Some Things That People Have No Automatic Right To Ask You...

Hey Everyone,

After watching another thread in which someone was publicly asked a very personal question, I wanted to talk about some things that people may ask you, but that you are NOT required to answer, no matter what their reason or whether or not they claim to be a Christian.

I'm writing this while thinking of our younger friends out there, as well as those who may be new to the world of online chats and forums.

I realize people may have different opinions about this but here are some things that I personally believe NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you, whether online or in real life:

1. No one has the automatic right to ask you what you look like or try to talk you into into sending them a picture. Please walk away from anyone who tries to manipulate you by saying, "Oh, I bet you're really ugly, and that's why you won't send me pictures;" "Stop being shy, everyone shares pictures online!"; "Oh c'mon, I just really want to see what you look like!"

Now of course there can be exceptions. If you are participating in an online dating site, having a picture is pretty much required. But the circumstances I'm thinking of are when someone is practically demanding to know what you look like and you're not even in a dating situation.

A long time ago here in the threads, an older male publicly told a much-younger female that she must be "a fat, old, balding man pretending to be a young woman" because she was apparently resisting his advances. Please don't be fooled or pressured into this kind of manipulation. You don't owe anyone anything here, most especially a picture. Whether you choose to share or not is at your own discretion and it is your own right, whether you do so or not.

2. No one has the automatic right to ask you about your nationality or ethnic background. Although I am generally open about this in my own life, I'm always amazed at how many people seem to think they have an automatic right to know "what I am." And that's exactly how they'll word it, usually in real life: "WHAT ARE you?"

When I was younger I used to be so intimidated that I would give an automatic answer. I finally realized that NO ONE has an automatic right to expect me to tell them this kind of information about myself, and I usually turn the tables by asking the person about themselves instead. If they persist, I just shrug and tell them I only share that information with family and close friends. To be honest, whether or not I share all depends on how the person approaches me and whether or not I feel comfortable with them. Personally, I no longer share this with people who act as if they have an automatic right to know.

3. NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you about your sexual history or status, for ANY reason, and no matter how much they claim that it may be necessary to know for "Biblical" reasons. Now of course, if the person asking is your DOCTOR or fiance/fiancee, that's a different story. But in general, NO ONE, especially a stranger, has the right to ask you questions about your sexuality. It can be similar to someone who wants to know what you look like: "Oh, I bet you're a real prude, huh? I bet you haven't even (insert sexual reference here.)"

Or, someone may ask you about whether or not your hymnal is indeed intact (discussion from another thread)--NO ONE has the right to ask you this, no matter how "Biblical" they say their reason is. Whether or not your hymnal is an open or closed book is between you and God.

YOU DO NOT HAVE to put up with these kinds of questions, especially in a public forum. And if someone is asking you these things via private chats or email, report them to the moderators immediately. If you aren't sure who the moderators are, feel free to PM any member you see here (myself included) and we will be sure to connect you with the right people.

Please remember that you have a right to your own personal information, and there is no reason to share it with anyone who thinks they have a right to ask. If it doesn't "sound" right to you, be on your guard and act on the side of caution.

Several months ago, a user claiming to be a 20-year-old young man persistently tried to contact me via chat and private messages asking me to "advise him as I would a son" about certain sexual matters. Just in case he was being sincere, I told him there is a Men's Discussion group that he could join that would be much more appropriate to ask. He then began asking me about my own personal life. Because I had already given him a sincere answer (to look up the Men's Group) and he completely ignored what I said (asking even more personal questions), I immediately blocked him and reported him to the moderators. (I don't know if he's still here, but I haven't seen him.)

Harassment can come in many shapes and forms. I encourage all of you to protect yourself and not put up with things that others seem to feel they have a right to try to ask other people.

What questions/issues/subjects do you feel no one has the right to ask you? And how have you dealt with it personally when people have asked?

A womans weight..lol

I won't even give that a reaction because i know where your comming from and the words you have written are not yours. If someone asked some of those questions I would think they're dumber than Forest Gump! I might even feel sorry for them.

you're right Mr. calibob, none of my questions you quoted from post #64 on this thread is sincere in anyway. I was merely demonstrating the point of how ridiculously asinine the questions are in trying to know the other person. That those questions can barely even touch the nutshell of knowing someone, and what's worse, makes the other person uncomfortable and pushes the other person away.

as an example, what matters for knowing Jesus is all summed up in John 3:16

for God, so loved the world (love)
that he gave his one and only son (humility and self sacrifice)
that whoever believes in him, (all we need to do)
shall not perish but have eternal life. (God's promise to the faithful)

and I thank you Mr. calibob for your trust, and respect and for being my friend, and I trust that Jesus knows my heart, and thank you[/Q

I was adopted and over 30 years I didn't know what race I was. I didn't care after a while, it seemed petty. I never could understand why some people thought neccessary to hate others on account of raceisim but after the Viet Nam war was over and immigrants [called boat people] started showing up in droves to our west coast shores. Even I got a bad attitude. I went to a christian rally at the Rose Bowl and one of the speakers made a point about discrimination and mentioned that Jesus himself was a refugee. Joseph, Mary and Jesus fled to Egypt when Herrod was after Jesus. I nearly fainted. It's true. When I hear Christians spouting off raceist or anti immigrant rhetoric. It blows my mind. Joseph of the OT was an imigrant in Egypt also Daniel, Meshack, Shadrack and Abindigo were captives in Babylon. Luke was from Greece, Paul was a Jew in Rome and Moses was so dark and nappy haired they thought he was Egyptian. All of our ancestors were once strangers in a strange land. I show tollerance sometimes because I give them a benifit of doubt that they don't know what they are talking about. If this was taught in Church, by Christians that have really studied the word we all should know these things. Amen? Jesus was is a Jew!

Ok...all these things you listed tend to be in NEGATIVE light..in real life i dont think we'd have such hang ups..when ive tease people bout pics its because its nice to put a face with the comments..nothing more..and sometimes if you know a persons age..certain "things" shouldnt be talked about due to age appropriateness...etc

Location is nice to know too or nationality because what we in the USA might think "normal" might be wierd or offensive to another nationalitu. I think its GREAT to be world wide with different cultures and should be celebrated instead of like a hidden taboo...

How DO people get to know each other? Basic questions..where are you from..how old etc...

BUT if others dont feel comfortable or think theyre being too exposed they can always say "im sorry..not comfortable giving out that info etc. End of story...

It surprises me that people TALK about so much personal stuff..expose thier hearts..families..emotions but yet wont expose basic common knowledge stuff..

Guess..just me..outside looking in..

Hey Everyone,

After watching another thread in which someone was publicly asked a very personal question, I wanted to talk about some things that people may ask you, but that you are NOT required to answer, no matter what their reason or whether or not they claim to be a Christian.

I'm writing this while thinking of our younger friends out there, as well as those who may be new to the world of online chats and forums.

I realize people may have different opinions about this but here are some things that I personally believe NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you, whether online or in real life:

1. No one has the automatic right to ask you what you look like or try to talk you into into sending them a picture. Please walk away from anyone who tries to manipulate you by saying, "Oh, I bet you're really ugly, and that's why you won't send me pictures;" "Stop being shy, everyone shares pictures online!"; "Oh c'mon, I just really want to see what you look like!"

Now of course there can be exceptions. If you are participating in an online dating site, having a picture is pretty much required. But the circumstances I'm thinking of are when someone is practically demanding to know what you look like and you're not even in a dating situation.

A long time ago here in the threads, an older male publicly told a much-younger female that she must be "a fat, old, balding man pretending to be a young woman" because she was apparently resisting his advances. Please don't be fooled or pressured into this kind of manipulation. You don't owe anyone anything here, most especially a picture. Whether you choose to share or not is at your own discretion and it is your own right, whether you do so or not.

2. No one has the automatic right to ask you about your nationality or ethnic background. Although I am generally open about this in my own life, I'm always amazed at how many people seem to think they have an automatic right to know "what I am." And that's exactly how they'll word it, usually in real life: "WHAT ARE you?"

When I was younger I used to be so intimidated that I would give an automatic answer. I finally realized that NO ONE has an automatic right to expect me to tell them this kind of information about myself, and I usually turn the tables by asking the person about themselves instead. If they persist, I just shrug and tell them I only share that information with family and close friends. To be honest, whether or not I share all depends on how the person approaches me and whether or not I feel comfortable with them. Personally, I no longer share this with people who act as if they have an automatic right to know.

3. NO ONE has an automatic right to ask you about your sexual history or status, for ANY reason, and no matter how much they claim that it may be necessary to know for "Biblical" reasons. Now of course, if the person asking is your DOCTOR or fiance/fiancee, that's a different story. But in general, NO ONE, especially a stranger, has the right to ask you questions about your sexuality. It can be similar to someone who wants to know what you look like: "Oh, I bet you're a real prude, huh? I bet you haven't even (insert sexual reference here.)"

Or, someone may ask you about whether or not your hymnal is indeed intact (discussion from another thread)--NO ONE has the right to ask you this, no matter how "Biblical" they say their reason is. Whether or not your hymnal is an open or closed book is between you and God.

YOU DO NOT HAVE to put up with these kinds of questions, especially in a public forum. And if someone is asking you these things via private chats or email, report them to the moderators immediately. If you aren't sure who the moderators are, feel free to PM any member you see here (myself included) and we will be sure to connect you with the right people.

Please remember that you have a right to your own personal information, and there is no reason to share it with anyone who thinks they have a right to ask. If it doesn't "sound" right to you, be on your guard and act on the side of caution.

Several months ago, a user claiming to be a 20-year-old young man persistently tried to contact me via chat and private messages asking me to "advise him as I would a son" about certain sexual matters. Just in case he was being sincere, I told him there is a Men's Discussion group that he could join that would be much more appropriate to ask. He then began asking me about my own personal life. Because I had already given him a sincere answer (to look up the Men's Group) and he completely ignored what I said (asking even more personal questions), I immediately blocked him and reported him to the moderators. (I don't know if he's still here, but I haven't seen him.)

Harassment can come in many shapes and forms. I encourage all of you to protect yourself and not put up with things that others seem to feel they have a right to try to ask other people.

What questions/issues/subjects do you feel no one has the right to ask you? And how have you dealt with it personally when people have asked?

To be honest, I don't even remember writing half these threads , but I do remember the context of this one.

There was a thread going on in which a young woman (20ish) was asking for advice, and a much older man (50ish) asked her right in the middle of the thread if she was a virgin.

I know I wasn't the person this guy was addressing... but this was my obvious reply back to him.

There are just some things no one, male or female, should have to put up with, but no one has ever told them that, and they really need to know that they have a right to stand up for themselves.

It maybe an old thread, but the relevance of the OPs points are still valid today.

It maybe an old thread, but the relevance of the OPs points are still valid today.

I was talking with someone about some of these old thread topics, and it was a choice of me trying to rewrite all these old threads or just resurrecting them.

I know some people will stop reading as soon as they discover it's an old thread, and some people are against bringing up any thread that's more than a month old, but in this case... These threads were relevant to some current posts, and I didn't have the time to rewrite completely new threads about them.

I was talking with someone about some of these old thread topics, and it was a choice of me trying to rewrite all these old threads or just resurrecting them.

I know some people will stop reading as soon as they discover it's an old thread, and some people are against bringing up any thread that's more than a month old, but in this case... These threads were relevant to some current posts, and I didn't have the time to rewrite completely new threads about them.

Don't worry, I love bumping up old threads