How Can We Help, Prevent, and Stop the Abuse of Men in Relationships?

[seekingthemindofChrist]

I think it is very important that people are connecting and have common interests. God should always come first, and don't settle for less. Be not unequally yoked.

Sticking with the oxen analogy, nobody wants to be yoked with me...either equally or unequally.

Slaughter me and serve me for lunch during an outdoor barbecue?

Yea, there is that...

 

[Lanolin]

I think it is very important that people are connecting and have common interests. God should always come first, and don't settle for less. Be not unequally yoked.

BDF is where it's at!

 

[Lynx]

In extensive cognitive testing she scored 15% I scored 85. I've never been in debt, she's been bankrupt twice and almost a third time. I consider the alternatives and outcomes before acting, she runs on pure impulse. I periodically seek counsel, she accepts input from no one. I learn from mistakes, she repeats her mistakes endlessly. I break six figures in income, she barely breaks 4. I look at new situations with the intent to learn and experience things, she thinks whatever was good enough for her mom in 1965 is good enough for her now. When a counselor gives me advice I take it to heart and put it to action, she insists she is who she is and isn't going to try to change. When I need her attention I consider if she is busy, she expects me to stop whatever I'm doing at the drop of a hat to handle her issue. We both have a heart for helping people, she takes it to the level of her own detriment while I put reasonable limits on how big a hit assisting will have on us. I pull my own weight and then some, she expects to be carried and entitled in life. I'm a night owl who respects her need to to go to sleep early, she's a morning person who doesn't hesitate to disturb me at 5 am. When I make a promise or commitment I keep it, she makes promises and commitments with absolutely no intention of honoring them. I speak the truth, she says what she thinks the other person wants to hear.

Sounds like she needs you in her life to bring some order... And you need her in your life to teach you how to have some fun.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

The big issue...if TOO many other men also like your gal and vice versa.
But thats the way it is like some weird fight-to-the-death sport not over a ball but the prize is the gal/guy.

This does not just happen in BARS. It happens in the playground at school. Children as soon as they see others around will do this. Its a popularity contest.

May I ask you a sincere question?

Do you believe that there are any real Christian men on this planet?

 

[LightOfMyLife]

Sticking with the oxen analogy, nobody wants to be yoked with me...either equally or unequally.

Slaughter me and serve me for lunch during an outdoor barbecue?

Yea, there is that...

Prayer changes things so if it is meant for you to be married or just dating it can happen. Pray that God brings the right person into your life.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

Pray that God brings the right person into your life.

I once prayed for God to send me the woman of my dreams, and this is who showed up at my front door the very next day:



I am sorry, but I was meditating on how I needed to renew my auto insurance policy before I went to bed that night.

 

[melita916]

@seoulsearch I don’t mean to derail the thread but…

@JTB what are you wife’s strengths? Your weaknesses? How do you balance each other out?

 

[Lanolin]

May I ask you a sincere question?

Do you believe that there are any real Christian men on this planet?

Sure, why do you ask?

I live in NZ where there has been a man drought for decades though, though we can probably blame the economy for that one. A lot of christian men are married, or they would be very elderly! I'm just saying I don't meet many that are my age. Plus church seems to be designed to keep women apart from men. Like all the groups are only for ladies and I can't count the number of groups that I've been asked to join that are just women only.

Then when I do go in a mixed gathering, I just get pounced on being the single gal by male predators who hang out in church.

 

[JohnDB]

In extensive cognitive testing she scored 15% I scored 85. I've never been in debt, she's been bankrupt twice and almost a third time. I consider the alternatives and outcomes before acting, she runs on pure impulse. I periodically seek counsel, she accepts input from no one. I learn from mistakes, she repeats her mistakes endlessly. I break six figures in income, she barely breaks 4. I look at new situations with the intent to learn and experience things, she thinks whatever was good enough for her mom in 1965 is good enough for her now. When a counselor gives me advice I take it to heart and put it to action, she insists she is who she is and isn't going to try to change. When I need her attention I consider if she is busy, she expects me to stop whatever I'm doing at the drop of a hat to handle her issue. We both have a heart for helping people, she takes it to the level of her own detriment while I put reasonable limits on how big a hit assisting will have on us. I pull my own weight and then some, she expects to be carried and entitled in life. I'm a night owl who respects her need to to go to sleep early, she's a morning person who doesn't hesitate to disturb me at 5 am. When I make a promise or commitment I keep it, she makes promises and commitments with absolutely no intention of honoring them. I speak the truth, she says what she thinks the other person wants to hear.

You might want to watch "Strong Successful Male" (SSM) on YouTube for a bit....

He has some great advice as to what is coming your way.
Where at times he is a bit of a cold hearted person...he has some great insights.

 

[Lynx]

In extensive cognitive testing she scored 15% I scored 85. I've never been in debt, she's been bankrupt twice and almost a third time. I consider the alternatives and outcomes before acting, she runs on pure impulse. I periodically seek counsel, she accepts input from no one. I learn from mistakes, she repeats her mistakes endlessly. I break six figures in income, she barely breaks 4. I look at new situations with the intent to learn and experience things, she thinks whatever was good enough for her mom in 1965 is good enough for her now. When a counselor gives me advice I take it to heart and put it to action, she insists she is who she is and isn't going to try to change. When I need her attention I consider if she is busy, she expects me to stop whatever I'm doing at the drop of a hat to handle her issue. We both have a heart for helping people, she takes it to the level of her own detriment while I put reasonable limits on how big a hit assisting will have on us. I pull my own weight and then some, she expects to be carried and entitled in life. I'm a night owl who respects her need to to go to sleep early, she's a morning person who doesn't hesitate to disturb me at 5 am. When I make a promise or commitment I keep it, she makes promises and commitments with absolutely no intention of honoring them. I speak the truth, she says what she thinks the other person wants to hear.

Actually I think I recently heard a song about you two...

She makes plans for the weekend
Can't wait to go out
Then she changes her mind
Says let's stay on the couch
And watch TV...
...
Then she falls asleep

Beautiful
Crazy
She can't help but
Amaze me
The way that she dances
Ain't afraid to take chances
And wears her heart on her sleeve
Yeah she's crazy
But her crazy
Is beautiful to me

 

[Lynx]

Just pray that she never changes. They made a song about that one too...

I liked you better
When you didn't have your act together
You were a hurricane
And I was into stormy weather
I liked you better before
I liked you better before

 

[presidente]

In extensive cognitive testing she scored 15% I scored 85. I've never been in debt, she's been bankrupt twice and almost a third time. I consider the alternatives and outcomes before acting, she runs on pure impulse. I periodically seek counsel, she accepts input from no one. I learn from mistakes, she repeats her mistakes endlessly. I break six figures in income, she barely breaks 4. I look at new situations with the intent to learn and experience things, she thinks whatever was good enough for her mom in 1965 is good enough for her now. When a counselor gives me advice I take it to heart and put it to action, she insists she is who she is and isn't going to try to change. When I need her attention I consider if she is busy, she expects me to stop whatever I'm doing at the drop of a hat to handle her issue. We both have a heart for helping people, she takes it to the level of her own detriment while I put reasonable limits on how big a hit assisting will have on us. I pull my own weight and then some, she expects to be carried and entitled in life. I'm a night owl who respects her need to to go to sleep early, she's a morning person who doesn't hesitate to disturb me at 5 am. When I make a promise or commitment I keep it, she makes promises and commitments with absolutely no intention of honoring them. I speak the truth, she says what she thinks the other person wants to hear.

You make yourself sound a lot better than your wife, and you make your wife sound like she's not a particularly good wife. The only think positive you mentioned about her is giving to the poor. Is there anything positive about her? Is/was she pretty? Is she amorous toward you? Can she cook? Does she clean? Is she kind? Is she encouraging?

 

[JTB]

I know they say opposites attract, but how was it that you two wound up marrying?

Or did this become evident long after the wedding?

We dated for 4 years, even lived together for a while. We then broke up but we remained friends while dating (or attempting to date) others. The others came and went while we stayed the same. Marriage was a big thing for her so I eventually acquiesced, seeing as there was no alternative choices to be had. I had suspected something was wrong before that, but it wasn't until we were married that I began to suspect the problem was even bigger. Then a family counselor noticed it too and suggested we get tested (her to determine what was going on and me so she wouldn't feel singled out).

 

[JTB]

You make yourself sound a lot better than your wife, and you make your wife sound like she's not a particularly good wife. The only think positive you mentioned about her is giving to the poor. Is there anything positive about her? Is/was she pretty? Is she amorous toward you? Can she cook? Does she clean? Is she kind? Is she encouraging?

She has a heart of gold, yes she cooks and cleans. She's not terrible, just a mismatch.

For example, she's died in the wool Missouri Synod Lutheran. I lean more to the Charismatic side. Her dad always went to church early to prepare and set up, make sure the bathrooms were clean and stocked, sweep the floors etc. Her uncle did the same with his church. I have tried to do the same for my church, but my wife insists I drive her to her church before I go to mine. Her dad drove her mom to church every Sunday for 50 years so golly gee I can just tell my church too bad so sad and do the same (even tho she has people in her church who will give her a ride).

 

[JTB]

Sounds like she needs you in her life to bring some order... And you need her in your life to teach you how to have some fun.

Oh I have fun (she always asks if I came from a circus family) lol

I try to bring her order, but she refuses to listen and change direction when I see her headed towards making the same mistake for the umpteenth time. She's not changeable or teachable.

 

[JTB]

@seoulsearch I don’t mean to derail the thread but…

@JTB what are you wife’s strengths? Your weaknesses? How do you balance each other out?

Again she has a heart of gold. She's a caretaker, that's her strength.

My weaknesses? I'm not sure we have enough room to go into that lol.

And no we do not balance.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

Sure, why do you ask?

I live in NZ where there has been a man drought for decades though, though we can probably blame the economy for that one. A lot of christian men are married, or they would be very elderly! I'm just saying I don't meet many that are my age. Plus church seems to be designed to keep women apart from men. Like all the groups are only for ladies and I can't count the number of groups that I've been asked to join that are just women only.

Then when I do go in a mixed gathering, I just get pounced on being the single gal by male predators who hang out in church.

I asked because I often find truths in the things that you say, but, sometimes, it just seems like the truths are too broadly applied. In other words, that they apply to everybody, and not just to some.

Anyhow, i appreciate you taking the time to give me your answer.

 

[Lynx]

She has a heart of gold, yes she cooks and cleans. She's not terrible, just a mismatch.

For example, she's died in the wool Missouri Synod Lutheran. I lean more to the Charismatic side. Her dad always went to church early to prepare and set up, make sure the bathrooms were clean and stocked, sweep the floors etc. Her uncle did the same with his church. I have tried to do the same for my church, but my wife insists I drive her to her church before I go to mine. Her dad drove her mom to church every Sunday for 50 years so golly gee I can just tell my church too bad so sad and do the same (even tho she has people in her church who will give her a ride).

Well bless your long-suffering heart for being so patient and enduring with her infirmities and glaring deficiencies.

Strange that the women who were more on your level didn't snap you up. Almost as though they felt they would be marrying down...

 

[JTB]

Well bless your long-suffering heart for being so patient and enduring with her infirmities and glaring deficiencies.

Strange that the women who were more on your level didn't snap you up. Almost as though they felt they would be marrying down...

I never said she was bad, I said we weren't a good match. Stop reading into things stuff that isn't actually there.

As for why other women shunned me, well, that circles back around to where we started. Women's preferred choice of chasing jerks and @holes, then giving the nice guy the sob story of how they end up with jerks and @holes... after which they go back to chasing jerks and @holes.

 

[melita916]

@JTB these women you mentioned, were they all from your local fellowship?