Seemingly different spouses

[kittysnax]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

 

[Gideon300]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

Whatever you do, don't try to change him/her. Salvation is God's business, not ours. We can't change ourselves, so how can we change someone else?

Focus on those things that are positive. You married for a reason. Some people are not very expressive by nature. God can bring them out of their shell, but it may take years. Above all else pray for your spouse. Ask God for wisdom as to how to deal with the situation. For example, the Bible advises women to be an example to their husbands - 1 Peter 3
1Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives 2when they see your pure and reverent demeanor.

Not to be one sided, Peter also says to husbands, same chapter, verse 7

Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

I knew a husband and wife who were called to full time ministry. The wife was by far more outgoing and her husband seemed to be intimidated by her. She constantly prayed for him, encouraged him and praised him to other people. He responded, somewhat slowly. Eventually he became a true worker in God's kingdom. They made a great team. She was still outgoing, and he was still quieter, but no longer intimidated. "Love is patient.............."

 

[A-Sword-Cometh]

Well the good news is that your husband is actually more spiritual than you are.

The bad news is that by you going behind his back to talk about him and these issues, and women leading in this church, that's actually pretty evil and indicative that the church you go to is in service to Satan and not my God, the Lord Jesus Christ. For how can a church claim to be a fortress of my God when they openly defy my God's commands and my God's Way? Did not the jews do this thing in the days of the Prophets going to their temple and singing songs and making long prayers and superficial shows to my God? My God said he hated them and he hated these things and he wiped them out wholly; men, women, and children, by the Sword and turned their church into a ruinous heap of rubble so that these inferior churches may know that there is a God and they are far less in significance to him than that temple. How much easier God will cast these churches off and throw them down!

Returning to the good news here though, since you have a husband and since he is more spiritual than you can ever be, the Lord Jesus Christ already prescribed through Paul how to fix your situation. The fix is very simple, you will tell your husband everything and you will show him everything, you will show him this post of errors you have written against him, and he will decide what is right about this situation. Whatsoever your husband decides to do on this matter will be spiritually correct and he is to be revered by his wife because he is the image of God and he is the spiritual authority that God ordained, not the woman.

 

[blueskies]

We can't change ourselves, so how can we change someone else?

In my view this is backwards, but that is my view.

Well the good news is that your husband is actually more spiritual than you are.

Wow, you either have a rare talent or a heavy burden, maybe both.
I remember reading somewhere in scripture about the dangers of judging others.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense,

Any person in a relationship faces something like this at one time or another.
You may be more effusive and demonstrative than your spouse in general, but particularly in spiritual matters. This type of difference in expression can cut across all aspects of a relationship and can often be a personality thing, not a measure of commitment or faith.
Either way you are going to get opinions based on insufficient information here, don’t take much of it to heart.
If you feel your relationship is in crisis, then talk to someone closer, a minister or Priest. I will pray for you and your spouse. I wish you the best.

 

[Beckie]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

This may be harsh, never mind the maybe ... Count your blessings he goes with you!. Rejoice in what you have ...In 58+ years mine has gone with me about a dozen times.

 

[Hazelelponi]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

I hope you don't mind my jumping in here.

The most deeply personal thing there is just so happens to be faith. My husband is a night owl and I'm an early bird, and I love it because that gives me wonderful alone time with God.

When I'm alone with God I can break down in tears of joyful thankfulness or sorrow over sin, I can follow however I feel led without anyone stopping me to ask If I'm okay or need anything.

That's time that is deeply precious to me.

Men in general keep their feelings close to their chest, and are far far less likely to be doing any of the above in a public place... That sort of thing is kept close.

Also, men have difficulty expressing emotion outwardly if they were raised not to, you can't hardly get joy out of them over the things they love most.

I would say it's just something your husband prefers to keep close. Instead of judging him negatively just express yourself the way you feel comfortable, and let him be himself.

The most joy I ever saw in my husband was the day I told him I was just saved, and finally understood. He ran, literally ran to me with a HUGE smile on his face and tears in his eyes, said let me be the first to welcome my new sister home and gave me a kiss on the cheek, then the biggest bear hug ever.

That was more emotion than I got on our wedding day.. lol

Yet, he sits, stuff like a board in church looking for all the world like that board in his back might be causing some pain.. lol. But that's how he shows his respect, both of God and of the preacher.

He does him just fine.

So don't worry about yours, men are from Mars after all hahaha

 

[A-Sword-Cometh]

Wow, you either have a rare talent or a heavy burden, maybe both.
I remember reading somewhere in scripture about the dangers of judging others.

"What burden? I will even forsake you" says the Lord.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

After I became a Christian I was in a couple of pentecostal assemblies for a while to see if I fitted in there. They certainly had a far more upbeat worship service compared to the Mass format I was used to as an RC. But even so, it didn't take long before I could see that the same kind of hypocrisies prevalent in myself and others practising my RC faith were also evident in the pentecostal and charasmatic faith cultures.

This plus other incidents in my Christian walk convinced me that denominations and their formal worship services or masses are not helpful to true spiritual growth.

Your husband may not have been born again yet, but at least he isn't going to be trained up as a religious hypocrite. The Bible's instruction for a born again spouse of a non Christian, is to make sure your behaviour is chaste, and it is through that you may woo your spouse to the Lord. Don't drag him off to a formalised worship service or the like, that would be counterproductive to his salvation and spiritual growth.

 

[Lanolin]

mm
I think there are boy churches and then there are girl churches

but they just call them mens groups and womens groups
when people get married, churches like to split them up into different groups, but they usually meet on different nights, so that at least one person stays home wiht the children or you'll get robbed.

Although, if they do meet at the same time, as one church I know does, they go to different cafes. I once asked why dont they just all meet in one place or swap and my church member friend was like no that has never happened! And she looked shocked that I would suggest it. Mens groups are for men and womens groups are for women ONLY!

 

[Runningman]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

I learned something the hard way after much struggle, anguish, and tears: you can't change people. You either accept them for who they are or you don't. Given your situation of being married, you should probably try to change your mind about this and just accept that your spouse is who they are and try to love them and support them. Being energetic and happy about spiritual things isn't really a requirement so I hope that helps you accept their low-energy.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

I learned something the hard way after much struggle, anguish, and tears: you can't change people. You either accept them for who they are or you don't. Given your situation of being married, you should probably try to change your mind about this and just accept that your spouse is who they are and try to love them and support them. Being energetic and happy about spiritual things isn't really a requirement so I hope that helps you accept their low-energy.

Yes, in my opinion, being spiritual is about exuding Christ like behaviour. As near as I can tell, Jesus confined His lifestyle, and His demeanour to being like His Father, our Creator, would expect of Him. He went about His business without fanfare, but quietly and with the single minded purpose of only doing what His Father wanted Him to do, not what anyone else expected Him to do. 🙂

 

[Runningman]

Yes, in my opinion, being spiritual is about exuding Christ like behaviour. As near as I can tell, Jesus confined His lifestyle, and His demeanour to being like His Father, our Creator, would expect of Him. He went about His business without fanfare, but quietly and with the single minded purpose of only doing what His Father wanted Him to do, not what anyone else expected Him to do. 🙂

Totally agree.

 

[Beckie]

Could it be God gave you the style of spouse you needed to keep you on a level keel? A counter balance , The husband in a Christian marriage is the head of the home. Do you not trust what God has given you?

 

[Billyd]

Could it be God gave you the style of spouse you needed to keep you on a level keel? A counter balance , The husband in a Christian marriage is the head of the home. Do you not trust what God has given you?

The husband is the head of the home. The wife is the heart of the home. It takes both to make a complete home.

 

[Polar]

Well the good news is that your husband is actually more spiritual than you are.

The bad news is that by you going behind his back to talk about him and these issues, and women leading in this church, that's actually pretty evil and indicative that the church you go to is in service to Satan and not my God, the Lord Jesus Christ. For how can a church claim to be a fortress of my God when they openly defy my God's commands and my God's Way? Did not the jews do this thing in the days of the Prophets going to their temple and singing songs and making long prayers and superficial shows to my God? My God said he hated them and he hated these things and he wiped them out wholly; men, women, and children, by the Sword and turned their church into a ruinous heap of rubble so that these inferior churches may know that there is a God and they are far less in significance to him than that temple. How much easier God will cast these churches off and throw them down!

Returning to the good news here though, since you have a husband and since he is more spiritual than you can ever be, the Lord Jesus Christ already prescribed through Paul how to fix your situation. The fix is very simple, you will tell your husband everything and you will show him everything, you will show him this post of errors you have written against him, and he will decide what is right about this situation. Whatsoever your husband decides to do on this matter will be spiritually correct and he is to be revered by his wife because he is the image of God and he is the spiritual authority that God ordained, not the woman.

Some R & R might help.

 

[Live4Him3]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

I'm sorry to have to ask this, but are you married to a man or a woman?

 

[ChristianTonyB]

The husband is the head of the home. The wife is the heart of the home. It takes both to make a complete home.

This is a profound statement. I can't remember who made this comment earlier, but it was a reference to the... 'women from Venus, men from Mars' theory. In my opinion it has credibility, and it warrants a deeper thought on why on the surface there doesn't seem to be the passion for spiritual expression that the opposite gender may expect. Everybody is different of course, and personality differences, and the opposites attract theory, in my opinion should also bear consideration when explaining out the differences in emotional reactions between spouses.

 

[apwall21]

Here's another perspective. Someone who is constantly changing what makes them feel good this week, sounds like, as the world would label, a flake. Your spouse is simply less excitable, and considering how easily you change your view of what is appropriate Godly expression this week, that's probably incredibly good for you. It's amazing that you're free to have these new experiences, consider that a gift of being cared for by someone who keeps a tight routine so you don't have to.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

My mom was more outgoing, by far, about her faith, both verbally and action-wise. I always thought my dad should be more the spiritual leader, but he wasn't. Both would go to church though, just different ones.

Now I feel like I am in the same situation myself, where I get "ga ga" about spiritual things, musically, Bible reading, spiritual book-reading, speakers, workshops, basically anything. My spouse doesn't. Sometimes it seems to be a time-related thing, but other than that I think the most spiritual anything for (spouse) is going to church (will put some other things ahead of church) and claiming to pray and pay attention/think about the messages at church. But at church (spouse) is basically reactionless, and it concerns me many a time, but has sounded defensive when asked about the seemingly lack of interest in it.

When I want to attend, join, or take an interest in something spiritual outside of church I feel alone in it, because I never see much enthusiasm about such things on (spouse's ) part. If (spouse has to miss some services I don't see him/her seeking to find out what they missed It puts a damper on me and I have a hard time wanting to express myself. I go head over heels in love with a particular type music, but I think (spouse) doesn't get into music --maybe because raised in a not-so-musical family?

People of the opposite gender or who I see living more outspoken and active in their faith get to looking appealing, yet make me sad that my spouse "can't " be like that too. I often feel unequally yoked.

If anybody else has been in my position and been able to overcome the lonely, quasi-unequally-yoked feeling, and managed to view your spouse with a more loving and accepting lense, to where you can be yourself in how you worship, please let me know.

Why do you say spouse instead of husband or wife? Do you think you will get judged?

 

[kittysnax]

Well the good news is that your husband is actually more spiritual than you are.

The bad news is that by you going behind his back to talk about him and these issues, and women leading in this church, that's actually pretty evil and indicative that the church you go to is in service to Satan and not my God, the Lord Jesus Christ. For how can a church claim to be a fortress of my God when they openly defy my God's commands and my God's Way? Did not the jews do this thing in the days of the Prophets going to their temple and singing songs and making long prayers and superficial shows to my God? My God said he hated them and he hated these things and he wiped them out wholly; men, women, and children, by the Sword and turned their church into a ruinous heap of rubble so that these inferior churches may know that there is a God and they are far less in significance to him than that temple. How much easier God will cast these churches off and throw them down!

Returning to the good news here though, since you have a husband and since he is more spiritual than you can ever be, the Lord Jesus Christ already prescribed through Paul how to fix your situation. The fix is very simple, you will tell your husband everything and you will show him everything, you will show him this post of errors you have written against him, and he will decide what is right about this situation. Whatsoever your husband decides to do on this matter will be spiritually correct and he is to be revered by his wife because he is the image of God and he is the spiritual authority that God ordained, not the woman.