Move out or stay at my parents?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#1
Mar 8, 2022
1,170
772
113
#1
My employer has allowed me to continue working remotely. God has made it possible to live near my generally healthy parents, which my parents and I have been loosely wishing/praying for in the back of our minds. Next question is if I should move out or stay at my parents. I believe God is telling me to move out, even though my parents are not too thrilled about this saying it is a waste of money (rent and buying a car/insurance) and I'd be too lonely. They also made some comments that I don't date. I am in my mid 30s. I've already made a bit of a sacrifice by forgoing office social life (which isn't too significant since everyone is teleworking some days) and harm to future promotions due to reduced face time. By moving out I would at least be motivated to go to church (since the pandemic I stopped and my parents are not churchgoers). I'd also have more space (for all my items currently in storage, better work space/setup, etc.) and I'd live in a more convenient location. There are some downsides that I would not see my parents and cat everyday, but I'd try to visit relatively often which is way better than living multiple states away. My life would also be less convenient (my mom does most of the cooking, she doesn't mind, etc.), and I'd have to relearn driving and buy a car (previously I just took public transport/Uber and during pandemic parents/friends drove.). I do think it is time for me to move out. Thoughts?
 
Artios1

Artios1

Born again to serve
#2
Dec 11, 2020
678
420
63
#2
MsMediator said:
My employer has allowed me to continue working remotely. God has made it possible to live near my generally healthy parents, which my parents and I have been loosely wishing/praying for in the back of our minds. Next question is if I should move out or stay at my parents. I believe God is telling me to move out, even though my parents are not too thrilled about this saying it is a waste of money (rent and buying a car/insurance) and I'd be too lonely. They also made some comments that I don't date. I am in my mid 30s. I've already made a bit of a sacrifice by forgoing office social life (which isn't too significant since everyone is teleworking some days) and harm to future promotions due to reduced face time. By moving out I would at least be motivated to go to church (since the pandemic I stopped and my parents are not churchgoers). I'd also have more space (for all my items currently in storage, better work space/setup, etc.) and I'd live in a more convenient location. There are some downsides that I would not see my parents and cat everyday, but I'd try to visit relatively often which is way better than living multiple states away. My life would also be less convenient (my mom does most of the cooking, she doesn't mind, etc.), and I'd have to relearn driving and buy a car (previously I just took public transport/Uber and during pandemic parents/friends drove.). I do think it is time for me to move out. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
There is an upside and downside to living on your own ….

The financial end (as your parents stated) is the downside..... rent, food, car, car insurance, food, renters insurance, utilities (not covered by rent), goldfish (got to have a goldfish) and the miscellaneous things that can add up.

The upside is the growth that comes with independence …

My suggestion is start slow …. Right now, while you are living at home get a car and insurance, start going to church …. And start now buying food and cooking at least for yourself, if not your parents also (maybe a couple times a week) ….work this out with your mom so she doesn’t get insulted …(it’s her kitchen)…

This will help graduate your move slowly ….it is also believing action allowing God to open the doors for a place to live…
 
K

KostasLT

Member
#3
Nov 17, 2022
72
30
18
#3
MsMediator said:
My employer has allowed me to continue working remotely. God has made it possible to live near my generally healthy parents, which my parents and I have been loosely wishing/praying for in the back of our minds. Next question is if I should move out or stay at my parents. I believe God is telling me to move out, even though my parents are not too thrilled about this saying it is a waste of money (rent and buying a car/insurance) and I'd be too lonely. They also made some comments that I don't date. I am in my mid 30s. I've already made a bit of a sacrifice by forgoing office social life (which isn't too significant since everyone is teleworking some days) and harm to future promotions due to reduced face time. By moving out I would at least be motivated to go to church (since the pandemic I stopped and my parents are not churchgoers). I'd also have more space (for all my items currently in storage, better work space/setup, etc.) and I'd live in a more convenient location. There are some downsides that I would not see my parents and cat everyday, but I'd try to visit relatively often which is way better than living multiple states away. My life would also be less convenient (my mom does most of the cooking, she doesn't mind, etc.), and I'd have to relearn driving and buy a car (previously I just took public transport/Uber and during pandemic parents/friends drove.). I do think it is time for me to move out. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Stay with your parents. Nothing wrong with it. You can actually live with your parents and be somewhat independent.

Women particularly tend to have a hard time living alone, and in many cases end with mental issues. My sincere advice is to enjoy your family for as long as they are on this world. And the day your parents pass away, you will remember how you spent your time usefully with the second best blessing of your life rather than abandoning them while they were still fine, and enter the new phase more cheerfully. Best of luck.
 
K

KostasLT

Member
#4
Nov 17, 2022
72
30
18
#4
Really, I will never understand the people who say move out ASAP as soon as you turn 18. In the old days people stayed in their parents home even when they married and had children. And it turned out it was not that bad of an idea.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#5
Mar 8, 2022
1,170
772
113
#5
KostasLT said:
Stay with your parents. Nothing wrong with it. You can actually live with your parents and be somewhat independent.

Women particularly tend to have a hard time living alone, and in many cases end with mental issues. My sincere advice is to enjoy your family for as long as they are on this world. And the day your parents pass away, you will remember how you spent your time usefully with the second best blessing of your life rather than abandoning them while they were still fine, and enter the new phase more cheerfully. Best of luck.
Click to expand...
I have lived alone before and it has been fine. In my specific situation I cannot be independent because my parents are not too encouraging of me driving/having a car. I am already now living in the same city.
 
K

KostasLT

Member
#6
Nov 17, 2022
72
30
18
#6
MsMediator said:
I have lived alone before and it has been fine. In my specific situation I cannot be independent because my parents are not too encouraging of me driving/having a car. I am already now living in the same city.
Click to expand...
Is it necessary for you to have a car?
 
Billyd

Billyd

Senior Member
#8
May 8, 2014
5,247
1,660
113
#8
Artios1 said:
There is an upside and downside to living on your own ….

The financial end (as your parents stated) is the downside..... rent, food, car, car insurance, food, renters insurance, utilities (not covered by rent), goldfish (got to have a goldfish) and the miscellaneous things that can add up.

The upside is the growth that comes with independence …

My suggestion is start slow …. Right now, while you are living at home get a car and insurance, start going to church …. And start now buying food and cooking at least for yourself, if not your parents also (maybe a couple times a week) ….work this out with your mom so she doesn’t get insulted …(it’s her kitchen)…

This will help graduate your move slowly ….it is also believing action allowing God to open the doors for a place to live…
Click to expand...
This is excellent advice. Especially start going to church. I suggest getting involved in the church ministries also.

One thing to always remember while you are living at home. When you are going to be late, Mom and Dad are going to be worried. Give them a call or text and let them know that you are okay.

If you are working from home, make sure that they understand that work time is not family time. They should know that you don't need to be interrupted. Something like "when the door is closed, you are at word" or an "at work" sign, will need to be observed.
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
#9
Jul 7, 2022
10,606
4,535
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#9
MsMediator said:
My employer has allowed me to continue working remotely. God has made it possible to live near my generally healthy parents, which my parents and I have been loosely wishing/praying for in the back of our minds. Next question is if I should move out or stay at my parents. I believe God is telling me to move out, even though my parents are not too thrilled about this saying it is a waste of money (rent and buying a car/insurance) and I'd be too lonely. They also made some comments that I don't date. I am in my mid 30s. I've already made a bit of a sacrifice by forgoing office social life (which isn't too significant since everyone is teleworking some days) and harm to future promotions due to reduced face time. By moving out I would at least be motivated to go to church (since the pandemic I stopped and my parents are not churchgoers). I'd also have more space (for all my items currently in storage, better work space/setup, etc.) and I'd live in a more convenient location. There are some downsides that I would not see my parents and cat everyday, but I'd try to visit relatively often which is way better than living multiple states away. My life would also be less convenient (my mom does most of the cooking, she doesn't mind, etc.), and I'd have to relearn driving and buy a car (previously I just took public transport/Uber and during pandemic parents/friends drove.). I do think it is time for me to move out. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
That's a question many young ladies decide early on. I will be honest with you. It usually doesn't go well.

You have more than these two options that you might not have thought of that you might want to consider too. Stay with your parents and split responsibilities with your Mom, like cooking, cleaning and laundry.....basic domestic chores. Once you have that as a good habit, your future will be brighter when you have a family and that becomes the same X 3. Plus, your Mom earned it for raising you as your own children need that same responsibility by adolescence at latest. Ask your Dad to teach you how to do Dad stuff like fix things and maintain his car. You should change the oil and check filters, etc. every season, that 4X year. If you marry, remember that most guys don't do that kind of stuff that was more common in our grandfather's generation. Most guys today have no idea and depend on mechanics/ contractors that rip them off. They rip off ladies too. So do all professions. If you need to go somewhere, borrow your Dad's car and fill up the tank. Help with insurance. That will give you what freedom a lady needs without the burden of all the rest. If/ when you get married, you might not even need two cars in your family. Maybe you will. Regardless, you won't know until then and will both figure it out.
Add to your routine a child health care class from someone like Dr Patricia Daniels. She practiced medicine and natural health care many years. She can train you to save tens of thousands of dollars and have far better outcomes with you and your future family. You won't need to depend upon pediatricians poisoning your infants and will have a happier and healthier family IMHO.

Find a good church in your area and borrow the car or catch a ride with a regular lady who attends. Pitch in for gas too. Don't expect the parents to support church attendance or to deny you that. Most don't care. They should consider that better than being a bar fly or living with a boyfriend. Work on these life skills and you'll attract a decent man and avoid the perils of living independently.
That's my opinion.
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
#11
Jul 7, 2022
10,606
4,535
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#11
MsMediator said:
My employer has allowed me to continue working remotely. God has made it possible to live near my generally healthy parents, which my parents and I have been loosely wishing/praying for in the back of our minds. Next question is if I should move out or stay at my parents. I believe God is telling me to move out, even though my parents are not too thrilled about this saying it is a waste of money (rent and buying a car/insurance) and I'd be too lonely. They also made some comments that I don't date. I am in my mid 30s. I've already made a bit of a sacrifice by forgoing office social life (which isn't too significant since everyone is teleworking some days) and harm to future promotions due to reduced face time. By moving out I would at least be motivated to go to church (since the pandemic I stopped and my parents are not churchgoers). I'd also have more space (for all my items currently in storage, better work space/setup, etc.) and I'd live in a more convenient location. There are some downsides that I would not see my parents and cat everyday, but I'd try to visit relatively often which is way better than living multiple states away. My life would also be less convenient (my mom does most of the cooking, she doesn't mind, etc.), and I'd have to relearn driving and buy a car (previously I just took public transport/Uber and during pandemic parents/friends drove.). I do think it is time for me to move out. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Hi again .
I was listening to an interview with Dr Daniels earlier while doing laundry and she mentioned her Home Healers Program. I remembered mentioning it as a great skill set to have. If you don't depend on medical doctors for your health, this might interest you. Perhaps even her free broadcasts.
Home Healer's Program begins at 33:33 mark

I Hope the Lord directs your steps.
Good day..
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#12
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#12
depends on how good public transport is in the city whether you actually need a car or not, some can get by without one.

If God is telling you to move out what is the purpose of it, so your parents can have a break or...is it for yourself or is it He actually wants you to do something for Him?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#13
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#13
and where exactly has He been telling you to move to? The garage? the house next door? Two blocks away? With another family? Or by yourself in an apartment? Do you need to isolate?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#14
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#14
werent the YMCAs and YWCAs places young christians could live away from the parents just because. I dont know if they still operate that way.

They had pastoral care or so I heard but could be noisy places.

Buying a place of your own would be a huge deal but only if you can actually afford it. sure you could pay a desposit but th. paying a mortgage is another story you need to figure out esp job security, Is it? Not many jobs are and do you have several income streams cos if not, it will be foreclosed.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#15
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#15
Buying a house AND car is a big expense why not just buy a car and learn to drive it if you actually have somewhere to park it. Theres also mobile homes and RVs.

if its an aprtment in the city you wont really need a car.

The other thing is you could bike if you dont have a bike already. in terms of independence if you dont want to use public transport, though you do need to be road savvy.

homelessness is a big problem theses days. Be thankful you can stay at home and your parents love you and want you around. If they not treating you badly then why not stay?
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#16
Mar 8, 2022
1,170
772
113
#16
Lanolin said:
and where exactly has He been telling you to move to? The garage? the house next door? Two blocks away? With another family? Or by yourself in an apartment? Do you need to isolate?
Click to expand...
Public transport is not good where I live; I usually take Uber when I can't get a ride. I believe God is telling me it is time to move out, get my own apartment. I am actually more isolated living at home with my parents. I'd have a place for my friends to visit me, and also more motivated to meet people. Just feel like I am back in high school. I don't really like friends to visit me at my parents as they can be meddling sometimes critical.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#17
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#17
MsMediator said:
Public transport is not good where I live; I usually take Uber when I can't get a ride. I believe God is telling me it is time to move out, get my own apartment. I am actually more isolated living at home with my parents. I'd have a place for my friends to visit me, and also more motivated to meet people. Just feel like I am back in high school. I don't really like friends to visit me at my parents as they can be meddling sometimes critical.
Click to expand...
yea its a drag. is there an apartment available though? That you can afford?

when I asked what God has in mind I mean more than just for you. Is there some kind of ministry that He wants you to do in this apartment? Even if its just a place/space to pray.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#18
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#18
Apartments often do not have car parking space so factor that in. Or you have to pay extra for the privelige.

also...apartment dwellers often ned to join a body corporate. Do you want to have all those rules of what you can and cant do, living in an apartment? You wont have much outdoor space at all.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#19
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#19
Most aprtment dwellers dont visit each other in aparmtents...they dont actually have the space for guests. But you can meet in cafes that may be close by.

I recall when I had friends that had apartments they never wanted me to visit them cos they had no room. lol

They always wanted to go out anyway. You cant have parties in apartments. You cant hang your washing out either.in some you might be able to hang out on the roof. As long as you dont fall off.
 
TheNarrowPath

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
#20
Jul 17, 2022
1,012
548
113
#20
If God is telling you to move out then move out. Youve done it before with success, this should be no different. Your parents will appreciate it when you visit them and tell them all about how well you are doing in your new life.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.