My Husband had a stroke

[TaraSkye]

My otherwise healthy 46 year old husband had a stroke 9 days ago. It happened while he was sleeping and he woke up that morning with his entire right arm weak and zero strength in it. I made him go to the ER because he wasn't going to. It was a real shock as we were travelling when this happened, and we were miles away from home in another city. We are thankful that it was what they consider to be a small stroke, but it did show up on the MRI as an actual stroke, and not a TIA. He's doing remarkably well, where some people are not at this point. I am very grateful for that, but I am worried about any future events. I'm feeling a very uneasy and uncertain feeling that I can't shake. If anything, it should've been me. I am overweight and don't make the best food choices sometimes. I am also type 2 diabetic. I don't know why this happened to him, and I can't help but be angry that it has. I'm feeling very lost. We aren't sure why it happened with 100% certainty. He has to follow up with a doctor and cardiologist. He is also not quite himself, which is understandable after going through something like this. But I worry that it's more than that. Most of his stress was due to the fact that his grandmother has chosen to end her life with the assisted suicide and death program (MAID) that is available in Canada here, and he is having a very hard time, wrapping his mind around that and coming to terms with it. I hate the feeling I have in my gut and wish it would go away. I haven't slept well in days. 😞

 

[JohnDB]

I'm so sorry this has happened.

And where you can try to take responsibility for his stroke....you can't.

And where you would like to "fix" the situation...you are helpless in this. It's just the way things are.

However,
You can move forward. You can make new, better and likely different choices going forward.

Yes, a stroke victim's personality can change sometimes very drastically. A friend of mine's husband had a stroke and where he once was a very successful, intelligent professional and a very polite, well heeled, and respectful person he became the exact opposite. And I do mean exact opposite. Rude and crass doesn't begin to explain his demeanor after the stroke.

Of course he lost his job...as a couple they lost everything. Kids, home, and standing in their community. She was extremely bitter and angry about the whole thing. (They did eventually divorce)

Currently I'd dare say that he is going to be frustrated with his speech. Hold up a penny and he will call it a quarter. He knows what it is but the right words won't come out of his mouth....very frustrating for anyone.

Just extend him some grace and be encouraging and patient. He needs you to be more help than ever before. But likely in ways you are unaccustomed to doing. Look around and think about ways to improve the situations of others....difficult for many people to do...
But I'll pray you will be successful.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

Praying for you and your husband.

 

[Gojira]

Geez... I want to say something, as I went through watching my wife suffer severe health problems... but I have nothing but trite words to offer. There is not much to say, except that you must not weary in doing good and clinging to Christ and your salvation. The rest, about doing whatever it takes to keep him healthy, you already know.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

My otherwise healthy 46 year old husband had a stroke 9 days ago. It happened while he was sleeping and he woke up that morning with his entire right arm weak and zero strength in it. I made him go to the ER because he wasn't going to. It was a real shock as we were travelling when this happened, and we were miles away from home in another city. We are thankful that it was what they consider to be a small stroke, but it did show up on the MRI as an actual stroke, and not a TIA. He's doing remarkably well, where some people are not at this point. I am very grateful for that, but I am worried about any future events. I'm feeling a very uneasy and uncertain feeling that I can't shake. If anything, it should've been me. I am overweight and don't make the best food choices sometimes. I am also type 2 diabetic. I don't know why this happened to him, and I can't help but be angry that it has. I'm feeling very lost. We aren't sure why it happened with 100% certainty. He has to follow up with a doctor and cardiologist. He is also not quite himself, which is understandable after going through something like this. But I worry that it's more than that. Most of his stress was due to the fact that his grandmother has chosen to end her life with the assisted suicide and death program (MAID) that is available in Canada here, and he is having a very hard time, wrapping his mind around that and coming to terms with it. I hate the feeling I have in my gut and wish it would go away. I haven't slept well in days. 😞

Shoot.
I'm sorry about your husband's stroke and his grandmother going along with the evil gt murder.
I don't blame him for being stressed out.
He needs to intervene because old people, especially women get scammed to do unnecessary things all the time. Instead of losing money to some thieving contractor for unnecessary work on her house, she is scammed into participation in murder by some damned physician.

According to Dr Patricia Daniels, she taught one of my classes, reported why strokes are typically caused by dehydration. Hydration in the evening is a key to that problem according to her reports .

As to the Canadian gt., I've seen videos of how they treat truckers, mounted police run little old lady down with their horse, banks steal $ from those donating to the cause, and all kinds of atrocities. This "assisted suicide" is nothing less than murder. Your husband is now injured, so you as his helper may need to assist him in contacting all relatives and having a meeting. Then an intervention is necessary ASAP, before it's too late. She is doubtless depressed. Often meds and lack of companionship, sunshine/ vitamin D3 is the culprit. There are many safe and natural ways to help those in depression without trust or resorting to the medical hit men. I would try to get any siblings of your husband to intervene and fire her physician, get her out of the nursing home and take her in immediately. You may be the hero that will save her life. Your husband will love you for it as will she.

 

[TaraSkye]

I'm so sorry this has happened.

And where you can try to take responsibility for his stroke....you can't.

And where you would like to "fix" the situation...you are helpless in this. It's just the way things are.

However,
You can move forward. You can make new, better and likely different choices going forward.

Yes, a stroke victim's personality can change sometimes very drastically. A friend of mine's husband had a stroke and where he once was a very successful, intelligent professional and a very polite, well heeled, and respectful person he became the exact opposite. And I do mean exact opposite. Rude and crass doesn't begin to explain his demeanor after the stroke.

Of course he lost his job...as a couple they lost everything. Kids, home, and standing in their community. She was extremely bitter and angry about the whole thing. (They did eventually divorce)

Currently I'd dare say that he is going to be frustrated with his speech. Hold up a penny and he will call it a quarter. He knows what it is but the right words won't come out of his mouth....very frustrating for anyone.

Just extend him some grace and be encouraging and patient. He needs you to be more help than ever before. But likely in ways you are unaccustomed to doing. Look around and think about ways to improve the situations of others....difficult for many people to do...
But I'll pray you will be successful.

Thank you for your reply. It was very kind of you. I'm just in a constant state of panic and worry. He woke up with a head ache today, and of course I am worrying. He seems okay, says it was just a head ache - which it no doubt was. We work from home together and we run gift shops online, have for 20 years. He's the one who does all the packing of the orders, and he's doing things at a much slower pace for sure. He says he has regained almost 95% of his arm strength, which is good. He teaches karate and went to a class last night, but our son did most of the class and my husband just kind of guided him. He took it easy. So far, his personality isn't all that different, but it's hard to say because on top of all this, the anticipatory grief of his Grandmother passing. We aren't sure if it's today or tomorrow (MAID). If that wasn't also going on, I'd have a better idea of how the stroke has affected him personality wise. Our kids (son is almost 18, daughter is almost 13) have also been traumatized by it all, and my son has a diploma exam today - which is no doubt stressful for him too. Then, on top of it, when we finally got home our vehicle crapped out and it's a $3,000 fix (ouch). Everything all at once, it seems. I keep asking Mother Mary to send her angels, and for Jesus to help us through this horrible time in our lives. I've asked Archangel Michael to put his protection over my husband and kids from any further harm. I don't have a great support system because my mother became disabled last year herself, and my brother has a wife with MS and disabled child to tend to. I feel very alone in all this and scared for our future. Thank you for caring so much and for your words of advice and wisdom, and prayers.

 

[TaraSkye]

Praying for you and your husband.

Thank you so much. It's very appreciated.

 

[TaraSkye]

Geez... I want to say something, as I went through watching my wife suffer severe health problems... but I have nothing but trite words to offer. There is not much to say, except that you must not weary in doing good and clinging to Christ and your salvation. The rest, about doing whatever it takes to keep him healthy, you already know.

Thank you. I'm sorry for what you went through, too.

 

[TaraSkye]

Shoot.
I'm sorry about your husband's stroke and his grandmother going along with the evil gt murder.
I don't blame him for being stressed out.
He needs to intervene because old people, especially women get scammed to do unnecessary things all the time. Instead of losing money to some thieving contractor for unnecessary work on her house, she is scammed into participation in murder by some damned physician.

According to Dr Patricia Daniels, she taught one of my classes, reported why strokes are typically caused by dehydration. Hydration in the evening is a key to that problem according to her reports .

As to the Canadian gt., I've seen videos of how they treat truckers, mounted police run little old lady down with their horse, banks steal $ from those donating to the cause, and all kinds of atrocities. This "assisted suicide" is nothing less than murder. Your husband is now injured, so you as his helper may need to assist him in contacting all relatives and having a meeting. Then an intervention is necessary ASAP, before it's too late. She is doubtless depressed. Often meds and lack of companionship, sunshine/ vitamin D3 is the culprit. There are many safe and natural ways to help those in depression without trust or resorting to the medical hit men. I would try to get any siblings of your husband to intervene and fire her physician, get her out of the nursing home and take her in immediately. You may be the hero that will save her life. Your husband will love you for it as will she.

I tried to get her moved to our town and put in a nursing home where we are. It just didn't work out for a few reasons. We live in Southern Alberta, and his Grandmother is in White Rock, BC. So it is a 12 - 14 hour drive, which we did there and back. We felt rushed to go see her right after Christmas because she was making my husband feel guilty, calling and saying how she just wants to die. She was approved for MAID and my brother in law, his wife, and everyone else are supporting her decision. She's 92 and is in a lot of pain and is suffering, but - it doesn't mean she should do MAID, I know. We would rather she didn't, that's for sure. My BIL is handling her affairs, her estate, emails from docs, etc... He's her contact person for the care home, etc... There's nothing more I can do as someone married into the family, to intervene. My husband has shared how he feels, but she doesn't listen. My BIL is at his wits end with her too. When we were there, she was telling our kids how she's going to "be put to sleep". She has no filter! Then she had my husband crouch down in her storage unit to go through boxes of her junk. This was the day before he woke up without arm strength from the stroke at some point in the AM. I knew ASAP he needed to go to the hospital, and he refused at first. I had to really convince him to. It was days in and out of the hospital getting tests, in a city he's from but we don't live in anymore (we met online, he's from Surrey and I'm from Alberta, thus why all his family is in BC). We've done that drive many times, but it seemed so long and harsh this time and it was very snowy on the way home, which was also stressful. Thank goodness our Explorer got us home (AKA the Exploder) because it crapped out in the driveway and was towed to FORD. It's there now waiting on a new steering rack and pinion ($3,000+). The whole situation sucks, but in some ways - him having a stroke there was better than here, because in our small town we have no specialists and a very small hospital. He would have been rushed to Lethbridge or Calgary, no doubt. In Surrey Memorial Hospital, they did all the tests there. They still aren't sure why he had it, but he sees a doc tomorrow and hopefully a cardiologist soon.

 

[Bingo]

"Let us pray there be hope for health and your needs and disturbances are
cared for accordingly, and the Lord's 'presence' is felt in all your coming and going.
I pray your family stays strong and supportive of one another and always with hope and love."
'Amen'

 

[TaraSkye]

"Let us pray there be hope for health and your needs and disturbances are
cared for accordingly, and the Lord's 'presence' is felt in all your coming and going.
I pray your family stays strong and supportive of one another and always with hope and love."
'Amen'

View attachment 259573

Thank you so much.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I tried to get her moved to our town and put in a nursing home where we are. It just didn't work out for a few reasons. We live in Southern Alberta, and his Grandmother is in White Rock, BC. So it is a 12 - 14 hour drive, which we did there and back. We felt rushed to go see her right after Christmas because she was making my husband feel guilty, calling and saying how she just wants to die. She was approved for MAID and my brother in law, his wife, and everyone else are supporting her decision. She's 92 and is in a lot of pain and is suffering, but - it doesn't mean she should do MAID, I know. We would rather she didn't, that's for sure. My BIL is handling her affairs, her estate, emails from docs, etc... He's her contact person for the care home, etc... There's nothing more I can do as someone married into the family, to intervene. My husband has shared how he feels, but she doesn't listen. My BIL is at his wits end with her too. When we were there, she was telling our kids how she's going to "be put to sleep". She has no filter! Then she had my husband crouch down in her storage unit to go through boxes of her junk. This was the day before he woke up without arm strength from the stroke at some point in the AM. I knew ASAP he needed to go to the hospital, and he refused at first. I had to really convince him to. It was days in and out of the hospital getting tests, in a city he's from but we don't live in anymore (we met online, he's from Surrey and I'm from Alberta, thus why all his family is in BC). We've done that drive many times, but it seemed so long and harsh this time and it was very snowy on the way home, which was also stressful. Thank goodness our Explorer got us home (AKA the Exploder) because it crapped out in the driveway and was towed to FORD. It's there now waiting on a new steering rack and pinion ($3,000+). The whole situation sucks, but in some ways - him having a stroke there was better than here, because in our small town we have no specialists and a very small hospital. He would have been rushed to Lethbridge or Calgary, no doubt. In Surrey Memorial Hospital, they did all the tests there. They still aren't sure why he had it, but he sees a doc tomorrow and hopefully a cardiologist soon.

Such an event produces copious amounts of adrenal hormones. That is corrosive to the blood vessels. I went through that with a similar situation, but instead of a stroke, it manifested in other ways. I can empathize with your predicament and the grandmother. Our states are just as wicked. There's something called Hospice, that uses up as much insurance money as they can and kills the elderly daily by drugs, withholding food and water.

I have been praying since I read your post.
It sounds like your BIL is the one in a position best able to intervene. I would try to convince him to intervene. I don't know what she is going through, but There are many causes of pain. The food and beverages in those places cause inflammation. Many pain meds when used beyond a short period make the person exquisitely hypersensitive to the pain accompanying arthritis, etc. Sedentary lying in bed is very painful. The body has to be mobile. The joints must move. The lymphatic system only works when there's physical movement too. Those nursing homes are a vicious cycle.
Toxins can cause pain. The biggest source of toxins are medications. The lack of pure water prevents the liver and kidneys from flushing those out and the buildup continues. Those are just common causes.

Does she have the ability to use or have someone hold a smart phone for a little while? I have some gospel presentations that she could listen to if you want to check them out and forward to her.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

 

[JohnDB]

Thank you for your reply. It was very kind of you. I'm just in a constant state of panic and worry. He woke up with a head ache today, and of course I am worrying. He seems okay, says it was just a head ache - which it no doubt was. We work from home together and we run gift shops online, have for 20 years. He's the one who does all the packing of the orders, and he's doing things at a much slower pace for sure. He says he has regained almost 95% of his arm strength, which is good. He teaches karate and went to a class last night, but our son did most of the class and my husband just kind of guided him. He took it easy. So far, his personality isn't all that different, but it's hard to say because on top of all this, the anticipatory grief of his Grandmother passing. We aren't sure if it's today or tomorrow (MAID). If that wasn't also going on, I'd have a better idea of how the stroke has affected him personality wise. Our kids (son is almost 18, daughter is almost 13) have also been traumatized by it all, and my son has a diploma exam today - which is no doubt stressful for him too. Then, on top of it, when we finally got home our vehicle crapped out and it's a $3,000 fix (ouch). Everything all at once, it seems. I keep asking Mother Mary to send her angels, and for Jesus to help us through this horrible time in our lives. I've asked Archangel Michael to put his protection over my husband and kids from any further harm. I don't have a great support system because my mother became disabled last year herself, and my brother has a wife with MS and disabled child to tend to. I feel very alone in all this and scared for our future. Thank you for caring so much and for your words of advice and wisdom, and prayers.

Yeah,
Time for the "big girl panties" of angry mamma and keeping him from overworking himself due to the grief and imposed guilt from his mother. I know you know how to act mad at him for doing dumb things....and where a little work is OK...a full day back already is a bit much.

Mother's are usually a piece of work...mine was no exception when she died either. Here in the USA we don't have MAIDs....and my mother and her "issues" were not helpful for me or my family. But we have friends through church and elsewhere and we're able to successfully navigate my father through everything rather painlessly. (It was not uneventful)

My brothers weren't any help or even capable of doing so. So...it kinda fell to me and my wife.
I know that you want to "stay out of his family's affairs" but guess what? You don't get that luxury. When he married you, you married his entire family. So your assistance is very much required....especially in ways you definitely have talents his family is missing.

My wife helped us by finding a hospice center for my mother...much better place than the nursing home. (Who had no doubts as to why she was there but didn't want to deal with her and refused to tell us that)
I helped dad with the funeral arrangements and my wife did the AV of life pictures and other arrangements. I spoke for the family....again there was nobody else.
He hasn't buried her yet. Not exactly sure when he's going to either. He kinda likes fussing at her (ashes on the mantle of the fireplace) and she don't fuss back. (He is getting the last word for the first time in his life...and enjoying it)

Regardless of how his mother is dying...she is. And that's death and loss to deal with. The seeming betrayal of Christian values she taught him....that's a head scratcher for him to work out...even if you are the sounding board for his confusions surrounding her choices. And I suggest that you become his sounding board to discuss it by encouraging him to talk about it. (Or whatever)
Grieving people don't need platitudes! They just need those alive that love them to spend time with them while they are Grieving. And if you can do that?....
biggest help of all.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

My otherwise healthy 46 year old husband had a stroke 9 days ago. It happened while he was sleeping and he woke up that morning with his entire right arm weak and zero strength in it. I made him go to the ER because he wasn't going to. It was a real shock as we were travelling when this happened, and we were miles away from home in another city. We are thankful that it was what they consider to be a small stroke, but it did show up on the MRI as an actual stroke, and not a TIA. He's doing remarkably well, where some people are not at this point. I am very grateful for that, but I am worried about any future events. I'm feeling a very uneasy and uncertain feeling that I can't shake. If anything, it should've been me. I am overweight and don't make the best food choices sometimes. I am also type 2 diabetic. I don't know why this happened to him, and I can't help but be angry that it has. I'm feeling very lost. We aren't sure why it happened with 100% certainty. He has to follow up with a doctor and cardiologist. He is also not quite himself, which is understandable after going through something like this. But I worry that it's more than that. Most of his stress was due to the fact that his grandmother has chosen to end her life with the assisted suicide and death program (MAID) that is available in Canada here, and he is having a very hard time, wrapping his mind around that and coming to terms with it. I hate the feeling I have in my gut and wish it would go away. I haven't slept well in days. 😞

Dear TaraSkye,

I'm not trying to put any more pressure on you. You and your family are going through more than most and need God's grace. That's what I am trying to convey in as much as I can in a forum. From what you shared you are in very urgent times and that time is of the essence with your Mother in-law.
For her, eternity awaits and I pray that she will make the following decision while she is lucid . Nursing homes often sedate patients so badly that they are unable to hear and un derstand the gospel. She will need someone to play these on full volume and hold a phone close to her through these presentations. Someone cared enough to share the same message with me and she deserves the same. Please urge someone, anyone who will do this where she is at. If you are wondering, the previous 4 minute video is pastor Yankee Arnold of a non denominational church. The one here is a Baptist pastor. It is from YouTube, so it can be shared from there in a text message easily. Feel free to ask if you have any questions. You and your family remain in my prayers.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

PS:
She will need someone to play these on full volume and hold a phone close to her through these presentations. Someone cared enough to share the same message with me and she deserves the same. Please urge someone, anyone who will do this where she is at. I would ask if the care facility has an "Activities Department." Then I would ask if there are any devout christians or evangelicals in the department. Once they come to the phone, describe what you need her to do and the gravity that your MIL needs to hear these ASAP and fully awake.
If she is hard of hearing, sometimes a stiff plastic reflector or plate can be held against the back of the phone to boost volume.
You can ask for a call afterwards to ask your Mom if she understands what they said in the videos.
Are you 100% sure that you will be in heaven?
Why are you certain of that?
If she says something other than," Because Jesus Christ died for my sins and I trusted Him to save me.".... Then she will need to hear them again or have the gospel explained clearly and lead her in prayer. I have a dozen other gospel presentations to choose from, so sometimes one works better than another for different people. The message is the same. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
God bless you.

 

[JohnDB]

And by all this with getting angry and fussing...I mean getting the kids to help with the store...picking and packing the boxes. Not exactly fair but..
Dad was there for them and you will need him going forward. So the kids aren't to whine, cry, fuss, make excuses or in any way frustrate your husband...or else they will have a very furious mother to contend with. That's what I was thinking but didn't write.

Your son helping with the classes is great...but so is behind the scenes picking and packing boxes and envelopes for shipping. Less accolades, but actually more important.

Part of the project of having a family. All for one and one for all. You live or die together. And when the kids say "it's not fair" then remind them that being without a dad due to a second stroke is even more unfair. Because 80% of stroke victims will have another. Especially if they don't change the circumstances of the first stroke.

 

[GRACE_ambassador]

for Jesus to help us through this horrible time in our lives.

Precious friend, I will pray for your and yours; please be encouraged and
Comforted In:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!​

​

Amen.

 

[TaraSkye]

And by all this with getting angry and fussing...I mean getting the kids to help with the store...picking and packing the boxes. Not exactly fair but..
Dad was there for them and you will need him going forward. So the kids aren't to whine, cry, fuss, make excuses or in any way frustrate your husband...or else they will have a very furious mother to contend with. That's what I was thinking but didn't write.

Your son helping with the classes is great...but so is behind the scenes picking and packing boxes and envelopes for shipping. Less accolades, but actually more important.

Part of the project of having a family. All for one and one for all. You live or die together. And when the kids say "it's not fair" then remind them that being without a dad due to a second stroke is even more unfair. Because 80% of stroke victims will have another. Especially if they don't change the circumstances of the first stroke.

This is what I am so fearful of, him having another. I am not sleeping and scared. Our kids have been helpful and are very understanding, we are lucky that way. Our son is in grade 12 and graduating this Spring and he's under a lot of pressure with school work. Our daughter is almost 13 and is handling things okay, but is very upset this happened to her Dad. They are very close. We are a close family. We're doing our best to make things work, even with this anxiety going on. I've told him to only do what he can, and to take breaks. My own mother advised I don't helicopter him, because that may make his stress worse. My Dad had heart issues and a bypass when I was 12, and my Mom was a nag, she will admit that now. I don't want to nag him and constantly tell him what he should and shouldn't do. I totally understand what you're saying, for sure. I agree with you. I am just finding it hard to find a balance of nagging too little, and too much. I don't know what more he can do to lessen his chances of having another stroke, he is a healthy guy otherwise and yes there's always room for improvement with diet, but we do eat fairly well. They said his LDL wasn't that high for a normal guy his age, but now they want him to lower it. We've made changes to what we're eating, for sure. He is keeping hydrated. Sleeping okay. It's this nagging overwhelm that his Grandmother is going into the hospital to die tomorrow morning. It's grief that's doing this to him, I know it. His Dad (her son) passed only 6 years ago, and this is bringing that up for him again. I'm helping him as much as I can with our business, as are our kids. I just don't know what more to do... I am so lost in this. The anxiety and worry has me totally in knots. I've lost 15 lbs since the 30th, if that tells you anything.

 

[TaraSkye]

Precious friend, I will pray for your and yours; please be encouraged and
Comforted In:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!​

​

Amen.

Thank you so much.