Relationships and Your Parents…

Kireina · Sep 2, 2022

Hello sis @Mel85 😊 my sweet sister 🥰

I think since he is an unbeliever better be careful not to enter in a lion's cage.... because it will be hard to come out...

It took me 5 years to come out it is hard specially if things get deeper between you two already..

Think about this if you want a marriage that is blessed by the Lord... Wait for the one who loves your God also.... above all we should ask the Lord Jesus first in everything and anything if the relationship you will going to enter soon is the relationship he approves to have for His children.

Your Mom is right no no if he is not a believer 😊 but about the man's culture and ethnicity...it is wrong... but I believe your mom doesn't care that much if he is black,brown, white or red...I am sure She knows that Jesus loves everyone regardless of your color...

My Parents are not believers...they don't interven actually whoever I choose. They don't care if the man comes from the east,west,north or south lol or if he is a believer or not as long as the man will treat me right....but , I do care... IF he is not a believer he got zero chance...I said this because my first bf was unbeliever.... been there...

Here's a quick confession why I entered that relationship...

1. I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP I WAS 30 OR 31 THAT TIME.

2. DESPERATE
3. I SAID MAYBE THROUGH ME HE WILL KNOW ABOUT JESUS AND BE SAVED.

HE was telling me about Jesus as well and was trying to agree with me and insinuating an interest about my faith (well, maybe because he wants to sleep with me) and after 5 years of nothing happened... his true colors and tru intention came to light...he is not interested in marriage...he is not interested with my faith. Actually it was not his fault or he was to blame...it was me because I knew it from the very beginning....stubborn Kireina lol 😅

Subhumanoidal · Sep 2, 2022

I find these Christians that hold on to their ethnic culture to be quite out of line, scripturally. "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
Anyone who pushes you to stick "with your own kind" is countering that scripture, and in my view, is being racist.
Human culture does not supercede biblical freedom.

As far as the dating a non-Christian part, well that's been covered extensively on this site. It's really a tough call, I think. Look how many Christian marriages fail, often due to one spouses behavior. So clearly that is no magic answer, despite the insistence that it is.
And not all non-Christians are secretly demons whose sole purpose is to destroy your faith, as also seems to be wrongly presented.
When it comes to romance Christian or not, you're taking a risk. It's up to you to decide if that risk is worth it. So far there is no magic formula guaranteed to make things work, including both being Christians.

Mel85 · Sep 3, 2022

Kireina said:

Thanks for sharing sis 😊 always helps when you’ve actually experienced it. I can definitely relate to number 3.

I do take accountability for my actions and in the end, it didn’t work out because of my own desires tbh, but also me not listening to my mum lol Closer towards the end though my mum started opening up and more accepting of him, once she heard he started learning basic words from my culture lol she never hated him or anything, I guess as a parent she is super protective of me cause I’m the last to leave the nest.

I also took it as a lesson from God and if anything, maybe it was Gods saving grace we didn’t end up pursuing any further 😊

Mel85 · Sep 3, 2022

Subhumanoidal said:

As far as the dating a non-Christian part, well that's been covered extensively on this site. It's really a tough call, I think. Look how many Christian marriages fail, often due to one spouses behavior. So clearly that is no magic answer, despite the insistence that it is.
And not all non-Christians are secretly demons whose sole purpose is to destroy your faith, as also seems to be wrongly presented.
When it comes to romance Christian or not, you're taking a risk. It's up to you to decide if that risk is worth it. So far there is no magic formula guaranteed to make things work, including both being Christians.

This.

Ruby123 · Sep 3, 2022

A while ago I met someone who was not a christian but he was nice, charming and a real gentleman. He had the qualities I liked and what I was looking for. Deep down I thought I should not be seeing this guy as he is not a christian and the bible warns us to not be yoked with a non believer but I simply did not want to give up this friendship I was forming with him. I had determined that perhaps through me this guy would become saved and I even saw a few testimonies of how this had happened to others on you tube. I thought this would be my story.

I was honest with God. I told him I liked the guy and asked him what he thought. Is this guy really who he portrays and is he a good match for me. What is the condition of his heart (as only God can really see in there). I asked God to open my eyes as to the truth. I did not want my judgement to be clouded by my feelings. I even reminded God that he could possibly be saved somehow through my influence lol. Well God answered that prayer really quickly. The next day as I recall.

Up until then it was about six months or so that I had met the guy and as feelings were developing I did not want to be foolish. After praying that prayer I went out for coffee with him and whilst I was talking to him this picture flashed in my mind. I saw like this gremlin thing in his eyes. It was like it was hiding behind his pupil and poked it's head out and I saw him. I kid you not, this actually happened. I was shocked and did not really know what had just taken place.

I from that time onwards saw that this guy deep down was not the person he was portraying he was. He was an expert at saying what you wanted him to say. He said all the right things and for that long length of time and did not slip up once. I then knew that God showed me a picture of this guys heart. He was sneaky and he was hiding who he truly was. This was the gremlin thing he showed me the picture of. Things got progressively worse really quick and I walked away. Thanks to God, he saved me from making a huge mistake.

Personally I would ask God like I am sure you already have and let go of the guy. If he is a good guy and a good match for you let God return him to you. I also believe he should be a christian too. If it weren't important than God would not have placed it in his word. That is no guarantee though that a christian will be any better as many christian marriages have failed and for all the same reasons as non christian marriages. The main thing has God given you his blessing and leading for this particular person. If you dont know give him up and let God return him to you in his time. But it has to be God returning him to you, not you manipulating this outcome or the guy doing this on his own accord.

Ruby123 · Sep 3, 2022

I forgot to add that this guy also pretended to be very interested in my faith and was even keen to attend church. It was all an act to gain my trust in him. Also he rang me once and I did not pick up. He did not realise it had switched to leaving a message so he thought the phone was still ringing and I had not picked up yet. As he was waiting he was swearing and the anger in his voice was incredible. Never before that had I heard him swear nor particularly angry. God showed me that as well. Funny thing is that it must have switched to leave a message again and when he did he did it with a happy, pleasant tone totally unaware that I had just heard him angrily swearing. It was like he did this complete switch in less than a second. Moral of the story is we really dont know about a person but God does. Go to him before you go any further and dont fool yourself because of feelings or ideals. This happened a few years ago.

Mel85 · Sep 3, 2022

Ruby123 said:

A while ago I met someone who was not a christian but he was nice, charming and a real gentleman. He had the qualities I liked and what I was looking for. Deep down I thought I should not be seeing this guy as he is not a christian and the bible warns us to not be yoked with a non believer but I simply did not want to give up this friendship I was forming with him. I had determined that perhaps through me this guy would become saved and I even saw a few testimonies of how this had happened to others on you tube. I thought this would be my story.

I was honest with God. I told him I liked the guy and asked him what he thought. Is this guy really who he portrays and is he a good match for me. What is the condition of his heart (as only God can really see in there). I asked God to open my eyes as to the truth. I did not want my judgement to be clouded by my feelings. I even reminded God that he could possibly be saved somehow through my influence lol. Well God answered that prayer really quickly. The next day as I recall.

Up until then it was about six months or so that I had met the guy and as feelings were developing I did not want to be foolish. After praying that prayer I went out for coffee with him and whilst I was talking to him this picture flashed in my mind. I saw like this gremlin thing in his eyes. It was like it was hiding behind his pupil and poked it's head out and I saw him. I kid you not, this actually happened. I was shocked and did not really know what had just taken place.

I from that time onwards saw that this guy deep down was not the person he was portraying he was. He was an expert at saying what you wanted him to say. He said all the right things and for that long length of time and did not slip up once. I then knew that God showed me a picture of this guys heart. He was sneaky and he was hiding who he truly was. This was the gremlin thing he showed me the picture of. Things got progressively worse really quick and I walked away. Thanks to God, he saved me from making a huge mistake.

Personally I would ask God like I am sure you already have and let go of the guy. If he is a good guy and a good match for you let God return him to you. I also believe he should be a christian too. If it weren't important than God would not have placed it in his word. That is no guarantee though that a christian will be any better as many christian marriages have failed and for all the same reasons as non christian marriages. The main thing has God given you his blessing and leading for this particular person. If you dont know give him up and let God return him to you in his time. But it has to be God returning him to you, not you manipulating this outcome or the guy doing this on his own accord.

Thanks sis for sharing your experience with us. That part about the gremlin! Wow, God certainly exposed him to you spiritually… and we know that gremlins are nasty creatures who terrorise people, something that this guy was hiding for sure. You’re right, God knows our hearts and see’s right through us.

I definitely have learnt from this in many ways and hope this can bring awareness to others who might be facing a similar situation. Praise God you got out of it😊

Ruby123 · Sep 3, 2022

Mel85 said:

I also pray that God reveals to you the truth about this guy to you like he did for me. I am sure he will.

EternalFire · Sep 4, 2022

Lynx said:

A quote from the original post: "He wouldn’t be the typical man I could bring home to introduce to my parents because he wasn’t a believer."

Are unbelievers evil?

EternalFire · Sep 4, 2022

Mel85 said:

Did you miss the part about him being open to knowing Jesus? And coming to church with me? With that, some Christians can claim “they are Christian” but yet act entirely of this world, and then some unbelievers can act more “Christ like” than actual Christians.

If I knew that he had no intention of accepting of my faith or being open to it, I wouldn’t have been in it for aslong as I did. It would have impacted me deeply because most weekends I have church commitments and he knew and understand that openly.

Are we all so perfect now? Im nowhere near perfect, and only God can convict me of such things. His Salvation was definitely one of the things I prayed about to God and whether God was actually using me for that purpose, and He still is. But of course these are the matters between myself and God and noone else. But I would appreciate that you pray for the brother instead of condemn him.

Ah, the “flirt to convert” and “missionary dating” mentalities. Please direct me to where I can find those in the scriptures.

Lanolin · Sep 4, 2022

Guys can be very good at pretending to be christians and interested in you. They might also be interested in your bank account too.

Not that there may be much in it but wolves are like that.

Mel85 · Sep 4, 2022

EternalFire said:

John 8:7.

Mel85 · Sep 4, 2022

Lanolin said:

Guys and girls/women..

Lynx · Sep 4, 2022

EternalFire said:

Well? Are they? Is every single person without a church membership card in his pocket automatically and inherently evil?

Live4Him3 · Sep 4, 2022

EternalFire said:

Those "mentalities" are displayed repeatedly by Christ himself in that he regularly seeks to woo the lost unto himself.

Lanolin · Sep 4, 2022

Jesus just goes after the lost sheep, he might have 99 in a flock but will go after the one that went astray

Im not certain he woos them but he just calls them and they come. Not only has he tasty grass but he keeps the wolves away.

In nz, they dont actually shepherd sheep on farms.,what happens is all the pastures are pretty much electric fenced and barbed wired and they have sheep dogs chasing the sheep getting them in line so its more like a concentration camp ruled by fear then the pastoral idyll.

Live4Him3 · Sep 4, 2022

Lanolin said:

I was referring to the following:

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/woo

1. to seek the favor, affection, or love of, especially with a view to marriage.

Scripture says the "we love him because he first loved us" (I John 4:19), and our relationship with Christ is likened to a marriage covenant all throughout scripture.

EternalFire · Sep 4, 2022

Mel85 said:

I don't find anything in that passage about those mentalities.

EternalFire · Sep 4, 2022

Lynx said:

"Pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil people, for not everyone has faith" (2 Thessalonians 3:2).

Lynx · Sep 4, 2022

EternalFire said:

Well that must make it easy to look down on people. We just write off all non-christians as inherently evil.

In fact we can write off everybody we don't like that way. They may claim to be christians but we don't like them, so we can nit-pick something that we can claim proves they are not REAL christians. Then we can write them off as inherently evil too.

Superiority sure feels good, eh?

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