Hello, everyone! It is nice to meet you all.
I am not sure where to start. First of all, some background:
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship for about 2.5 years. We are both in our early twenty's. Although it was difficult to keep it strong (because of obvious limitations due to the distance), I can honestly say that we loved each by being in each other's lives in every way that we could. We were able to meet up several times each year, and I felt like we had plan for one of us to move in order to take our long distance relationship to the next "level". However, she broke things off with me about 9 months ago, saying that she can no longer tolerate the distance. At that moment, I offered to fly to her so that we could talk things through. I felt like by seeing me in person, she will be able to see how much she meant to me. However, she declined my offer.
After being broken up with her for almost 9 months, we were able to keep in touch with each other. We texted and called each other all the time, almost as if... We didn't even broke up at all. And throughout that whole time (9 months), I was left confused. There were many times where I asked if we could somehow reconcile the relationship that we once had. However, every time I brought up my feelings or my thoughts of reconciliation, she would get upset at me. Often times, she would even block me on her phone and all social media. And then a few days later, she would unblock me. However... This was a constant cycle of me bringing up my thoughts of reconciliation and her getting upset every single time.
Now, yesterday, I feel like I finally blew it for the last time. Like every other time, it was hard for me to suppress my feelings for her, and so... I did it again; I expressed my feelings for her and how I wanted her to be in my life again. She threw her usual fit of rage and blocked me on everything again. But this time, she doesn't want us to talk ever again. As I am writing this, I understand that I shouldn't have pushed her too much. It was a big mistake of mine.
There are many reasons why she doesn't want to be back in a relationship with me. As I mentioned earlier, she can't handle the distance between us (we live a state away). However, there are also other things that took place throughout the relationship, such as me taking advantage of her and not giving her my undivided attention. There were even times that I would be so exhausted that I would get upset at her because of how much time she wanted from me. Although this was wrong with me at the time, I would explain to her many times that I have work and school, and that I am trying hard to be successful in order to prepare for our future and the big move for one of us. Throughout the 9 months after we have broken up, I have been doing my absolute best to show her how better of a man I can be. I chose to remain in contact with her and be her "friend". I thought that by being friends with her and doing so much for her (such as keeping her company, sending her gifts, being someone she could wean on), she would see just how much she means to me. I had the mindset that if I show her just how loving I can be, she will eventually come back Was I wrong? Should I have let her go a long time ago?
I am a Christian, and I feel like I have been walking with the Lord my whole life. I have went to a Christian elementary, middle, and high school. I'd like to think that my ex was a Christian too, since we used to have occasional conversations/devotions about God. If my ex truly loved me, wouldn't her love stand the test of time, no matter how many miles were between us? We had a plan to finally live together under one roof, but it felt like she didn't had the patience... Does it not say in 1 Corinthians that "love is patient"? And when it comes to the small problems (as mentioned earlier) that were scattered throughout the relationship, does the Bible not say that love "keeps no record of wrongs"? And when it comes to every single time I wanted to reconcile the relationship, shouldn't she not have been so "easily angered", as also mentioned in 1 Corinthians? I wish she could just see how much I am wiling to change for her... It makes me think that she is not mature enough to put the past aside (keep no record of wrongs) and have a new beginning with me again.
This post is probably a big messy wall of text, and I apologize for that.
I have many questions, but there are particularly three that I've been wondering...
1. Did she ever really love me? It's hard to think that, if the distance got to her.
2. Why did she get upset every time I brought up my feelings for her?
3. Was it a mistake of trying to remain friends with her this whole time?
4. Since she blocked me "for good", should I just finally move on?
Thank you so much for reading this, everyone!
I am not sure where to start. First of all, some background:
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship for about 2.5 years. We are both in our early twenty's. Although it was difficult to keep it strong (because of obvious limitations due to the distance), I can honestly say that we loved each by being in each other's lives in every way that we could. We were able to meet up several times each year, and I felt like we had plan for one of us to move in order to take our long distance relationship to the next "level". However, she broke things off with me about 9 months ago, saying that she can no longer tolerate the distance. At that moment, I offered to fly to her so that we could talk things through. I felt like by seeing me in person, she will be able to see how much she meant to me. However, she declined my offer.
After being broken up with her for almost 9 months, we were able to keep in touch with each other. We texted and called each other all the time, almost as if... We didn't even broke up at all. And throughout that whole time (9 months), I was left confused. There were many times where I asked if we could somehow reconcile the relationship that we once had. However, every time I brought up my feelings or my thoughts of reconciliation, she would get upset at me. Often times, she would even block me on her phone and all social media. And then a few days later, she would unblock me. However... This was a constant cycle of me bringing up my thoughts of reconciliation and her getting upset every single time.
Now, yesterday, I feel like I finally blew it for the last time. Like every other time, it was hard for me to suppress my feelings for her, and so... I did it again; I expressed my feelings for her and how I wanted her to be in my life again. She threw her usual fit of rage and blocked me on everything again. But this time, she doesn't want us to talk ever again. As I am writing this, I understand that I shouldn't have pushed her too much. It was a big mistake of mine.
There are many reasons why she doesn't want to be back in a relationship with me. As I mentioned earlier, she can't handle the distance between us (we live a state away). However, there are also other things that took place throughout the relationship, such as me taking advantage of her and not giving her my undivided attention. There were even times that I would be so exhausted that I would get upset at her because of how much time she wanted from me. Although this was wrong with me at the time, I would explain to her many times that I have work and school, and that I am trying hard to be successful in order to prepare for our future and the big move for one of us. Throughout the 9 months after we have broken up, I have been doing my absolute best to show her how better of a man I can be. I chose to remain in contact with her and be her "friend". I thought that by being friends with her and doing so much for her (such as keeping her company, sending her gifts, being someone she could wean on), she would see just how much she means to me. I had the mindset that if I show her just how loving I can be, she will eventually come back Was I wrong? Should I have let her go a long time ago?
I am a Christian, and I feel like I have been walking with the Lord my whole life. I have went to a Christian elementary, middle, and high school. I'd like to think that my ex was a Christian too, since we used to have occasional conversations/devotions about God. If my ex truly loved me, wouldn't her love stand the test of time, no matter how many miles were between us? We had a plan to finally live together under one roof, but it felt like she didn't had the patience... Does it not say in 1 Corinthians that "love is patient"? And when it comes to the small problems (as mentioned earlier) that were scattered throughout the relationship, does the Bible not say that love "keeps no record of wrongs"? And when it comes to every single time I wanted to reconcile the relationship, shouldn't she not have been so "easily angered", as also mentioned in 1 Corinthians? I wish she could just see how much I am wiling to change for her... It makes me think that she is not mature enough to put the past aside (keep no record of wrongs) and have a new beginning with me again.
This post is probably a big messy wall of text, and I apologize for that.
I have many questions, but there are particularly three that I've been wondering...
1. Did she ever really love me? It's hard to think that, if the distance got to her.
2. Why did she get upset every time I brought up my feelings for her?
3. Was it a mistake of trying to remain friends with her this whole time?
4. Since she blocked me "for good", should I just finally move on?
Thank you so much for reading this, everyone!
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