I almost wrecked my life during my horrible first marriage. I was young and foolish back in the day, and sex was a high priority for me. Of course, I later realized that you don't necessarily have to be married to have sex. I paid an extremely high price for raging hormones. I learned the hard way.
What's the story about dating?
- Thread starter AnOldLady
- Start date
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Dating is when you keep track of how long food has been in your refrigerator- this accomplishes several things; but mostly it's to keep your fridge clean, and your household healthy. Mostly people just use shrink wrap and a sharpie; but if you wanted to get fancy you could use a label maker- or even keep a detailed log on a magnetic clipboard.
I think men tend to value some level of organizational skills such as this in a woman; so, this will significantly add to your hunting prowess.
Well, I'm an old man and I'm clueless about dating. Haha! Always was.
I could give you the standard answers but that's just passing along info that I've received.
When I started this thread, I was thinking of my own life, true; but I'm also thinking about the younger people, wondering if they might be facing the same questions. People have added some good thoughts in these first 2 pages. I had supposed, like in most other things, that while each situation and individual is unique, there might be some general principles, and it was good to hear the perspectives.
It might have started with a random comment months back from an acquaintance who referenced a "date" as "dinner and a movie." I frankly liked the definition above better (about keeping track of refrigerated items)! It points to whether someone has the best interest of others in mind. I had wondered whether the tradition of dinner and a movie was a test of courtesy and provision. It would support the traditional view that men bring home the venison and know how to make it into dinner and it would provide an environment where both people could see how the other responds in social settings or while being served, like Lynx pointed out. It also would point to a person's basic temperament (are they adventurous and try the fancy food?), what their general likes are (or do they have dietary restrictions?), and even whether they are extravagant or frugal. All this data can be had for the price of dinner out. As to the "movie" part, I suppose it could trigger conversation about the movie and how the person pays attention and reacts to the plot, and one could find out if the other has the (either welcome or annoying) habit of talking during the movie.
I may have even asked the question realizing that although I may pass the dinner test, I might utterly fail the movie test.
Dinner: I have reasonable manners, simple tastes, a frugal approach, and can communicate what I prefer and request correction nicely when an error happens. I have had several family members who were servers, so those happy family thoughts motivate my communication with the servers as well as my tendency to tip their service generously. I feel confident that I can get through dinner without raising concern, as long as I don't spill the water, unless the other person insists that I be adventurous and try the crab soup. Nope, ain't happening, but I'll say it nicely.
Movies: It's hard to catch the story on the big screen. But once I catch it, I have to figure out what to do with it. I closely associate entertainment with learning. Without learning from the story, it would seem useless to waste time sitting there watching it. We believers are familiar with how we use the Bible stories to moralize, and this work nicely in sermons. It worked nicely for Jesus when He spoke in parables. It also seemed important when my kids and I would talk about movies after seeing them back in the olden days before I got so old. But many people find the same tendency to discuss the story in terms of godly choices, to show how those choices would have made for a better outcome, to be downright annoying. Granted, godly lives don't make for drama and intrigue in most cases, but the other person might think that entertainment is for relaxation, and analyzing takes effort.
I liked the comment that pointed out that we can only choose from the pool of people we know or know about. That is an advantage for the smaller-town people and those in certain church groups, to help funnel like-minded people into proximity, folks whose works are known, so it makes it easier to feel confident that the "talk" matches the "walk."
I may need help with putting the next question into something coherent that others can respond to. I'm curious what you look for and how you would set up a scenario where you could gather the data needed to ascertain compatibility, especially if community or church haven't produced any reasonable applicants for the job of Spouse. When I ask it that way, it sounds calculating, but in some ways, the calculating part is important, but I don't want to miss out on the human part. When I consider that what we write will be out here should younger people search, we might be providing wisdom in our common human experiences, and that seems a good thing.
(I haven't figured out how to partially quote from the thread, as you can see. Bear with me.)
It might have started with a random comment months back from an acquaintance who referenced a "date" as "dinner and a movie." I frankly liked the definition above better (about keeping track of refrigerated items)! It points to whether someone has the best interest of others in mind. I had wondered whether the tradition of dinner and a movie was a test of courtesy and provision. It would support the traditional view that men bring home the venison and know how to make it into dinner and it would provide an environment where both people could see how the other responds in social settings or while being served, like Lynx pointed out. It also would point to a person's basic temperament (are they adventurous and try the fancy food?), what their general likes are (or do they have dietary restrictions?), and even whether they are extravagant or frugal. All this data can be had for the price of dinner out. As to the "movie" part, I suppose it could trigger conversation about the movie and how the person pays attention and reacts to the plot, and one could find out if the other has the (either welcome or annoying) habit of talking during the movie.
I may have even asked the question realizing that although I may pass the dinner test, I might utterly fail the movie test.
Dinner: I have reasonable manners, simple tastes, a frugal approach, and can communicate what I prefer and request correction nicely when an error happens. I have had several family members who were servers, so those happy family thoughts motivate my communication with the servers as well as my tendency to tip their service generously. I feel confident that I can get through dinner without raising concern, as long as I don't spill the water, unless the other person insists that I be adventurous and try the crab soup. Nope, ain't happening, but I'll say it nicely.
Movies: It's hard to catch the story on the big screen. But once I catch it, I have to figure out what to do with it. I closely associate entertainment with learning. Without learning from the story, it would seem useless to waste time sitting there watching it. We believers are familiar with how we use the Bible stories to moralize, and this work nicely in sermons. It worked nicely for Jesus when He spoke in parables. It also seemed important when my kids and I would talk about movies after seeing them back in the olden days before I got so old. But many people find the same tendency to discuss the story in terms of godly choices, to show how those choices would have made for a better outcome, to be downright annoying. Granted, godly lives don't make for drama and intrigue in most cases, but the other person might think that entertainment is for relaxation, and analyzing takes effort.
I liked the comment that pointed out that we can only choose from the pool of people we know or know about. That is an advantage for the smaller-town people and those in certain church groups, to help funnel like-minded people into proximity, folks whose works are known, so it makes it easier to feel confident that the "talk" matches the "walk."
I may need help with putting the next question into something coherent that others can respond to. I'm curious what you look for and how you would set up a scenario where you could gather the data needed to ascertain compatibility, especially if community or church haven't produced any reasonable applicants for the job of Spouse. When I ask it that way, it sounds calculating, but in some ways, the calculating part is important, but I don't want to miss out on the human part. When I consider that what we write will be out here should younger people search, we might be providing wisdom in our common human experiences, and that seems a good thing.
(I haven't figured out how to partially quote from the thread, as you can see. Bear with me.)
Hey miss Lady, it's nice to have you here!
I have very little experience with dating, but I have come to realize how incredibly important friendship is to a relationship.
It's kinda rare to find one willing, but if a man spends time with you purely for friendships' sake then there's a good possibility for something more.
Being able to enjoy a trip to the grocery store with him says a lot!
I would phrase it, "what would be your ideal first date?"
It could be what would your ideal date be for relaxing, or what would be the prime circumstances for gathering the most information about the other person.
Just hit quote, then delete the part you don't want in your quote.
I understand where u r coming from . Been with my hubby for 24 years and I love him a lot but , it's been hard work at times . If he goes before me there is NOOOOOO WAY I would want another man in my life . What is the very best thing about being married ? .........spooning . There is absolutely nothing better than being snuggled up in bed , all warm and either I'm cuddling into his back or he's cuddling mine . There really isn't anything better than that . That is the greatest pleasure that marriage has to offer , just my opinion .
I always leave my hubby at home when I go grocery shopping , I'm sure it's for the best for both our sakes
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What r people's feelings / opinions / experiences regarding how they knew someone was for them ?
For me , I know I really love someone when their happiness is way more important to me than my own is . If u feel like that about someone and they feel the same about u then u could b on the right track
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Marriage is compromise . Every day , u have to b prepared to put your own wants at the bottom of the list , some days u will b doing that and other days it will b your spouse compromising for your benefit . Then , at the end of the day , u both get your greatest reward , several hours of .........spooning !
.
For me , I know I really love someone when their happiness is way more important to me than my own is . If u feel like that about someone and they feel the same about u then u could b on the right track
.Marriage is compromise . Every day , u have to b prepared to put your own wants at the bottom of the list , some days u will b doing that and other days it will b your spouse compromising for your benefit . Then , at the end of the day , u both get your greatest reward , several hours of .........spooning !
.
We all do , it's just part of growing up and it's all valuable experience . We learn a lot from our mistakes , hopefully
.
Eventually , sex becomes much less important , not obsolete , just less important . A good friendship takes over , being with someone that u know really understands u and likes u for who u r , someone u can have a good giggle with and who loves.....................spooning !
I indeed agree because what comes first is spirituality. However after spiritual checks it's time to check physical fitness. a man may not or should not have those thoughts because they are one size fits all. But a lady should because you have to make sure his "Keke" will fit or give you happiness. Right now one may be dormant but when one starts it will become a need to satisfy. so it's good to ask during dating.
A friend of mine ot married just to discover that what the man had was very insignificant, she started having adulterous thoughts. Glory to God the fixed it but the marriage almost crumbled
Everyone here has a story to tell. Yes, hopefully live and learn.We all do , it's just part of growing up and it's all valuable experience . We learn a lot from our mistakes , hopefully
What you do is to quote someone and then highlight the stuff that you don't want to include and then hit the backspace or delete key to remove the unwanted parts, leaving the parts that you actually want to quote.
Keke ? Is that what I think it is ?Or am I truly even more evil than I realised ?
No, you're definitely not evil.
But Edith is from and lives in Cameroon, and English is not her native language. I am guessing that she's using terms that are familiar to her culture, language, and country. She has asked us many times in Singles about certain things that didn't translate to what she is familiar with, such as toasted bread. She might be expressing things in ways that are unfamiliar or more blunt to us, but maybe that's what she's used to in her circles.
I also remember her mentioning this once... and I've been trying to look this up on Google -- people in her country can face serious legal consequences for speaking up against or about certain topics. They don't have the same freedoms as many of us are used to here on the forum.
I always appreciate Edith's posts as a snapshot and reminder to myself that so many people around the world have to live and speak a bit differently than I am able to in the USA.
Cuddling in bed is right up there, top. But so was the food she cooked and all the housework that she did. Now I know how hard she worked all those years cleaning the house because she didn't get it in the divorce! Big house!
Keke ? Is that what I think it is ?
Oh my innocent personality is gone for good
. I did not want to say the p word so I use that.
O
OLDBUTNEW
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I'm too young to be hearing all of this stuff! I'm only 64!!