Biblical reason for divorce, is deception a valid reason ?

[stanleyhokp]

So I wonder why doesn't God allow divorce when there is clear deception or lying ? I mean Jacob was deceived, he wasn't allowed to divorce Leah, in my opinion deception and lying should be a valid reason for divorce. If people know that deception is a valid reason for divorce, they would not lie or deceive and be honest from the beginning because they know sooner or later they will be divorced if the lie or deception is discovered.
22So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. 23But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her. 24(Laban had given Leah a servant, Zilpah, to be her maid.)
25But when Jacob woke up in the morning—it was Leah! “What have you done to me?” Jacob raged at Laban. “I worked seven years for Rachel! Why have you tricked me?”

 

[Pilgrimshope]

So I wonder why doesn't God allow divorce when there is clear deception or lying ? I mean Jacob was deceived, he wasn't allowed to divorce Leah, in my opinion deception and lying should be a valid reason for divorce. If people know that deception is a valid reason for divorce, they would not lie or deceive and be honest from the beginning because they know sooner or later they will be divorced if the lie or deception is discovered.
22So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. 23But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her. 24(Laban had given Leah a servant, Zilpah, to be her maid.)
25But when Jacob woke up in the morning—it was Leah! “What have you done to me?” Jacob raged at Laban. “I worked seven years for Rachel! Why have you tricked me?”

it’s a struggle to go from what our opinions are to what Gods opinions are but that’s the way to understand

When a person marries they seem making a sacred vow before God to endure with the person . When you get married God sees the two as one so it’s like a sinner , divorcing a sinner , because they sinned.

but they already made a vow to God to love honor and cherish each other in the good times and bad times. When God recognizes a marriage ot should be the very last resort for anyone to break his union and he says it’s valid when one commits fornications or adultery

I think we should be careful before we marry and make sure we understand the person is going to not be perfect but we’re making an oath to persevere with them in love and the marriage oath is one ordained of God and sealed by God in his sight

“But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭10:6-9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

we should consider alot of things before we marry and marriage needs mercy between the two people or it is without hope

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Jacob and Leah had a loveless marriage, the Bible says Jacob "hated" her.
"And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren." - Genesis 29:31

The OT allowed divorce for more scenarios, when compared with the NT. Deuteronomy 24:1 suggests that a man could issue a bill of divorce if the wife displeases him. Jacob could have probably divorced Leah but decided not to, for whatever reason.

 

[Gideon300]

So I wonder why doesn't God allow divorce when there is clear deception or lying ? I mean Jacob was deceived, he wasn't allowed to divorce Leah, in my opinion deception and lying should be a valid reason for divorce. If people know that deception is a valid reason for divorce, they would not lie or deceive and be honest from the beginning because they know sooner or later they will be divorced if the lie or deception is discovered.
22So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. 23But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her. 24(Laban had given Leah a servant, Zilpah, to be her maid.)
25But when Jacob woke up in the morning—it was Leah! “What have you done to me?” Jacob raged at Laban. “I worked seven years for Rachel! Why have you tricked me?”

God takes sex and marriage very seriously. If a woman was single, not engaged and raped, the offender had to marry her and there was no option of divorce. If she was engaged, the offender charged with adultery and he was stoned to death.

Marriage is a covenant, a binding agreement between man and woman. Imagine if God decided to dump us if we lied or deceived. There would no Christians at all! Marriage is symbolic of the relationship of Christ and the church. When we recognise that, perhaps we won't be so eager to pull the pin. We are exhorted, "husbands, love your wives". I don't recall any conditions attached to that declaration. Wives are likewise to love their husbands (by implication) and to submit to them.

How much better off society would be if there were far fewer divorces and a lot more love within the family unit. Satan well knows the "divide and conquer" principle. He invented it after all, starting with Adam and Eve's blame games.

God permits divorce under a limited range of conditions. It is not the unpardonable sin to divorce - I'm divorced so I know what I'm talking about. However, there is also the principle of sowing and reaping. Divorce extracts a very high price. It should absolutely be the last resort.

 

[wattie]

God takes sex and marriage very seriously. If a woman was single, not engaged and raped, the offender had to marry her and there was no option of divorce. If she was engaged, the offender charged with adultery and he was stoned to death.

Marriage is a covenant, a binding agreement between man and woman. Imagine if God decided to dump us if we lied or deceived. There would no Christians at all! Marriage is symbolic of the relationship of Christ and the church. When we recognise that, perhaps we won't be so eager to pull the pin. We are exhorted, "husbands, love your wives". I don't recall any conditions attached to that declaration. Wives are likewise to love their husbands (by implication) and to submit to them.

How much better off society would be if there were far fewer divorces and a lot more love within the family unit. Satan well knows the "divide and conquer" principle. He invented it after all, starting with Adam and Eve's blame games.

God permits divorce under a limited range of conditions. It is not the unpardonable sin to divorce - I'm divorced so I know what I'm talking about. However, there is also the principle of sowing and reaping. Divorce extracts a very high price. It should absolutely be the last resort.

Yea I've also been thru divorce. My wife left because she wasnt happy.. I was too aloof.

I wanted to persevere, grow into the marriage and didnt want divorce.

She ended up doing the divorce. There were things about my wife I didnt know before marriage that if I'd known more completely before marriage I probably wouldn't have gone into marriage, but to really know someone before marriage doesn't mean sleeping with them as the world will tell you.

 

[Gideon300]

Yea I've also been thru divorce. My wife left because she wasnt happy.. I was too aloof.

I wanted to persevere, grow into the marriage and didnt want divorce.

She ended up doing the divorce. There were things about my wife I didnt know before marriage that if I'd known more completely before marriage I probably wouldn't have gone into marriage, but to really know someone before marriage doesn't mean sleeping with them as the world will tell you.

Me too. I realised I how little I knew a week after I was married. However, if there is the will on both sides, it can be worked out. God is well able to iron out the wrinkles. It is a big "if" for many couples. I wish that I'd heard Mark Gungor before I got married. It could have made a big difference. But God knows and I learned a lot from the experience. I've not remarried, but I don't think it is wrong to remarry. It is vital that people find out why the marriage failed before jumping in again.

 

[Gideon300]

Jacob and Leah had a loveless marriage, the Bible says Jacob "hated" her.
"And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren." - Genesis 29:31

The OT allowed divorce for more scenarios, when compared with the NT. Deuteronomy 24:1 suggests that a man could issue a bill of divorce if the wife displeases him. Jacob could have probably divorced Leah but decided not to, for whatever reason.

There was no law in Jacob's time. So that was not an issue.

 

[Beckie]

Adultery is the only reason a Bible believing person has for divorce. A Believer who's spouse has divorced them is 'no longer bound' . A spouse who is in honest fear of their life could make them and the children safe. Safe does not mean divorce. Have the abuser arrested etc.
It is not Christian to 'sleep around' . Those "Christians" who do so are lying to them selves and others. If we sleep around looking for a christian spouse we are but fools. Both parties are lying and lies are not a solid foundation.

I married at 17 when i KNEW everything.


Mat_19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
1Co_7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co_7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

 

[ResidentAlien]

So I wonder why doesn't God allow divorce when there is clear deception or lying ? I mean Jacob was deceived, he wasn't allowed to divorce Leah, in my opinion deception and lying should be a valid reason for divorce. If people know that deception is a valid reason for divorce, they would not lie or deceive and be honest from the beginning because they know sooner or later they will be divorced if the lie or deception is discovered.
22So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. 23But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her. 24(Laban had given Leah a servant, Zilpah, to be her maid.)
25But when Jacob woke up in the morning—it was Leah! “What have you done to me?” Jacob raged at Laban. “I worked seven years for Rachel! Why have you tricked me?”

"He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.' His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.' "—Matthew 19:8-10

"But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction."—1 Corinthins 7:32-35

Take it from me, it's a lot easier learning self control than to get into a bad marriage. I know this doesn't help anyone who is already in a bad marriage; but I think more people should think seriously about forgoing marriage altogether.

 

[Nehemiah6]

...but I think more people should think seriously about foregoing marriage altogether.

That's the cowardly way out. The courageous way is to (a) enter into a proper Christian relationship with a believer and (b) make a prior commitment that divorce is out of the question. So a plaque which says "Divorce is banned from this Christian home" would be appropriate in any house. A "proper" relationship means seeing through any deception PRIOR TO marriage.

The Bible says that most people should be married and that it is honorable. Celibacy demanded by any church or denomination is a doctrine of demons. Elders and deacons were required to be married as a part of their qualifications. Paul also encouraged the younger widows to marry. While Paul seems to suggest in Romans that the unmarried state is desirable, Christ made it clear that that is the exception, not the rule.

 

[JStates]

it’s a struggle to go from what our opinions are to what Gods opinions are but that’s the way to understand

When a person marries they seem making a sacred vow before God to endure with the person . When you get married God sees the two as one so it’s like a sinner , divorcing a sinner , because they sinned.

but they already made a vow to God to love honor and cherish each other in the good times and bad times. When God recognizes a marriage ot should be the very last resort for anyone to break his union and he says it’s valid when one commits fornications or adultery

I think we should be careful before we marry and make sure we understand the person is going to not be perfect but we’re making an oath to persevere with them in love and the marriage oath is one ordained of God and sealed by God in his sight

“But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭10:6-9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

we should consider alot of things before we marry and marriage needs mercy between the two people or it is without hope

Agreed. Elevating opinion above Scripture is dangerous because "God's ways are not our ways." The Bible warns against being "more righteous" than God... not that this is actually possible but sometimes people seem to think it is. They accuse God of being unjust or even outright evil.

The one valid reason for divorce in the Scripture is because of fornication, but the Scriptures also say that remarriage in this case is not permitted.

Mat_19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
1Co_7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

^ This is hard to take, humanly speaking. So forgiveness comes into play here as well. Many couples work through infidelity and repair their marriages. This is probably a better thing - if possible - than divorce.

As a practical measure, I would also say that physical separation in cases of spousal abuse might be needed. I'm not going to give any definitive input on whether divorce is morally acceptable in such cases. Again, forgiveness comes into play, and divorce means no remarriage Scripturally. It's better to repair a broken marriage than to scrap it entirely. But sometimes it must be scrapped if one spouse is unwilling to try to rebuild it.

The Scriptures say what they say, and what they say about divorce is hard for fleshly humans to receive. I'm not condemning anyone who has divorced and remarried. Stay with your current spouse and love them "until death do you part." But I'm not interested in hearing your opinions about these very clear Scriptures. Marry wisely, because Biblically that ONE person is the one you are stuck with and there shouldn't be any do-overs. Exception, bereavement.

 

[Pilgrimshope]

Agreed. Elevating opinion above Scripture is dangerous because "God's ways are not our ways." The Bible warns against being "more righteous" than God... not that this is actually possible but sometimes people seem to think it is. They accuse God of being unjust or even outright evil.

The one valid reason for divorce in the Scripture is because of fornication, but the Scriptures also say that remarriage in this case is not permitted.

Mat_19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
1Co_7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

^ This is hard to take, humanly speaking. So forgiveness comes into play here as well. Many couples work through infidelity and repair their marriages. This is probably a better thing - if possible - than divorce.

As a practical measure, I would also say that physical separation in cases of spousal abuse might be needed. I'm not going to give any definitive input on whether divorce is morally acceptable in such cases. Again, forgiveness comes into play, and divorce means no remarriage Scripturally. It's better to repair a broken marriage than to scrap it entirely. But sometimes it must be scrapped if one spouse is unwilling to try to rebuild it.

The Scriptures say what they say, and what they say about divorce is hard for fleshly humans to receive. I'm not condemning anyone who has divorced and remarried. Stay with your current spouse and love them "until death do you part." But I'm not interested in hearing your opinions about these very clear Scriptures. Marry wisely, because Biblically that ONE person is the one you are stuck with and there shouldn't be any do-overs. Exception, bereavement.

amen yes reconciliation is always better I think he’s saying if they can’t get past the infidelity it’s better to part than live in constant strife over an issue we can’t get past

it’s definately not a command to divorce In That case but more of an allowance of one can’t reconcile what’s been done I. Thier hesrt

I believe it’s a lifetime of letting Gods word teach us the mind of his children it’s going to change basically most of what we thought because like you say his ways are not the ways of man , the issue is we’re so used to living , thinking and acting in mans ways it takes time to let Gods word become the better thoughts and better ways

loved the post thank you

 

[ResidentAlien]

That's the cowardly way out.

How so?

The Bible says that most people should be married

Where does it say this?

Celibacy demanded by any church or denomination is a doctrine of demons.

Who's demanding anything? I never said people must stay celibate. I just said they should consider it more as an option. Men, especially, think they can't control themselves and the only option is to marry. But learning self-control isn't as difficult as some think.

If a man goes into a marriage lacking self-control, getting married probably won't solve that. It'll just create another miserable marriage with a sign on the wall stating "Divorce isn't an option."

If you're married and are happy I wish you many more happy years.

 

[Nehemiah6]

How so?

If you run away from marriage instead of facing the challenges, then that is the cowardly way out.

Where does it say this?

See Genesis chapter 1. Which is why Paul says this:
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4)

Who's demanding anything?

Not you but the Catholic Church.

 

[Dino246]

Which is why Paul says this:
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4)

The KJV wording is obtuse. Modern translations make it far more clear that the writer is not telling most Christians to marry, but rather to hold marriage in high esteem.

NASB Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

NIV Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

HCSB Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers.

 

[Aidan1]

So I wonder why doesn't God allow divorce when there is clear deception or lying ? I mean Jacob was deceived, he wasn't allowed to divorce Leah, in my opinion deception and lying should be a valid reason for divorce. If people know that deception is a valid reason for divorce, they would not lie or deceive and be honest from the beginning because they know sooner or later they will be divorced if the lie or deception is discovered.
22So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. 23But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her. 24(Laban had given Leah a servant, Zilpah, to be her maid.)
25But when Jacob woke up in the morning—it was Leah! “What have you done to me?” Jacob raged at Laban. “I worked seven years for Rachel! Why have you tricked me?”

I suppose our personal opinions about it is not important. Gods will which He has revealed to us is.

 

[ResidentAlien]

If you run away from marriage instead of facing the challenges, then that is the cowardly way out.

Maybe if you're called to be married and you run; maybe if it's God's will. But opting not to marry of itself doesn't make you a whoremonger or adulterer.

Can you even grasp the concept that someone who isn't married can have self-control? You seem to think it's either you get married or you're a whoremonger.

 

[ResidentAlien]

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."—1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Paul wrote this passage as a concession; he doesn't get to the commandment of the Lord until v.10. I'll admit I'm not exactly sure what he was getting at, but I'm not convinced he meant that getting married as a way to solve a self-control issue is what he meant. If he did, I'm not entirely in agreement with him.

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and theoretically everyone should pray and strive for it. Getting married isn't the solution, imho. If someone lacks self-control, maybe it would be easier for them to cultivate this fruit of the Spirit; but marriage alone can't do it.

 

[Tararose]

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."—1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Paul wrote this passage as a concession; he doesn't get to the commandment of the Lord until v.10. I'll admit I'm not exactly sure what he was getting at, but I'm not convinced he meant that getting married as a way to solve a self-control issue is what he meant. If he did, I'm not entirely in agreement with him.

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and theoretically everyone should pray and strive for it. Getting married isn't the solution, imho. If someone lacks self-control, maybe it would be easier for them to cultivate this fruit of the Spirit; but marriage alone can't do it.

I get what Paul is saying ... and I agree with what. you have said, but also, on the other side of that coin, I know plenty of married people with a very unfulfilling sex life. At times I am told it can be more frustrating than being single when you are faced with what is rightfully yours but it isn't being made available for lengthy periods of time, through the partners choice or through illness etc. Sorry to put it crudely, but it is true.

 

[FredVB]

Divorce is serious, yet it is justified in cases, while it should not be thought for a first option in any cases. If a spouse is stealing, lying, turning against the other spouse, that must be basis. Serious continued deception would justify it, from the other spouse. Remember still that Leah, and Jacob, were both in a time before the law from God given to Moses, who descended from them. Leah was not the one herself who was deceiving Jacob, and what had Leah ever done wrong? We are all sinners, Leah too, but that we are sinners is not itself any justifying basis for divorce. None of us know if divorce was already an option at that time when Jacob and Leah were married, while there was no stated rule for a man having only one wife.