The Tiny, Two-Letter Word That Will Help You Find the Woman of Your Dreams
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Thanks Miss Seoul, yes I have been doing some reading in other threads and I agree with your observations 
. The thing is, merely ignoring those who disagree with you is one thing, but deflecting by making up some unfounded criticism of your own and trying to make everything the fault of the person who questioned you is a pretty solid narcissistic trait (As I know you already know ).
I don't judge him for it though; narcissistic tendencies come from a place of pain and low self-esteem, where even mild constructive criticism is seen as an unbearable attack. The person's self-worth can't handle any more negative thoughts or input, it could send them into a dark spiral.
The OP did actually post a little about his past in a different part of the site. I won't post a link but I'm sure he's dealing with some pain and trauma from the experience (though I only have one side of the story, and I seriously doubt the blame rests solely on his ex wife).
What frustrates me about all this is that I think he overall means well and is genuinely trying to encourage Christian men to get over some mental roadblocks and start actually talking to women. He raises some excellent points that are worth discussing and I admire his "get out there" attitude. I truly believe he has something valuable to add. If only he could extend us the same courtesy.....
. The thing is, merely ignoring those who disagree with you is one thing, but deflecting by making up some unfounded criticism of your own and trying to make everything the fault of the person who questioned you is a pretty solid narcissistic trait (As I know you already know ).I don't judge him for it though; narcissistic tendencies come from a place of pain and low self-esteem, where even mild constructive criticism is seen as an unbearable attack. The person's self-worth can't handle any more negative thoughts or input, it could send them into a dark spiral.
The OP did actually post a little about his past in a different part of the site. I won't post a link but I'm sure he's dealing with some pain and trauma from the experience (though I only have one side of the story, and I seriously doubt the blame rests solely on his ex wife).
What frustrates me about all this is that I think he overall means well and is genuinely trying to encourage Christian men to get over some mental roadblocks and start actually talking to women. He raises some excellent points that are worth discussing and I admire his "get out there" attitude. I truly believe he has something valuable to add. If only he could extend us the same courtesy.....
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I know this is directed at me, but I promise I will get back to you on the rest of your reply after I'm finished with work today, I've taken my son out for pizza, washed my car, cleaned my house, reorganized my enormous shoe collection, contacted the IRS to see if I still owe anything, pulled all my ear hairs out and waxed my arms. I promise you are on the list!
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Yay I'm on the list, right after shoes and ear hair!
Lol just messin' with ya. I will await your reply. And please understand that I don't mean you any ill-will and I'm actually glad that you're here . I don't agree with everything you say but I support your right to say it, and I do overall think that you raise some really good points that are under-discussed in single Christian circles (Actually, singleness in general is very under-discussed in Christian circles, they kinda sweep us under the rug like we're defective or don't exist ).
Also, please understand that I am NOT calling you a narcissist. I myself have struggled with perfection issues to the point that hearing anything negative about myself or my behavior pushed me over the edge into a dark spiral. So I'm only bringing it up as something to look into and see if MAYBE you might have some inner healing to do. We all got emotional crap, we just display it in different ways.
Also, one more thought if I may...... in another thread you mentioned asking about the story behind things as a good conversation opener. It was a great suggestion! But maybe (at least here on the forums) consider taking it beyond material items and apply it to emotional ones? Like, if someone responds with an unfavorable view of something you present, ask them to tell you the story/experience that led to them feeling that way, and REALLY, TRULY listen to their answer. Not to argue, just to understand their perspective better. It will help you round out your approach and will also assist you in maintaining the relationship that will hopefully come about from your flirting efforts .
All the best, good luck with the IRS, and my apologies if I showed too much annoyance in the post that led to all this. My past experiences are not your fault, but I may have let them influence my tone. I need to watch that. And hey, if you have read all this, that means ya haven't put me on "ignore" yet, so *high-five* to both of us!
Lol just messin' with ya
. I will await your reply. And please understand that I don't mean you any ill-will and I'm actually glad that you're here . I don't agree with everything you say but I support your right to say it, and I do overall think that you raise some really good points that are under-discussed in single Christian circles (Actually, singleness in general is very under-discussed in Christian circles, they kinda sweep us under the rug like we're defective or don't exist ). Also, please understand that I am NOT calling you a narcissist. I myself have struggled with perfection issues to the point that hearing anything negative about myself or my behavior pushed me over the edge into a dark spiral. So I'm only bringing it up as something to look into and see if MAYBE you might have some inner healing to do. We all got emotional crap, we just display it in different ways
.Also, one more thought if I may
...... in another thread you mentioned asking about the story behind things as a good conversation opener. It was a great suggestion! But maybe (at least here on the forums) consider taking it beyond material items and apply it to emotional ones? Like, if someone responds with an unfavorable view of something you present, ask them to tell you the story/experience that led to them feeling that way, and REALLY, TRULY listen to their answer. Not to argue, just to understand their perspective better. It will help you round out your approach and will also assist you in maintaining the relationship that will hopefully come about from your flirting efforts .All the best, good luck with the IRS, and my apologies if I showed too much annoyance in the post that led to all this. My past experiences are not your fault, but I may have let them influence my tone. I need to watch that.
And hey, if you have read all this, that means ya haven't put me on "ignore" yet, so *high-five* to both of us! -
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Yay I'm on the list, right after shoes and ear hair!
Lol just messin' with ya. I will await your reply. And please understand that I don't mean you any ill-will and I'm actually glad that you're here . I don't agree with everything you say but I support your right to say it, and I do overall think that you raise some really good points that are under-discussed in single Christian circles (Actually, singleness in general is very under-discussed in Christian circles, they kinda sweep us under the rug like we're defective or don't exist ).
Also, please understand that I am NOT calling you a narcissist. I myself have struggled with perfection issues to the point that hearing anything negative about myself or my behavior pushed me over the edge into a dark spiral. So I'm only bringing it up as something to look into and see if MAYBE you might have some inner healing to do. We all got emotional crap, we just display it in different ways.
Also, one more thought if I may...... in another thread you mentioned asking about the story behind things as a good conversation opener. It was a great suggestion! But maybe (at least here on the forums) consider taking it beyond material items and apply it to emotional ones? Like, if someone responds with an unfavorable view of something you present, ask them to tell you the story/experience that led to them feeling that way, and REALLY, TRULY listen to their answer. Not to argue, just to understand their perspective better. It will help you round out your approach and will also assist you in maintaining the relationship that will hopefully come about from your flirting efforts .
All the best, good luck with the IRS, and my apologies if I showed too much annoyance in the post that led to all this. My past experiences are not your fault, but I may have let them influence my tone. I need to watch that. And hey, if you have read all this, that means ya haven't put me on "ignore" yet, so *high-five* to both of us!
Lol just messin' with ya
. I will await your reply. And please understand that I don't mean you any ill-will and I'm actually glad that you're here . I don't agree with everything you say but I support your right to say it, and I do overall think that you raise some really good points that are under-discussed in single Christian circles (Actually, singleness in general is very under-discussed in Christian circles, they kinda sweep us under the rug like we're defective or don't exist ).Also, please understand that I am NOT calling you a narcissist. I myself have struggled with perfection issues to the point that hearing anything negative about myself or my behavior pushed me over the edge into a dark spiral. So I'm only bringing it up as something to look into and see if MAYBE you might have some inner healing to do. We all got emotional crap, we just display it in different ways
.Also, one more thought if I may
...... in another thread you mentioned asking about the story behind things as a good conversation opener. It was a great suggestion! But maybe (at least here on the forums) consider taking it beyond material items and apply it to emotional ones? Like, if someone responds with an unfavorable view of something you present, ask them to tell you the story/experience that led to them feeling that way, and REALLY, TRULY listen to their answer. Not to argue, just to understand their perspective better. It will help you round out your approach and will also assist you in maintaining the relationship that will hopefully come about from your flirting efforts .All the best, good luck with the IRS, and my apologies if I showed too much annoyance in the post that led to all this. My past experiences are not your fault, but I may have let them influence my tone. I need to watch that.
And hey, if you have read all this, that means ya haven't put me on "ignore" yet, so *high-five* to both of us!
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J
Ok, I'll bite.
One BAD YANKEE here, answering the call, and reporting for duty!!
One BAD YANKEE here, answering the call, and reporting for duty!!
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Actually, I added a few more things to the list. I also had to reorganize my pantry and make a chronological list of all the King Kong movies so my son and I could start binge-watching them in order. The original, we saw earlier today.
I agree. As a single man, I am considered an oddity since I am usually alone without a well-manicured woman and 2.5 kids at my side.
You are absolutely correct when you say it's merely a conversation opener. That's why it's so effective. A guy will focus on something she's wearing because it's extremely personal for her. And yes, it is superficial at first.
You don't always have to say, "What's the story behind that?" You can use a different approach, depending on the circumstances.
For example, I commented to a beautiful redheaded woman the other day about her long hair. I said, "It's uncommon to see women with hair as long as yours. How long did it take you to grow it to that length?"
It would have been weird to ask, "What's the story behind your long hair? So, I changed it up a little bit.
The next time I saw her, she had it untied and brushed more than usual. She also was dressed a bit less casual than normal. Still, she wore this interesting T-shirt with a famous rapper on the front. I had no idea who he was, so I asked her, "Who's that guy on the front of your T-shirt, an ex-husband? Thankfully, she chuckled. I realized full well the risk of offending her. Still, I went for a riskier joke since we had already developed some rapport and it was time to lighten the mood.
later, when I'm convinced there's no significant other (it's surprising how many women keep that a secret), I will get deeper into how she feels about certain things, especially on the subject of love and romance. But for now, I'm happy with staying on a safe, superficial level.
Again, all this comes later. I think the problem for both Christian men and women is getting too serious in the dating process too quickly. Instead, you both need to let things happen on their own without trying to force anything. After all, it's more fun that way. It's like opening a fine bottle of wine for the first time. It's best to let it breathe before you start drinking in all of its wonderful flavors.
I agree. As a single man, I am considered an oddity since I am usually alone without a well-manicured woman and 2.5 kids at my side.
Also, one more thought if I may ...... in another thread you mentioned asking about the story behind things as a good conversation opener. It was a great suggestion! But maybe (at least here on the forums) consider taking it beyond material items and apply it to emotional ones?
...... in another thread you mentioned asking about the story behind things as a good conversation opener. It was a great suggestion! But maybe (at least here on the forums) consider taking it beyond material items and apply it to emotional ones?
You don't always have to say, "What's the story behind that?" You can use a different approach, depending on the circumstances.
For example, I commented to a beautiful redheaded woman the other day about her long hair. I said, "It's uncommon to see women with hair as long as yours. How long did it take you to grow it to that length?"
It would have been weird to ask, "What's the story behind your long hair? So, I changed it up a little bit.
The next time I saw her, she had it untied and brushed more than usual. She also was dressed a bit less casual than normal. Still, she wore this interesting T-shirt with a famous rapper on the front. I had no idea who he was, so I asked her, "Who's that guy on the front of your T-shirt, an ex-husband? Thankfully, she chuckled. I realized full well the risk of offending her. Still, I went for a riskier joke since we had already developed some rapport and it was time to lighten the mood.
later, when I'm convinced there's no significant other (it's surprising how many women keep that a secret), I will get deeper into how she feels about certain things, especially on the subject of love and romance. But for now, I'm happy with staying on a safe, superficial level.
Again, all this comes later. I think the problem for both Christian men and women is getting too serious in the dating process too quickly. Instead, you both need to let things happen on their own without trying to force anything. After all, it's more fun that way. It's like opening a fine bottle of wine for the first time. It's best to let it breathe before you start drinking in all of its wonderful flavors.
Erm, excuse me Steve for saying this, but I think either question about how long hair took to grow is an odd approach LOL
Then again, maybe I am just not normal. I can't even remember what year it was when I last had my hair cut.
And I only went to the salon at that time because I had 50% off coupon.
Or it could have been the time I had a purple streak put in my hair, when it was still brown.
Hmm, that was around or more than a dozen years ago... That was probably the last time...
Then again, maybe I am just not normal. I can't even remember what year it was when I last had my hair cut.
And I only went to the salon at that time because I had 50% off coupon.
Or it could have been the time I had a purple streak put in my hair, when it was still brown.
Hmm, that was around or more than a dozen years ago... That was probably the last time...
Again, all this comes later. I think the problem for both Christian men and women is getting too serious in the dating process too quickly. Instead, you both need to let things happen on their own without trying to force anything. After all, it's more fun that way. It's like opening a fine bottle of wine for the first time. It's best to let it breathe before you start drinking in all of its wonderful flavors.
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I think the problem for both Christian men and women is getting too serious in the dating process too quickly. Instead, you both need to let things happen on their own without trying to force anything. After all, it's more fun that way. It's like opening a fine bottle of wine for the first time. It's best to let it breathe before you start drinking in all of its wonderful flavors.
Yeah. "Naturally" for a woman on an emotional level can happen much faster than men are normally aware.
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