Are Christian men and woman more likely to stay single longer then non Christians?
- Thread starter JosephsDreams
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I imagine the answer would be yes because christians (at least the serious ones) have a lot more criteria for a mate than secular folks do. Secular folks aren't worried about if the other person is christian or if they're a virgin, or if they are willing to wait until marriage <--- that would probably the #1 reason why a lot of christians take longer to find a mate.
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Hmmm.... overall I'm not sure what the answer is (and some of it depends on how you define single), but it seems to me Christians tend to fall into a few different categories:
1) Those who marry quickly because they want to have sex (or had sex and now feel they have to get married)
2) Those who have come to believe (through teaching or fear) that they need to wait for God to bring along the perfect relationship and are waiting on God darn near forever with impossibly high standards that even they don't meet.
3) Those who see sex and romance as a competitor to their loyalty and devotion to God.
4) Those who "don't fit" the Christian mold and so feel stuck between no one in the church will want them and they don't want to date a non-believer.
On the non-Christian side however, there is becoming less and less incentive to get married at all. So I think maybe we can say that Christians have more hurdles to establishing a romantic relationship, but quite possibly higher quality relationships. And I think we'll have to define things a whole lot more to really find an apples to apples type of comparison.
1) Those who marry quickly because they want to have sex (or had sex and now feel they have to get married)
2) Those who have come to believe (through teaching or fear) that they need to wait for God to bring along the perfect relationship and are waiting on God darn near forever with impossibly high standards that even they don't meet.
3) Those who see sex and romance as a competitor to their loyalty and devotion to God.
4) Those who "don't fit" the Christian mold and so feel stuck between no one in the church will want them and they don't want to date a non-believer.
On the non-Christian side however, there is becoming less and less incentive to get married at all. So I think maybe we can say that Christians have more hurdles to establishing a romantic relationship, but quite possibly higher quality relationships. And I think we'll have to define things a whole lot more to really find an apples to apples type of comparison.
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For my first marriage at the age of 23 your #1 criteria holds true for me, especially the part in parentheses.
I made a seriously bad mistake that affected me for years to come. I should have considered her best friend instead. She had a thing for me but I was too blind to see. A Christian woman too. My X was a Christian also but perhaps in name only. Thinking back, that was probably true for me too at the time.
Marry in haste, repent in leisure. My mom told me that before I got married in 1978. She was right.
Horrific marriage. Bad. Lasted 6 1/2 years of pure hell, and she gave me hell for years after that and tried to thwart my attempts to remain a viable father to my daughter.
It's like my daughter told me a couple years ago, "Mom's not right in the head, that's why she treats me and my children like crap". I didn't say anything but just nodded my head slowly. Fortunately for my daughter, she doesn't remember much of the actual living conditions of our dysfunctional household. She was too young and was spared that.
My X once said that "We put the 'dys' in dysfunctional". That's about the only thing that she got right.
I made a seriously bad mistake that affected me for years to come. I should have considered her best friend instead. She had a thing for me but I was too blind to see. A Christian woman too. My X was a Christian also but perhaps in name only. Thinking back, that was probably true for me too at the time.
Marry in haste, repent in leisure. My mom told me that before I got married in 1978. She was right.
Horrific marriage. Bad. Lasted 6 1/2 years of pure hell, and she gave me hell for years after that and tried to thwart my attempts to remain a viable father to my daughter.
It's like my daughter told me a couple years ago, "Mom's not right in the head, that's why she treats me and my children like crap". I didn't say anything but just nodded my head slowly. Fortunately for my daughter, she doesn't remember much of the actual living conditions of our dysfunctional household. She was too young and was spared that.
My X once said that "We put the 'dys' in dysfunctional". That's about the only thing that she got right.
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H
The biggest difference I have seen is that a lot of non Christians I know will stay with a bad fit rather than be alone. I have known quite a few people that will stay in a relationship for years with someone that they have no intention of marrying but will move in together and all that. Sometimes they trade up when someone better comes along.
One of the ladies I work with has been with the same guy for here years. I quit listening to her tell me about him 6 or so months back. Every time, it was about what a loser he is or how bad a fit they are. But he moved in with her last year. They are in this state of perpetually calling it quits and getting back together.
It seems most Christians I know would rather be single than on that state.
Something Cinder kind of reminded me of, and something brought up in another thread, was the idea that somehow needing or wanting companionship is some sort of weakness. But I was reminded again today that we are social creatures and need others for support and companionship. Not necessarily romantically. I think in my case, I felt like I should go it alone, or only depend on God. There is some other baggage to sort out, but I think most of my isolation has been due to feeling like I shouldn’t need anyone.
One of the ladies I work with has been with the same guy for here years. I quit listening to her tell me about him 6 or so months back. Every time, it was about what a loser he is or how bad a fit they are. But he moved in with her last year. They are in this state of perpetually calling it quits and getting back together.
It seems most Christians I know would rather be single than on that state.
Something Cinder kind of reminded me of, and something brought up in another thread, was the idea that somehow needing or wanting companionship is some sort of weakness. But I was reminded again today that we are social creatures and need others for support and companionship. Not necessarily romantically. I think in my case, I felt like I should go it alone, or only depend on God. There is some other baggage to sort out, but I think most of my isolation has been due to feeling like I shouldn’t need anyone.
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Well horse feathers! cinder and Hamarr both beat me to it and said what I was going to say. Hamarr spoke my thoughts particularly well.
But all this is pure speculation. What are the statistics? Surely there are studies, polls, some kind of facts we could pull up on marrying age of Christians versus non-Christians.
But all this is pure speculation. What are the statistics? Surely there are studies, polls, some kind of facts we could pull up on marrying age of Christians versus non-Christians.
L
Hmm...maybe it's because as Christians we recognize that Jesus fulfills a lot of our needs.
Feeling lonely? He's there!
Need someone to talk to? He's there!
Want to feel loved, accepted, and cared for? He's there!
There are way too many wolves in sheep's clothing that it's very dangerous to even look for someone to date. We as Christians have to put many rules and secure boundaries before we even begin to look for someone. Then most people out there (even the ones that say they are Christians) disrespect you and will not put up with your boundaries. So they leave.
I'm at a point in life where I feel like it's not worth it to put myself out there. I'm just focusing on the Lord and letting him heal my hurts and hoping to change into more like him.
I think that secular people find someone more easily because they don't have as many requirements as we do.
Feeling lonely? He's there!
Need someone to talk to? He's there!
Want to feel loved, accepted, and cared for? He's there!
There are way too many wolves in sheep's clothing that it's very dangerous to even look for someone to date. We as Christians have to put many rules and secure boundaries before we even begin to look for someone. Then most people out there (even the ones that say they are Christians) disrespect you and will not put up with your boundaries. So they leave.
I'm at a point in life where I feel like it's not worth it to put myself out there. I'm just focusing on the Lord and letting him heal my hurts and hoping to change into more like him.
I think that secular people find someone more easily because they don't have as many requirements as we do.
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I was in agreement with your hypothesis - so I googled it up to see if I could validate that premise...
Turns out that there are so many contributing factors for the younger generation these days... Have linked a couple articles related to research on this topic...
While the hypothesis is accurate for the majorities; there are some interesting trends that suggest:
Women who married younger usually “are more religious and have a more domestic and child-centered orientation to their lives than their peers who are getting married later and have a different approach to family life and marriage,”
Population Reference Bureau (PRB) found that, today, the national average for the age at which women first say “I do” is 27.6, while across the country, men seem to marry at the median age of 29.5.
The national marriage age is increasing, but not for this group of people
Turns out that there are so many contributing factors for the younger generation these days... Have linked a couple articles related to research on this topic...
While the hypothesis is accurate for the majorities; there are some interesting trends that suggest:
Women who married younger usually “are more religious and have a more domestic and child-centered orientation to their lives than their peers who are getting married later and have a different approach to family life and marriage,”
Population Reference Bureau (PRB) found that, today, the national average for the age at which women first say “I do” is 27.6, while across the country, men seem to marry at the median age of 29.5.
The national marriage age is increasing, but not for this group of people
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I don't know if that stat is available either. I think they'll stay single longer if they're smart. What I mean is that they'll take at least a year or two to get to know that person. Rushing into something as serious as marriage is foolish, I think. I know, because I did all three times. I've also witnessed others do so, and most of them were miserable until they divorced.
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