Suggestions

Hello everybody,

Ok here goes, I'm trusting in y'all now. 😀

Roughly 2 yrs ago I joined this group. Mainly looking for fellowship. It had been several years since my divorce and I was missing fellowship and conversation. I was a member of a very LARGE church and that was a bit overwhelming. And I just went into retirement. Anyway was considering dating at the time. After 15 yrs of marriage it to seemed overwhelming. I chose to travel instead. Mainly places that had limited internet.

I have revisited the idea of dating. Now that I don't have to work, and where I live is a small town. How on earth do you get out there. I have visited a few churches here. All pretty small and none have a singles group.
(Oh, I moved to be by my grandmother. She is getting up in age) new town for me.

Have any of you done the online dating? What where your experiences?

See I don't have alot of experience dating. I was engaged once. We met at the store. And my ex well I was set up with him on a date I knew nothing about by a family member, friend, and boss. I haven't been on a date since 1999. oh man I feel like a dinosaur 😬.

I am open to any suggestions and advice.

You did say you were open to any suggestions....My question is why do you want a man at this point in time? If it’s because you are lonely, a dog may be a more suitable partner. I think relationships are rooted in need. As a young couple biology and physiology is both the attraction and the glue. Social conditioning prepares us to desire a mate and tricks us into believing it will complete us and make us happy. Soon, as you have experienced, it is learned that marriage isn’t the rosebed imagined. Today’s world does not train us to be two halves that compliment each other’s differences. We are trained to be individuals, strong and independent. Your time alone may be lonely but now you are more independent than most. A partner may be either too needy of you, or over critical. A single man at this turn in the path will bring his own baggage and independence and expectations. Maybe he’s the reason he’s single, because he is intolerable. What type of emotional and time investment are you willing to risk? Dating is fun, like going to a casino is fun. There are the flashy lights and expectation of getting more out of than what you put in. There is always risk involved and this is part of the allure.

I just wanted to put that out there because most people when making decisions are bias to see only the positives and reject the possibility of negatives. That being said, finding a partner you are compatible with would be most likely by meeting while doing something you are both passionate about. I’m not single, but if I was, since fitness is important to me, I would join a gym (even though I have enough equipment in my home). If I enjoyed playing cards, there are groups that meet at churches weekly. If I enjoyed animals, I would get a dog and bring them to dog parks where many dog owners meet and socialize. Church is great but you need to participate in the social events, and small groups where there is more interaction. No matter what the venue, if you want to attract a mate, then be attractive. Learn how to flirt. Laugh at their jokes, make them feel more interesting than they are. Often we are not attracted as much to special people, as we are attracted to people who make us feel special. Remembering someone’s birthday, noticing slight changes in their appearance, and letting them talk about themselves, attentive to every word, smiling through their anecdotes and asking questions on stuff they just said (like you are really curious) are all good ways. Never forget, everybody loves a cheerleader! Men don’t want a strong woman, they want a woman who makes them feel strong. Learn how to be diplomatic, challenge without offending. I’m sure ego is a huge issue for all men also reentering the dating arena. They may be shy so if you are interested you may not want to wait for them to make the first move. Be blessed.

Going on dates is so horrid. I prefer to meet people outside of a dating atmosphere and make a friend. Sometimes that turns romantic. And the transition from friend to officially dating is easy. And no awkward first dates.
It's a slower method though. So if you're in a hurry it won't work for you.

Online dating gets a bad rap but dates were going wrong long before the internet.
Dating sites, even Christian ones can be risky as many join to find sex, not marriage.

Hey sis. Thanks for sharing.

I’ve done online dating once, well it was more of a long distance relationship. I don’t recommend it unless you or he is willing to move.

Bottom line is, my experience didn’t turn out the way I planned but I knew the risks and still went with it and it didn’t work out.

But I do know of others that online dating has worked out for them. And don’t feel bad about not going on a date in years, I haven’t been on a date in like 7 years lol.

My suggestion is don't bother with it. Not bothering with it has worked for me for forty years now. On the other hand I'm only one person, so YMMV.

You did say you were open to any suggestions....My question is why do you want a man at this point in time? If it’s because you are lonely, a dog may be a more suitable partner. I think relationships are rooted in need. As a young couple biology and physiology is both the attraction and the glue. Social conditioning prepares us to desire a mate and tricks us into believing it will complete us and make us happy. Soon, as you have experienced, it is learned that marriage isn’t the rosebed imagined. Today’s world does not train us to be two halves that compliment each other’s differences. We are trained to be individuals, strong and independent. Your time alone may be lonely but now you are more independent than most. A partner may be either too needy of you, or over critical. A single man at this turn in the path will bring his own baggage and independence and expectations. Maybe he’s the reason he’s single, because he is intolerable. What type of emotional and time investment are you willing to risk? Dating is fun, like going to a casino is fun. There are the flashy lights and expectation of getting more out of than what you put in. There is always risk involved and this is part of the allure.

I just wanted to put that out there because most people when making decisions are bias to see only the positives and reject the possibility of negatives. That being said, finding a partner you are compatible with would be most likely by meeting while doing something you are both passionate about. I’m not single, but if I was, since fitness is important to me, I would join a gym (even though I have enough equipment in my home). If I enjoyed playing cards, there are groups that meet at churches weekly. If I enjoyed animals, I would get a dog and bring them to dog parks where many dog owners meet and socialize. Church is great but you need to participate in the social events, and small groups where there is more interaction. No matter what the venue, if you want to attract a mate, then be attractive. Learn how to flirt. Laugh at their jokes, make them feel more interesting than they are. Often we are not attracted as much to special people, as we are attracted to people who make us feel special. Remembering someone’s birthday, noticing slight changes in their appearance, and letting them talk about themselves, attentive to every word, smiling through their anecdotes and asking questions on stuff they just said (like you are really curious) are all good ways. Never forget, everybody loves a cheerleader! Men don’t want a strong woman, they want a woman who makes them feel strong. Learn how to be diplomatic, challenge without offending. I’m sure ego is a huge issue for all men also reentering the dating arena. They may be shy so if you are interested you may not want to wait for them to make the first move. Be blessed.

Hello everybody,

Ok here goes, I'm trusting in y'all now. 😀

Roughly 2 yrs ago I joined this group. Mainly looking for fellowship. It had been several years since my divorce and I was missing fellowship and conversation. I was a member of a very LARGE church and that was a bit overwhelming. And I just went into retirement. Anyway was considering dating at the time. After 15 yrs of marriage it to seemed overwhelming. I chose to travel instead. Mainly places that had limited internet.

I have revisited the idea of dating. Now that I don't have to work, and where I live is a small town. How on earth do you get out there. I have visited a few churches here. All pretty small and none have a singles group.
(Oh, I moved to be by my grandmother. She is getting up in age) new town for me.

Have any of you done the online dating? What where your experiences?

See I don't have alot of experience dating. I was engaged once. We met at the store. And my ex well I was set up with him on a date I knew nothing about by a family member, friend, and boss. I haven't been on a date since 1999. oh man I feel like a dinosaur 😬.

I am open to any suggestions and advice.

Ive tried many online dating sites through the years..seemed the sites that were free were more "hook ups"..some of the christian ones were "judgemental" (go figure right?) but yes..society has changed even in the christian realm...gotta say 5 of my friends met and married people they met online. I dont take any profile at face value..too many scammers. I just saw the sites as INTRODUCTORY purposes..thats it..met some bad guys..good guys and a lot of "almosts"..but God can use any means to bring somone into your life. I grew up in a small town and know the dating struggles as well and most of the churches i went to had little or no singles group..as another user posted..get involved with things YOU like to do and you might meet someone that way. Im in the same boat with you sister..but get this..my ex and i met online..but he also cheated on me with another that he met online..go figure..anyway..be careful..use your smarts and youll do fine with whatever you choose..however..your dog? Well..he can be a little intimidating..lol. You have a lot to offer someone and it seems your healthy emotionally physically and spiritually (btw..i have never met a single man in church either ) Wish i could be more help..let us know what you decide and thanks for your candor!

I have looked at a few of the dating sites today. All the question, well it makes me feel like I'm trying to sell myself. And going shopping at the same time.

I have fun in here. Y'all make me laugh, pull at my heart string, and just brighten my day. I may not find my future mate in here. But I'm making some wonderful friends. That's better than going shopping any day!!

"My momma told me
You'd better shop around
Oh yeah you'd better shop around"

Welp, I checked out 2 of the apps y'all was talking about in another thread. One "Hitch" I think it was called. Figured it would be a safe bet being it was suppose to go off friends of friends to my FB account. It went no where fast. And did not comply with my boundaries.

The Second one I tried was "POF" talk about being bombarded, with inappropriate, unsolicited, flirts and messages. I had to wait 24hrs to delete account. Again did not even come close to my listings.

Welp, won't do that again. But I made a new great friend that I talked on the phone with for 4 hrs last night. We was talking about our kids and the Lord. Probably could have talked all night. I needed that, was getting a bit discouraged. And yes we met through a FB Christian group. It is so edifying, when I find good fellowship. Especially when they're close to my age. That has been the discouragement. Seems my generation has strayed far from the Lord.