How to get back in dating world and find a good Christian?

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Carebear8

New member
#1
Jul 8, 2018
21
5
3
#1
I have been working on my marriage for years and feel very unsure that we're going to make it.
We have been dealing with his infidelity from the past. And I believe that if he'd had God in his life this never would have happened. If I may need to date in the future where are good places to find a Christian man that would never hurt me? And I haven't dated in a LONG time. so I don't even know where to begin.
Any dating knowledge is welcome!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
If you're still married you shouldn't even be thinking about dating yet. Not only is it inappropriate if you've dealt with infidelity on your spouses part you'll need time single to heal before dating again. It is extremely unwise to even be thinking about dating again while you're still working on your marriage.
The very fact that you are already that far ahead is proof that you aren't really giving your all to saving your marriage, in fact it sounds like you've given up and are just going through the motions. What's the point in pretending you still care?
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#3
#3
Sorry hun, but you really need time (at least a year) to process everything. And I mean a year AFTER the divorce is finalized. You are a mess right now and will be for a while after the divorce. I'm not trying to be mean...but that's just the way it is. Most people are a mess after a breakup...so a divorce is 10x stronger to deal with. Be single...work on your own issues. Focus on Jesus.

I noticed a red flag in your post...you asked where you could find a Christian man who would never hurt you. The only one that will never hurt you is God. Every human will eventually hurt you. We're sinners and that's inevitable. I'm not saying every guy will cheat...but I am saying every person will eventually hurt you. People make mistakes and sometimes we take things the wrong way.

Every marriage will have its problems. You just gotta find a man that will be willing to work on those problems with you.
If your husband hadn't cheated, then I would tell you to try to work on your marriage. But since he is a cheater, I say you need to do what you feel is right for you regarding your marriage. I'm not saying you need to leave him...but if he's cheating over and over again, then you might consider getting that divorce. God bless, Sis!
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#4
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#4
Carebear8 said:
I have been working on my marriage for years and feel very unsure that we're going to make it.
We have been dealing with his infidelity from the past. And I believe that if he'd had God in his life this never would have happened. If I may need to date in the future where are good places to find a Christian man that would never hurt me? And I haven't dated in a LONG time. so I don't even know where to begin.
Any dating knowledge is welcome!
Click to expand...
So the way I read it, any 'infidelity' was from a time ago, and you chose to remain married? Am I to assume this 'infidelity' was adultery? But you chose to remain.
If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, you have already condoned any reason to divorce. That has earthly legal ramifications, and spiritual ones.
The way I read your statement, your husband committed adultery, you chose to work it out, but after some time, you have decided you can't live with it.
That's on you now. It was on your husband, but now it's on you. I'm not going to tell you that you can't do something, that's on you, but if what you represented is true, as a Christian man myself, I could never date you. I wouldn't want to be an adulterer myself.
If your husband committed adultery, the time to divorce was then. By remaining with him, you condoned it, you forgave it. When you forgive someone, it's done, over, as if it never happened.
So I don't have my bible in front of me right now, but look at Matthew ch 5 and 19. Mark ch 10. 1st Corinthians ch 7.
In those you will read what Jesus said about divorce and remarriage, what God gave to Paul about the status of the married.
Now I don't mean to be a picky legalistic guy, but don't put a Christian man in a position of doing something he shouldn't.
Now, if you mis-wrote about your situation in your original post, let me know I just wasted 5 minutes writing this. I'm very concerned about marriage, western society is at stake.
 
Jewel5712

Jewel5712

Well-known member
#5
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,275
113
#5
Carebear8 said:
I have been working on my marriage for years and feel very unsure that we're going to make it.
We have been dealing with his infidelity from the past. And I believe that if he'd had God in his life this never would have happened. If I may need to date in the future where are good places to find a Christian man that would never hurt me? And I haven't dated in a LONG time. so I don't even know where to begin.
Any dating knowledge is welcome!
Click to expand...
Christian marriage fail at the same rate as secular marriages unfortunately and theres no such thing as "a christian man that will never hurt you"..peoplr are people..hurt is inevitable..its just how we react to it that shows our "fruits" Best advice to give you..since ivr been in your shoes..DO NOT DATE UNTIL YOURE COMPLETELY HEALED FROM YOUR MARRIAGE IF IT ENDS..many people jump into a "rrbound" relationship that might give you the affirmation and things your marriage didnt have..wont last..i pray your marriage is reconcile because even after someone had cheated God can steal heal a marriage and change peoples hearts..it might not be easy but God can do great things with a willing heart..
 
Jewel5712

Jewel5712

Well-known member
#6
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,275
113
#6
Tommy379 said:
So the way I read it, any 'infidelity' was from a time ago, and you chose to remain married? Am I to assume this 'infidelity' was adultery? But you chose to remain.
If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, you have already condoned any reason to divorce. That has earthly legal ramifications, and spiritual ones.
The way I read your statement, your husband committed adultery, you chose to work it out, but after some time, you have decided you can't live with it.
That's on you now. It was on your husband, but now it's on you. I'm not going to tell you that you can't do something, that's on you, but if what you represented is true, as a Christian man myself, I could never date you. I wouldn't want to be an adulterer myself.
If your husband committed adultery, the time to divorce was then. By remaining with him, you condoned it, you forgave it. When you forgive someone, it's done, over, as if it never happened.
So I don't have my bible in front of me right now, but look at Matthew ch 5 and 19. Mark ch 10. 1st Corinthians ch 7.
In those you will read what Jesus said about divorce and remarriage, what God gave to Paul about the status of the married.
Now I don't mean to be a picky legalistic guy, but don't put a Christian man in a position of doing something he shouldn't.
Now, if you mis-wrote about your situation in your original post, let me know I just wasted 5 minutes writing this. I'm very concerned about marriage, western society is at stake.
Click to expand...
Good one Tommy..impressive ;)
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#9
Jan 15, 2011
6,070
3,461
113
#9
Jewel5712 said:
Christian marriage fail at the same rate as secular marriages unfortunately and theres no such thing as "a christian man that will never hurt you"
Click to expand...
The polls that routinely come out with those numbers are among those who "claim" Christianity. Tons of persons "claim" Christianity as a religious affiliation because they were raised in a Christian family, because they were raised in America, or just as a default because they aren't atheist. When the numbers are recalculated to look only at those persons who claim Christianity that are regularly active in their local congregation those numbers drop phenomenally.

Jewel5712 said:
..peoplr are people..hurt is inevitable..its just how we react to it that shows our "fruits" Best advice to give you..since ivr been in your shoes..DO NOT DATE UNTIL YOURE COMPLETELY HEALED FROM YOUR MARRIAGE IF IT ENDS..many people jump into a "rrbound" relationship that might give you the affirmation and things your marriage didnt have..wont last..
Click to expand...
This seems to be a recurring (rightfully so) piece of advice. Most mental health professionals recommend not even entertaining the idea of dating for a minimum of one year after a death or divorce. Some recommend even longer depending on the length of the marriage.

Jewel5712 said:
i pray your marriage is reconcile because even after someone had cheated God can steal heal a marriage and change peoples hearts..it might not be easy but God can do great things with a willing heart..
Click to expand...

God can heal any broken marriage (with time) if both parties are willing. I have seen marriages that humanly speaking were beyond repair miraculously restored.
 
Faith-n-Christ

Faith-n-Christ

Senior Member
#10
May 12, 2016
443
365
63
#10
Carebear8 said:
I have been working on my marriage for years and feel very unsure that we're going to make it.
We have been dealing with his infidelity from the past. And I believe that if he'd had God in his life this never would have happened. If I may need to date in the future where are good places to find a Christian man that would never hurt me? And I haven't dated in a LONG time. so I don't even know where to begin.
Any dating knowledge is welcome!
Click to expand...
You really really need to give your self time to heal. I know from personal experience, like I am sure many here who are trying to counsel you. It is painful what you are going through. Give yourself time. Seek the Lord, he will comfort you. You will get through this, it just takes time and directed healing.
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#11
May 17, 2015
2,942
1,617
113
48
#11
Tommy379 said:
So the way I read it, any 'infidelity' was from a time ago, and you chose to remain married? Am I to assume this 'infidelity' was adultery? But you chose to remain.
If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, you have already condoned any reason to divorce. That has earthly legal ramifications, and spiritual ones.
The way I read your statement, your husband committed adultery, you chose to work it out, but after some time, you have decided you can't live with it.
That's on you now. It was on your husband, but now it's on you. I'm not going to tell you that you can't do something, that's on you, but if what you represented is true, as a Christian man myself, I could never date you. I wouldn't want to be an adulterer myself.
If your husband committed adultery, the time to divorce was then. By remaining with him, you condoned it, you forgave it. When you forgive someone, it's done, over, as if it never happened.
So I don't have my bible in front of me right now, but look at Matthew ch 5 and 19. Mark ch 10. 1st Corinthians ch 7.
In those you will read what Jesus said about divorce and remarriage, what God gave to Paul about the status of the married.
Now I don't mean to be a picky legalistic guy, but don't put a Christian man in a position of doing something he shouldn't.
Now, if you mis-wrote about your situation in your original post, let me know I just wasted 5 minutes writing this. I'm very concerned about marriage, western society is at stake.
Click to expand...
Well said!!
 
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