Is it insane to want to go to hell?

Jesus is Lord of All, the Way, Truth and Light, and He has forgiven the sins of those who trust in Him. That stuff is all really easy for me to admit, and I get that for most people, it's all a Christian needs to know.

But... I'm kind of a miserable wreck. I sin all the time, which is normal for a human to do since we're all inherently broken, yeah? But here's my problem: I've given up on ever improving. No repentance for me, no earnestly seeking Christ or His teaching. I've just fallen into this endless fog of apathy toward my faith, and I really don't care about the state of my eternal soul anymore.

So, here's my question: Is it crazy to WANT to go to hell for everything I've done? The way I see it, I'll never improve as a person. But if I could just have a little bit of goodness appended to my soul through an outpouring of violent justice for all eternity, I think that would be enough for me. I would suffer forever and beyond forever, but I know that I would deserve it, because it's what I want to happen to me.

That's insane, right? Isn't that just the sickest thing you've ever heard?

Yes that's insane.. The eternal lake of fire is forever..

There may be something noble in accepting punishment for ones wrong doings.. But eternal, never ending punishment???
Nope that's insane for sure..

Maybe you have given up on improving yourself, but thats just you. God may call you, change you, through various ways or circumstances in our life.

You never know.

It's difficult to ascertain just what you're looking for here.

It seems to me on some level you still DO care about your soul or you wouldn't even be here asking the question.

Your mind is being twisted and deceived by the enemy. We ALL deserve violent justice for eternity. Your desire to want to pay for your sins is understandable. But you CAN'T pay for them even after an eternity. So all the unspeakable suffering you will endure will be nothing but a waste. To you. To the Lord as well.

The good news is that the Lord knows all these things and STILL loves you. That's why He sent his Son to suffer and die FOR YOU!

If you still think you want to pay for your sins yourself, stick your hand in a pot of boiling water for 3 seconds. Then imagine your whole body in there, except a MUCH worse pain, mixed with a crushing darkness, hopeless forever, knowing that feeling and experience will never end.

You may come away with a HUGE love and appreciation for what He has done for you. And then you will stop focusing on your sin and rather on His righteousness, and Love Him and others with all your heart.

Yeah, probably. After all, if I really wanted to go to hell, I would have just offed myself by now...

Maybe I'm just really depressed.

A sick mind that "offs" himself, that has been born again isn't hellbound. If you are not born again that is your main problem.

Please do not off yourself whether you are born again or not. You are valuable and loved. The accuser, your enemy, is the one telling you otherwise.

maybe don't call yourself by the name of a dragon

people sometimes think things like that do not matter, but they do

why pick such an unChristian symbol? the dragon is associated with hell

Is this the sickest thing? No. Last time i heard such a story was when Jonah wanted to die and disappear forever.
God is looking for a broken spirit- that's right.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

I will not tell you what to do or not to do, but may God perform the good work in you because you are broken.
"The last shall be the first..."

Do you spend much time with those who are an inspiration to you in how they live out their faith? It may do much to uplift your spirits to increase the amount of time you spend with such people, those who will love and accept you for who you are as a living testament of the love of Christ, affirming your value as a person despite your perceived failings. It is one of the reasons we are exhorted not to forsake fellowship with other believers.

Welp, that's a new one. And here I was convinced that suicide was a one-way ticket to the netherworld... Why do you say that, anyway? Everyone I've talked to prior has told me that someone who takes their own life can never be admitted into God's presence because they have committed a sin that cannot be repented, because a dead man has no chance of asking for forgiveness. Saying it isn't so doesn't really make any sense, if that's the case.

The wolf isn't exactly a Christian symbol either, you know. Naming my CC profile after a fictional dragon isn't going to cause me any harm. Besides, Lao Shan is more like a big, docile lizard than a proper dragon.

I love it when this question comes up. I go to George Fox University in Newberg, Oregon. I'm pretty sure that this town has the highest concentration of churches of any town in the state, and GFU is an officially-recognized Christian university. Now, all of those credentials aside, my campus is made up almost exclusively of extremely kindhearted, supportive, God-loving individuals, students and staff alike. I live in a house with 7 others who are just like that, and they're also some of my best friends to boot. Nobody here has ever treated me poorly or told me I was unholy or wretched. But apparently, even that doesn't make much of a difference to me.

Well, that does put me in a good spot, now doesn't it? I've never once committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, so I guess I'm good in terms of where I'll end up after I die. That said, I still feel like a dirtbag.

Have you ever heard the Cherokee story of the two wolves? I will see if I can find a meme of it for you

I'm 19 years old, but I feel about as jaded and cynical as though I just turned 40. And yeah, I usually try to make a point of being kind to others, and I'm always willing to help when I'm asked to. That said, I'm not good for much. I'm a poor speaker, and an even poorer source of encouragement. I'm not very strong, which means I often cause more problems than I can solve when I help people perform manual labor. I don't know much of the Bible, nor can I offer any advice to those in need aside from the occasional "Pray about it" or "As long as you believe that Jesus is God, you'll be saved". I always try my hardest to be useful, but I'm so inherently useless that I tend to leave things worse than I found them.

And yes, I did know that about Paul. But all at once, Paul was able to accomplish so much for God and for the Church. I don't think I can do that.

That's a good proverb, and one I had forgotten until now. Thank you for sharing it with me.

Therein may lie the source of my depressive stupor: I don't have a major at the moment. Last year, I tried pursuing a Biology major during my first semester. That fell through as soon as I realized that I hated using hard science to answer questions about the natural world. I then renounced my major, and pursued advanced literature, basic writing, a combination business/law course, and a course specifically designed to help students find a suitable major. That, sure enough, did absolutely nothing to help me find a reason for attending college.

This year, I tried out computer science and calculus, but quickly changed my focus to pursuing an English major, since writing seemed to be the only thing I was actually good at. As it turns out, taking three literature courses (on top of a Great Books program that I've been a part of since my first semester at GFU) is not a realistic option, especially for someone who hates reading as much as I do. I finally settled on taking one literature course, that Great Books program, and a writing course. That's where I'm at this semester, and I already feel like dropping out. I hate every one of my courses, and it's so far past the deadline to change them that I have no hope of pursuing anything else this semester.

I don't have any reason for attending school other than the overwhelming desire to avoid working as a fry cook for the rest of my life. Yet even that hatred of menial labor can't motivate me to fight my way through these blasted courses for an entire semester. It can motivate me to stay in school, however, if only to delay my inevitably wretched future.

That's why I'm so depressed, I suppose. It's because I'm trapped, and there's nothing I can do to better my situation.