Hi, all.
I’m new here, and I need some prayer.
I’ve had a fairly difficult life. I moved away from my home state when I was 14 and haven’t made any friends since. My dad was chronically ill for 5 years and passed away recently in a very traumatizing way. It’s been rough.
I’ve been a Christian from a young age, but I’ve fallen in to so much sin lately. I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but I feel like the Enemy has used this dark time in my life to tempt me with things to bring me some kind of happiness, and it has worked.
I’ve always had a fear of sin and making mistakes. I know this is messed up theology in itself, but I can’t seem to shake it. Instead, I’ve gone for this “I give up, I might as well sin” approach lately.
I had a fear of homosexuality in high school. The devil really tormented my mind with this. When I finally began to realize that this was an attack, let go of this and trust God more, I began doing other things. I would overeat to make myself happy. I snap at people all the time in ridiculous anger. I began watching and listening to really inappropriate things a few months ago. I began masturbating a few months ago. Anything to find temporary worth and pleasure. Anything to distract myself from pain and anxiety.
So I’ve fallen into this cycle of hating myself, trying to be good on my own, failing in a small way, giving up, sinning in a horrible way that I know I’ll regret, and hating myself again. I don’t know how to stop this.
I heard from God a few days ago and I asked him why can’t I stop sinning. He told me it was because I wasn’t trying to please him. I was trying to please myself with my own self righteousness and then I end up giving up and sinning anyway.
I figured that maybe if I get this off my chest and say something that maybe I will be able to stop. I ask for prayers that I will begin to heal, stop self destruction, find my worth in God instead of worldly things, and learn to want to please God out of a love for Him, instead of trying to be a perfect person to please myself and giving up and sinning. Please pray for me. I want to be whole again and live an abundant life pleasing to God and serving others. Thank you.
I’m new here, and I need some prayer.
I’ve had a fairly difficult life. I moved away from my home state when I was 14 and haven’t made any friends since. My dad was chronically ill for 5 years and passed away recently in a very traumatizing way. It’s been rough.
I’ve been a Christian from a young age, but I’ve fallen in to so much sin lately. I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but I feel like the Enemy has used this dark time in my life to tempt me with things to bring me some kind of happiness, and it has worked.
I’ve always had a fear of sin and making mistakes. I know this is messed up theology in itself, but I can’t seem to shake it. Instead, I’ve gone for this “I give up, I might as well sin” approach lately.
I had a fear of homosexuality in high school. The devil really tormented my mind with this. When I finally began to realize that this was an attack, let go of this and trust God more, I began doing other things. I would overeat to make myself happy. I snap at people all the time in ridiculous anger. I began watching and listening to really inappropriate things a few months ago. I began masturbating a few months ago. Anything to find temporary worth and pleasure. Anything to distract myself from pain and anxiety.
So I’ve fallen into this cycle of hating myself, trying to be good on my own, failing in a small way, giving up, sinning in a horrible way that I know I’ll regret, and hating myself again. I don’t know how to stop this.
I heard from God a few days ago and I asked him why can’t I stop sinning. He told me it was because I wasn’t trying to please him. I was trying to please myself with my own self righteousness and then I end up giving up and sinning anyway.
I figured that maybe if I get this off my chest and say something that maybe I will be able to stop. I ask for prayers that I will begin to heal, stop self destruction, find my worth in God instead of worldly things, and learn to want to please God out of a love for Him, instead of trying to be a perfect person to please myself and giving up and sinning. Please pray for me. I want to be whole again and live an abundant life pleasing to God and serving others. Thank you.
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