There were things in my marriage I could do and possibly didnt need a man for, but honestly I didnt want the responsibility of doing certain things like being the big decision maker, and I started to resent him for it. But there were things in the marriage that I sucked at eg cooking and he had a natural ability for, I was better at organizing than him. I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband as SonsofCaleb said.
When God is the
Director of a thing, the outcome can be absolutely astonishing and amazing.
We live in a world that is run by the Law ('Law' here has to do with natural laws that govern the human body as well as man's/governmental laws); therefore, we are used to functioning under Law: take care of your health; eat well; get plenty of rest and sleep; get a job; etc. We are used to having to work for everything we get. With a very few exception (like our central nervous system, our respiratory system, and our automatic eye-wash (blinking)), we have to literally work and struggle just to stay alive.
We have to work just to be able to buy things we need. We shell out money for a home, food, and things like a car or/and phone which is a total necessities. After watching our parents do this and doing it ourselves, our concept of Grace has long flown the coop and is on another continent now. The Law has disarmed us of the hope for something better. This is a problem because from before the Creation of the worlds, God always functioned first from Grace. (My brief definition for each word here is that
Law 'operates whether or not you can keep up' (it doesn't wait up for you; that's how the world turns), but
Grace 'operates based on what you can actually handle' (it meets you where you are and takes your needs and weaknesses into account).)
Because God functions from Grace but we are swallowed in a world of Law, it's naturally hard for us to see, believe for, and receive from God on many occasions and to understand the concept of Grace as it applies not to initial salvation but to
the way God works as a Person. This is all to say that if God was 'allowed' to build a relationship (or business or ministry or family or anything), the results would and can far exceed what we're used to seeing. For example, in a marriage where one person is good at some things and the other is good at other things, God can cause each person to learn, acquire, or 'absorb/osmose' the skills or whatever it is they need to make the relationship easier on both parties. As you wrote,
"I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband." It would've been
way different if both of you were in Christ and He was in the midst of you.
Solomon said,
"Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1).
That house can also be a marriage, a family, a business, and anything that man can strategize, plan, and do but that God can always do far better. I have told a few friends that 24 hours in a day is more than enough (because people always stress about time). I told them that if I was married and had four children, that I'd have enough time in a day to drive 30 minutes to a full-time and 30 minutes back (that's nine hours gone just from working), stop for one hour another believer's house who needs ministry/support (10 hours gone), go home and spend time with each of my four kids (this is the fun part), have enough time for
two fifteen-minute naps, have time to spend and relax with my wife, maybe have time for an extra hour of work on the laptop, and still have time to get seven to eight hours of sleep (depending on whether or not I spent that hour on the laptop) before getting up, eating breakfast, spending some time with God, then heading back to work. Especially considering that that hour stop at another person's house won't happen every weekday, this is easily doable.
Now, most people would wonder how this is possible. There are two main 'tricks' to this:
1.
As far as the energy, God supplies Grace. He really does. Isaiah 40:31 says that people who trust in God will
"renew their strength" and
"will run and not grow weary". To run here means 'to work' or 'to labor' or 'to exert or exhaust energy'. I have experienced this and it's true. If you have a wife and family, God will supply all the energy you need as long as you are 'tied to' (trust in) Him in a living, not rote, relationship.
2.
As far as the children, one would question how you could spend time with four different children with such a time crunch. This is the fun part: God creates each individual differently. If we've heard of the 'five love languages' between romantic couples, each person also has a general 'love language'. God is willing to tell parents their children's spiritual identity and how to raise them
if the parents ask Him. If a child has a unique calling, then God might tell the parents without them having to ask (but you should still ask). This was the case with Samson's parents. After an angel appeared to Manoah's barren wife (Samson's parents) and told her she would have a child (ie. Samson) and how to raise him, she told Manoah the news. Manoah
also wanted to know how to raise the child, therefore,
"Manoah prayed to the Lord: 'Pardon your servant, Lord. I beg you to let the man of God (the angel) You sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.' God heard Manoah, and the angel of God came again" (Judges 13). (Parents might not know this but they have to ask. Most things God gives or reveals He does so to those who ask, not those who sit idly or don't ask.) Each child will have a different identity
and will receive love in a different way. God is able to show the parents all of this; so, of my four children in the above example, one child might only need only fifteen minutes for daddy dandle her on his knees; another child might need thirty minutes to play in the yard with daddy; one child might need only five minutes for daddy to show him something from work; and another child might need twenty minutes for daddy to read her a story or do school work with her. When added up, spending time with the children can be well under 1 1/2 hours,
because at the end of the day, children just want to know that daddy is home. They don't need to spend long periods of one-on-one time with him as long as he's there. As long as his presence is in the home, the children are happy and feel secure. Their spirits are fed by his presence (resulting in not needing long periods of his time) whereas their souls are fed by doing things with him (eg. one-on-one time). But when their spirit is fed, their soul needs less 'feeding' which means that if daddy is home, then he doesn't need to spend a lot of personal time with each of them. (This is why children whose fathers aren't in the home or are barely home will seek out entertainment and excitement to satiate their souls in order to compensate for the absence of their father('s love) which would satiate their spirit.)
God knows how all these things work.
It's up to husbands and wives to ask Him about each other and then together to ask Him about their children. He's more than happy to answer (as He did with Manoah, Samson's father) because
God is a Builder. He primarily builds people and couples and families, and He has the expertise to know where each person fits, how to order and use time wisely, and how to make everything work efficiently. You said,
"I do have to wonder tho, what would have happened if God had been in our lives and refined my husband." Depending on how much room He had to work, the results could have been absolutely astonishing. The Bible says God
"is able to do abundantly/immeasurable above all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). We can repeat that, but we can hardly understand or believe it because we've lived under Law (ie. "You must do all these things just to live") our whole lives and find it hard to grasp the concept of Grace (ie. "God is willing to meet you where are you are and based on your limitations"). But Eph. 3:20 is definitely true.
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