With So Many "Fish in the Sea", How Many Should Someone be Baiting at Once?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!

However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?

* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?

* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?

* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?

I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.

Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.

However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year :)), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?

Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?

I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,227
9,293
113
#2
PLEASE NOTE: The following is only my own opinion.

I think when a person goes out looking for love, he turns love into an exchange of services. Instead of finding somebody he loves, he finds somebody who will consent to be with him so they can keep each other from being alone. One, ten, a hundred at a time, he is basically interviewing prospective job applicants instead of finding real love.

But about throwing out a lot of lines at once: I'm reminded of a quote about a guy who copy-pasted the same message to many prospective girlfriends. "This used to be called the shotgun approach, but I've never heard of a shotgun that can hit 200 people at one time. Maybe we will call this the nuke-from-orbit approach."
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#3
I need to write a disclaimer here that I'm sure there are some people (whether men or women) who are genuinely trying to find someone with these methods...

I was just wondering what everyone out there thinks of these methods, and what, if anything would be better approaches?
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,720
113
Georgia
#4
I think telling multiple people that God led them to you is a blatant lie and you can't base a godly relationship from a lie . God wouldn't tell one man 7 different women are "the one "
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,542
2,720
113
Georgia
#5
This probably fit better in your other thread... lol Sorry.
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
136
43
#6
Hey Everyone,

It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!

However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?

* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?

* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?

* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?

I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.

Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.

However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year :)), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?

Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?

I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.
its definitely much harder to meet someone today because there is online dating and everyone feels compelled to swipe NO without even giving that person a chance. It’s never wasted time if it doesn’t work out but they might think it is. I’m in the same boat and I have no answers but just to say I identify. its okay to have multiple suitors, that’s why we used to date. 😊 Hope that helps a little
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#7
its definitely much harder to meet someone today because there is online dating and everyone feels compelled to swipe NO without even giving that person a chance. It’s never wasted time if it doesn’t work out but they might think it is. I’m in the same boat and I have no answers but just to say I identify. its okay to have multiple suitors, that’s why we used to date. 😊 Hope that helps a little
This is a good point... I guess (and I'm just speaking for myself) maybe I'm being a little too unrealistic...

Maybe it should just be accepted that the person who's talking to you is talking to several other people at once if you haven't clearly defined that the two of you are in a relationship?
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
136
43
#8
Maybe you should define it, I’ll pray it works out!
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,516
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#9
Hey Everyone,

It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!

However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?

* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?

* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?

* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?

I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.

Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.

However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year :)), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?

Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?

I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.
I've never actively dated more than 1 (one) woman at a time. I have at least 9 Grand children and 2 ex wives.
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
136
43
#10
Talking and dating are 2 different things. I would only date 1, but if it’s online dating? Well, it’s not really dating
 
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
113
#11
If I were looking, I would take the pragmatic approach. I think most people have a list of qualities they are seeking in a companion. If the chemistry is right then love may happen but for the most part I’d say people just want to share life. So, if I was interested in someone who likes to cook, social, and financially stable, I would find the most expensive cooking classes, and prepare to flirt. If I was into athletic women who were self motivated and frugal, I would go to the gym at 5am and check out who there is driving the economy cars. Businesses do research to identify who their customers are, and where to find them. It saves valuable time and resources narrowing down your demographic. Keeping with your fishing analogy. The most successful fishermen know where to “drop their line.”
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#12
Maybe you should define it, I’ll pray it works out!
Aw, that's very sweet of you, InChristalone.

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

I'm actually not seeing or dating anyone right now, rather, I'm bringing up these topics because I think they affect almost everyone who is single these days and I like to get conversations going about how we, as Christian singles, should navigate these situations.

God bless!
 
Feb 6, 2019
133
136
43
#13
Aw, that's very sweet of you, InChristalone.

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

I'm actually not seeing or dating anyone right now, rather, I'm bringing up these topics because I think they affect almost everyone who is single these days and I like to get conversations going about how we, as Christian singles, should navigate these situations.

God bless!
Aww, you are tugging my heart! ❤️
 
W

Wild

Guest
#15
Just put yourself out there and see who finds you interesting, if he does he will continue to talk to you and go from there. I hope that helps, good luck !
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,169
113
#16
I only focus on one person.
And I expect the same. If I found out i was just caught in a net with a bunch of others, or even one of a handful being perused it would ruin it for me. That's impersonal and shows a person looking for whatever random person works for them and not a genuine and sincere interest in me.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#17
i was never good at this fishing game you speak of lol.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,227
9,293
113
#18
Obligatory xkcd about dating multiple people:



Okay but because of that joke we are breaking up. :p
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
13,063
10,629
113
#20
I've heard males and females on CC say they'd like to meet someone. What about a Forum like 'CC Mingles'? There would have to b qualifying matters like age, location, likes, dislikes etc. and maybe that would b too complicated for CC to handle. Also, hopefully if a meeting didn't work out, that would not effect future postings between the pair. Idk, but I hear ya, for those who are longing for a b,g/friend, wife/hub/ or just a companion, a descent handy way to do this would b a Godsend. Idk if you've heard of Dr David Cho, So Korean Christian minister--Church 830,000, who has a book 'The Fourth Dimension, of Answered Prayer'. My Pastor said Dr Cho was in a town and a lady came up for prayer who had been praying for a husband for 10 yrs. So Dr Cho prayed and told this gal a few things to do. Within the year a Christian band came through and the drummer was sought after by many of the gals but he went straight to the lady who met Dr Cho. They have been married ever since. Also, a secular family show I watch, House Hunters, has mostly couples looking for homes and about 1/2 met online and seem thrilled to b married.