Let's Not Stop Mid-Way Through a Conversation about Mid-Life Crises...

Hi Everyone,

There was some recent talk in one of the other threads about what it's like, or what it was like, to go through a mid-life crisis.

I thought that conversation was pretty interesting, and a great topic all on its own. Everyone is welcome to contribute, but I'm especially interested in hearing how people have dealt with a mid-life crisis as a single person and/or single parent.

Here are a few discussion questions to hopefully get the conversation started:

* First of all, how would you personally define a "life crisis" to begin with? A change of events? Moving across the country, or starting a new career?

I guess I personally define a "life crisis" as anything that significantly changes (or makes you want to change) your life as you know it, but that's just my own definition.

* During what age range do you picture a mid-life crisis happening, or when did you go through one? How long did it last (or are you still going through it?)

* What does a mid-life crisis feel like (I realize it may be different for everyone), and how did you express it? How do you know when it's over?

* What kinds of positive and negative consequences/effects did your mid-life crisis (or crises) have on your life?

This discussion is open to everyone. I had a serious life crisis in my late 20's, so even though it might not be considered "mid-life", the things any of you are going through or have gone through at any age would definitely qualify for this conversation.

I'll be looking forward to hearing your stories about what brought on your own life changes, how you felt and reacted to them, and how God brought you through them in the end, or is still carrying you through.

Thank you for sharing!

I haven't got there yet, thankfully.

I looked into what a midlife crisis was many years ago because I was just curious about what it was. I don't know if it still means the same today but back then it meant when middle-aged people crave some excitement in their monotonous 9-5 lives so they start buying sports cars or fancy lingerie or they take up skydiving or they buy a motorcycle (usually a harley, not a honda), start getting into whatever music is popular with the younger folk, and stuff like that..

From "One Life To Love" by 33 Miles

She never thought she cared so much about those little hands
That held on tight the day she left
'Til she was scared to death
Sitting all alone on a hotel bed, at the end of the road
The sun has set on her big plans
To feel young again
She picks up the phone, dials a number, hears that little voice
That's haunted every single mile since she made that choice

Sometimes a mid-life crisis can be a (censored) to repair.

Oh, I meant to reply to this earlier. I suppose I had one last year. It started during a crisis where I had to sell the house I had bpught from my mom’s estate after she died. At the time it felt like my life was over, but that turned out to be the best thing for me.

I had been deeply depressed and often suicidal the entire time I lived there. Getting this place I am in now allowed me to actually mourn as I was clearing out the house, and then begin getting the long term work done on the trauma issues I had grown up with. I needed that distance from the memories of my mom to fully peocess what had happened geowing up. During that time, I also started to reconnect with my faith. I had walked away from God in my late 20s. I had to accept God’s help to begin woking on myself.

I do wish I had come around on some of some of these things years ago. I was in a pit of isolation for about 15 or so yeara prior to this. I feel like things have started to click, but I do have a fear that it is too late for things like a relationship with how much work there is left to do.

But I do overall enjoy life a lot, and am finding myself reconnecting to God more and more.

Very glad to hear that things are hopefully turning around for you, Hamarr. I'm very sorry for your loss.

One of the reasons I wrote this thread is because I was wondering if a "mid-life crisis" felt, or is distinctively different, from any other crisis in life. I guess I always saw a mid-life crisis as an effort to try to re-live the past, or re-capture one's youth? (Posting about ANY life crises or big change is welcome here, not just something in mid-life... Sorry... I'm just kind of thinking out loud.)

I understand exactly what you're saying as far as distancing yourself from the memories.

One of the reasons I've never wanted to "re-capture" my past is because I remember it with a great amount of sadness associated with the past, and when I was able to move out of the house where most of that occurred, something just felt... inexplicably "clean"--both in my surroundings, and in a small, hidden patch of my soul that I didn't know I even had left.

I would look around at unfamiliar walls I could not yet call "home"--but realized that I also wasn't as reminded of words that were fired or doors slamming shut or feeling as if I had been erased.

I spent so many years just recounting the saddest chapters in the story of my life.

And when I was finally able to move into another dwelling that was far away from where and whom I used to be, I found myself suddenly surrounded by unfamiliar blank walls... and finally realized that God was trying to nudge me into seeing that these were also the blank pages of the next few chapters of my life, and a whole new story was about to be written

Maybe that's what a "mid-life crisis" really is--an attempt to wipe the slate clean and start with a blank page?

I think so? Or at least a change in mindset that prepares you for a fundamental shift in your life of some sort? Revisiting the past is helping me to undue all of those negative beliefs about my self and find my true self. I think it also helps accept the limitations of both of my parents and forgive them, while srill fully acknolwedging what happened.

One of the things I’ve come to realize is a lor of what I thought were inherent awful things about myself were largely beliefs formed as a defense mechanism.

I definitely wouldn’t be ready for whatever God has in store for me without doing this work.

I saw the same thread, was thinking the same thing... I actually did a quick search via wikipedia for my own curiosity and clarification but hesitated to share on that thread... I did find what I learned as being very insightful both for myself as well as others that I know, maybe of interest here as well... Here are the highlights:

A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45–64 years old.[1][2][3] The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person's growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly shortcomings of accomplishments in life. This may produce feelings of depression, remorse, and anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to current lifestyle.

The condition may occur from the ages of 45–64.[1][2] Mid-life crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women. A mid-life crisis could be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over:

• work or career (or lack thereof)
• spousal relationships (or lack thereof)
• maturation of children (or lack of children)
• aging or death of parents
• physical changes associated with aging

Mid-life crisis can affect men and women differently because their stressors differ.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

Oh goody, the mid-life crisis urge is something I still have to look forward to.

I think it's only people that get mid life crises, so a lynx should be fine. But just in case you're not, I'll give you the best advice for stressful transitions that I've ever heard: Don't do anything stupid, don't do anything impulsive, don't do anything stupid

Hey seoul,

Firstly, thank you for yet another interesting and thought provoking thread. So I'm a 29 year old single male from the UK.

I don't think a 'life crisis' has a set definition and is itself a very fluid term. I'm 29 and believe I've recently started going through one (within the last 4-6 weeks or so). One day I simply woke up and found that I'd 'stopped working'. Like my brain had simply failed to get me up and out of bed one day.

Now I'm not actually sure if I'm having a life crisis or not but I went to see the doctor who said I was having a depressive episode caused by stress from multiple factors. And that's easy for me to understand. This year has been particularly challenging. I did an Alpha course this year and got saved. I started studying and my job got tremendously more stressful and strenuous.

In terms of how I feel. Pretty rubbish really. I've felt completely worthless for the last four or so weeks. I also feel like I've failed. And that feeling doesn't relate to anything in particular, it's just a general feeling.

In terms of my expression. I've tried journalling. I've very much 'stepped up' my walk with Christ. Under the impression my faith will strengthen in the wilderness.

Whilst I'm still very much in the middle of what I'm going through I feel closer to God. I've also started being able to process things more effectively and my mind feels a lot less 'clouded'

T

I know I joked in a previous thread about having already gone through mid life crisis. It seems like there have been several moments where it went from crisis to seismic events.

job changes and the kids reaching certain ages have triggered these "events".

Watching the kids grow up have hit me the hardest I guess.

Kaps89 may I say your response to the doldrums seems to be spot on. ‘Stepping up’ your walk in Christ is our only option when trials come our way. Our salvation is secure and how we may feel about it or ourselves at any given moment will not separate us from God’s love...

Thanks for your comment christiscreator. Having chosen many other ways in the past in response to life's stresses and troubles (alcohol, drugs, gambling) I eventually, after about fifteen years, came to the conclusion that Christ is the way, the truth and the light.

T

A walk in the Lord is just that, a walk...not a sprint or marathon, a steady walk with Him and towards Him.

I've been told many times that you didn't have to be 'sorted' to walk with the Lord. And this is a subject that still comes up very regularly because people feel they need to have themselves together before they start their walk. If only people who had themselves together were saved then no-one would get saved. He came for the sinners.

T

Well we all walk at different rates, the important part is to ‘press towards the mark’ (Phil 3:14). The important part is to keep walking, progress is progress!

Amen brother

Hi, I was refered here by another memeber, I didn't know we had a midlife criss anonomus on here, lol

A mid life crisis is when you reach a point where you realize giving up on suicide was a mistake, it's not knowing what to do with your self when you don't have the resources or the support to make changes, It's begging God for an ounce of mercy when you have no pants to wear that don't leave sores and infections on your inner legs while your creditors send lawyers to harass you for payments you can't afford because your trapped on social assistance with no way off of it.

It is knowing that no matter how hard you try no one will ever hire you or pay you to work so you can hope for a mimimum of a decent life and knowing if you go back to school you have to wait till after your 34th birthday.

What age, my midlife crisis began when I was 8 and it still hasn't ended. It's not easy sepending your life with severe depression.

What does it feel like? I don't know, I just don't want to feel anything any more, I haven't for a long time. It feels like spending all my time playing computer games and watching tv is worth while because it's a lot better to live in a fantasy than it does to live in reality.

Well I can write a book on the negative effects it's had, I am not sure about the positive, if I ever see a positive effect I will let you know.

I’m 50 I’ve never had a mid life crisis. Just a continuing one from
day one. 😜

It would be nice to have a mid life bit of peace.