I'm not new to Jesus or the chat room but I am new to the forum so I figured I'd post here.
I am currently unable to connect to the chat app, has been that way for some time. I haven't been a model citizen in there several times. However I'm always allowed back in, this time not so much.
So anyways I'm just going to ramble and though I doubt many will read all of this, it's kind of what I need to do.
So I met Jesus 13-14 years ago in a dark hotel room in ohio (I live in colorado) and I hadn't left my parent's basement in 2 years. My "best friend" who had put me in this position years before had recently conned a place to stay and left an xbox, smoked pot with me, and darted out the door with a good chunk of what little money I had. This wasn't before I sat on my parent's porch drunk af crying to him saying the only reason I hadn't killed myself was because I didn't think my sister could deal with it. A short while after that my Christian neighbors left a home cooked meal with my parent's with the explicit instructions that it was for me. Fast forward so many month's and I was in a dark room smoking a cigarette with a hidden presence in the room. At some point I opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out the bible, it immediately spoke to me which I followed with a passion. I still have my doubts whether this was a spiritual moment or just wishful crazy thinking. Either way it guided the next decade and a half of my life. I spent the next two years reading the bible to no end, praying to Jesus (speezus) and communing with angels. After the second 2 years I managed to leave my parent's basement, I found my father eager to help me and I also got a job at a Petco. Those second two years were spent learning about Jesus and his angels, one of which was next to me since the day I was born and didn't leave me for a second. The idea that a small part of Jesus had been with me through ALL of that really moved me. On top of it all was his promise of a better life. Once I realized that he was suffering next to me even when I didn't understand his name, I couldn't help but put myself second and pray "lord please bring me to someone hurting like I am, with you next to them, and let me heal them as you have healed me". Even though I was in NO way healed I said this prayer virtually every night. Before I could step out into the real world I got my practice in christian chat rooms, I would sit by the side and wait for that tell tale sign of someone truly hurting, in a way no one could understand. I would commune with these people through PM and at times through IM after they were banned. Several of them I spoke with for years, some of it before leaving the basement, some of it after. All of it intense. Anyways not long after stepping foot in the real world I was a cashier talking to a co-worker when a certain middle aged woman came in the door's who was apparently a regular. My co-worker said oh my god, her, don't talk to her she will never shut up. When it came time to check out, she let me know that she was looking to get a computer and gave me her number. I had spent those 4 years building breaking and rebuilding my computer so this was familiar territory. For some reason I didn't immediately contact her but after a month or two she came back in and told me she had bought a used computer but it didn't work. I took vantage and began communication with her. Turn's out the hard drive was completely corrupt and needed a complete reinstall. I visited her at the apartment she was living in at the time, and reluctantly started a regiment of regular interactions. At first it was fixing her computer, then giving lessons, then getting something to eat and at some point I taught a computer course at her group, the center for people with disabilities. That's where I met Joe, the first time I saw him I thought "is he blind?" then I realized yes he is blind. And again he had a laptop that was completely function less. I invited him to my parent's and we sat for 8+ hours in the basement while his outdated laptop crunched away for an OS reinstall. Turned out he was new to the state and living in his sisters basement with his mom and not even a bed to sleep on, just the concrete floor. Fast forward to today and he is living in my old house, rented from my father at 2/3 the going rate IE: what his apartment rent was before they raised the rate, and I have introduced him to a full life full of daily activities and a few social circles. I'm not really sure what my point is here........ I've just been rambling. At any rate even if I wasn't communing with angel's and Jesus, my prayers were answered. I might be crazy but the outcome of all of that illness and long-suffering is many souls tended to and several lives improved.
Today I'm tired, all in it's been 18+ years since I went astray and I still don't have the hang of it all. The original woman I met, Susan, is probably just as lonely as when I met her and I'm working on giving up on the one deep wish I had when this all started, to find a wife. I don't see merit in having someone in my life, esp when I look at the hardship of those closest to me. I haven't fixed everything in my life that needs fixing and basically all my life consist's of is work, sleep, computer time and that's it. I can't muster the strength to clean around here and who want's to enter a messy house? So many vice's I have spent decades eradicating yet they still haven't left completely. At this point I'm thinking I might just play it safe and ride it out to see what the next world holds. Maybe I'll get a wife in the next life who was never in this world.
uncorroborated random thought, the bible doesn't say that adam and eve didn't have children before being cast out
favorite passage paraphrased: Lord: for when did we feed and clothe you? For when you fed and clothed the least of these, you did the same to me.
God bless, Amen
I am currently unable to connect to the chat app, has been that way for some time. I haven't been a model citizen in there several times. However I'm always allowed back in, this time not so much.
So anyways I'm just going to ramble and though I doubt many will read all of this, it's kind of what I need to do.
So I met Jesus 13-14 years ago in a dark hotel room in ohio (I live in colorado) and I hadn't left my parent's basement in 2 years. My "best friend" who had put me in this position years before had recently conned a place to stay and left an xbox, smoked pot with me, and darted out the door with a good chunk of what little money I had. This wasn't before I sat on my parent's porch drunk af crying to him saying the only reason I hadn't killed myself was because I didn't think my sister could deal with it. A short while after that my Christian neighbors left a home cooked meal with my parent's with the explicit instructions that it was for me. Fast forward so many month's and I was in a dark room smoking a cigarette with a hidden presence in the room. At some point I opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out the bible, it immediately spoke to me which I followed with a passion. I still have my doubts whether this was a spiritual moment or just wishful crazy thinking. Either way it guided the next decade and a half of my life. I spent the next two years reading the bible to no end, praying to Jesus (speezus) and communing with angels. After the second 2 years I managed to leave my parent's basement, I found my father eager to help me and I also got a job at a Petco. Those second two years were spent learning about Jesus and his angels, one of which was next to me since the day I was born and didn't leave me for a second. The idea that a small part of Jesus had been with me through ALL of that really moved me. On top of it all was his promise of a better life. Once I realized that he was suffering next to me even when I didn't understand his name, I couldn't help but put myself second and pray "lord please bring me to someone hurting like I am, with you next to them, and let me heal them as you have healed me". Even though I was in NO way healed I said this prayer virtually every night. Before I could step out into the real world I got my practice in christian chat rooms, I would sit by the side and wait for that tell tale sign of someone truly hurting, in a way no one could understand. I would commune with these people through PM and at times through IM after they were banned. Several of them I spoke with for years, some of it before leaving the basement, some of it after. All of it intense. Anyways not long after stepping foot in the real world I was a cashier talking to a co-worker when a certain middle aged woman came in the door's who was apparently a regular. My co-worker said oh my god, her, don't talk to her she will never shut up. When it came time to check out, she let me know that she was looking to get a computer and gave me her number. I had spent those 4 years building breaking and rebuilding my computer so this was familiar territory. For some reason I didn't immediately contact her but after a month or two she came back in and told me she had bought a used computer but it didn't work. I took vantage and began communication with her. Turn's out the hard drive was completely corrupt and needed a complete reinstall. I visited her at the apartment she was living in at the time, and reluctantly started a regiment of regular interactions. At first it was fixing her computer, then giving lessons, then getting something to eat and at some point I taught a computer course at her group, the center for people with disabilities. That's where I met Joe, the first time I saw him I thought "is he blind?" then I realized yes he is blind. And again he had a laptop that was completely function less. I invited him to my parent's and we sat for 8+ hours in the basement while his outdated laptop crunched away for an OS reinstall. Turned out he was new to the state and living in his sisters basement with his mom and not even a bed to sleep on, just the concrete floor. Fast forward to today and he is living in my old house, rented from my father at 2/3 the going rate IE: what his apartment rent was before they raised the rate, and I have introduced him to a full life full of daily activities and a few social circles. I'm not really sure what my point is here........ I've just been rambling. At any rate even if I wasn't communing with angel's and Jesus, my prayers were answered. I might be crazy but the outcome of all of that illness and long-suffering is many souls tended to and several lives improved.
Today I'm tired, all in it's been 18+ years since I went astray and I still don't have the hang of it all. The original woman I met, Susan, is probably just as lonely as when I met her and I'm working on giving up on the one deep wish I had when this all started, to find a wife. I don't see merit in having someone in my life, esp when I look at the hardship of those closest to me. I haven't fixed everything in my life that needs fixing and basically all my life consist's of is work, sleep, computer time and that's it. I can't muster the strength to clean around here and who want's to enter a messy house? So many vice's I have spent decades eradicating yet they still haven't left completely. At this point I'm thinking I might just play it safe and ride it out to see what the next world holds. Maybe I'll get a wife in the next life who was never in this world.
uncorroborated random thought, the bible doesn't say that adam and eve didn't have children before being cast out
favorite passage paraphrased: Lord: for when did we feed and clothe you? For when you fed and clothed the least of these, you did the same to me.
God bless, Amen
-
2
-
1
- Show all
