I like that word myriad! Yes, we get on the razor's edge of understanding and things can fall either way, but for me, I experienced the conviction of being a sinner and knowing I was unworthy of the love and forgiveness God bestowed on me 15 years before I became a believer ... which is why I was asking some of the questions I did of @awelight 
I apologize up front for butting in, if you find this post unwanted. I would send you a private message but alas I am not a paying subscriber. I donate but do not subscribe.
I have some other things, related to the subject above, to share with you.
Like you, early in my life I knew about the Gospel message. I seemed to have a soft spot in my heart for Jesus Christ and knew, some how, that many things I saw in the church were either just not right or were hypocritical. Maybe, this is just one of the ways that our Lord keeps us safe until we are Regenerated. However, these were not guiding principles in my life. I was still running my life as a materialist and as if I couldn't wait to get to hell. Like many unbelievers, I tried to be a "good person" and maybe, just maybe, that would be good enough for God.
When time came to begin a true "conversion" experience, things happened very quickly. So much so, I had two burning questions: 1) What changed in my life and 2} Why now?
I knew the Bible had the answers - not a church - but the Bible. I dug in deep immediately and the Lord began to show me, within weeks, the answers I was looking for. These would be many of the great Doctrines of Faith. Only later, did I realize the need to assemble with like minded believers, couched in the Truth of God's Doctrines. Shortly after this, I came to know that the Lord had given me the gift of "teaching". How did I know this? Because I had a burning desire, to research and study God's word and share it with others. I learned to parse the Greek text because I didn't trust any translation and built a pretty good library over the years. In particular, to both sides of the Soteriological question. I studied the Scriptures because it was fun and my greatest enjoyment came from there and showing others. Only through these studies and God's revelatory grace did I begin to understand, that in order to have the proper understanding and not just knowledge, Doctrines had to be seen in both the "Eternal light" and the "Temporal light".
One of the problems, with having the gift of teaching though, is that it is easy to get frustrated with others who don't share your enthusiasm for every little detail of a Doctrinal subject. It took me years to understand that not all believers are gifted in the same way and as hard as I might, I still become frustrated. I do not mean to magnify myself. Just wanted to give you some background.
That brings me back to the two questions in my Conversion - what changed? Why Now?
The so called concept of "free will", does not answer these questions. Instead it makes Salvation a mystery and leaves one still feeling confused. Questions go unanswered. Why now and not fifteen years ago? Why do I approach the Gospel differently now? Why do the sins in my life bother me greatly now and not back then? If it is solely my choice, then why did I pick now? If I didn't really care back then, why do I care now?
Only in understanding PROPERLY - God's eternality, Sovereignty, Purpose and Execution, can one truly understand Soteriology and how it functions. On the Temporal surface, the Gospel message is simple. Repent and Believe in the resurrected Jesus Christ as the only way to salvation. Believe in the TRUTH, with all you heart, mind and soul.
But in understanding "what changed in my life and why now" - so much more must be known but once known, then the questions are answered and the mystery falls away. Confusion is replaced with assurance.
I don't know if any of this is helpful to you but I really wanted to reach out because I care about people and Love God's Saints.
