Hey Everyone,
This is something I've been thinking about for years, and I'm sure we've talked about it in the past. I thought of this when a young man in a recent chat said he was thinking of cutting off a woman he'd met online who was giving "crazy", but was also very good-looking, which made him hesitant.
I have often wondered how singles detect possibly serious red flags with those they meet, especially since so many of us are meeting people online.
Let me first say that I am NOT IN ANY WAY saying people with addictions or mental struggles are undatable. NOT AT ALL. I myself have been clinically diagnosed (and treated) for depression in the past, so I consider MYSELF to be someone who fits in that category. Personally, I think I might have a touch of bipolar disorder rather than just depression, and I often wonder if I have a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder in some areas. But I've never gone for any further diagnosis and my point is just to say that I certainly don't think I'm exempt. I also fight an addiction to sugar, as I could easily consume all-sugar products all day, every day, which often feels like an uphill battle.
But what I'm talking about here are the warning signs of things that might have a serious impact. There have been several times on CC when we've had posters who display very erratic behavior (one man several years ago would write super-spiritual posts, then suddenly say things like, "I don't need Jesus because I know karate," and awkwardly hit on a woman in the forum basically saying, "Hey babe, want to hook up sometime?")
He later confessed that he had a drinking problem, and would often spend time on CC while he was going on drinking binges. I've seen this several other times over the years, with other examples of a user admitted to doing meth while posting, and others who said they were off their meds and this is why they were going off the rails. Then there are other times when I've been friends with those who have suffered through being stalked or harassed in private by people who put up the the most proper spiritual image online.
I want to emphasize once again that I am NOT trying to judge, criticize, or dismiss anyone who struggles with these things. But something I've learned about myself over time is that there are some cases in which I would be in WAY over my head and am not equipped to deal with certain extremities. Therefore, I would have to distance myself and limit or cut off contact with that person.
I'm not on dating sites anymore but when I was, men often criticized and cut me down because I wouldn't give them my phone number for a very long time, if ever. They would call me immature and paranoid, and I understand their frustration -- but I did this because I'd witnessed other people having to change their phone numbers multiple times or even have to get restraining orders -- all because of talking to someone online. I have no regrets for my decisions. I've never had to change my number because of someone else a single time. And I just prayed that if God wanted me to meet someone, he would understand and be patient with me.
I also know many people, both guys and girls, who are simply trying to be friendly and will chat people up, but some people, dying for any little remnant of attention from the opposite sex, interpret this as true, undying, "I MUST HAVE YOU" love -- then go to extremes of not taking no for an answer, nor will they give up.
* How does one protect themselves from such situations?
* What are some warning signs you've seen, or realized, over time, and what did you do?
* How can we keep those we love (children, teens, even parents/grandparents who might be dating) safe?
* How do you balance protecting yourself (and others), while being open to meeting new people?
May God bless everyone out there and keep you safe, always!
This is something I've been thinking about for years, and I'm sure we've talked about it in the past. I thought of this when a young man in a recent chat said he was thinking of cutting off a woman he'd met online who was giving "crazy", but was also very good-looking, which made him hesitant.
I have often wondered how singles detect possibly serious red flags with those they meet, especially since so many of us are meeting people online.
Let me first say that I am NOT IN ANY WAY saying people with addictions or mental struggles are undatable. NOT AT ALL. I myself have been clinically diagnosed (and treated) for depression in the past, so I consider MYSELF to be someone who fits in that category. Personally, I think I might have a touch of bipolar disorder rather than just depression, and I often wonder if I have a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder in some areas. But I've never gone for any further diagnosis and my point is just to say that I certainly don't think I'm exempt. I also fight an addiction to sugar, as I could easily consume all-sugar products all day, every day, which often feels like an uphill battle.
But what I'm talking about here are the warning signs of things that might have a serious impact. There have been several times on CC when we've had posters who display very erratic behavior (one man several years ago would write super-spiritual posts, then suddenly say things like, "I don't need Jesus because I know karate," and awkwardly hit on a woman in the forum basically saying, "Hey babe, want to hook up sometime?")
He later confessed that he had a drinking problem, and would often spend time on CC while he was going on drinking binges. I've seen this several other times over the years, with other examples of a user admitted to doing meth while posting, and others who said they were off their meds and this is why they were going off the rails. Then there are other times when I've been friends with those who have suffered through being stalked or harassed in private by people who put up the the most proper spiritual image online.
I want to emphasize once again that I am NOT trying to judge, criticize, or dismiss anyone who struggles with these things. But something I've learned about myself over time is that there are some cases in which I would be in WAY over my head and am not equipped to deal with certain extremities. Therefore, I would have to distance myself and limit or cut off contact with that person.
I'm not on dating sites anymore but when I was, men often criticized and cut me down because I wouldn't give them my phone number for a very long time, if ever. They would call me immature and paranoid, and I understand their frustration -- but I did this because I'd witnessed other people having to change their phone numbers multiple times or even have to get restraining orders -- all because of talking to someone online. I have no regrets for my decisions. I've never had to change my number because of someone else a single time. And I just prayed that if God wanted me to meet someone, he would understand and be patient with me.
I also know many people, both guys and girls, who are simply trying to be friendly and will chat people up, but some people, dying for any little remnant of attention from the opposite sex, interpret this as true, undying, "I MUST HAVE YOU" love -- then go to extremes of not taking no for an answer, nor will they give up.
* How does one protect themselves from such situations?
* What are some warning signs you've seen, or realized, over time, and what did you do?
* How can we keep those we love (children, teens, even parents/grandparents who might be dating) safe?
* How do you balance protecting yourself (and others), while being open to meeting new people?
May God bless everyone out there and keep you safe, always!
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