Struggling with 'Christian culture'

Good day to you all, and happy new year.

I'm hoping that by reaching out in faith, some of you will be able to advise me on what follows.

I'm sure that contributors to these forums are worldly and pragmatic enough to understand that it would be particularly helpful if those who have some actual real life experience of what I'm talking about were to share their thoughts.
This prevents my request for help descending into purely theoretical or opinion driven discussion (that is, without the foundation of experience).

A bit of background:
I was not raised a Christian but converted a little over a year ago.
I do not have the experience of visiting churches of different denominations, and I currently still attend the same pentacostal church that I attended when I first converted.

I wish to make it clear that I do not take issue with the church that I am attending or any of the people in it.
Yes there are cliques that make me question the whole 'brothers and sisters in Christ' thing, but it could be worse.
Yes, some of the things they do, for example speaking in tongues and faith healing, are a bit dramatised and feel a bit like a show (for want of a better word), but whatever.

In short, I'm struggling with some aspects of the culture within the church, because some things strike me as being slightly odd or contrived.

To be more specific, in any other culture/club/society that I'm also part of, the societal rules or norms do not differ wildly (if at all) from those in everyday society.
However this does not hold for my church.
This is what I'm struggling with, and I wonder if it's the same elsewhere.

The difference in societal rules or norms does not appear to have anything to do with holding ourselves to a different standard in order to try to emulate God, or anything like that.

For example, the rate at which single people within the church get together is quite shocking, as is the speed with which they subsequently marry, have children, and so on.

Yes I know, people with similar interests get together.
I don't need to be told about how relationships work thanks, which is irrelevant to my point anyway.

The point is the speed at which people get together and go on to develop their relationship, and the observation that church people, more than people in any other society I've been a member of, couple with others from within the same society.

Obviously there may be some realistic reasons why this is the case.
Sex before marriage may be a 'pressure', but whatever.
Just one observation.

While on the subject of relationships, the unwritten rule I've observed is that all the single people who are 'in the market' for a partner tend to be on one of the church teams that volunteer on a Sunday.
Almost exclusively these teams are made up by younger single people.

I'm not knocking people who want to find a partner.
I'm not knocking anything, as a matter of fact.
I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

Apologies if this is coming across as a bit picky or critical, it isn't meant to.
I'm sure most readers are astute enough to understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

I mentioned talking in tongues and faith healing above.
These aren't things that I eitness every Sunday, but they do have prominence within the church.
These things are subtly seen as an indicator to your 'level' of faith, or how close you are with God.

This doesn't sit right with me.
My spidey-senses are pretty sharp, and any talk of 'levels of faith' (however it is worded or prescribed) strikes me as man-made.

Tithing is another one.
I was introduced to the idea of tithing very early on, within the first two months of attending the Church.
Every other Sunday there will be an offering talk during which compulsory giving is justified with Malachi.

I'm no Biblical scholar, but were no longer under the old covenant and Malachi provides instructions on how best to organise resources to account for the good and bad times.
It doesn't provide an instruction from God that says giving 10% of your gross income to your church is compulsory.

Tithing in the church is also seen as an indicator to where you are with your faith.
If you're giving, especially if you're giving an appreciable amount, you're viewed as being more stable or strong in your faith.
Again, the faith levels thing, just worded differently.

Any practical views on any of this?

Thanks in advance.

Good day to you all, and happy new year.

I'm hoping that by reaching out in faith, some of you will be able to advise me on what follows.

I'm sure that contributors to these forums are worldly and pragmatic enough to understand that it would be particularly helpful if those who have some actual real life experience of what I'm talking about were to share their thoughts.
This prevents my request for help descending into purely theoretical or opinion driven discussion (that is, without the foundation of experience).

A bit of background:
I was not raised a Christian but converted a little over a year ago.
I do not have the experience of visiting churches of different denominations, and I currently still attend the same pentacostal church that I attended when I first converted.

I wish to make it clear that I do not take issue with the church that I am attending or any of the people in it.
Yes there are cliques that make me question the whole 'brothers and sisters in Christ' thing, but it could be worse.
Yes, some of the things they do, for example speaking in tongues and faith healing, are a bit dramatised and feel a bit like a show (for want of a better word), but whatever.

In short, I'm struggling with some aspects of the culture within the church, because some things strike me as being slightly odd or contrived.

To be more specific, in any other culture/club/society that I'm also part of, the societal rules or norms do not differ wildly (if at all) from those in everyday society.
However this does not hold for my church.
This is what I'm struggling with, and I wonder if it's the same elsewhere.

The difference in societal rules or norms does not appear to have anything to do with holding ourselves to a different standard in order to try to emulate God, or anything like that.

For example, the rate at which single people within the church get together is quite shocking, as is the speed with which they subsequently marry, have children, and so on.

Yes I know, people with similar interests get together.
I don't need to be told about how relationships work thanks, which is irrelevant to my point anyway.

The point is the speed at which people get together and go on to develop their relationship, and the observation that church people, more than people in any other society I've been a member of, couple with others from within the same society.

Obviously there may be some realistic reasons why this is the case.
Sex before marriage may be a 'pressure', but whatever.
Just one observation.

While on the subject of relationships, the unwritten rule I've observed is that all the single people who are 'in the market' for a partner tend to be on one of the church teams that volunteer on a Sunday.
Almost exclusively these teams are made up by younger single people.

I'm not knocking people who want to find a partner.
I'm not knocking anything, as a matter of fact.
I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

Apologies if this is coming across as a bit picky or critical, it isn't meant to.
I'm sure most readers are astute enough to understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

I mentioned talking in tongues and faith healing above.
These aren't things that I eitness every Sunday, but they do have prominence within the church.
These things are subtly seen as an indicator to your 'level' of faith, or how close you are with God.

This doesn't sit right with me.
My spidey-senses are pretty sharp, and any talk of 'levels of faith' (however it is worded or prescribed) strikes me as man-made.

Tithing is another one.
I was introduced to the idea of tithing very early on, within the first two months of attending the Church.
Every other Sunday there will be an offering talk during which compulsory giving is justified with Malachi.

I'm no Biblical scholar, but were no longer under the old covenant and Malachi provides instructions on how best to organise resources to account for the good and bad times.
It doesn't provide an instruction from God that says giving 10% of your gross income to your church is compulsory.

Tithing in the church is also seen as an indicator to where you are with your faith.
If you're giving, especially if you're giving an appreciable amount, you're viewed as being more stable or strong in your faith.
Again, the faith levels thing, just worded differently.

Any practical views on any of this?

Thanks in advance.

Good day to you all, and happy new year.

I'm hoping that by reaching out in faith, some of you will be able to advise me on what follows.

I'm sure that contributors to these forums are worldly and pragmatic enough to understand that it would be particularly helpful if those who have some actual real life experience of what I'm talking about were to share their thoughts.
This prevents my request for help descending into purely theoretical or opinion driven discussion (that is, without the foundation of experience).

A bit of background:
I was not raised a Christian but converted a little over a year ago.
I do not have the experience of visiting churches of different denominations, and I currently still attend the same pentacostal church that I attended when I first converted.

I wish to make it clear that I do not take issue with the church that I am attending or any of the people in it.
Yes there are cliques that make me question the whole 'brothers and sisters in Christ' thing, but it could be worse.
Yes, some of the things they do, for example speaking in tongues and faith healing, are a bit dramatised and feel a bit like a show (for want of a better word), but whatever.

In short, I'm struggling with some aspects of the culture within the church, because some things strike me as being slightly odd or contrived.

To be more specific, in any other culture/club/society that I'm also part of, the societal rules or norms do not differ wildly (if at all) from those in everyday society.
However this does not hold for my church.
This is what I'm struggling with, and I wonder if it's the same elsewhere.

The difference in societal rules or norms does not appear to have anything to do with holding ourselves to a different standard in order to try to emulate God, or anything like that.

For example, the rate at which single people within the church get together is quite shocking, as is the speed with which they subsequently marry, have children, and so on.

Yes I know, people with similar interests get together.
I don't need to be told about how relationships work thanks, which is irrelevant to my point anyway.

The point is the speed at which people get together and go on to develop their relationship, and the observation that church people, more than people in any other society I've been a member of, couple with others from within the same society.

Obviously there may be some realistic reasons why this is the case.
Sex before marriage may be a 'pressure', but whatever.
Just one observation.

While on the subject of relationships, the unwritten rule I've observed is that all the single people who are 'in the market' for a partner tend to be on one of the church teams that volunteer on a Sunday.
Almost exclusively these teams are made up by younger single people.

I'm not knocking people who want to find a partner.
I'm not knocking anything, as a matter of fact.
I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

Apologies if this is coming across as a bit picky or critical, it isn't meant to.
I'm sure most readers are astute enough to understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

I mentioned talking in tongues and faith healing above.
These aren't things that I eitness every Sunday, but they do have prominence within the church.
These things are subtly seen as an indicator to your 'level' of faith, or how close you are with God.

This doesn't sit right with me.
My spidey-senses are pretty sharp, and any talk of 'levels of faith' (however it is worded or prescribed) strikes me as man-made.

Tithing is another one.
I was introduced to the idea of tithing very early on, within the first two months of attending the Church.
Every other Sunday there will be an offering talk during which compulsory giving is justified with Malachi.

I'm no Biblical scholar, but were no longer under the old covenant and Malachi provides instructions on how best to organise resources to account for the good and bad times.
It doesn't provide an instruction from God that says giving 10% of your gross income to your church is compulsory.

Tithing in the church is also seen as an indicator to where you are with your faith.
If you're giving, especially if you're giving an appreciable amount, you're viewed as being more stable or strong in your faith.
Again, the faith levels thing, just worded differently.

Any practical views on any of this?

Thanks in advance.

Good day to you all, and happy new year.

I'm hoping that by reaching out in faith, some of you will be able to advise me on what follows.

I'm sure that contributors to these forums are worldly and pragmatic enough to understand that it would be particularly helpful if those who have some actual real life experience of what I'm talking about were to share their thoughts.
This prevents my request for help descending into purely theoretical or opinion driven discussion (that is, without the foundation of experience).

A bit of background:
I was not raised a Christian but converted a little over a year ago.
I do not have the experience of visiting churches of different denominations, and I currently still attend the same pentacostal church that I attended when I first converted.

I wish to make it clear that I do not take issue with the church that I am attending or any of the people in it.
Yes there are cliques that make me question the whole 'brothers and sisters in Christ' thing, but it could be worse.
Yes, some of the things they do, for example speaking in tongues and faith healing, are a bit dramatised and feel a bit like a show (for want of a better word), but whatever.

In short, I'm struggling with some aspects of the culture within the church, because some things strike me as being slightly odd or contrived.

To be more specific, in any other culture/club/society that I'm also part of, the societal rules or norms do not differ wildly (if at all) from those in everyday society.
However this does not hold for my church.
This is what I'm struggling with, and I wonder if it's the same elsewhere.

The difference in societal rules or norms does not appear to have anything to do with holding ourselves to a different standard in order to try to emulate God, or anything like that.

For example, the rate at which single people within the church get together is quite shocking, as is the speed with which they subsequently marry, have children, and so on.

Yes I know, people with similar interests get together.
I don't need to be told about how relationships work thanks, which is irrelevant to my point anyway.

The point is the speed at which people get together and go on to develop their relationship, and the observation that church people, more than people in any other society I've been a member of, couple with others from within the same society.

Obviously there may be some realistic reasons why this is the case.
Sex before marriage may be a 'pressure', but whatever.
Just one observation.

While on the subject of relationships, the unwritten rule I've observed is that all the single people who are 'in the market' for a partner tend to be on one of the church teams that volunteer on a Sunday.
Almost exclusively these teams are made up by younger single people.

I'm not knocking people who want to find a partner.
I'm not knocking anything, as a matter of fact.
I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

Apologies if this is coming across as a bit picky or critical, it isn't meant to.
I'm sure most readers are astute enough to understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

I mentioned talking in tongues and faith healing above.
These aren't things that I eitness every Sunday, but they do have prominence within the church.
These things are subtly seen as an indicator to your 'level' of faith, or how close you are with God.

This doesn't sit right with me.
My spidey-senses are pretty sharp, and any talk of 'levels of faith' (however it is worded or prescribed) strikes me as man-made.

Tithing is another one.
I was introduced to the idea of tithing very early on, within the first two months of attending the Church.
Every other Sunday there will be an offering talk during which compulsory giving is justified with Malachi.

I'm no Biblical scholar, but were no longer under the old covenant and Malachi provides instructions on how best to organise resources to account for the good and bad times.
It doesn't provide an instruction from God that says giving 10% of your gross income to your church is compulsory.

Tithing in the church is also seen as an indicator to where you are with your faith.
If you're giving, especially if you're giving an appreciable amount, you're viewed as being more stable or strong in your faith.
Again, the faith levels thing, just worded differently.

Any practical views on any of this?

Thanks in advance.

From my perspective, if I wanted I could look for things to pick apart in any church I've ever been to. Yes, there are going to b clicks wherever you go from childhood on up. So I have to balance if I'm getting more good food from the teaching and fellowship or not. Some churches just appeal to me more than others, ie I'm a 'holy-roller' type vs a subdued type of worshipper. Happy New Year to you and God bless.

Good day to you all, and happy new year.

I'm hoping that by reaching out in faith, some of you will be able to advise me on what follows.

I'm sure that contributors to these forums are worldly and pragmatic enough to understand that it would be particularly helpful if those who have some actual real life experience of what I'm talking about were to share their thoughts.
This prevents my request for help descending into purely theoretical or opinion driven discussion (that is, without the foundation of experience).

A bit of background:
I was not raised a Christian but converted a little over a year ago.
I do not have the experience of visiting churches of different denominations, and I currently still attend the same pentacostal church that I attended when I first converted.

I wish to make it clear that I do not take issue with the church that I am attending or any of the people in it.
Yes there are cliques that make me question the whole 'brothers and sisters in Christ' thing, but it could be worse.
Yes, some of the things they do, for example speaking in tongues and faith healing, are a bit dramatised and feel a bit like a show (for want of a better word), but whatever.

In short, I'm struggling with some aspects of the culture within the church, because some things strike me as being slightly odd or contrived.

To be more specific, in any other culture/club/society that I'm also part of, the societal rules or norms do not differ wildly (if at all) from those in everyday society.
However this does not hold for my church.
This is what I'm struggling with, and I wonder if it's the same elsewhere.

The difference in societal rules or norms does not appear to have anything to do with holding ourselves to a different standard in order to try to emulate God, or anything like that.

For example, the rate at which single people within the church get together is quite shocking, as is the speed with which they subsequently marry, have children, and so on.

Yes I know, people with similar interests get together.
I don't need to be told about how relationships work thanks, which is irrelevant to my point anyway.

The point is the speed at which people get together and go on to develop their relationship, and the observation that church people, more than people in any other society I've been a member of, couple with others from within the same society.

Obviously there may be some realistic reasons why this is the case.
Sex before marriage may be a 'pressure', but whatever.
Just one observation.

While on the subject of relationships, the unwritten rule I've observed is that all the single people who are 'in the market' for a partner tend to be on one of the church teams that volunteer on a Sunday.
Almost exclusively these teams are made up by younger single people.

I'm not knocking people who want to find a partner.
I'm not knocking anything, as a matter of fact.
I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

Apologies if this is coming across as a bit picky or critical, it isn't meant to.
I'm sure most readers are astute enough to understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

I mentioned talking in tongues and faith healing above.
These aren't things that I eitness every Sunday, but they do have prominence within the church.
These things are subtly seen as an indicator to your 'level' of faith, or how close you are with God.

This doesn't sit right with me.
My spidey-senses are pretty sharp, and any talk of 'levels of faith' (however it is worded or prescribed) strikes me as man-made.

Tithing is another one.
I was introduced to the idea of tithing very early on, within the first two months of attending the Church.
Every other Sunday there will be an offering talk during which compulsory giving is justified with Malachi.

I'm no Biblical scholar, but were no longer under the old covenant and Malachi provides instructions on how best to organise resources to account for the good and bad times.
It doesn't provide an instruction from God that says giving 10% of your gross income to your church is compulsory.

Tithing in the church is also seen as an indicator to where you are with your faith.
If you're giving, especially if you're giving an appreciable amount, you're viewed as being more stable or strong in your faith.
Again, the faith levels thing, just worded differently.

Any practical views on any of this?

Thanks in advance.

I've been put under pressure but I've put my foot down.

It came with a lot of resistance but I'll rather have Christians running after me with Torches than Jesus rebuking me.

Hey, thanks for your post.

Hmm, what kind of pressure? Why did you have to put your foot down?

What do you mean resistance?

I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

As soon as ppl knew I have a bf I had people pushing me
1. Marry him traditionally and do it now asap
or
2. Leave him!

I put my foot down and reminded them both that its between me and God and not them. Free will is a real thing.
With that Ive had a lot of resistance of people pushing me in either direction.
The only good thing was that some took it up with God later and came back respecting my decision

Well this is another thing, which I forgot to mention in my original post.

One young girl in my church had a non-Christian boyfriend.
She is quite meek and with all due respect to her, responds to 'pressure' put on her by other people.
Somebody from the church had a word with her and told her that she couldn't take part in any activities within the church until she split up with him.
For her this meant no singing and no helping out on teams on a Sunday.
She caved in and rather than go to a different church, she split up with her boyfriend.

I bet they were still ok with her donating until they split up though...

Another girl has a non-Christian boyfriend and she is completely the opposite.
I think somebody has said something to her at one point but I don't know the details.
I think she basically said that if they don't want her on a team on Sunday, they'll have to find somebody else.

The church then found themselves short of people so they asked her to help. She now regularly helps with the lights, video and music on Sundays.
She is still with her boyfriend.

Each to their own and all that but quite frankly it just goes to show that if you're willing to let these kinds of people take control of you, they'll happily sink their claws in.
Bite back though (as I've had to do, though only once and nothing to do with relationships) and they'll soon back off.

This kind of behaviour is unholy, and nothing other than people trying to control and manipulate you.

Good day to you all, and happy new year.

I'm hoping that by reaching out in faith, some of you will be able to advise me on what follows.

I'm sure that contributors to these forums are worldly and pragmatic enough to understand that it would be particularly helpful if those who have some actual real life experience of what I'm talking about were to share their thoughts.
This prevents my request for help descending into purely theoretical or opinion driven discussion (that is, without the foundation of experience).

A bit of background:
I was not raised a Christian but converted a little over a year ago.
I do not have the experience of visiting churches of different denominations, and I currently still attend the same pentacostal church that I attended when I first converted.

I wish to make it clear that I do not take issue with the church that I am attending or any of the people in it.
Yes there are cliques that make me question the whole 'brothers and sisters in Christ' thing, but it could be worse.
Yes, some of the things they do, for example speaking in tongues and faith healing, are a bit dramatised and feel a bit like a show (for want of a better word), but whatever.

In short, I'm struggling with some aspects of the culture within the church, because some things strike me as being slightly odd or contrived.

To be more specific, in any other culture/club/society that I'm also part of, the societal rules or norms do not differ wildly (if at all) from those in everyday society.
However this does not hold for my church.
This is what I'm struggling with, and I wonder if it's the same elsewhere.

The difference in societal rules or norms does not appear to have anything to do with holding ourselves to a different standard in order to try to emulate God, or anything like that.

For example, the rate at which single people within the church get together is quite shocking, as is the speed with which they subsequently marry, have children, and so on.

Yes I know, people with similar interests get together.
I don't need to be told about how relationships work thanks, which is irrelevant to my point anyway.

The point is the speed at which people get together and go on to develop their relationship, and the observation that church people, more than people in any other society I've been a member of, couple with others from within the same society.

Obviously there may be some realistic reasons why this is the case.
Sex before marriage may be a 'pressure', but whatever.
Just one observation.

While on the subject of relationships, the unwritten rule I've observed is that all the single people who are 'in the market' for a partner tend to be on one of the church teams that volunteer on a Sunday.
Almost exclusively these teams are made up by younger single people.

I'm not knocking people who want to find a partner.
I'm not knocking anything, as a matter of fact.
I'm just struggling to reconcile what would be accepted as 'usual' or 'normal' on the outside, compared with what is considered normal or usual on the inside.

Apologies if this is coming across as a bit picky or critical, it isn't meant to.
I'm sure most readers are astute enough to understand what I mean and where I'm coming from.

I mentioned talking in tongues and faith healing above.
These aren't things that I eitness every Sunday, but they do have prominence within the church.
These things are subtly seen as an indicator to your 'level' of faith, or how close you are with God.

This doesn't sit right with me.
My spidey-senses are pretty sharp, and any talk of 'levels of faith' (however it is worded or prescribed) strikes me as man-made.

Tithing is another one.
I was introduced to the idea of tithing very early on, within the first two months of attending the Church.
Every other Sunday there will be an offering talk during which compulsory giving is justified with Malachi.

I'm no Biblical scholar, but were no longer under the old covenant and Malachi provides instructions on how best to organise resources to account for the good and bad times.
It doesn't provide an instruction from God that says giving 10% of your gross income to your church is compulsory.

Tithing in the church is also seen as an indicator to where you are with your faith.
If you're giving, especially if you're giving an appreciable amount, you're viewed as being more stable or strong in your faith.
Again, the faith levels thing, just worded differently.

Any practical views on any of this?

Thanks in advance.

yeah

a person's head could explode with all the 'expectations' put on you by some people

learn it now and learn it quick. you don't have to fit in, you don't have to please people (don't be a jerk though), you are allowed to think for yourself, you are allowed to read the Bible and progress at your own speed, you are not going to hell if you disagree with everyone's favorite so called resident 'prophet' who always has a word for you straight from God and by gum you had better listen to it and act accordingly (my all time favorite), you are allowed to change churches and God is not angry with you if you do so, and just about anything else that allows you to be a 'free agent' with your own mind and thinking processes in tact.

been there, not going back, God is not a dictator, hard to get to know especially when beginning, does not demand impossible things and no tithing either but certainly give...God loves a cheerful giver and that means more than money although you wouldn't know it from the way some folks try to guilt trip people into coughing it up

and a whole bunch more too gained from many years in church and a few denominations just for good measure

not pessimistic...but certainly have become realistic