Struggling with how to respond to someone very self centered.

I am in sin for not telling this person. It is more comfortable for me to not tell them and to avoid the anger, the withdrawal of that person from my life potentially. I am fearing man more than GOD in this instance.

This is very edifying. It causes the reader to examine their own hearts and minds. Dying to self is not easy but it is necessary. I pray He guides you in this as it sounds like a challenge for sure. I also pray that all who read this thread take a look and examine our hearts in Him.

I think these words were especially powerful.


For many Christians, it is about getting rid of those major sin areas (like lust, addiction, etc), celebrating that, and then wallowing in heart sin forever and ever, using twisted scripture as the basis for never growing as a disciple of Jesus. Selfishness, jealousy, carnal anxiety, focus on worldly matters, partiality, unforgiveness, etc. When the bible preaches against specific heart sin, the immature Christian almost never sees how it applies to them.

I believe maybe He is using you to Help this person. I think it has the potential to help all who read this and I pray it also edified you as we are all in a season of sanctification.

Sounds like another day in the charismatic church.

Business as usual.

I've dealt with that too. But people in this state rarely care what the Scriptures say, so its pointless to bother quoting scriptures. I am helpless.

What I do is I just listen and nod, try to get the monologue to end sooner rather than later and keep it moving.

Now that you know exactly what the problem is, you have to make a hard decision. To tell this person (privately) exactly what you have observed, and why it does not conform to the character of Christ and Christians.

You will have to use * great plainness of speech* and let the chips fall where they may. You can also show this person this passage:
Who, [Christ] being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. (Phil 2:6-8)

It is only by God's POWER that we feel edified from similar messages and not convicted, followed by anger.

I don't think it will go well, if I try to be the main conduit for the aid of this person. I do not feel personally sinned against by this person, so even by going to them directly one on one to tell them what they are doing, it will look like an attack, especially due to being so tolerant of their behavior in the past.

I am related to this person, and we also have a relative who behaves in the same way, though their behavior is worse even, due to not having anything to do with Christ, even opposing Christ. It is a generational curse, as we all have a preceding relative who was very self-centered. I also have reason to believe there is generational witchcraft/occult practice as well as strong roots in pharmakeia.

Thank you for your time taken to respond, and thank you for your prayers!

I have a close one to my heart who unfortunately seems only to enjoy speaking of The Lord in the context of their own bible knowledge, accomplishments, gifts, immediate life experiences, etc. I feel strongly that either this individual uses The Lord as a cover for speaking about things that pertain to themselves, oblivious to the spiritual danger and how this can lead us away from humility and trust in Jesus - or is under demonic influence (this is separate from they themselves being demonic, I love this person).

To this person, I have been in bondage for years, constantly affirming them, their feelings and accomplishments. This was when I was not as well-versed in the matters of the spiritual. This was an honest mistake. It turns out, some of what we do that seems uncontrollable CAN come from having demonic influence. Not always, of course, we have our own responsibility to stand guard against sinfulness, but I truly believe this person has a demon that causes them, during conversation, to incessantly speak - compulsively drawing conversations to center around themselves. It is to an abnormal degree. As much as I hate to admit this, I have reason to believe this might come from a generational curse, even.

Those in Christ have heard many prophets give words from the Spirit, that we are not to conduct ourselves in this way at all, as it is a spiritual danger and represents lousy witness to anyone with discernment. It makes having a conversation about JESUS CHRIST incredibly difficult, too. When He is treated only as an add-on or merely as an "energy", He is easily forgotten about. His works are not seen to us, because we are only recognizing our immediate, carnal reality.

There are other issues I have experienced with this person that has made a genuine relationship difficult, especially in discussing the matters of Jesus.

I am definitely in sin for noticing it and letting it bother me as much as it does, for judging. I am in sin for still, attempting to simply bear with it for the sake of peace. I am in sin for not telling this person. It is more comfortable for me to not tell them and to avoid the anger, the withdrawal of that person from my life potentially. I am fearing man more than GOD in this instance.

Part of me feels it is definitely The Spirit's job to convict this person - but if that is not so, I do not want to take the easy way out. The church this person and I attend is very centered around the doctrine of "Jesus paid it all". The more I grow in grace and the more the Holy Spirit reveals to me, the more the church I attend seems like a watered down social club that treats their elders as celebrities. It is 1 Cor. 15:1-4 gospel centered, but also VERY man centered, as much as it tries not to be, its actions speak louder than its words. There is much lenience on sin in the church, and I have seen Satan use it as a tramping ground. The person I am speaking of has grown up on the watered down grace doctrine their whole lives. Any attempt by me to correct this person would be met with rebuke with this backwards, watered down false doctrine of grace that leaves no room for growth and self examination to see if we are still in the faith.

For many Christians, it is about getting rid of those major sin areas (like lust, addiction, etc), celebrating that, and then wallowing in heart sin forever and ever, using twisted scripture as the basis for never growing as a disciple of Jesus. Selfishness, jealousy, carnal anxiety, focus on worldly matters, partiality, unforgiveness, etc. When the bible preaches against specific heart sin, the immature Christian almost never sees how it applies to them.

Please pray that The Lord would give me discernment and strength to respond to this person in a Spirit-led way - and when it is appropriate to disregard them for my own spiritual health and growth in Jesus. I feel that this person is not the only one in sin, to be clear.

Thank you for reading this far if you have. I do not like to celebrate Christmas, but I pray for everyone who is celebrating that Jesus Christ will be with you, giving you His peace that surpasses all understanding, that in Him you are not feeling alone, for those without a family this season. May you find joy, rest and comfort in Him and all that He is and offers us.

I can't see how you have possibly sinned for noticing someone's disturbing behavior and that it bothers you. You might want to consider finding a new church home that is centered on the truth as presented in scripture and not a church where the main focus seems to be the members accomplishments. I will pray for God to give you discernment but based on your post I would say that you already have this type of gift.

Greetings Dokimos and welcome to the CC Forum...
The descriptive characterization of this person would seem to be consistent with either personality disorder or potentially a mental health disorder. In either case, you might consider finding a clever way of luring this person to attend counseling with the hopes of identifying the underlying diagnosis in order to understand the most fruitful means of engaging this type of person and more importantly helping them along a path toward forward progress...
Unfortunately, there are many people with varying disorders (as you have described) that would not respond well to hearing this information from a family member or well-intended friend's perceived opinion of the problem... Unfortunately, this could potentially backfire and potentially place the existing relationship at risk...
If this is a relationship that you value and you are hopeful to salvage this relationship, there is simply too much uncertainty and risk involved without knowing the clinical diagnosis...
So in the meantime, a possible means of coping with the situation is to strive to keep your potentially honest but contentious comments to yourself for a brief moment, and consider rephrasing your concerns in the form of a question...
for example, just ask them: 'what would other people think?'
While it is likely that they frankly lack empathy/consideration for other people's feelings; but it is likely that they value their personal status and desire to maintain a positive reputation. ie if they believe something will hurt their reputation, they will think twice.
Good Luck and God Bless

I was reading one of your links on generational curses, something I know little of. I think what Nehemiah said was a good point. I think it will be good to be very clear, but honestly I can not imagine how one would do that. I think self centeredness is a force we all struggle with. I think He is our hope to grow. Praise His Holy Name.

I think the Lord has given you discernment. Now you want the Holy Spirit to do the dirty work.....lol. bring in the Lions and tigers and bears o my you have a spiritual matter.
Never let anyone take your peace away continuously to the point of anger and bitterness. Family or not.
Ego is not a gift of the spirit and now that you feed it what have you learned??????
I leave you this...
Better to be rebuked by a friend than kissed by the enemy.

Hello,
I had another CC member say exactly what you have just said here, regarding personality disorders, on another thread I have made seeking counsel regarding this individual.

Again, I do not want to confirm, nor do I feel I have the right to point to a personality disorder.

For the sake of uncovering spiritual truths, I will come out and say that the person I speak of is my sibling. We share a mother. We are half siblings, sharing another half sibling. There is me, I am the youngest - a middle sibling (antichrist spirit) and the one I speak of is the eldest and has been a believer for 18 years, if I recall correctly. We are not in contact with the middle sibling because they are extremely verbally abusive to both of us. The sibling I speak of in the original post has accused me of being personality disordered and then took it back later on, funny enough. Each one of us has accused the other of being personality disordered.

We can't all three of us be personality disordered, we did not grow up together and our mother did not raise us. This is why I believe there is a GENERATIONAL CURSE which involves demonic activity in some areas.

I think we can attribute some mental illnesses, physical illnesses and yes, even personality disorders to demonic influence, curses and generational curses! There is a strong self-focus spirit, spirit of pride and possibly even witchcraft/occult laying on my bloodline.

So, you are saying it is okay for me to not speak against this person's sin myself, to let God do His work in revealing these sin areas?

Yes, it is in my opinion a Charismatic Evangelical church. I looked up the meaning of Charismatic Christian Church, and it actually sounds like they are based in the miracles and activity of the Holy Spirit. Like gifts of the Holy Spirit and everything.

Are you a cessationist by any chance?

I think the problem lies more in it being an evangelical church than a charismatic church. The reason being that evangelical churches are almost always "starter" churches for those not ready for meat, only able to stomach milk. These churches function by their name: EVANGELICAL. They are there to evangelize. When you are grafted in to the body of Christ, you eventually will grow out of the evangelical church.

Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to [a]perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, 2 of the doctrine of baptisms, of laying on of hands, of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. 3 And this [b]we will do if God permits. [HEBREWS 6]

These churches *never* progress. If you spiritually grow and try *at all* to bring to light spiritual dangers like Yoga, New Age, etc. make no mistake, you *will* get attacked by those who are spiritually immature.