My Dad doesn't love me and he doesn't want any sort of relationship with me he has made that very clear. I've kept the door open to that in case he ever changes his mind but it hurts that he doesn't love me or doesn't want any relationship with me. I would be willing to be just friends with him but he doesn't even want that at all. My parents didn't plan for me when my Mom was pregnant with me they weren't married I am the reason they got married. (They divorced when I was 13 but that's beside the point.) I've always wanted a Dad who loved me who wants a relationship with me. I used to pray a lot for an earthly Dad who would love me and treat me as his own child in every way but I believe the answer to that is no. I don't know that for certainty though if that's what GOD's answer is. Maybe I need to pray about it more or maybe I'm right and need to drop it I really don't know. I know GOD is my Heavenly Father since I'm saved and I have no doubts or arguments about that at all. However, as a sister in Christ once said to me "sometimes you need GOD with skin on." However, maybe I just need to somehow force myself to get over it. It's not like I'm a 5-year-old child anymore I'm 31 years old now I don't need to be babysat anymore. Still, part of me yearns constantly for an earthly Dad I can sit and talk with, get advice from, and just other things people experience with their Dad's that I never have. I know I can sit and pray talk to GOD about anything anytime and He will listen and I know if I'm still and quiet I'll find His answers He's just not a human on this planet. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough in my relationship with GOD. Maybe I just need to grow up and get over and accept the fact that I'll never have a loving earthly Dad. Sometimes I daydream and I picture in my mind what it might be like to have an earthly Dad who loves me. That time would probably be better spent reading the Bible. Struggling with this problem makes me feel guilty because I know GOD is my Heavenly Father. I have no wish to replace Him at all plus that's impossible anyway. This issue is an ongoing battle for me but maybe it's something I have to deal with like Paul and his thorn and this issue is my thorn. We all have our crosses to bare and perhaps this is mine to bare and I just need to accept it. There's a part of me though that just can't and won't accept it and keeps on searching for an earthly Dad who will love me. Maybe I just need to ignore that part of me I don't know. Maybe I should just fake it till I make it but every time I try to fake it till I make it I feel like I'm lying which is a sin and I don't want to lie I don't want to sin. So please pray for me about this issue.
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