I've been to Fatima, Lourdes and Medjugorje in 1993. Fatima is the scariest place I've ever been to be honest.
What I'm talking about talking about is called the illumination of conscience, or the warning spoken about by Padre Pio, Sister Sasagawa, Garabandal to name a few.
If people don't believe in it, they will soon enough. This is the worldwide event I'm alluding to. It's already happened to some people in advance as a great act of grace and for reasons completely unknown to me, my turn came up just before Easter.
I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but it's really hard to make a synopsis of the biggest most life changing event you've ever had.
Everyone knows who I am and how I've led an unholy life. No need to catch you up to speed on that. But one night before Easter this year (2021) I was in bed alone (as is normal) I became aware of a presence in my room. It was a male and he was standing in my doorway. I knew immediately it was Jesus. All I could feel was immense shame. And I said in my mind 'how can I come before you Lord, I am so so unworthy!' He said nothing, but instead showed me how he sees me. It was awful. The most spirituality, emotionally and physically (in my heart) painful thing I've ever experienced. I was like a beggar in the streets. Dirty, torn clothes. Disheveled and unwashed. Jesus didn't have to say a word. I knew my sins are what had gotten me in this state.
I kept saying in my mind 'why are you here Lord,? I'm so not worthy of you'
And he responded one simple question: 'Are you with me?'
For some reason, I knew I had to answer out loud. But I couldn't. With all my being I wanted to say YES! But my lips were bound. I struggled my heart was screaming 'I am here Lord' I took me everything ounce of will I had in my existence and my mouth moved. I was able to get those words I desperately wanted to say out. I blurted as loudly as I could 'I am here Lord!'
And then I just started weeping. I literally couldn't stop crying. I haven't been able to for months now. I keep getting this urge to start praying. To pray the rosary. And to fast. Things I've never done before. And I just can't stop. I'm literally obsessed with God and being in Jesus' presence. Every time I fall into prayer it's just a big blubber fest. All I feel is regret and sorrow for everything I've ever done.
And yet despite it being the most ridiculously painful thing I've ever done, I can't stop. It literally feels like I'm being purified in holy fire.
I've come to realise that my whole life has been one of selfishness and desire. All I want to do is make it up for all the things I've done in my life that have offended God and put right the wrongs I've done to other people. God is teaching me about the ripple effects of our sins. How even the smallest things we do, or even don't do can affect another human and cause them to become lost. He loves us all so so very much and he wants us. ALL of us to love him. It destroys Jesus when he sees how we've all dehumanised one another. We've forgotten that every single person on this planet carries the most precious of gifts with them. Their very own soul.
And yet again as I write this, I'm reduced to a blubbering mess 🙄 Whatever Jesus did to me, he stitched me up real good.
I literally went from being somewhere between agnostic and Atheist who teetered between believing there is no God, and if there is one, he didn't believe in me to full on believer who is ready to follow him wherever he leads me.
So this is what is to come for everyone on the planet. A great event will come and every single person on this earth will see how God would judge them if they were to die then and there at the same time. It's going to be horrific for many. Some will literally die from fright when it happens. I know I felt like I couldn't bear to see the stain of my sins, it was so so awful to know just how much Jesus cares, when I truly didn't.
So yes, Jesus does visit gay people. Yes he does want to save us. Yes I am changing. Things that were attractive to me a few months ago hold no interest today. Temptations that ruled my life are of no importance to me anymore.
All that matters to me now is making up for those years I wasted in ignorance and figuring out what God wants me to do next. Which is pretty much a 'to be continued' sort of thing at the moment.
I apologize for bad grammar and probably a poorly written account. Between trying to fight predictive text on my phone and blurry eyes I know I've done a hatchet job. 😑
