Why must it be a Virgin?

I really hope you are joking. Marital sex is sacred, not defiling. It's a natural part of expressing love with your spouse and should never be withheld or demanded. The Song of Solomon in the original Hebrew is beautifully descriptive about the sensual love between a married couple.

Thanks, Rachel. I didn't word it so well but you put forth my exact thoughts regarding the situation in this thread. Thanks again, mate.

I think there's (maybe) confusion between "salvation" and "reward" when talking about whether virginity matters or not (to God?), or whether it should matter to the rest of us.

To be clear, *No one* deserves or merits salvation...that's a given; that's like Christianity 101 (and I think we're all in agreement with that). And when one is saved from the old life, all things are indeed made new...but talking about "keeping one's virginity" is in the category of the "reward".

Christ even gives several parables about the rewards he's got waiting for some...the reward isn't "salvation" because no one can earn that.

Now you can interpret the following passage as literal or metaphoric (I happen to believe it's metaphoric), but in Revelation there are 144,000 *virgins* who are "set apart" from the multitudes and multitudes of believers who are saved. In other words, there are all of those who finished the race; made it past the finish line, and then there are the few - by comparison - who get to stand on the podium (which is only fair, right?). They're so special that they receive their *own* mentioning in the book. So it's not arrogance (or at least, I don't think it should be taken that way). It's deserving. They are even called the "firstfruits", a label that was exclusively Christ's.

Revelation 14:3-4
Again I believe the passages is metaphoric. I don't think it's talking about "literal" virgins, else it would include women...but then again, the biblical meaning of virgin is "sexually undefiled" and a woman & man who enter into holy matrimony are (a) one person under the man and (b) STILL considered "undefiled" (i.e. virgins) because they did everything correctly, so the passage could actually be literal. Regardless, the connotation is that *purity* is "set-apart" (kodesh) in God's eyes and is something to be honored and applauded by the rest of believers.

So I think it matters to God...and should matter to believers.

...Ouch... I actually happen to be one who made the stupid decision of losing my virginity at 17 to a girl I was madly in love with. Turned out though she didn't love me... So does this mean I'm unreliable and unfit to be a partner? Now I certainly don't feel like I could be with someone... I'm not dissin' ya, I mean you're right. No one deserves to be with someone like me who through something precious away like that while they saved themselves. I just... Wow, this really hurt me. I'm actually crying a little... Idk, it's not you, I'm just super sensitive about this I guess... I'm sorry...

If I saw you as the enemy, I'd be seeing myself as the enemy, provided we aren't going by the definition found in Matthew. My thoughts went deeper as to whether or not I have the right to use a woman's techincal or non techincal virginity status as a potential hang up, because of what's in Matthew.

This entire discussion has brought Matthew to the foreground of my mind and I really do wonder right now exactly where I am biblically on this. I have a photographic memory and wish I could find the brain bleach sometimes, we'll leave it at that on open forum. It just seems weird if the person who committed the mechanical act really has memories that are that different from mine sans physical contact.

Plus if I was casting the first stone, I'd hit myself, not you. I throw like a chick.

It's not wrong to hope for it. It's a deeply spiritual act that is only intended to be between one man and one woman. Changing that dynamic really can change things quite a bit.

Honestly, it isn't people who have done what you did that worry me. It's those that constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY sleep around with different people and then want to marry. Those ones worry me. I'm not saying anything negative about them, but those that treat sex so casually are a major red flag.

I think that those of us that have been protected and able to still say that we're virgins can forget the pain that those that aren't can feel. I have tried to be sensitive to the feelings of others, even though I can't truly fathom the depths of their pain. God has called me to radical purity and He has told me that I need to joyfully encourage others at whatever level of purity they strive for, starting at saving themselves for their spouse, even if they've already had sex in their life and are just making a new commitment to chastity and purity.

God has plans for all of us, beautiful plans, and though we've made choices in our pasts that weren't part of those plans, God knows what we've done and He still has plans for us, still values us, and still desires to bless us. Be encouraged. Sometimes we sound a great deal harsher than we realize because we forget that others are carrying burdens in areas we ourselves do not have any weight.

...Thank you... I've just been feeling real down lately anyway. It's just, the disgusting tainted feeling... It's just sometimes too painful to bear... I'm sorry. I'm just more sensitive about it then others... Thank you...

We all have something in our lives that we feel like we can never be cleansed of, but rest in the truth that Jesus' blood has washed you white as snow and that you are justified, which translates to "just as if I'd never sinned at all". Grace isn't a license to sin, but it is a comfort to know that we are covered in Christ, purified, refined, and new creations, set free from guilt and shame. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

Stop saying that!!!!!!


Now this is the truth. And you should listen.

I have more authority than most people on this singles forum as I am married and have experienced what TRUE love is!
You might ask why i'm posting on a single forum, and that is to encourage someone like you

I can GUARANTEE that when you fall in love you WONT care about your partners sexual past. And I mean true love. You have yet to experience what true love is my friend , you have experienced infatuation, the time will come for you to have that special feeling. This true love is not like the love you have for Christ, or the love you have for your family, this is a different kind of love that is reserved for one special person. Let me put it into words:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


I'm sorry but no offence to the other people in the forum that says " I would not love someone who has had a huge sexual history" that shows how naive most of you are as to what true love is.

I mean when you meet a guy that you ?love?? that is godly, wouldyou judge their past even though he is repenting?

If the person has asked Christ for forgiveness, then what gives you the right to judge that person for a sin that Christ has forgiven? Should Christ not forgive you your sins?

If a person is judging you for your sexual past that Christ has forgiven then they are NOT KIND, they are BOASTFUL and PROUD of their virginity, they KEEP RECORDS OF WRONGS and are not PROTECTING you. They don't love you, so why would you marry that person?

Instead you should find a godly wife that is everything in that corinthians verse. I can guarantee that I didn't care for my husbands sexual history because I love him!

Christianity is about forgiveness...would you let that get in the way of experiencing true love?

It's what God wants and is moral. However I don't judge people. Most people think sex is cool and that virgins but they aren't nice people then. I'm hoping to still be a virgin when I marry, it's important to me.

I'd also like to say. The love you have for Christ is unimaginable to an atheist.When you explain that love to an atheist would they understand? probably not, they have to experience it for themselves, until that day comes they would remain clueless.

So why ask if your sexual history is a barrier for true love on a singles forum? Maybe you should post this question on a married christian forum, and i'm pretty sure the responses would be different.

For me there is a difference between being a virgin, a non-virgin and sexually active.. a virgin, someone neither sexually active or has had sex, a non-virgin, someone who has had sex of any form, oral or otherwise, BUT has turned from their sin and repented to God, and someone sexually active, someone who takes part in sexual activities regularly. This is what i look for.. i dont care if you used to have sex or if you have never had sex.. but what I want is a woman who loves God and who has a truly repentant heart, cause in terms of sin, sin is sin... in terms of christian pride, what is a virginity? its purity... BUT WE ARE ALL FILTHY IN SIN, so just cause she is a virgin, she may be a compulsive liar, a thief, a murderer.... but cause she is a virgin, christian men hound her for her "purity"....

My point to you witness is, if your not a virgin, repent and remain sexually inactive, that includes masturbation and oral, not just what we think of as sex.. and live your life to seek God, live every day in love with Him and know that nothing you can do makes you useless goods cause God never made any mistakes, God knew you would sleep with her before you did, and He made provisions in Christ that you could be forgiven God loves you not for your perfect track record... but cause He looks you at you through His perfect grace and mercy and sees you stainless, pure and holy your sin list has been dealt with, dont mean you can go and sin again and again and say hey ho what does it matter lol... but it means we can stand back up when we do fall

Posts that say 'I AM SPEAKING AND I AM RIGHT. I KNOW MORE THAN YOU ALL SO ACCEPT WHAT I TELL YOU!' do more to irritate me than teach me. Especially when mixed with enlarged lettering and multiple colors and sizes. It doesn't make your point clearer, it just is annoying and i lose respect for people that think they are the ultimate authority and that have to use blasting gimmicks to get attention. I typically don't read such posts.

It seems the virgins in this thread are misconstruing what's being said and taking offense to everything. This thread has degraded into misunderstandings, defensiveness and know-it-alls flapping their gums. Have fun, i won't be back in this thread.

I don't know if we're misconstruing what's being said or the tone of some here is accusatory. It's probably a bit of each. I'm not the sort to be easily riled.

No offense intended, Witness. I specifically had such individuals in mind when I wrote my post. If you read it carefully you will see that I concluded that those who willfully gave up their virginity are not necessarily the same people as they once were but that they will need to deal with their past sins in the future because they have not proven themselves. I never actually make any solid claims about them, because each person is different. When I do make a claim I always qualify it with potentially or were or may. The only solid claim I make in my post is that of the consequences of their past sins. They will live with them as you are no doubt living with yours. There is always potential that a non-virgin has learned from past mistakes. But reality has taught me that the likelihood of that is very small. And I would not condone a virgin giving away their purity or risking an equally happy life with another virgin because a person seems as if they've changed. People can change, but they often learn slowly. And inevitably travel down familiar roads. If you love God and want to follow him you need to be willing to sacrifice your very health, life, sanity and future to do so. Otherwise Satan will find a way to win you back. When God is dearer to you than your life, nothing will separate you from him. And with God you're in good hands.

There's bound to be a better way to go about what you're trying to do here. Like...not setting yourself up on a pedestal and bellowing at these poor, lost single people about how they don't understand what love is. I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt here, seeing as you're fairly new- maybe you haven't had time to get to know anyone that frequents this forum? But, since I've been hanging around here, many of the people in here have actually taught ME a thing or two about true love, and whoa, I'm married...shouldn't it be the other way around, me schooling them?

No.

Just because a person is single doesn't mean they need to be whacked upside the head with a lesson about "true love". Seriously...the people I've interacted with in here already know what true love is or what it looks like. And the ones who might not know, or might not recognize it, are highly unlikely to put much stock in a sermon from a self-proclaimed "authority" on the subject.

Getting back on topic...
I don't think it's anyone's business if you're looking for a virgin specifically, or if a person's sexual history doesn't bother you...that's your own private preference. I would just say, in general, remember that you too (whoever "you" are) have some kind of history, some kind of imperfection...and be forgiving and accepting in the same manner you hope your future spouse will be forgiving and accepting of you.

...and I can totally say that because I'm married...

I am not married and I have experienced what true love is, for isn't the love of Christ the truest and the purest of all loves? Married or not, to experience true love, one must know Christ.

It's like vegetarians. (But not exactly. Just bear with me.) The ones who constantly make a big huge deal about how they would never, ever eat an animal, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!!!!!! are the ones who make the most noise, and therefore, that's the type of person people think about when they think of vegetarians. But there are others who don't think this makes them anything special, it's just how they are. They never mention it, really. The thing is, most people don't even know that they're vegetarians.

I've noticed some people who never miss an opportunity to let everyone within earshot know that they are virgins. That's the type of person that people tend to think of when they think of virgins, because they're so dang vocal about it. Well, why do most people even need to know whether someone is a virgin or not? They don't. And so, virgins tend to get a bad reputation for being prideful or having an "I deserve this!" attitude, just because the humble ones are incognito.

I'm not accusing anyone here of being prideful or anything like that, just explaining why a lot of people seem to see virgins as prideful.

Pop. So, you're saying it's bad form for a person to go the top of a mountain with their loudspeaker and yell to the valley below, "Hey, everyone! Look at me! I'm a virgin!" ? And the bears and the deer would be like, "Whaaat?"