Need help, wife has lost interest

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I need help healing (and perhaps saving) my marriage. Last week my wife told me she had an affair.

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I need help healing (and perhaps saving) my marriage. Last week my wife told me she had an affair. A one time incident with a man she knows from out of state. Obviously I was devastated. But the more devastating thing is that in the wake of the incident, she's less interested in saving our marriage than I am. She said that for some time she hasn't viewed me romantically, but more as her best friend. I don't know how to respond to that, because most advice to men in struggling marriages I have found is to more-or-less be a friend to her: do things for her (chores, favors, gifts), without wanting anything in return. But that's a big part of what has gotten me into the situation I am. I do most of the household chores, and the more I try to be caring and attentive, the less she sees me as a romantic partner, and the more she sees me as her friend.
The issue is not about physical appearance either. I go to the gym every day and keep myself healthy. I had long-hair, which she didn't like; so I cut it off -- and she liked it less. I'm obviously not without fault. I'm 28, and like many in my generation I have struggled with pornography (On and off since age 10). She knew about it from very early in our relationship, and I know that it has contributed to her not wanting to be intimate. Yet, throughout my struggles she has shown me the love of Christ, and a spirit of forgiveness I wouldn't have thought possible. So I'm doing all that I can to return the favor -- but again, by being kind, gentle, and forgiving through this I'm being her friend; someone she can't view as a romantic partner.
We've been married for 5 years, and together for 8. She was my first sexual partner, and I waited until our wedding night. Prior to me she had a few sexual partners - one for several years who was not very good to her.
I mention this because whenever we've had sex, I have been fully satisfied, but she has admitted to being bored and unsatisfied. She gravitates toward fantasies of "bad boys," which could describe all her past partners and the person she most recently got involved with.
Her heart is more kind and loving than anyone I've ever known though, and not only do I fear losing her over this. If our marriage fails, I fear she will run into the arms of an emotionally or even physically abusive new partner. I don't want this for the love of my life. And I am fully committed to the vows I took on my wedding day.
I'm trying every day to give it to God and have faith that He will heal our marriage. I am re-dedicated to giving up porn once and for all: I'm seeing a counselor, and reading books on the topic. When she first told me of the incident, she made an appointment with a marriage counselor, but is now saying she doesn't want to go.
Any suggestions on what I can do?

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I need help healing (and perhaps saving) my marriage. Last week my wife told me she had an affair. A one time incident with a man she knows from out of state. Obviously I was devastated. But the more devastating thing is that in the wake of the incident, she's less interested in saving our marriage than I am. She said that for some time she hasn't viewed me romantically, but more as her best friend. I don't know how to respond to that, because most advice to men in struggling marriages I have found is to more-or-less be a friend to her: do things for her (chores, favors, gifts), without wanting anything in return. But that's a big part of what has gotten me into the situation I am. I do most of the household chores, and the more I try to be caring and attentive, the less she sees me as a romantic partner, and the more she sees me as her friend.
The issue is not about physical appearance either. I go to the gym every day and keep myself healthy. I had long-hair, which she didn't like; so I cut it off -- and she liked it less. I'm obviously not without fault. I'm 28, and like many in my generation I have struggled with pornography (On and off since age 10). She knew about it from very early in our relationship, and I know that it has contributed to her not wanting to be intimate. Yet, throughout my struggles she has shown me the love of Christ, and a spirit of forgiveness I wouldn't have thought possible. So I'm doing all that I can to return the favor -- but again, by being kind, gentle, and forgiving through this I'm being her friend; someone she can't view as a romantic partner.
We've been married for 5 years, and together for 8. She was my first sexual partner, and I waited until our wedding night. Prior to me she had a few sexual partners - one for several years who was not very good to her.
I mention this because whenever we've had sex, I have been fully satisfied, but she has admitted to being bored and unsatisfied. She gravitates toward fantasies of "bad boys," which could describe all her past partners and the person she most recently got involved with.
Her heart is more kind and loving than anyone I've ever known though, and not only do I fear losing her over this. If our marriage fails, I fear she will run into the arms of an emotionally or even physically abusive new partner. I don't want this for the love of my life. And I am fully committed to the vows I took on my wedding day.
I'm trying every day to give it to God and have faith that He will heal our marriage. I am re-dedicated to giving up porn once and for all: I'm seeing a counselor, and reading books on the topic. When she first told me of the incident, she made an appointment with a marriage counselor, but is now saying she doesn't want to go.
Any suggestions on what I can do?

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I need help healing (and perhaps saving) my marriage. Last week my wife told me she had an affair. A one time incident with a man she knows from out of state. Obviously I was devastated. But the more devastating thing is that in the wake of the incident, she's less interested in saving our marriage than I am. She said that for some time she hasn't viewed me romantically, but more as her best friend. I don't know how to respond to that, because most advice to men in struggling marriages I have found is to more-or-less be a friend to her: do things for her (chores, favors, gifts), without wanting anything in return. But that's a big part of what has gotten me into the situation I am. I do most of the household chores, and the more I try to be caring and attentive, the less she sees me as a romantic partner, and the more she sees me as her friend.
The issue is not about physical appearance either. I go to the gym every day and keep myself healthy. I had long-hair, which she didn't like; so I cut it off -- and she liked it less. I'm obviously not without fault. I'm 28, and like many in my generation I have struggled with pornography (On and off since age 10). She knew about it from very early in our relationship, and I know that it has contributed to her not wanting to be intimate. Yet, throughout my struggles she has shown me the love of Christ, and a spirit of forgiveness I wouldn't have thought possible. So I'm doing all that I can to return the favor -- but again, by being kind, gentle, and forgiving through this I'm being her friend; someone she can't view as a romantic partner.
We've been married for 5 years, and together for 8. She was my first sexual partner, and I waited until our wedding night. Prior to me she had a few sexual partners - one for several years who was not very good to her.
I mention this because whenever we've had sex, I have been fully satisfied, but she has admitted to being bored and unsatisfied. She gravitates toward fantasies of "bad boys," which could describe all her past partners and the person she most recently got involved with.
Her heart is more kind and loving than anyone I've ever known though, and not only do I fear losing her over this. If our marriage fails, I fear she will run into the arms of an emotionally or even physically abusive new partner. I don't want this for the love of my life. And I am fully committed to the vows I took on my wedding day.
I'm trying every day to give it to God and have faith that He will heal our marriage. I am re-dedicated to giving up porn once and for all: I'm seeing a counselor, and reading books on the topic. When she first told me of the incident, she made an appointment with a marriage counselor, but is now saying she doesn't want to go.
Any suggestions on what I can do?

You would be well within your rights to make this a reason for divorce and be done with her. It takes two to make a marriage, and she evidently has no interest. You should move on, and find a spouse with Christian character and commitment. Note well: "Prior to me she had a few sexual partners".

This is a hard situation - one that I was in a similar place. I prayed so much to God and kept kept asking him what I should do.. I didn't have the heart to end it and I prayed that God would make the decision for me.. not long after she told me she no longer wanted a marriage with me and promptly left.. I was heart broken for about 12 months but now God has healed my broken heart and blessed me with a beautiful and spiritual sister that truly cares for me emotionally and spiritually . Keep praying to God and he will answer you xx

You do have grounds for divorce -her adultery.
She also has grounds for divorce - your adultery with the porn.

You committed the adultery first, and you committed it repeatedly, with many women. She can't compete with them. She never could. You sought them out for release without committment. This showed her great cruelty. Every time she saw you bring these women into her home, it was a slap in the face. Trying to atone for it by cleaning and cooking just showed her that not only did you not need her for intimacy, but you didn't need her for running the home either. You left her no place. You completely shut her out.

It sounds like she has given up. If there is any hope she will change her mind, it will be from you admitting that this is what you have done. If she still doesn't change her mind after you admit it, let her go and seek out help for your intimacy problems so this doesn't happen again.

I am currently going through a divorce that began with just about the same situation you are in. You need to start changing for yourself and God. I did everything I could to reach out to my wife, but I failed. I gave her space that she asked for, but that was a mistake. You need to be strong and show her you are a man of God and that He will be on your side. Counseling for her would really help, so you need to encourage her to do so without being forceful. She needs to be around Christian women who believe what the Bible says it true about forgiveness and marriage. Marriage wasn't promised to be easy, so be prepared for troubles. Fight for what you believe in. Give up the porn and get yourself on the right track. If she doesn't want to change, you still have to