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So you did not choose to say yes to jesus when he offered you his gift? then how did you recieve it? or am I misunderstanding you?
i am not speaking of belief IN Jesus as my lord and savior <- came long after
my belief OF Jesus being exactly who He says... maybe 3 years later
but i also did not have assurance at first
so for that time i believed Jesus is God in the flesh
i believed He died on the cross that who-so-ever believes IN Him is saved
but being tied to sinless perfection
i did not believe i was saved for years
also
when i was blessed with assurance in Him
it came from much prayer <- choice
and study <- choice
and breaking down of false beliefs <- product OF the first two -> from God providing truth
when i believed IN Jesus as my Lord and savior
its not because i asked that i believed His promises
its because i HEARD His promises and BELIEVED them so i asked