About rules on Christian dating

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JohnB

JohnB

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#1
Jul 31, 2022
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#1
The only rule GOD had for singles is, no sex before marriage and we fail many times at that. I guess for some GOD rule was higher enough. They have to place their own restrictions on dating. I read an interesting comment on this. Some churches put fear into Christian singles dating. Try to stop the hurt and pain from dating. Hurt and pain is a part of life. Dating is a learning process and some Christians and churches are interfering with that process. What do you think?
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#2
May 24, 2014
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#2
JohnB said:
The only rule GOD had for singles is, no sex before marriage and we fail many times at that. I guess for some GOD rule was higher enough. They have to place their own restrictions on dating. I read an interesting comment on this. Some churches put fear into Christian singles dating. Try to stop the hurt and pain from dating. Hurt and pain is a part of life. Dating is a learning process and some Christians and churches are interfering with that process. What do you think?
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I think you like this topic quite a lot. :giggle::coffee:

If you live nearby, maybe we could set up a date to talk about this over tea and crumpets, yes? :love:

Luv ya, buddy ole pal 'a mine. (y)
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#3
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#3
oyster67 said:
I think you like this topic quite a lot. :giggle::coffee:

If you live nearby, maybe we could set up a date to talk about this over tea and crumpets, yes? :love:

Luv ya, buddy ole pal 'a mine. (y)
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it is still an issue with Christians and churches. I have started up single groups and had one Christian group ask me if I would like to join groups. I told them "no" I would not have a church try to influence my group. I think the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" did a lot of damage to Christians dating.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#4
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#4
I just wish Christians wouldn't believe everything they are told in a church or what they read in a book. I have talked to people who still believe in the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". I have told them the author apologized about his book, said he was wrong. He divorced his wife and renounced Christianity. The people don't care, they still agree with his book. I made a big mistake of hoping I would meet someone in church. I never should have looked in a church that was using that book as a guide for dating. Be aware of where your church is getting its information.
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

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#5
Jul 7, 2022
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#5
JohnB said:
it is still an issue with Christians and churches. I have started up single groups and had one Christian group ask me if I would like to join groups. I told them "no" I would not have a church try to influence my group. I think the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" did a lot of damage to Christians dating.
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It's been a long time since I read that book, so it's hard to remember the problems with it. I more recently listened to the author's interview, so I'm familiar with that. Maybe you can refresh us on a point or two that were the main problems with the book.
Will catch up tomorrow.
 
A

Amanuensis

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#6
Jun 12, 2021
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#6
JohnB said:
The only rule GOD had for singles is, no sex before marriage and we fail many times at that. I guess for some GOD rule was higher enough. They have to place their own restrictions on dating. I read an interesting comment on this. Some churches put fear into Christian singles dating. Try to stop the hurt and pain from dating. Hurt and pain is a part of life. Dating is a learning process and some Christians and churches are interfering with that process. What do you think?
Click to expand...
I don't date. I have never liked it since I got saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. It seems carnal and worldly.

I like rules, boundaries and fearing God and hating even the appearance of sin.

I would not be in a house alone with a woman who was interested in marrying me. I would not want people to think we were unconcerned about sexual purity. We need examples today. People who will say that it is NOT OK to fornicate.

Thinking you can fornicate and it's ok because we are all human and God forgives us, is not the mind of a born again Christian. I see too many young people in the church living together and not concerned about it. I don't believe they are saved yet. I don't care what anyone tells me, they are going to hell if they don't repent and quit it.

As far as dating and not having rules...Thinking you can suck face and get aroused and WANT to fornicate but just not do it is ok because you didn't actually go through with it is NOT OK.
The one who does that on the regular will wake up in hell with eternal regret if they don't repent of such a thing.

You have a different opinion I am sure but I have given you mine. Let the debate rage....

Hate sin, hate even the appearance of sin, don't give the flesh any opportunity, flee fornication, pray that you will not even ENTER into temptation because thinking you can handle it is your first mistake.

Don't play on the edge of disobedience thinking that God's mercy and grace will cover you if you fail Him. God's mercy and grace does not clear the unrepentant and guilty. Only those who repent and apply the blood of Christ from a sincere heart can trust in being saved from the wrath of a Holy God not those who willfully test His limits and presume upon his Grace.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#7
Yet Paul said, "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. " 1 Corinthians 7 .

Jesus said "His followers said to Him, “If that is the way of a man with his wife, it is better not to be married.” 11 But Jesus said to them, “Not all men are able to do this, but only those to whom it has been given. " Matt 19:10

If you're happy being single, fine. Just don't put others down who wish to be married.
 
oyster67

oyster67

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#8
May 24, 2014
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#8
JohnB said:
it is still an issue with Christians and churches. I have started up single groups and had one Christian group ask me if I would like to join groups. I told them "no" I would not have a church try to influence my group. I think the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" did a lot of damage to Christians dating.
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The only truly safe guide is the Bible itself. (y)

I am certainly not any self-proclaimed expert on dating (or anything else, for that matter.)
 
oyster67

oyster67

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#9
May 24, 2014
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#9
JohnB said:
Yet Paul said, "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. " 1 Corinthians 7 .
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And even better still, don't lust in the first place....

Matthew 5:28

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

.
 
A

Amanuensis

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#10
Jun 12, 2021
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#10
JohnB said:
Yet Paul said, "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. " 1 Corinthians 7 .

Jesus said "His followers said to Him, “If that is the way of a man with his wife, it is better not to be married.” 11 But Jesus said to them, “Not all men are able to do this, but only those to whom it has been given. " Matt 19:10

If you're happy being single, fine. Just don't put others down who wish to be married.
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And yet there is nothing in these texts that suggest that those who want to be married should be carnal, disgusting, or live on the edge, about how they pursue that relationship.

Rules for courting are as ancient as morality. Very strict rules are encouraged the more serious one takes a view of sin and grieving God's heart. The less this matters to someone the less rules they want. Who wants rules when they love to play around with fire and enjoy the pleasures of sin. Restraint is the bane of every rebel.
 
Snacks

Snacks

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#11
Feb 10, 2022
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#11
Being horizontal usually leads to things…
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

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#13
Nov 4, 2014
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#13
I just think it is best to be content, hone in on your blessings, single or not. God is good and He'll get us where He wants us, no need to be consumed with yearning. I believe when we make Him the desire of our heart, everything becomes more settled, less restless for the things we think are missing.

I suppose if what you want is a she, there is nothing wrong with that, but wanting that more than pleasing our great and wonderful He, Jesus Himself, it gets us into trouble everytime.

I hope and pray you find what you are looking for, but even more, I hope Jesus is at the center.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#14
Jul 31, 2022
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#14
oyster67 said:
The only truly safe guide is the Bible itself. (y)

I am certainly not any self-proclaimed expert on dating (or anything else, for that matter.)
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The bible is not a dating book, it does not concern itself with dating. Too many Christians and churches take one or two verses and build a whole doctrine on them.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#15
Jul 31, 2022
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#15
CharliRenee said:
I just think it is best to be content, hone in on your blessings, single or not. God is good and He'll get us where He wants us, no need to be consumed with yearning. I believe when we make Him the desire of our heart, everything becomes more settled, less restless for the things we think are missing.

I suppose if what you want is a she, there is nothing wrong with that, but wanting that more than pleasing our great and wonderful He, Jesus Himself, it gets us into trouble everytime.

I hope and pray you find what you are looking for, but even more, I hope Jesus is at the center.
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I was very much involved in the church, 14 years teaching a Sunday school class, going on mission trips, helping out the poor and needy. Doing exactly what GOD asks Christians to do. Interestingly enough, many of the people who were pushing the Christian dating ideas were not doing anything in the church or involved in any outreach. I was once told by a Singles Pastor to stay away from a woman I had in interest in, because he was saving her for one of his friends. She did end up marrying him.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#16
Jul 31, 2022
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#16
Amanuensis said:
And yet there is nothing in these texts that suggest that those who want to be married should be carnal, disgusting, or live on the edge, about how they pursue that relationship.

Rules for courting are as ancient as morality. Very strict rules are encouraged the more serious one takes a view of sin and grieving God's heart. The less this matters to someone the less rules they want. Who wants rules when they love to play around with fire and enjoy the pleasures of sin. Restraint is the bane of every rebel.
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Some people who followed those rules ended up divorced or in bad marriages. I have seen this happen. Following some of those strict rules denies you the experience in dating and knowing the other person. The ideas of dating only in groups or no physical contact until after marriage are rules made up by people and are not biblical.
 
JohnB

JohnB

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#17
Jul 31, 2022
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#17
oyster67 said:
And even better still, don't lust in the first place....

Matthew 5:28

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

.
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Look up the Greek meaning of "Lust" In the Greek it just means a strong desire. Jesus when he had wine with his disciples, he longed to have it with them in heaven, He used the Greek word for lust. On Matthew 5:28, what is lost is the context of lusting after a woman. The context is you're making plans to take another man's wife. it isn't just wanting her, you're working at it and planning to take his wife.
 
tourist

tourist

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#18
Mar 13, 2014
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#18
JohnB said:
Look up the Greek meaning of "Lust" In the Greek it just means a strong desire. Jesus when he had wine with his disciples, he longed to have it with them in heaven, He used the Greek word for lust. On Matthew 5:28, what is lost is the context of lusting after a woman. The context is you're making plans to take another man's wife. it isn't just wanting her, you're working at it and planning to take his wife.
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I see nothing wrong about possibly lusting after the woman that you intend to marry. Actually, rather than lust, it is called desire. I fully concur with your estimation.
 
Webers.Home

Webers.Home

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#19
May 28, 2018
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#19
.
• 1Cor 7:36 . . If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he
is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to
marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get
married.

We have a saying in America that goes like this: So and so married what's
her name and made a decent woman out of her. Well, most grown-ups know
what that means without me having to say so. The point is: if a Christian
man finds himself on the brink of exceeding the limits of propriety with his
best girl; it's time to either break up or tie the knot.

And then too there's the so-called biological clock that stalks women during
their productive years. It's cruel, unthinkable, and utterly selfish and
psychopathic of a man to keep a girl on hold during those years if and when
he's fully aware that she's longing to settle down and have a family of her
own. A man who does that fails to appreciate the meaning of words like love
and honor.
_
 
tourist

tourist

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#20
Mar 13, 2014
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#20
Webers.Home said:
And then too there's the so-called biological clock that stalks women during
their productive years. It's cruel, unthinkable, and utterly selfish and
psychopathic of a man to keep a girl on hold during those years if and when
he's fully aware that she's longing to settle down and have a family of her
own. A man who does that fails to appreciate the meaning of words like love
and honor.
_
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The woman in question should've dumped the guy rather than waiting for years for a marriage that might not even take place. The guy is either extremely timid or is a jerk. Either way, waiting for years is something that should not be tolerated.
 
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