Just got out of an abusive relationship.

Ysabel · Jan 7, 2023

Hey… I’m in between being happy and feeling horrible. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for two years, but I know God has someone better for me out there, even if that person is me. He verbally attacked me, told me I was lazy and lacked empathy towards his emotions for not cleaning the house, told me I was a bad person for even talking to another guy because he was insecure and possessive. He’s completely disrespected me and my body in every way imaginable. The worst part is I thought he was a god send, but honestly feels more like the devil. I’m leaving him, but please let me know any post breakup advice ! Thank you 💕

HopeinHim4ever · Jan 7, 2023

Ysabel said:

Hey… I’m in between being happy and feeling horrible. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for two years, but I know God has someone better for me out there, even if that person is me. He verbally attacked me, told me I was lazy and lacked empathy towards his emotions for not cleaning the house, told me I was a bad person for even talking to another guy because he was insecure and possessive. He’s completely disrespected me and my body in every way imaginable. The worst part is I thought he was a god send, but honestly feels more like the devil. I’m leaving him, but please let me know any post breakup advice ! Thank you 💕

I'm curious... were you living together or just dating?

cinder · Jan 7, 2023

Ysabel said:

Don't get into a rebound relationship. Just keep telling yourself, better single than in a bad relationship. And if you're not, try to get involved in a good church (easier said than done, but having real life local people around you that you have some connection with is important too).

Lanolin · Jan 7, 2023

Focus on cultivating friendships and fellowship before relationships.

The only relationship a Christian needs to focus on is the one they already have with the Lord.

HealthAndHappiness · Jan 7, 2023

Ysabel said:

Go back to your parents and avoid dating until you establish a good local church family. You developed wounds that need to heal and habits that only the Lord and His Word can set you apart from. Right now you will be prone to repeating the same mistake with another wrong guy. Right now, it would be best to focus on THIS way of finding the right man. His name is Jesus. <
He will lead into all truth and the Father will meet your needs. Please listen to the link and pray at the end. The worse that will happen is a blessing.

Have a great day.

kinda · Jan 7, 2023

ReQuiem · Jan 9, 2023

Well I mean, dating should not exist, it should be marriage or nothing from what my understanding of the Bible is.

"8 and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”"
Mark 10:8-9

And also from the Bible it would seems that the only legitimate ground for divorce is cheating.

"32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."
Matthew 5:32

So my advice would be to try to follow God in the future, as you can clearly see that following your own ways ended up in more hurt than good.

If someone is acting against the commands of God, then it is most likely not a God sent. And if it is; it is not until they repent that you should consider joining yourself to them in holy matrimony.

"“But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?"
Luke 6:46

Moses_Young · Jan 13, 2023

HealthAndHappiness said:

Go back to your parents and avoid dating until you establish a good local church family. You developed wounds that need to heal and habits that only the Lord and His Word can set you apart from. Right now you will be prone to repeating the same mistake with another wrong guy. Right now, it would be best to focus on THIS way of finding the right man. His name is Jesus. <
He will lead into all truth and the Father will meet your needs. Please listen to the link and pray at the end. The worse that will happen is a blessing.

Have a great day.

Sounds like good advice, to counteract some of the shrill voices that are out there.

HealthAndHappiness · Jan 13, 2023

Moses_Young said:

I've heard the exact same story before.
If she is married, she needs to reconcile immediately, and work on that relationship with her husband and with the Lord. But if this is just a boyfriend,
It's human to make another mistake at this time by trying to find another guy to take his place. Chances are that would be another disappointment. Many women going through this situation just want to talk and get comfort and sympathy. Of course that's normal. Ysabel did the honorable thing and did more than that. She asked for help," post breakup advice."

Jesus said, "Ask and ye shall receive."

She did when she received the video link of good news. That decision is the biggest help she can get.
If she finds, attends a good church and humbly stays in the Bible daily, God will direct her path clearly. That's the good relationship she needs. Maybe next year or so He will provide a man with that same relationship after plenty of time for growth.
She will need a good safe environment at her parents right now. Maybe it's time to make that decision, go back home and look for a good Bible believing church.

HopeinHim4ever · Jan 14, 2023

HopeinHim4ever said:

I wanted to clarify that I'm not trying to come across judgemental by asking this question. If you were living in an ungodly situation then I am glad you are out of it now, and hope you are following the Lord, but im sorry for the pain you experienced either way. My best breakup advice, seek the Lord and let him do an amazing work in your life during this painful time!

Dino246 · Jan 15, 2023

ReQuiem said:

Welcome to CC, and...

I disagree completely... and my understanding is based on both Scripture and experience in the world.

Unless you are advocating arranged marriages (which are quite unrealistic for most Western adults) I suspect you won't find anyone today who will be willing to marry without getting their future spouse first... ie. "dating".

Dino246 · Jan 15, 2023

Ysabel said:

Welcome to CC!

Sorry you've been through this. What you describe likely resulted in some emotional and even spiritual wounds from which you need healing. Take some time with a competent pastor or mature believer who can help you process the junk. If you don't do so, you will carry the wounds into the next relationship, no matter how long you wait.

ReQuiem · Jan 17, 2023

Dino246 said:

Well I do not know what you mean by dating.
If by dating you mean courting a woman; getting to know her in several activities and such. Yes; nothing wrong with that; in fact very important to get to know eachother and make sure you are not going to be unequally yoked.

However if dating means having some form of physicals interactions (aside from holding hands and other such harmless behaviors); then no; this is not biblical at all.

But since I discover that not everyone has the same definition of what dating is; I'd rather wait for you to clarify what you mean by that.

Edit: and oh, thank you for the welcoming ^^

Dino246 · Jan 17, 2023

ReQuiem said:

Dating between Christians should indeed have strict physical-intimacy limitations. We don't live by the world's standards.

I think we're on the same page.

PennEd · Jan 17, 2023

Ysabel said:

I'm terribly sorry you went through that.

It sounds like you are living together. My only advice is that in any future relationship, DO NOT live together BEFORE marriage. No matter what the economic or romantic situation.

May God be with you!

SonLight_Wolf · Jan 17, 2023

Ysabel said:

Now that you've made up your mind, don't change it.
Get out!

You've finally realized you are not who his abuse seeks to mold you to be so he can control you.

Good for you! I'm very proud of you.

Now, go!

And whatever you do, don't tell him where you're going. Block his number. And don't let yourself to ever consider returning to him. Because it will be far worse than before.

Love doesn't break you! It builds you up.

Nehemiah6 · Jan 17, 2023

Ysabel said:

My advice would be: (1) Know the Lord first of all and (2) know yourself. There is generally a tendency to totally blame the other party, but you should examine yourself and determine how you got into a bad relationship in the first place. And were there any attitudes and actions of yours that should not have been there.

SonLight_Wolf · Jan 17, 2023

Advice #1 , ignore that which implies you can be responsible for being abused by your boyfriend.

Nehemiah6 · Jan 18, 2023

SonLight_Wolf said:

Many people choose to put themselves into bad relationships, whether consciously or unconsciously. Many also sabotage themselves. So what you have said is not true.

Sculpt · Jan 18, 2023

Ysabel said:

When you put your trust in God... by understanding, knowing and believing that Jesus Christ is God's son, who suffered and died for your sins and came back to life and showed himself to many who knew and trusted in him... and when you repent of your sins and establish a new relationship with Jesus, you will be adopted into the family of God. You will become a daughter of your Father God. This is the One who created the Earth, life, flowers, cats and love. You have dignity because you are made in the image of God, and you are very precious to your Father God.

My post breakup advice is to join a bible study and a small local church and make friends with your brothers and sisters in the Lord. Pray to God in Joshua Messiah's name (Jesus Christ english version) to lead you to the right people. If you haven't already, purchase a bible and start by reading Mark and Genesis.

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