Hi Cara,
I was thinking about this thread today and wanted to add a few more things I learned on the dating sites:
* If you decide to try any of them, be sure to find out how to terminate your membership when YOU want it to end. Many people sign up for say a 3-month trial, but once the site has your credit card number, they will continue to charge it until you jump through all their hoops in order to get it stopped.
With Mingle, you had to go into your account and manually toggle it to "Unsubscribe" when your time was about to end. Many people didn't know this and would continue to be charged long after they had ever intended. I don't know how it is now but I've heard that some sites don't even allow you to set these parameters yourself anymore--you have to call and try to talk to their customer service operators, who will of course make every excuse there to keep your account open and paying.
* When I first started on the dating sites, I was like most everyone else there, thinking I HAD to find someone and that I HAD to find someone NOW. Over the years I've come to see it as more of just an avenue to meet and learn about other people, and if I meet someone, great, if not, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Most people on these sites are looking to find someone (or a quick hook-up) RIGHT NOW, so don't be surprised if they seem to lose interest right away. You might not be providing the emotional quick fix they're looking for or they might have several other catches on the line that they find more willing to give them what they want.
* Beware of anyone asking for money. I know this is kind of a given but I was truly shocked at the lengths some people would go to, such as posing as someone who was recently widowed and is raising a beloved single child alone (once you got to know them, they would start to strongly hint at, or even just outwardly ask, for money). I had noticed that there were a lot of profiles out there that made this claim, and it seemed unusual because they were all in their 20's and 30's. However, I found out about these types of scams from an older gentleman in the chat rooms who really was a widower and was trying to expose fake widow/widower profiles there that had played on people's sympathy.
Of course, there are several people who actually ARE in this situation and my heart goes out to them, but this is definitely one of the many "bleeding heart" situations to look out for. It can be especially suspicious if the person claims to be very young--not that it doesn't happen to younger people, but the scammers are trying to attract and prey on the largest masses of people (often in their mid 20's-40's) on those sites.
* Despite all the hustle and flow, as I said, I can't say that I'd trade my online experiences for anything, such as the time a man who was hearing-impaired contacted me and taught me a bit about what life is like for someone with that particular challenge.
But it was also a lesson in learning how much one might have to give in order to make a relationship work. For instance, one of this man's expectations for a partner (and he seemed to be specifically looking for a fully-hearing woman) is that she would have to learn sign language. I didn't see this as being any different than learning any other language or culture, but I did encounter several men who basically wanted me to change myself into a completely different person in order to be "the right one" for them. Not once did they ask me about what I might want or need in life or how they could help me; it was all about how I could, as a Godly "help-mate", make THEIR life better.
Although some of these interactions were not the most positive, I'm grateful that it taught me a lot about who I am, who I want to be, and how much of that is flexible within what I believe God has called me for and created me to do.
As I said, I have also had many positive interactions right here on CC, sometimes even meeting others in real life and I feel very blessed in that I've never had a bad experience in meeting the CC members I've been close to for many years on this site.
May God bless you in your search, Cara, and I hope that even if you don't find the right person, may you be blessed with positive experiences and good friends.
I was thinking about this thread today and wanted to add a few more things I learned on the dating sites:
* If you decide to try any of them, be sure to find out how to terminate your membership when YOU want it to end. Many people sign up for say a 3-month trial, but once the site has your credit card number, they will continue to charge it until you jump through all their hoops in order to get it stopped.
With Mingle, you had to go into your account and manually toggle it to "Unsubscribe" when your time was about to end. Many people didn't know this and would continue to be charged long after they had ever intended. I don't know how it is now but I've heard that some sites don't even allow you to set these parameters yourself anymore--you have to call and try to talk to their customer service operators, who will of course make every excuse there to keep your account open and paying.
* When I first started on the dating sites, I was like most everyone else there, thinking I HAD to find someone and that I HAD to find someone NOW. Over the years I've come to see it as more of just an avenue to meet and learn about other people, and if I meet someone, great, if not, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Most people on these sites are looking to find someone (or a quick hook-up) RIGHT NOW, so don't be surprised if they seem to lose interest right away. You might not be providing the emotional quick fix they're looking for or they might have several other catches on the line that they find more willing to give them what they want.
* Beware of anyone asking for money. I know this is kind of a given but I was truly shocked at the lengths some people would go to, such as posing as someone who was recently widowed and is raising a beloved single child alone (once you got to know them, they would start to strongly hint at, or even just outwardly ask, for money). I had noticed that there were a lot of profiles out there that made this claim, and it seemed unusual because they were all in their 20's and 30's. However, I found out about these types of scams from an older gentleman in the chat rooms who really was a widower and was trying to expose fake widow/widower profiles there that had played on people's sympathy.
Of course, there are several people who actually ARE in this situation and my heart goes out to them, but this is definitely one of the many "bleeding heart" situations to look out for. It can be especially suspicious if the person claims to be very young--not that it doesn't happen to younger people, but the scammers are trying to attract and prey on the largest masses of people (often in their mid 20's-40's) on those sites.
* Despite all the hustle and flow, as I said, I can't say that I'd trade my online experiences for anything, such as the time a man who was hearing-impaired contacted me and taught me a bit about what life is like for someone with that particular challenge.
But it was also a lesson in learning how much one might have to give in order to make a relationship work. For instance, one of this man's expectations for a partner (and he seemed to be specifically looking for a fully-hearing woman) is that she would have to learn sign language. I didn't see this as being any different than learning any other language or culture, but I did encounter several men who basically wanted me to change myself into a completely different person in order to be "the right one" for them. Not once did they ask me about what I might want or need in life or how they could help me; it was all about how I could, as a Godly "help-mate", make THEIR life better.
Although some of these interactions were not the most positive, I'm grateful that it taught me a lot about who I am, who I want to be, and how much of that is flexible within what I believe God has called me for and created me to do.
As I said, I have also had many positive interactions right here on CC, sometimes even meeting others in real life and I feel very blessed in that I've never had a bad experience in meeting the CC members I've been close to for many years on this site.
May God bless you in your search, Cara, and I hope that even if you don't find the right person, may you be blessed with positive experiences and good friends.
-
3
-
1
- Show all
