So I'm basically condemned to hell if I'm not doing ONLY God's will ? I can't at all enjoy my life the way i want to ?
That's a really good question. What I can tell you is this: If you are controlled by the Divine Nature, you will learn to want to be more Righteous and Holy instead of self-pleasing. You will seek the Praise of God, and no longer the praise of humans. You will be changed, and that Changing Power will not be of yourself, but of the Sanctifying Holy Spirit.
More than anything, you need to decide if you want to ask Jesus to lift the Curse of the Sin Nature from your heart. This is equivalent to Spiritually giving up your rights, which are really desires, so that in by Surrendering to Christ, you will no longer enjoy the things that you currently enjoy right now. Believe me . . . I understand the cost, for at one time I had multiple sexual partners within a weeks time. Truly, I was eating multiple apples, wasn't I? But these desires will become tamed; believe it or not, they will become tamed . . . one way or another.
If you ask Jesus to lift this Curse, you will no longer be of the world and your life will become more and more miserable. It is said that by becoming a True Follower of Christ, that you'd be hated. One reason for this, is that you'll become more and more Holy, but your friends won't like that, for your Light will begin to expose their darkness . . . thus father will be against son, mother against daughter, etc.
By Turning to Christ, you will pay a heavy penalty for being Truthful . . . and never lying. You'll find that employers usually want at least a little bit of "lie" just in case they need you to cover them. But believe it or not, some employers aren't looking for honest workers, but dishonest instead. And so this is a True glimpse into what an actual Life for a True Christian is like, and it isn't fun at all. You see, God is looking for people who recognize that although these pleasures, here on earth, are amazing, the Lord wants to see if we have the patience and foresight to see if we might recognize that what is waiting for us in Heaven is infinitely greater. Can we give up the sexual experience for the Eternal, Heavenly experience? Do we really even believe in the Bible? Do I take those Words seriously, that I will be Eternally punished if I live for myself? We all have to roll these dice, don't we?
Trust me as one who has felt the Raw, Almighty Power of God, that it is worth it. Giving up anything that causes your conscience to tell you that you are doing something wrong . . . this is Wisdom. You must Trust that Heaven is everything that the Bible says that it is, and more! You've got to begin taking these ideas of Heaven that [you] have, and you need to respect them . . . to believe them. Belieive me . . . God is waiting for each of us who are not True, to stop playing games and to Truly Turn to Him. There is no time to waste, for I assure you that you are alive because God is allowing it to be. The Lord is watching you . . . always. God is never unaware of what you are doing or what you are thinking and planning to do. This life is a risky life, for those who live carefree, wonton fancey-free lives, these are the ones who are doomed, while those who are suffering, these are the ones whom the Lord offers His Right Hand of Salvation.
Speaking of Jesus . . . Hebrews 2:10 KJV -
"For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings."
I hope that I am making sense. Your position is this: Do you want to give up your free right to sin, doing all of the things that you love (this is what it means to pick up your cross and bear it)? When a person gives up their free right to sin so that they can refer to themselves as a "slave to Christ," then they can know that they are ready. But if a person is not comfortable with a life that does not involve sin, then Christ is still far away and may one day say, "Get away from Me, for I never knew you."
It is because of the Circumcision of Christ that results in a Romans 12:2 Transformation experience. When a person has that Curse lifted, their Heart, Soul, and Mind begins to function and think in a way that is of the Divine Nature, hence, this is what it means to "allow God to Transform you," as the Apostle Paul taught. Transformation comes by way of Circumcision . . . Spiritual Circumcision is what your entire life hinges upon. You must be aware of your circumstances, and what the ramifications of your decision will be. But it is not too late, for the Lord is still allowing your lungs to breath . . . you always have that chance to ask His Son to perform His Holy Operation up your heart. If you do this . . . then you will be made Alive! Alive in, by, and through Christ. I hope you will make that decision my friend.
Pastors do not teach the Gospel that is immediately below, but I am sharing it with you now. The below Seven most important verses in the Bible explain the Circumcision of Christ. It is here that you need to decide if you want this life . . . to be "made Alive":
Colossians 2:9-15 NLT -
"For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. When you came to Christ, you were "circumcised," but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision--the cutting away of your sinful nature. For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross."
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