The conondrum with men/ women and pursuit.
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I hear you, and I can definitely relate to what you are saying about pouring your whole heart into somebody else and loving hard. Yeah, I have been there, and I have done that. Always seemed to be the giver, and never the receiver. I solace myself by looking at Jesus. Nobody ever loved harder than him, and he was often rejected.
Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. With somewhere around 8 billion people in it, you would think that it would be easy to find the right match, but mine must have fallen into a sinkhole or something. lol.
For whatever it is worth, I feel for you, and I know how tough it can be. Right now, by God's grace, I am okay being by myself, and I can truly be happy for those who have found the right someone. Who knows? Maybe my "Mrs. Right" will show up unexpectedly some day.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Could that be her?
View attachment 272762
AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. With somewhere around 8 billion people in it, you would think that it would be easy to find the right match, but mine must have fallen into a sinkhole or something. lol.
For whatever it is worth, I feel for you, and I know how tough it can be. Right now, by God's grace, I am okay being by myself, and I can truly be happy for those who have found the right someone. Who knows? Maybe my "Mrs. Right" will show up unexpectedly some day.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Could that be her?
View attachment 272762
AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
It didn't offend me, it scared me! lol I spook easily and I don't like seeing horror movies like that. That's all I meant.
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I am sorry for misreading you. I should have asked what you meant.
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Same here. I am actually very cautious when it comes to what I put before my eyes. It was a stupid attempt at humor on my part, and almost every one of them fails miserably. Hopefully, I will learn my lesson one day. I have gotten better at putting foolishness away, but I am not fully free from it yet. I know that you said it is okay, but I am truly sorry for misreading you.
Have a blessed night.
Have a blessed night.
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If you want it
Here it is
Come and get it
But you'd better hurry
Cause it's going fast
- Badfinger
- (But really The Beatles)
Maybe that's why I never have bothered hunting. All those games just look like a waste of time. "I think a man should do the pursuing..." "I'm waiting for a woman who will prove that she can love me..."
Bleh.
If a girl ignores me because I don't fit what she expects from a man, good. I haven't wasted my time or hers with a relationship that will fail because it didn't live up to her expectations.
Here it is
Come and get it
But you'd better hurry
Cause it's going fast
- Badfinger
- (But really The Beatles)
Maybe that's why I never have bothered hunting. All those games just look like a waste of time. "I think a man should do the pursuing..." "I'm waiting for a woman who will prove that she can love me..."
Bleh.
If a girl ignores me because I don't fit what she expects from a man, good. I haven't wasted my time or hers with a relationship that will fail because it didn't live up to her expectations.
This is the problem, in my view. You are looking for a masculine Christian man, in a worldly church (Charismatic and even Pentecostal, although the latter is debatable in some cases). The two don't mix. The men who attend will largely either be worldly non-Christians who attend for the music and maybe to find a nice girl with some morals (irrespective of belief in Christ), or effeminate men who aren't masculine enough to stand up to false doctrine. If you want a masculine Christian guy who pursues, you're going to have to accept that you find those in biblically sound churches, because real men readily route out false doctrine, and won't accept it.
Also, those type of men don't tend to stay unmarried for long.
Also, those type of men don't tend to stay unmarried for long.
Lurker here. With the economy as bad as it is, men nowadays usually do not have the resources to support a family until into their 30s. There is no point in attempting a romance before then as it will not result in a marriage and just be a waste of time and energy. Hence why young men are not asking women out. Men 30 and older are asking women out, just not other women 30 and older who might see those men at a Bible study. The uncomfortable truth that the Church doesn't want to talk about is that no matter how much they tout "it is what inside that counts!", attractiveness and virginity do matter to men. Men want their young beautiful wife, and they don't want another man's wife. Some men would rather pass and remain single than settle for ugly leftovers with loyalty that can never be assured. Older single women also tend to have independent or abrasive attitudes which makes them anathema.
A man also has a limited number of opportunities to ask out a woman at a Church, which is a highly visible setting, and women are gossips. Ask out a woman once and get declined, and the other women there are likely to find out, which makes approaching them difficult if they think you consider them "second best". There is also the risk that by asking out a woman in this highly public setting (intercepting her as she is walking to her car is unwise), you could be seen/overheard and get told off by the Church leadership. "We are not a matchmaking service". Evidently the Churches don't care that much about naturally replenishing their numbers and passing on their values to the next generation. For men it is very, very difficult to find and make good friends after childhood. Many true Christian Boy Scout troops that men used to meet at wound up disbanding because they were supported by Churches which couldn't expose themselves to "bake the cake" lawsuit liability, and with the alphabet brigade on the prowl throwing around lawsuit money to force societal change. So for many Christian men, a Church or Biblestudy is their avenue to find real life friends who share their values. Good Churches are also in short supply even in dense metropolitan areas in California. A man doesn't want to be cut off from that, so a man is going to hold his tongue and won't attempt anything unless 1. he has spent some time near this woman and he is certain she is into him and it safe to approach or 2. doesn't care about his standing at the place anymore (ie he is aging out of an age 20 to 30 Biblestudy) and has nothing left to lose. I know one guy who rotates between three different Bible study groups, so he has more optionality, but he has to drive far reach them and it is exhausting. Most men who come home tired after work can't be bothered to do that much driving around.
A man also has a limited number of opportunities to ask out a woman at a Church, which is a highly visible setting, and women are gossips. Ask out a woman once and get declined, and the other women there are likely to find out, which makes approaching them difficult if they think you consider them "second best". There is also the risk that by asking out a woman in this highly public setting (intercepting her as she is walking to her car is unwise), you could be seen/overheard and get told off by the Church leadership. "We are not a matchmaking service". Evidently the Churches don't care that much about naturally replenishing their numbers and passing on their values to the next generation. For men it is very, very difficult to find and make good friends after childhood. Many true Christian Boy Scout troops that men used to meet at wound up disbanding because they were supported by Churches which couldn't expose themselves to "bake the cake" lawsuit liability, and with the alphabet brigade on the prowl throwing around lawsuit money to force societal change. So for many Christian men, a Church or Biblestudy is their avenue to find real life friends who share their values. Good Churches are also in short supply even in dense metropolitan areas in California. A man doesn't want to be cut off from that, so a man is going to hold his tongue and won't attempt anything unless 1. he has spent some time near this woman and he is certain she is into him and it safe to approach or 2. doesn't care about his standing at the place anymore (ie he is aging out of an age 20 to 30 Biblestudy) and has nothing left to lose. I know one guy who rotates between three different Bible study groups, so he has more optionality, but he has to drive far reach them and it is exhausting. Most men who come home tired after work can't be bothered to do that much driving around.
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I do agree that there are a lot of low paying jobs that are difficult or impossible to support a family with.
Everything in our culture is designed for failure in marriage, including pseudo Christian family planning.
I had a lawn mowing business at 12 and as a teenager. In hind sight, I probably should have ignored the warnings of adults and married young.
One of the neighbors home schooled their daughter in the best Christian setting and curriculum. They wanted us to marry, but I had a cultural aversion from public school that wasn't rooted in truth. She was raised right.
Had I continued the business, I would have been better off than wasting time in college. Most higher education is a scam. The business would have paid well and been healthy work during the warm months.
Everything in our culture is designed for failure in marriage, including pseudo Christian family planning.
I had a lawn mowing business at 12 and as a teenager. In hind sight, I probably should have ignored the warnings of adults and married young.
One of the neighbors home schooled their daughter in the best Christian setting and curriculum. They wanted us to marry, but I had a cultural aversion from public school that wasn't rooted in truth. She was raised right.
Had I continued the business, I would have been better off than wasting time in college. Most higher education is a scam. The business would have paid well and been healthy work during the warm months.
