any suggestions as to why, I'd love to hear them!

I'm not, and I don't understand why anyone else would be.

I'm guessing it's because of your soft spot for ugly Christmas sweaters, combined with your search for an expert sandwich maker.

Nothing is more intimidating than a guy in a blinking Rudolph Christmas sweater demanding a perfect club sandwich.


(On a side note: this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm riffing on Wild's post because I've seen his other posts around the forum, and know that he--hopefully--knows I'm only kidding.)

New users, how can we include you in these things?

How will we know if it's ok to interact and joke with you?

Is that our fault for not having things? Like, I don’t know what my thing is.

Rolling with the ugly Christmas sweater crowd is a bit intimidating. I don’t mess with those guys.

I don't know if I can stick around really often.

Maybe periodically. But that's all.

I work in IT, which sometimes can be crazy hours.

I also serve in the church I go to, and we have something going on 3-4 days a week (Sundays included).

I still need to learn how to balance everything.

And sometimes I find myself splurging time on playing video games as a way to "unwind", though it doesn't happen very often. And sometimes I recall a time where I feel God didn't want me to play video games at all, so sometimes it gets me into a funk that I have to get out of.

I'm just so shy n introverted, I dont know what to do.......


p.s. i only accept messages from women over 30.

I didn't know he had one of THOSE sweaters!!! Now I'm skeered if that dude!!!

I have social anxiety in real life. I'm always afraid to speak up and I gets so nervous!


Online...I feel much more comfortable being myself and talking to people. I have more online friends than friends I know in person. Which is really sad but oh well.
Anyways, for those who have trouble making friends in person or speaking up...maybe by being open online you can make friends here.
I should note that being on here for 5 years since 2014 (I've had other usernames), has helped me tremendously in being more confident and able to approach more people in real life. I've got a ways to go but CC has helped me set a good foundation that I lacked before.