When you never get passed the judgmental first impression.

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J

JohnTalmid

Senior Member
#21
Mar 17, 2017
516
44
28
#21
Most people don't take the time to get to know you. It's the 2 or 3 people in your heart that keep you in theirs that matter most of the time.
Remember Solomon said he only found 2 in a thousand men who were friends. He never found a woman who made his list. I believe he would have if he was a woman looking for woman friends, (he wasn't).
The hardest part of meeting new people is all the times I have been hurt by ignorance and accusations of the hurt. Remember that innocent to see what a person really is, we must first know who we are and accept it.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#22
Aug 13, 2014
27,253
9,305
113
#22
Oncefallen said:
Not every preference = prejudice.
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But every preference can be claimed as prejudice by people who found out they were not the preference, or by anybody standing around observing for that matter.
 
Faith-n-Christ

Faith-n-Christ

Senior Member
#23
May 12, 2016
443
365
63
#23
toinena said:
What people see when they see me is a wheelchair and a dog.

That cuts off 99% of all men. If they do stay around for politeness sake, my chair has plenty of electronic features and buttons that always seems to fascinate boys of all ages.

If they stay longer they notice I working and studying. That scares off 0.8%. I don't need a provider.

That leaves 0.2%. 0.15 gets appalled by the fact I was married. No matter if the person was a violent drunkard that divorced me after making another woman.

That leaves me with 0.05 % chance tops of being found by a man that sees me for who I am.

How do you get passed the doom and gloom of the first impression?
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I am sorry for your struggles. I know two people in my life who where/ are wheeler chair bond.
My stepfather who passed in 2013 and a dear friend. My friend wrote a book (2) about his journey and his wife and the Lord. I think you may find encouragement from them. Dave amazes me in all he can do. Hugs smiles and prayers my friend.

http://www.pinedaleonline.com/news/2012/06/BookTalkSigningwithl.htm
 
M

Miri

Guest
#24
#24
toinena said:
True. But preference can reflect predjudice.
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I think the correct term is unconscious bias. Or something like that.
Ps wheelchairs don’t bother me, but I know from other people’s reactions
(Both men and women), that many people don’t know what to say or how to
be around a person in a wheelchair.
 
S

Sweetmorningdew78

Guest
#25
#25
I choose to be me :) I choose to be positive and ignore them :) Because whatever you do nice or everything nice some judgemental people will always gonna have something to say against you 😂

These people are happy to see people dragging their feet...these people are happy tearing people down....don't let them drag or tear you down the best revenge is put a smile on your pretty/handsome face and Love them more because maybe these people went through a lot in their lives to make them that way....
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#26
Mar 13, 2014
42,571
17,039
113
69
Tennessee
#26
Miri said:
My first hurdle is my skin colour.
I’m mixed race, mum was British and white, don’t know who dad was
but he gave me a nice sun tan.

Most white people want a white person.
Asians want an Asian person.
Africans want an African person etc etc.

Add to that I’m now 50 but look 30. Sometimes I get chatted up by the 30s
but I’m old enough to be their mother. I never get chatted up by the
50s as most are married, or think I’m 30, or looking for their own race.
(I’ve noticed younger people are getting more accommodating in that
respect but not the older generation).

Never been married, no kids, no pets, no baggage, don’t smoke - makes no difference
people don’t look past the skin colour.
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It is true that you look closer to 30 than you do to 50. I really can't understand how it is that you're still single. The guys that passed you by missed out in the opportunity of a lifetime. In my opinion you are very attractive, have a good heart, sensible, interesting, and amusing and romantically inclined. You would be quite the catch. There is certainly nothing wrong with the color of your skin.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#27
#27
tourist said:
It is true that you look closer to 30 than you do to 50. I really can't understand how it is that you're still single. The guys that passed you by missed out in the opportunity of a lifetime. In my opinion you are very attractive, have a good heart, sensible, interesting, and amusing and romantically inclined. You would be quite the catch. There is certainly nothing wrong with the color of your skin.
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Awww, bless ya. ♥️
 
calibob

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
#28
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,516
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#28
Miri said:
I think the correct term is unconscious bias. Or something like that

The truth is I may never get to the first impression. I can't afford to go on a date, Don't have a phone or a car. All of my clothes are old.
I bought myself a haircut for my birthday 3 mos ago, first in 2 years. I quit trying years ago. If a woman would go out with me, I'd either feel sorry for her or think something was wrong with her. Now I'm a recluse. I sit and do this all day because I'd rather do this than be burden on someone who'd make the error of falling for me!

I'm about as shy as a Labrador [dog that is] but don't feel worthy of affection.
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T

theanointedsinner

Guest
#29
#29
the moment I read the thread title, I'd be like "that's impossible" because there's such a thing as "second impression", "third impression" and so forth

unless if that first impression somehow resonate so blatantly that it stains like blemish, lasting down to countless amount of impressions later.

Is there a blemish that God can't remove? the Bible says "no" God can cleanse us of all unrighteousness
 
T

theanointedsinner

Guest
#30
#30
toinena said:
What people see when they see me is a wheelchair and a dog.

That cuts off 99% of all men. If they do stay around for politeness sake, my chair has plenty of electronic features and buttons that always seems to fascinate boys of all ages.

If they stay longer they notice I working and studying. That scares off 0.8%. I don't need a provider.

That leaves 0.2%. 0.15 gets appalled by the fact I was married. No matter if the person was a violent drunkard that divorced me after making another woman.

That leaves me with 0.05 % chance tops of being found by a man that sees me for who I am.

How do you get passed the doom and gloom of the first impression?
Click to expand...
this might risk taking the Bible out of context however,

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7:13-14)
 
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