Life as We Know it Is?

Hard. At leaat at times even when I struggle with my past and i do alt ps struggling and blaming myself for how i was treated by family.

I was no more than maybe 5? My mom took me and my sister to a baby sitter over night. I did not mind, mom needed a break.

I started acting out in anger not cuz of my tourettes but because aomething happened to me that i kept locked inside for years and i hardly ever told anyone ezcept my sister who was there downstairs sleeping.

*sits at the tabla slowly and looks down at the table and takes a deep breath.

I was sleeping that nighy and i woke up to this guy touching me. I woke up and turned away from him.

My sister asked me, why didnt i say anything to anyone? Yeah what am i to do that sick peice of junk *starts balling up his fist* how am i to even mention something like that i as so little i never was told how to talk to anyone i was just there!

I do NOT believe in hurting kids or anypne in this manner. This dude that i thaught was a friend told me he wanted to get with hos daughter i threw up.

I got ahold of the police because this dude said he wanted to get her pregnant at 11.

Where i come from u DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????)($$(( 😡

😭 u just dont.

I like my mom love kids not in any bad way its because their precious in God's eyes.

My whole life my whole innocents was stripped away FROM ME and i could not do anything about it.

I tell u if i ever see this dude i will body slam him i not playing.

Sick people make me mad. Even jealous ones whos set people up.

Im done ranting sorry for getting mad. I needed to release that.

Due to this i faught suicideal thaughts i even believed no one loves me.

I hated myself for letting this happen i had no one to turn to and no one cared to losten.

People always said u be ok no big deal.

NO BIG DEAL?? Ok i need to move on and chill

At times i still think of death. Not right now i dont but hear me out.

Since my health changed in a big way i been thinking selfishly.

I keep saying it can finally end all the pain the memories the stuff life throws at u.

But then i hear that life is way more than my past i hafta fight.

At timea im too tired of life to fight.

But i keep beating myself down saying its all my fault the way i was treated.

But then again if i just give up i be selfis and id hurt the people who cares the most about me.

God i know u hear and see this, just like my gma, give me stregnth!

The dude i thaught was a friend i did not know he was like that!

He is getting time served in march for spending 3 months in jail.

Ok so they tell me a sick perv can do what he wants and he gets a slap on the wrist?

When i learned this i wanted to get a bus and find his hotel and beat him sensless.

Thats all ill say about this situation in my life.

Moving on

Imma log iff and get my epsom salt and lay in the hot water awhile and relax. Sorry i really did mot mean to lash out its just very confusing to me why they let people get away with these things ya know?

I may return tonight i may not, see how i feel after my bath.

God Bless.

It's never a kids fault for a pervert taking advantage of them . I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I have my stories as well. Praying God's healing touch on you .

When i heared they letting this sico out of jail i went off. 😭

He had done these things before and they keep letting him get away with it.

I never asked for it to happen, mom always believed in me even at my worst.

I have not once ever hurt a kid, i dont believe in it.

I never have and never will believe in it.

But for a pervert like that? 😡

It robbs kids of their life i should lnow it happened to me!

If we were in my country town we all woulda beat him down. We protect kids where im from.

Kids and women are more protected then men because men can handle their own as i know women can too its just a thing there were im from.

I just cant deal i cant and i wont. If i ever find out this other percert messes with my neice or nephew that comes to my sisters home with a u know i wont even say it.

Ill get a bus and grab my brother. Im very very VERY protective over my family and VERY VERY unprotective over sick losers.

I aint one and i wont be one.

Forgive me my cowboy side showin like cray i just got out of the epsom bath and showered i bout fell asleep then bout broke down.

Blah i need to focus.

Im sorry

You see me and my brother are just alike in so many ways. He is not technically my brother but he is full fledged brother.

He is the very exact way i am and we are family. We protect everyone expecially women and kids.

We have a ministry together and he is a christian councelor as i am a writter.

The moment we met we hit is off and he is only lile 2 years older than me.

He just a bigger hillbilly than myself. But he dips and i laugh at him for drinking his own spit.

He needs something it is done and when i need it its done.

My real brothers dont get along with me. But bug? U dang tootin he is my REAL brother from another mother.

I feel sad hearing your story...I pray no more innocent kids will experience abuse from those wicked people 😢 sometimes when I am alone thinking how many kids right at the moment suffer in the hands of those heartless individuals my heart starts to hurt...


Your experience must be really really tough for you...Thank you for sharing this with us here..I admire your courage to do that..it was not your fault...you didn't deserve it. No kids deserves to be treated that way.

You are so right... We, adults... it is our responsibility to protect the children from harm.

Jbrooks despite what happened to you,you are living your life with courage and you are moving forward... continue rebuilding your life to become the best person you can be with the LORD's help...God has a purpose for you.




May God bless you more and more everyday ❤

Thank you friends but it hard to deal. My sister as i said asked me why i havent spoken on it when it happened.

What kid can? To be honest after it happened i changed as i said. I shut myself off and gotten out of line and lead doen that destructive live style.

I dont really drink but on very rare instances i dont ever so drugs. The destructive life style is one of bitterness and hate against myself.

It is a struggle i am still trying to figure out stuff and i may not ever figure it out.

I read all your posts.. It is a good thing to get this out and know that people are reading and praying for you..This life is sometimes very hard indeed.. But it is very very hard when we feel alone and that no body cares..

You must not blame yourself.. You where 5 years old.. There is no way you where to blame.. Then one who offended you is to blame.. Jesus said it was better for such a one to have a mill stone tied to their necks and thrown into the sea then to offend a little one...

Do not worry about the human courts and worldly legal system and the terms of imprisonment that may or may not be put upon this man.. Know that no one can avoid standing in front of God on the day of Judgement and facing the truth of what they have done in their lives... Do your best to give all of this over to God and know that He will deal with the one who offended you justly..

Don't worry about the "lashing out".. It is understandable given the terrible circumstances..

May God give us peace of mind in this world where trauma assaults us..

Thank you