Anyone else cant get friends?

[KJ91]

Not sure if this is the wrong part of the forum to write about this.

But yeah.

I have not had a friend for a very long time. Im currently 31, had my last friend when i was about 15. So it was a long time ago.

I tried befriend many, both males and females, christians and non-christians alike. But it never works. IRL everyone always avoids and ignores me.

On internet its a little bit better, some talk to me but its always dies out after a week or 2. They always stop writing to me and never responds again.

I am very self-aware, so im really trying to anaylize why i keep failing. Im not behaving bad.
So it cant be that. So the only reason must be that im very dumb and have low iq, i have
no idea how to talk to people. I actually read many books about how to "improve" your iq and
improve your social skills, biut it has not worked for me. So i must so dumb and have such a low iq thats impossible for me to improve to acceptable level. Which means i will
keep being friendless until the day i die.

I heard people say "someone will accept you" and "just be nice and people will love you your heart". But as i said, im not mean to people. I care for people. I have compassion. And yet,
nobody liked me for 16 years. So something must be wrong with my brain.

I prayed to God about this many many times. But he is not helping. God can do everything,
But i dont think he improves people IQ. Its not how he works. I guess he gave me
this lonely life for a reason. Not sure why yet. Maybe he wants me for himself.

 

[Going_Nowhere]

I'm a man who walks alone. No friends, no partner. Only have my thoughts to keep me company.


But you know what? I like it that way.


There's something truly mystical about being alone. I wouldn't want it any other way.

 

[KJ91]

I'm a man who walks alone. No friends, no partner. Only have my thoughts to keep me company.


But you know what? I like it that way.


There's something truly mystical about being alone. I wouldn't want it any other way.

When was last time you had friends and a partner?

 

[Going_Nowhere]

When was last time you had friends and a partner?

Never had a partner.


Last time I had friends was back in school, I guess.


I was never good with people and eventually grew accustomed to being alone.


So yeah. 🤷‍♂️

 

[KJ91]

Never had a partner.


Last time I had friends was back in school, I guess.


I was never good with people and eventually grew accustomed to being alone.


So yeah. 🤷‍♂️

Alright.

When was the school? How many years ago?

 

[Magenta]

A while back.

Belated birthday greetings!

 

[Going_Nowhere]

Thank you, Magenta. I appreciate that.

 

[Runningman]

Not sure if this is the wrong part of the forum to write about this.

But yeah.

I have not had a friend for a very long time. Im currently 31, had my last friend when i was about 15. So it was a long time ago.

I tried befriend many, both males and females, christians and non-christians alike. But it never works. IRL everyone always avoids and ignores me.

On internet its a little bit better, some talk to me but its always dies out after a week or 2. They always stop writing to me and never responds again.

I am very self-aware, so im really trying to anaylize why i keep failing. Im not behaving bad.
So it cant be that. So the only reason must be that im very dumb and have low iq, i have
no idea how to talk to people. I actually read many books about how to "improve" your iq and
improve your social skills, biut it has not worked for me. So i must so dumb and have such a low iq thats impossible for me to improve to acceptable level. Which means i will
keep being friendless until the day i die.

I heard people say "someone will accept you" and "just be nice and people will love you your heart". But as i said, im not mean to people. I care for people. I have compassion. And yet,
nobody liked me for 16 years. So something must be wrong with my brain.

I prayed to God about this many many times. But he is not helping. God can do everything,
But i dont think he improves people IQ. Its not how he works. I guess he gave me
this lonely life for a reason. Not sure why yet. Maybe he wants me for himself.

It isn't really about IQ or intelligence when it comes to making friends, it's about how nice and friendly one is. IQ doesn't really play a factor. My IQ is somewhere in the triple digits, but that hasn't helped me make friends. Most of the people I like to be around are those who are just friendly, smile, and aren't trying to impress me. I'm quick to detect if I think someone is trying to manipulate me, especially in person.

Just be yourself, but try to not be reserved. Making friends requires a bit of opening up. People are undoubtedly curious about who you are, but if you hold back too much they won't try to force you. They'll likely move on, just my opinion. Welcome to the forum and I would be happy to be your friend.

 

[TabinRivCA]

If you'd like to join a zoom small group Bible study, let me know. Everybody is loved and accepted in the groups. There should be Christian zoom small groups on FB and YT I suspect. You are loved, you just need to connect with some like-minded young Christian people. God does answer prayers, ask then put your trust in His goodness, God bless you!

 

[Lynx]

In my experience you don't make friends. You discover them. Usually you find them doing the same things you like to do.

If you set out to intentionally find people to be your friends, you will come off as needy and people will avoid you.

What interests do you have? Rollerblading? Online games like World of Warcraft? Online shooters like Fortnite? Knitting? Macrame? Find some people who like the same thing.

 

[cinder]

Partly what Lynx said. Or to paraphrase what CS Lewis said in the 4 loves.... people who just want friends can't make them because there's nothing for the friendship to be about.

I'd probably also say that the negative self talk needs to stop. Yes I'd love to have people contacting me and inviting me to do more stuff, but if you want to do stuff with people take the initiative. Also don't think that they stopped talking to you because of you. A zillion things can happen in life that especially your online friends don't know about.

I didn't become less active on CC do to any specific member or interaction with them. I became less active because I started teaching a Bible study and it took up a lot of time. I haven't called my board gaming friends from my old church, not because of anything personal against them, but because life happens and we just don't have that weekly connection anymore.

What I've learned from my own life is that some people find other people fascinating, they usually end up with a lot of friends because they genuinely want to know about people. Then there's people like me who aren't really interested in what you're saying until you propose a theory or idea they can pick apart and debate and discuss or a problem to solve. They tend to have fewer friends in general and even then the friendships don't get personal.

And if all else fails, start with a dog who will love you just for feeding it and taking it for walks and giving it some attention. Also if you get a dog that loves everyone they're a great conversation starter if you take it out to a public place for a walk you will meet all the other dog lovers who talk to your dog through you.

 

[Lynx]

And if all else fails, start with a dog who will love you just for feeding it and taking it for walks and giving it some attention. Also if you get a dog that loves everyone they're a great conversation starter if you take it out to a public place for a walk you will meet all the other dog lovers who talk to your dog through you.

And if you get a dog who does NOT love everyone... Apparently the trick is to always carry a pocket full of dog treats to give to people to give to the dog. =^.^=

 

[cinder]

And if you get a dog who does NOT love everyone... Apparently the trick is to always carry a pocket full of dog treats to give to people to give to the dog. =^.^=

And give said dog plenty of time to destress from traumatic life circumstances and learn she's safe at her own pace. But treats sure help. Also avoid animal abusers who call themselves dog trainers but define training as hurting the dog anytime they do something the human doesn't like.

 

[G00WZ]

I got lots of friends just look at Lynx and Cinder over there.
When i came into this thread Lynx was like "oh my gerd its G00WZ my main man!, my life is totally complete now". As for Cinder she fainted but now that shes back up again her reaction is something like this even though she will 100% deny it lol.

But on a serious note you can make friends, it's easier if you have a hobby or something though. Find something your passionate about and get into a group or something



High I.Q doesn't make you friends i have some friends who are as dumb as rocks and a few who are actual geniuses, usually the higher the I.Q the less friends you tend to have because it's hard to relate and socialize with normal people.

Having hobbies that you're passionate about and getting into different community groups based around them is a good way to make friends.

I have a lot of friends but the thing is when you have a hoard of friends it's a responsibility relating with and dealing with multiple personalities and multiple problems they might have. I know with me im introverted typical INTJ type personality but because i was raised by my father who is ESFJ super extraverted i know how to socialize.

 

[Lynx]

I got lots of friends just look at Lynx and Cinder over there.
When i came into this thread Lynx was like "oh my gerd its G00WZ my main man!, my life is totally complete now". As for Cinder she fainted but now that shes back up again her reaction is something like this even though she will 100% deny it lol.

Hey don't drag me in this! Your delusions are not my problem.

I have a lot of friends but the thing is when you have a hoard of friends it's a responsibility relating with and dealing with multiple personalities and multiple problems they might have. I know with me im introverted typical INTJ type personality but because i was raised by my father who is ESFJ super extraverted i know how to socialize.

Even the Bible says that a person who has friends has to put time and energy into maintaining all those relationships.

Me, I'm with Edie Brickell.

The first verse is what her friends say to her. "We notice you don't come around, but it's up to you to keep touch with us." The chorus is her reply. "Forget it. I give up. It's better to be alone."

 

[KJ91]

It isn't really about IQ or intelligence when it comes to making friends, it's about how nice and friendly one is. IQ doesn't really play a factor. My IQ is somewhere in the triple digits, but that hasn't helped me make friends. Most of the people I like to be around are those who are just friendly, smile, and aren't trying to impress me. I'm quick to detect if I think someone is trying to manipulate me, especially in person.

Just be yourself, but try to not be reserved. Making friends requires a bit of opening up. People are undoubtedly curious about who you are, but if you hold back too much they won't try to force you. They'll likely move on, just my opinion. Welcome to the forum and I would be happy to be your friend.

Well, im friendly and nice. And still nobody ever wants to be my friend. So it has to be about my IQ. I have no idea how to talk to people. Nobody wants to be friend with someone who cant hold a normal conversation.

 

[KJ91]

If you'd like to join a zoom small group Bible study, let me know. Everybody is loved and accepted in the groups. There should be Christian zoom small groups on FB and YT I suspect. You are loved, you just need to connect with some like-minded young Christian people. God does answer prayers, ask then put your trust in His goodness, God bless you!

Im already in bible study groups and even pray meetings. I have no problem getting accepted into such groups. However, nobody wants to know me personally, in private way. I already tried to befriend many born-again christians, i failed with everyone.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Not sure if this is the wrong part of the forum to write about this.

But yeah.

I have not had a friend for a very long time. Im currently 31, had my last friend when i was about 15. So it was a long time ago.

I tried befriend many, both males and females, christians and non-christians alike. But it never works. IRL everyone always avoids and ignores me.

On internet its a little bit better, some talk to me but its always dies out after a week or 2. They always stop writing to me and never responds again.

I am very self-aware, so im really trying to anaylize why i keep failing. Im not behaving bad.
So it cant be that. So the only reason must be that im very dumb and have low iq, i have
no idea how to talk to people. I actually read many books about how to "improve" your iq and
improve your social skills, biut it has not worked for me. So i must so dumb and have such a low iq thats impossible for me to improve to acceptable level. Which means i will
keep being friendless until the day i die.

I heard people say "someone will accept you" and "just be nice and people will love you your heart". But as i said, im not mean to people. I care for people. I have compassion. And yet,
nobody liked me for 16 years. So something must be wrong with my brain.

I prayed to God about this many many times. But he is not helping. God can do everything,
But i dont think he improves people IQ. Its not how he works. I guess he gave me
this lonely life for a reason. Not sure why yet. Maybe he wants me for himself.

Not being mean and the other things you mentioned are only the first step onto making friends. But it doesn't end there.

I see you frequently put yourself down. Is this normal for you to do in front of others? If so that could be one deterrent to making friends. Sure we may all have moments where we feel like thar, but if it is the norm for you people will avoid you.
Many simply don't want to be around such negativity for very long.
Some may see it as your fishing for compliments, which people dislike.
Others may come around believing they can help, and when they can't, they move on.

Your inability to come to a rational conclusion, and instead are convinced it's an IQ thing shows your inability to recognize and diagnose personal issues in a healthy and balanced manner.
This affects the way you approach and interact with people, likely in a negative way.
It also prohibits any real personal or social growth as your focus is in the wrong area.

You falsely believe that everyone that doesn't stick around does so because of a fault within you. This, again, negatively affects the way you approach and interact with people.
The reality is most of the people any of us will meet won't stick around. There are too many variables to get into why this is so, but it's pretty normal for everyone, not just you.
And this is especially true online. Most people aren't online to seek out long term, lasting friendships but for some generalized social interaction. It's true people can form friendships this way, but those are formed naturally and often unexpectedly.

Which brings us to the next point, the more you seek friends the more you're likely to push to become friends with people, and this will actually drive people away. They'll sense the major imbalance in the relationship, or feel pressured, and not want to continue.
Friendships form naturally based on connection, not forced by someone trying to fulfill a personal need.

And that touches on the likelihood that by now your motive for friendship is more about You and getting what you want than it is on two people sharing a mutual connection. And, again, this will affect the way you interact with and approach people. And in turn how they respond to you.

It may be possible you're lacking in some social skills that's making it harder for you to connect. And you may not be able to recognize that lack.
Or any of the issues mentioned (or something I haven't mentioned) above may be driving people away.

I used to have trouble holding onto friends. And I started down the "woe is me" path, much like you're doing.
But eventually I had stopped pitying myself and took a long hard look at myself, the way I behaved, spoke, etc...
And I began to consider some of the complaints about myself I heard from friends over the years. Especially ones that came up repeatedly.
As well as thinking about those same behaviors I saw in others and how they affected how I felt towards the people exhibiting them.

What I learned was some things I didn't believe mattered or affected my friendships actually Did affect them.
I began to see some negative traits I was unaware of that I exhibited towards my friends.
And as I began recognizing and accepting that these things were there and existed and I was responsible for, as well as seeing how they affected others, I also began to try to change them.
This meant treating my friends differently, speaking differently, being more patient, not always speaking so negatively (including about myself).
It wasn't easy, especially accepting and owning some of these behaviors I had spent many years denying. But I did improve, as did my relationships.

Now there's plenty for you to digest and consider. And not one piece of it has Anything to do with IQ.

 

[KJ91]

In my experience you don't make friends. You discover them. Usually you find them doing the same things you like to do.

If you set out to intentionally find people to be your friends, you will come off as needy and people will avoid you.

What interests do you have? Rollerblading? Online games like World of Warcraft? Online shooters like Fortnite? Knitting? Macrame? Find some people who like the same thing.

I understand what you are saying. But nobody discover me nor did i discover anyone, even thought i have many hobbies. So one can only assume that something is seriously wrong with my brain. Im lacking something in my brain that is needed for social skills.

 

[Mem]

have you considered eq, emotional intelligence? as the data from the Oxford dictionary explains:
NOUN

1. the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically:
   "emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success"