Hey Everyone,
The recent discussions about flirting and dating in the Singles Forum have me thinking. In one post, the men were encouraged to date several women at once in their search to find a suitable one to marry.
This then brought up the topic of how people define dating. I'm old-fashioned -- if a couple is holding hands and kissing, it's crossed the line between just friendship and has now ventured into dating, so for me, the next step would be discussing a committed relationship.
I mentioned that I personally would not date several men at once (therefore, I would not be going out holding hands and kissing a bunch of guys,) nor would I want to date a guy who was dating (holding hands with and kissing) several women at once, and maybe even over a lifetime, depending on their story. (And I try to be very understanding of one's past, as I have dated guys who confided that they have been sexually abused when young.)
I wrote in another thread that I have been part of some Financial Discord chats for well over a year. These are non-Christian and 99.9% male, most of whom are young (20's to 30's,) have good jobs, are earning a good salary and investing for the future. They are expecting to have what the world would see as a successful and "ideal" life.
A common topic of interest in some of these chats is the "Passport Bro Lifestyle" -- Western men who go on vacation or live in lower cost countries (such as in Latin America and Asia) where they freely "date" (sleep with) every woman that catches their eye. Foreign women are seen as more focused on serving men, and Western money goes a lot further to impress them. Some want to find a good, virginal girl to perhaps marry and raise their children, but the general thought is that they will either still be able to play all they want (but their wife is not allowed to see anyone else,) or continue the open playboy lifestyle indefinitely. Some are already doing this and giving the other guys tips on the "best" places to go with the "hottest girls." I know this is a tale as old as time, but as Christians, we strive to live much differently from the world.
I know I'm going to sound absolutely grandmotherly for this, but to me, if someone is dating or has even dated a lot of people and is holding hands/kissing them all (because who really stops with just one kiss?,) it's really a watered-down, Christianized version of the Player's Lifestyle. People are forming romantic/physical connections with multiple people, whether at once or in a row, experimenting with what they can get away with but "not sinning," and then hoping to find the pure, virginal "one" to finally settle down with and finally achieve the brass ring of Christian matrimony. Now maybe some are experts at just lightly kissing multiple people multiple times and never letting it get any further than that, but at the very least, I'm pretty sure it will turn into a "light" make-out session and would most likely move into questionable touch territory, even if they are always able to stop (or think they can.)
How do you feel about Christians dating and kissing several people before they find/marry their spouse? As someone who is getting older in a very single corner of the world, it gets more and more challenging to find someone with "low" numbers as time passes.
Now, I understand this brings up a plethora of other factors -- what if the person lived in the world, or fell of the wagon, and became a dedicated Christian later on? What if the person was abused? Which are all good questions for other discussions.
My focus here is what kind of dating behavior Christians expect from both themselves and other Christians. I'm specifically asking the gentlemen here because of the specific advice to men to date several women elsewhere in the thread. However, all -- including married friends who care to chime in -- are welcome to answer.
The poll system only allows for limited answers so I can't include every possible answer people will come up with, so please come back and post your own answer after voting. Votes will be multiple choice and will be anonymous (no one can see what you voted.)
I'm very curious to see what my fellow Christians believe about this particular aspect of dating.
Because the other interesting topic leads to is, if someone says no, I wouldn't marry a woman who's kissed 50 other guys, then what number becomes "acceptable"? Especially for those of us in middle age and who may have been married before.
And what would be the "acceptable" number for oneself if they place a limitation of the "number" for others?
This should be an interesting one for sure.
The recent discussions about flirting and dating in the Singles Forum have me thinking. In one post, the men were encouraged to date several women at once in their search to find a suitable one to marry.
This then brought up the topic of how people define dating. I'm old-fashioned -- if a couple is holding hands and kissing, it's crossed the line between just friendship and has now ventured into dating, so for me, the next step would be discussing a committed relationship.
I mentioned that I personally would not date several men at once (therefore, I would not be going out holding hands and kissing a bunch of guys,) nor would I want to date a guy who was dating (holding hands with and kissing) several women at once, and maybe even over a lifetime, depending on their story. (And I try to be very understanding of one's past, as I have dated guys who confided that they have been sexually abused when young.)
I wrote in another thread that I have been part of some Financial Discord chats for well over a year. These are non-Christian and 99.9% male, most of whom are young (20's to 30's,) have good jobs, are earning a good salary and investing for the future. They are expecting to have what the world would see as a successful and "ideal" life.
A common topic of interest in some of these chats is the "Passport Bro Lifestyle" -- Western men who go on vacation or live in lower cost countries (such as in Latin America and Asia) where they freely "date" (sleep with) every woman that catches their eye. Foreign women are seen as more focused on serving men, and Western money goes a lot further to impress them. Some want to find a good, virginal girl to perhaps marry and raise their children, but the general thought is that they will either still be able to play all they want (but their wife is not allowed to see anyone else,) or continue the open playboy lifestyle indefinitely. Some are already doing this and giving the other guys tips on the "best" places to go with the "hottest girls." I know this is a tale as old as time, but as Christians, we strive to live much differently from the world.
I know I'm going to sound absolutely grandmotherly for this, but to me, if someone is dating or has even dated a lot of people and is holding hands/kissing them all (because who really stops with just one kiss?,) it's really a watered-down, Christianized version of the Player's Lifestyle. People are forming romantic/physical connections with multiple people, whether at once or in a row, experimenting with what they can get away with but "not sinning," and then hoping to find the pure, virginal "one" to finally settle down with and finally achieve the brass ring of Christian matrimony. Now maybe some are experts at just lightly kissing multiple people multiple times and never letting it get any further than that, but at the very least, I'm pretty sure it will turn into a "light" make-out session and would most likely move into questionable touch territory, even if they are always able to stop (or think they can.)
How do you feel about Christians dating and kissing several people before they find/marry their spouse? As someone who is getting older in a very single corner of the world, it gets more and more challenging to find someone with "low" numbers as time passes.
Now, I understand this brings up a plethora of other factors -- what if the person lived in the world, or fell of the wagon, and became a dedicated Christian later on? What if the person was abused? Which are all good questions for other discussions.
My focus here is what kind of dating behavior Christians expect from both themselves and other Christians. I'm specifically asking the gentlemen here because of the specific advice to men to date several women elsewhere in the thread. However, all -- including married friends who care to chime in -- are welcome to answer.
The poll system only allows for limited answers so I can't include every possible answer people will come up with, so please come back and post your own answer after voting. Votes will be multiple choice and will be anonymous (no one can see what you voted.)
I'm very curious to see what my fellow Christians believe about this particular aspect of dating.
Because the other interesting topic leads to is, if someone says no, I wouldn't marry a woman who's kissed 50 other guys, then what number becomes "acceptable"? Especially for those of us in middle age and who may have been married before.
And what would be the "acceptable" number for oneself if they place a limitation of the "number" for others?
This should be an interesting one for sure.
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