Why Men Hate Church and No More Christian Nice Guys.

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Blik

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2016
7,312
2,428
113
#21
It is true that God designed the woman/man relationship to one of two equal persons working together as one, a perfect team but with the male as the leader of the team, when the man does not lead then the woman must take over for a team needs a leader.

To all you men here who have stood up to the plate in either the home or the church, all women thank you. The strongest leaders are the best servants.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
5,300
3,129
113
#22
Since I was saved in 1973, I could never really reconcile the world of that day just like the world of today,
with Christianity and how I know it's been manipulated by the Body of Christ (including many guilty passive
Preacher's seeking approval from their congregations) and how the Body is pretty much built on that kind
of passive thinking and doctrine.


I'm talking about men...real men...not wussies, Casper Milktoast's, easy-to-get-along-with guys who think
that staying away from conflict of any kind qualifies them to be like Jesus.


The next time you visist your local/area Christian bookstore, or even your public library, try to find the following:

"Why Men Hate Going To Church" by David Murrow. To summarize, he point's out the problem with the church
being pretty much geared toward women, children and old folks. Men feel emasculated in so many respects.
Example, men's prayer rooms, inside of which is a small round table, Kleenix boxes with with flower patterns,
lace curtains on the windows and at least one or two portraits of Jesus showing him with curly hair as if He
just returned from the beauty salon, wearing a gown of pure white with plunging neckline and too much
mascara and blush. I'm serious! What man...real masculine man wants to be surrounded by that???


Brother Murrow also focuses on other matters involving masculine men avoiding church and the reasons for it.

The next is: No More Christian Nice Guy" by Paul Coughlin. The original official title is: "No More Christian Nice
Guy: Why being Nice Instead of Good hurts Men, Women and Children".


To summarize, Brother Coughlin shows us the difference between being a Christian "nice" guy as opposed to a
Christian good guy.


A Christian "nice" guy avoids all conflict at all costs, believing that all passivity is synonymous with "godliness".
These "nice" guys end up being taken advantage of and sometimes beat up.


A Christian Good Guy on the other hand, is not necessarily nice, but he's polite and respectful, especially toward
church and secular authority. A Christian Good Guy also knows when to kick butt and take names! Christian Good
Guys won't stand for bullying for example, whereas a Christian "nice" gives up and says "Let the Lord take care of it.",
and looks the other way. he just doesn't any trouble from neighbors, co-workers, and so on.


A Christian Good Guy undoubtedly owns more than one firearm, is conservative in his politics, supports our military
and law enforcement, even approving the use of force to defend life. He can also be found watching movies starring
Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, Steve McQueen, John Wayne, and the like. But he can counted on knowing his Bible
inside and out and witness with real Godly authority without being a menace. He respects women, but knows the
Biblical difference between men's roles and women's roles in the Body of Christ.


Then there's "The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity" by Dr. Leon J. Podles. The book is a bit wordy,
but once you get into it, there's no stopping what you can learn from it.
Too many of us thing that we owe the people of the world something. I've had a couple of disputes with neighbours. In one case, I've stood my ground as I have the legal right. In another case, we obliged the neighbour by paying for something not our responsibility. We felt this was right before the Lord. The first dispute has worked out well. The neighbour is still hostile (dispute had been going on for years). The second neighbour has shown not one iota of gratitude.

When my neighbours complained that it didn't seem Christian for me to assert my rights, I told them that we are not carpets to be walked over. It is our responsibility to be at peace where possible. That takes two. The church is following the world which is increasingly dominated by women. I can't believe that world leaders would allow an 18 year old autistic girl to lecture them.

I don't believe you need to own a gun to be a man. The weapons of our warfare are not of the world. When I see in the Bible that Lord Jesus had a weapon, I'll change my mind. However, I believe that we are seeing Isaiah 3:12 coming to pass

"Youths oppress My people, and women rule over them."

I was told decades ago how much better things would be if women ran the world. I did not buy that then. I am even less convinced now that more women are in power.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
5,300
3,129
113
#23
“For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭3:27-29‬ ‭KJV‬‬

we should look to things differently when we’re in Christ

“Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:3‬ ‭KJV‬‬


“For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.

Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:14-17‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I’m not sure once we are baptized into his death gender is supposed to be an issue
Gender is not an issue as far as value to God is concerned. However, the church is the body and each individual has a role to play. There is delegated authority within the church. Not all people are pastors, teachers, elders or apostles. Like it or not, wives are required to submit to the husband. He is required to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That does not mean that he indulges every female whim or makes her and the children his idol.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
5,300
3,129
113
#24
I thought church needed more women because it was tradtionally an oldboys club that excluded them....like not letting them even speak

Could be wrong tho
It helps to remember why God formed Eve in the first place. Adam needed someone to tell him what to do (just kidding). Eve was the "suitable helper" that Adam needed. It helps too to remember that Eve was formed out a part of Adam. I like what Matthew Henry had to say:

“Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.”

God has order, hierarchy and structure for a reason. It is in His nature. God's ways are contrary to man's ways. We are commanded to obey the authorities, even the civil that are of the world. Why is this? It is because rebellion is deeply rooted in the heart of mankind. God's people need to be freed from that rebellious attitude. There is nothing like having to obey a boss you don't like, government rules you don't like or a decision of the husband that goes against self will. It is a great way of exposing the inner rebellion. We can ask God to deliver us or continue to rebel. The former brings blessing, the latter brings blight.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,669
6,860
113
#25
where do you leave at ? what State?
I live in Alabama. That isn't the point though. The OP was complaining about how Church Services are organized/conducted these days. My point is, that MEN are the ones in control of organizing/conducting Church Services in the vast majority of the Churches, so who should the Author be complaining about? Women and children having some Services addressing them? Or the men who organize the Services to address women and children?

Blaming "liberalism" invading Church Services is fine and dandy IF people accept the truth that it is the MEN who are responsible, not the women and children........
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,669
6,860
113
#26
I’m not sure once we are baptized into his death gender is supposed to be an issue
For the "sanctified," it is not. Those who are filled with the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. They have become "spiritual" Christians as spoken of by the Apostle Paul. However, many, many people have yet to be sanctified, and for them, it is still men v. women. Does not mean they are not saved, just not yet sanctified. They are those "babes" that Paul taught about, supping on milk and honey, and not yet able to feast upon the meat of the Word.........
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,759
7,756
113
#27
I thought church needed more women because it was tradtionally an oldboys club that excluded them....like not letting them even speak

Could be wrong tho
I agree that you are wrong.
 

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
Dec 20, 2017
9,385
5,724
113
#28
I miss the days when church was like a gunfight in a cowboy saloon.

No wait, I don't remember it EVER bieng like that.

 
Apr 4, 2019
34
14
8
#30
More churches need Men's Bowling Ministry or maybe Men's Bow Hunting Ministry. I'm joking :)
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
13,006
4,313
113
#31
I live in Alabama. That isn't the point though. The OP was complaining about how Church Services are organized/conducted these days. My point is, that MEN are the ones in control of organizing/conducting Church Services in the vast majority of the Churches, so who should the Author be complaining about? Women and children having some Services addressing them? Or the men who organize the Services to address women and children?

Blaming "liberalism" invading Church Services is fine and dandy IF people accept the truth that it is the MEN who are responsible, not the women and children........
the reason why I ask is that in Alabama ( go rolling Tide) the state is not as a hostel to Christians as California is. Our Governor was sued for closing down Only Christian churches while leaving bars, and Mosques open. The Supreme Court said this was a violation of Civil rights.


Yes, men are responsible in all areas I agree. No more than the men of God today.
 
G

Godsgirl83

Guest
#32
some reasons my father never liked "church" :

overly loud music/hype

constant up....down.......up.....down
(stand for this... you may be seated...... get up and shake a few hands.......you may return tom your seats...... stand up for some "praise and worship time"...... you may be seated etc etc.)
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,759
7,756
113
#33
As well he should, I am too and for those reasons.
Got a good one now, just need to train the pastor, for he is young.
 

Aaron56

Well-known member
Jul 12, 2021
2,766
1,588
113
#34
isn’t the church meant to be based on Christs doctrine ? So for instance shouldnt we consider and begin with what Christ taught and apply it to our own selves first ?

“And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said, Blessed be ye poor: for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are ye that hunger now: for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh.

Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake. Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets.

But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation. Woe unto you that are full! for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep.

Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.


But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall be given into your bosom.

For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.


And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch? The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master.

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.

For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes.

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.

But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:20-49‬ ‭KJV‬‬

that’s just one page from one of his sermons who we call lord. I think real Christian men are going to be found pursuing and also sharing Christs doctrine in thier life. I believe church should be teaching the gospel and it would make people more like Jesus in morals and thought and of course proper actions would be the result of faith

Thank you for this. I didn't have the time reply to this thread. Your post is spot on.
 

Mission21

Pathfinder
Mar 12, 2019
913
805
93
#35
More churches need Men's Bowling Ministry or maybe Men's Bow Hunting Ministry. I'm joking :)
I remember..'Men's Bowling' days.
- Many years ago..
---
Men's Breakfast Meeting.
- Breakfast & discussion.
---
I used to go there..years ago.
- It was very helpful.
- Time for encouragement, etc..
---
After sometime..it became another program.
- Changed/inevitable..
 
P

pottersclay

Guest
#36
Jesus was meek but not passive.
He was stern but with compassion.
His anger was toward ignorance (stiff neck) not toward opposition.
His message was clear in truth and motive.

I have to admit some people see jesus as a wishy washy but from what I've studied that is far from the truth.
Some hide behind this wishy washy image but what they don't realize is that his mission was for peace. To heal and mend.
Reading out of the book of Isaiah in the temple he tells us that but stops mid sentence.
Using the words of arnold Schwarzenegger Would of been a classic right after his pause....😂😂😂😂

I'll be back.
 
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#37
Since I was saved in 1973, I could never really reconcile the world of that day just like the world of today,
with Christianity and how I know it's been manipulated by the Body of Christ (including many guilty passive
Preacher's seeking approval from their congregations) and how the Body is pretty much built on that kind
of passive thinking and doctrine.


I'm talking about men...real men...not wussies, Casper Milktoast's, easy-to-get-along-with guys who think
that staying away from conflict of any kind qualifies them to be like Jesus.


The next time you visist your local/area Christian bookstore, or even your public library, try to find the following:

"Why Men Hate Going To Church" by David Murrow. To summarize, he point's out the problem with the church
being pretty much geared toward women, children and old folks. Men feel emasculated in so many respects.
Example, men's prayer rooms, inside of which is a small round table, Kleenix boxes with with flower patterns,
lace curtains on the windows and at least one or two portraits of Jesus showing him with curly hair as if He
just returned from the beauty salon, wearing a gown of pure white with plunging neckline and too much
mascara and blush. I'm serious! What man...real masculine man wants to be surrounded by that???


Brother Murrow also focuses on other matters involving masculine men avoiding church and the reasons for it.

The next is: No More Christian Nice Guy" by Paul Coughlin. The original official title is: "No More Christian Nice
Guy: Why being Nice Instead of Good hurts Men, Women and Children".


To summarize, Brother Coughlin shows us the difference between being a Christian "nice" guy as opposed to a
Christian good guy.


A Christian "nice" guy avoids all conflict at all costs, believing that all passivity is synonymous with "godliness".
These "nice" guys end up being taken advantage of and sometimes beat up.


A Christian Good Guy on the other hand, is not necessarily nice, but he's polite and respectful, especially toward
church and secular authority. A Christian Good Guy also knows when to kick butt and take names! Christian Good
Guys won't stand for bullying for example, whereas a Christian "nice" gives up and says "Let the Lord take care of it.",
and looks the other way. he just doesn't any trouble from neighbors, co-workers, and so on.


A Christian Good Guy undoubtedly owns more than one firearm, is conservative in his politics, supports our military
and law enforcement, even approving the use of force to defend life. He can also be found watching movies starring
Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, Steve McQueen, John Wayne, and the like. But he can counted on knowing his Bible
inside and out and witness with real Godly authority without being a menace. He respects women, but knows the
Biblical difference between men's roles and women's roles in the Body of Christ.


Then there's "The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity" by Dr. Leon J. Podles. The book is a bit wordy,
but once you get into it, there's no stopping what you can learn from it.
To be clear, men are not threatened by curly hair, mascara, or flowers. Men do not require affirmation or validation. We exist independently and courageously in disregard to all external influences. Our confidence is unshakable and if necessary we'll face all challenges alone.

The men you're describing sound extremely insecure and I think it's completely inaccurate.
 

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
13,947
5,648
113
#38
Thank you for this. I didn't have the time reply to this thread. Your post is spot on.
it seems that Christs doctrine is a good place to center the church, to me. But that’s just my own thinking and yours as well
 

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
13,947
5,648
113
#39
For the "sanctified," it is not. Those who are filled with the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. They have become "spiritual" Christians as spoken of by the Apostle Paul. However, many, many people have yet to be sanctified, and for them, it is still men v. women. Does not mean they are not saved, just not yet sanctified. They are those "babes" that Paul taught about, supping on milk and honey, and not yet able to feast upon the meat of the Word.........
no definately doesn’t mean someone isn’t saved we can’t determine that part until Christ determines who’s saved.

I agree with you it’s a flesh thing and recognizing others by the flesh still rather than looking at everyone in light of Christ which should be here really before sin came

“This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭5:1-2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

appreciate your post and agree
 

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
13,947
5,648
113
#40
Gender is not an issue as far as value to God is concerned. However, the church is the body and each individual has a role to play. There is delegated authority within the church. Not all people are pastors, teachers, elders or apostles. Like it or not, wives are required to submit to the husband. He is required to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That does not mean that he indulges every female whim or makes her and the children his idol.
mans authority over a woman is a result of sin and it’s curse it wasnt that way from the beginning before sin.

so what does it mean after sin and it’s curse is remitted through repentance and baptism ?

“This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.”
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭5:1-2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

when we’re baptized for remission of sins

“For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭3:27-28‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I believe there’s a maturity point in Christ where it’s not going to matter if someone is male or female in any way. But a marriage sure has order both should be submitted to Christ and that would dissolve any issues and they would have a solid godly partnership where neither insisted on lording over the other

but sure all People aren’t pastors and teachers ect but it’s not a spiritual gift to be born male or female so those examples wouldnt apply there.