Advice for a lonely single

[Danigirl1993]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

 

[CharliRenee]

Well my first thought is... good job on waiting. Secondly, I want to remind you that though it may seem life is passing you by, that all those around you are living fuller lives, you are still so young. I think that though some ppl seem to take pleasure in looking down on others, take pleasure in assuming and fault finding, most ppl are not judging you like you think they are. How do I know...because I too have been overly concerned about the perceptions of others. You are pleasing God and it seems the desires of your heart are centered around Him. I find that to be very admirable. I understand that you want a husband and you want this squared away so you can move on. I get it. This time you have now is a blessing too, though. I just want to encourage you to stay the course and to just trust 100% God's timing. In the meantime, take up a healthy hobby or something, and study the word more. You have a great opportunity to be blessed in this season and prepare yourself to be a good wife one day, when the time is right. God Bless you. I'll say a prayer for you. Hugs.

 

[Rachel20]

Please stop focusing on things like that! If you are interested in finding a husband, please go ahead and date but don't get caught up with your virginity as if you need to lose it by a certain age.

Stick to your values and you don't have to feel ashamed of it. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. It doesn't make you a better person or less of.

It means you do not have a sexual past. The ones who do turn away from you for this are not the ones you want anyway.
Also a good thing to keep in mind is that everyone has a past. It is nobody's business to judge you for yours.
You want to meet men who value you and appreciate you for the person you are. A man who truly loves you will wait for you.

 

[LadyInWaiting]

I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I will be turning 30 this year and I'm also a virgin.
You have to keep in mind a few things...

You do not really know if you are going to get married or have children. Unfortunately, that's the harsh truth. I used to think I was going to marry in my 20s and that's definitely not happening now. I might not have kids either. I have problems with my womanly organs anyways. So you have to trust God even when things don't make sense. It sucks sometimes. I'm not gonna lie. It hurts when people who are doing all the wrong things and even those who do not believe in God, get a partner or children. And women like you and I who try our best to wait, don't get any of that! A part of growing and maturing in Christ is realizing that it's his plans not ours. Ask God to help you focus on something else. When you keep focusing on what you don't have, you are very tempted to sin. Remember Eve? She had delicious fruit available to eat anywhere in the Garden of Eden. Only one tree was off limits. But when she focused on the one tree (instead of the many others that were available), she was tempted to sin and she did.

Another thing...if a guy is uncomfortable with you being a virgin in your late 20s, 30s or even 40s or whenever, then he's not the one. That means the homeboy doesn't have the Spirit in him and he doesn't appreciate the things of the Lord. He wants things of this world. So forget guys like that, hun.

I hope you start feeling better soon. It's bitter pill to swallow sometimes...but we have to remember that we follow and obey God because we love him. You should be waiting, because you love God. Not because you want a husband. Try to see it that way.

PS: whenever you are tempted to sin sexually, remember all the consequences to that. Do you really want an unexpected pregnancy? Or to give something so valuable to just any guy who is not your husband?

 

[Danigirl1993]

Well my first thought is... good job on waiting. Secondly, I want to remind you that though it may seem life is passing you by, that all those around you are living fuller lives, you are still so young. I think that though some ppl seem to take pleasure in looking down on others, take pleasure in assuming and fault finding, most ppl are not judging you like you think they are. How do I know...because I too have been overly concerned about the perceptions of others. You are pleasing God and it seems the desires of your heart are centered around Him. I find that to be very admirable. I understand that you want a husband and you want this squared away so you can move on. I get it. This time you have now is a blessing too, though. I just want to encourage you to stay the course and to just trust 100% God's timing. In the meantime, take up a healthy hobby or something, and study the word more. You have a great opportunity to be blessed in this season and prepare yourself to be a good wife one day, when the time is right. God Bless you. I'll say a prayer for you. Hugs.

Thank you so much!

 

[preacher1611]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

You hold on to your virginity sister!!! If a man finds you unattractive for that then he is unattractive and he is NOT godly!

 

[preacher1611]

I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I will be turning 30 this year and I'm also a virgin.
You have to keep in mind a few things...

You do not really know if you are going to get married or have children. Unfortunately, that's the harsh truth. I used to think I was going to marry in my 20s and that's definitely not happening now. I might not have kids either. I have problems with my womanly organs anyways. So you have to trust God even when things don't make sense. It sucks sometimes. I'm not gonna lie. It hurts when people who are doing all the wrong things and even those who do not believe in God, get a partner or children. And women like you and I who try our best to wait, don't get any of that! A part of growing and maturing in Christ is realizing that it's his plans not ours. Ask God to help you focus on something else. When you keep focusing on what you don't have, you are very tempted to sin. Remember Eve? She had delicious fruit available to eat anywhere in the Garden of Eden. Only one tree was off limits. But when she focused on the one tree (instead of the many others that were available), she was tempted to sin and she did.

Another thing...if a guy is uncomfortable with you being a virgin in your late 20s, 30s or even 40s or whenever, then he's not the one. That means the homeboy doesn't have the Spirit in him and he doesn't appreciate the things of the Lord. He wants things of this world. So forget guys like that, hun.

I hope you start feeling better soon. It's bitter pill to swallow sometimes...but we have to remember that we follow and obey God because we love him. You should be waiting, because you love God. Not because you want a husband. Try to see it that way.

PS: whenever you are tempted to sin sexually, remember all the consequences to that. Do you really want an unexpected pregnancy? Or to give something so valuable to just any guy who is not your husband?

Good job for you as well sister for maintaining your purity and waiting for God to give you YOUR husband. Many men profess to love the Lord and most have an agenda of sex. I’d NEVER (by Gods grace) have sex before marriage!

 

[JustinTime]

I think the fact that you’re waiting for marriage is absolutely amazing and has to be commended especially in this modern world where people seem to not care.

As for finding Mr. Right I believe he is out there and you will meet and marry him. God just has a different plan of when you will meet him compared to the others at your church. Don’t lose hope and do not be dismayed.

Oh and as for would a guy find you attractive if still a virgin. Any good Christian man would find that extremely attractive since it shows such a love for God. It also shows such a high level of dedication and willpower which means that you will make an amazing wife and mother one day . Any man would be lucky to have someone like you.

I’ll be praying that God sends your man to you soon, just be sure not to fall into belief that there is no one for you since that may cause you to push him away.

God bless.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Marriage is not a promise, thus God does not have a husband for you. This is a notion that comes from outside the bible, not within it.

25 and struggling? I'm 43 and never married. And have always wanted to be. Talk about a struggle.

There are three types of men that will pursue you as a virgin. The first is the worst. Those that will view you as a conquest and whose only goal will is to remove your virginity of you, then discard you.
The second is men that also may he virgins. They are rare but do exist.
Lastly is men who don't care one way or the other.
The only men who would discount you for being a virgin are not the kind of men you want anyways, so you're not missing out. And there are plenty who wouldn't be phased by it. Some may even appreciate it, even if they aren't one themselves.

Learning to be content and not turning marriage into a competition where you have to keep up with others is the best approach. Placing your priorities elsewhere. Enjoying what you have now. Because even if you marry theres no guarantee you'll be content there either.

I'm not sure if you're actually being judged, or are insecure and fabricate it, but either way it puts you in a bad mindset.
The more worry and emphasis you put on this subject the more likely you are to make bad choices. Either before marriage or in who you choose. There's less regret in never marrying than there is in marrying the wrong person.

 

[cinder]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Let's see what I'd like to say. You're not alone many of us are waiting for either the first time or the next time ( and to be honest I'm not sure which would be harder, but as a former member here once said, the Bible doesn't say stay a virgin; it says stop having extramarital sex).

In some ways it will get better. Right now everyone around you seems to be falling in love and pairing off. Eventually you will either marry, or get to the age where all the relationships are established and much less prominent in people's thoughts and discussions. Then instead of feeling like everyone else is getting their happily ever afters you will hear all the ups and downs and marriage doesn't make everything perfect happenings in day to day life. And then you see that happily ever after really looks more like a lot of hard work and resolving conflict.

The other thing I want to say is keep your commitment for yourself and for God. If your primary motivation is your future marriage, you will be more susceptible to breaking that commitment out of discouragement when you feel like you're never going to marry or that there are no good guys left without a messy past. So I want to encourage you to hold that commitment because you're doing what's best and healthiest for yourself and you believe you're valuable enough to deserve a lifetime commitment in exchange for that giving of yourself.

Only other advice I'd have is if you need some positive peer pressure, stick around here. This is a good place for that.

 

[ToastAndTea]

As someone who is in a similar position I commend you for taking a stand. There are definitely guys out there who will respect you for remaining pure. There's a verse in the Bible that says we should not grow weary of doing good. If we persevere, we'll reap the reward of staying righteous. As a male in the situation I was beginning to wonder if there were any girls left who actually still valued that... Good to know

 

[Mel85]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Romans 12:2 New King James Version (NKJV)
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

I think it’s a very beautiful and pure thing that you are a virgin who is willing to wait for the husband that God has ordained you for.

I also want to encourage you sister, with the scripture above, that the only opinion or thing that matters is what God thinks and wants of you. Paul the Apostle talks about renewing of our minds, which means renewing throughout scripture, prayer, devotion and time to Him not only in flesh but most importantly in spirit.

I’m in the same situation as you, but as I’m more older than you, I guess my thinking now is not focussed on what people think of me as a virgin but what God thinks of me, and what is acceptable to Him.

Praying for you.

 

[Danigirl1993]

You hold on to your virginity sister!!! If a man finds you unattractive for that then he is unattractive and he is NOT godly!

Thanks. Although I'm not actually planning on losing my virginity to the first random that comes along. It's more just a rant about still being 25 and single in a church where the average marrying age seems to be 22.

 

[Danigirl1993]

I think the fact that you’re waiting for marriage is absolutely amazing and has to be commended especially in this modern world where people seem to not care.

As for finding Mr. Right I believe he is out there and you will meet and marry him. God just has a different plan of when you will meet him compared to the others at your church. Don’t lose hope and do not be dismayed.

Oh and as for would a guy find you attractive if still a virgin. Any good Christian man would find that extremely attractive since it shows such a love for God. It also shows such a high level of dedication and willpower which means that you will make an amazing wife and mother one day . Any man would be lucky to have someone like you.

I’ll be praying that God sends your man to you soon, just be sure not to fall into belief that there is no one for you since that may cause you to push him away.

God bless.

Thank you. Your words really helped.

 

[preacher1611]

Thanks. Although I'm not actually planning on losing my virginity to the first random that comes along. It's more just a rant about still being 25 and single in a church where the average marrying age seems to be 22.

I wasn’t insinuating that you were willing to give your purity to some random. If you were that way then you wouldn’t be a virgin! Rant on though sister! That’s what the body of Christ is for; to comfort and encourage each other.

 

[HanCris]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattnow ractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

It's good to know that I am not alone. Well done sister. It's not easy but continue to take your stand. I am also experiencing what you are experiencing. Almost everyone my age are getting married. Sometimes i asked myself. What am i doing with my life? lol. But I guess everyone has their own timing for marriage. It is the Lord who is the author of our own love story. For sure it will be unique from the others. Trust His perfect timing. God is testing your faith or He wants you to make it bigger. I remember there was a time that someone asked me, why do you keep yourself pure? Everybody is doing it. It doesn't matter. But I said, no, even everyone is doing it, I still want to keep it as I am doing it for God and not for anyone else. Do not conform to the pattern of this world. So, don't worry about being a virgin as a problem because I believe if God will give you the man that is for you, everything will fall into place, that there will be no problem and will treasure you as a gift from God and appreciate your effort for keeping your purity. In this season of waiting, i learned that you should only find your happiness to God. Not from the approval of others or having Mr. Right. Make yourself busy with what the Lord wants you to do. Focus on God. I believe God is not yet done working on your life and your future husband's life. Maybe God is still preparing both of you so that when He said it's time, both of you will be ready. Be patient, it will be worth the wait. Ajah! You can do it.

 

[alwayslearningjoseph]

Im 25, and have chosen to remain a virgin until my wedding night. The only problem is, I am getting a bit impatient waiting for Mr Right to appear. It's made even more difficult that a lot of the women in my church who are the same age have already gotten married, some even have kids. It literally feels that everyone is falling in love and getting married but me. I attend a large church with so many married couples that I am beginning to feel like a shrivelled up old spinster.

To make matters worse, a non christian friend the same age as me recently texted to gloat that he has lost his virginity. I am constantly worrying that any possible love interests will find a woman in her mid/late twenties unattractive if she still has her virginity intact.

I know that God has a husband for me, that I am already promised to someone and in the same way that he has been promised to me, but all of the waiting around and feeling judged by people who have found happiness is really getting me down at the minute.

Any words of advice/encouragement during this time would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Your intact virginity will be the answer to a mans prayers one day.

 

[Lanolin]

Your intact virginity will be the answer to a mans prayers one day.

eek
well dont let it be stolen cos predators also like virgins and often seek them out because of this, many will prey on young girls precisely because they are virgins. Some men are very proud of the fact that they can pop a girl and get blood on the sheets.

I would say its not really that fun for the first time so dont place all your hopes on it. Just stay true to God. The state of ones vagina is not really anyone elses business except yours.

 

[Lanolin]

If God has promised a husband for you, you must wait. Ask him how long the engagement will be. If you are engaged then congratulations.

Even if you are not engaged, celibacy is a good thing for singles to practice anyway. God can help you do this. It doesnt mean you are dried up or whatever, as your physical reproductive capacity isnt what is important to Him. It is more what spiritual fruit you are going to bear.

 

[Lynx]

Gotta love necro newbies.

Ah well, it's part of growing up. Most of us WERE the necro newbies at one point. I know I was when I first started on a forum.