Single forever

[seoulsearch]

Perhaps, im not 100% sure yet. She is pretty active on the group so its not like shes from some shady dating site. If shes fake than I guess im an idiot 😅

Koji,

Have you told or written her all the things you've told us here?

It just seems to me like if you told her everything you're telling us -- that you like her and want to pursue a future with her -- that's going to be your best bet for getting a clear answer and knowing what to do from there. Sitting around and trying to guess what she's thinking is obviously causing you to be miserable, and going back and forth from being hot and cold (friendly and then angry) towards her all because of what you're internally speculating just isn't fair to either of you.

You've written all this out for us -- why not try going and writing this all out for her, or even directing her to this thread if you don't know what to say?

I know rejection is painful. Today is the long-term anniversary date of a reminder of one of the biggest rejections I had in my life, too. And I do understand a lot of what you express here on the site -- rejection sucks, and unfortunately (or so it feels at the time,) life goes on.

But being direct and finding out an answer, even if it's painful, is a whole lot better than sitting around killing yourself emotionally by keeping it all inside.

And if you're going to constantly go back and forth at being angry with her because you're upset by the fact that she might go out and live her life in a direction you are going to be jealous of, then yes -- you are going to have to cut her off, because it's not fair to try to "punish" her for going her own way, even if it's not with you.

Believe me, I'm telling you all this because I've made all the same bad choices.

 

[Kojikun]

Koji,

Have you told or written her all the things you've told us here?

It just seems to me like if you told her everything you're telling us -- that you like her and want to pursue a future with her -- that's going to be your best bet for getting a clear answer and knowing what to do from there. Sitting around and trying to guess what she's thinking is obviously causing you to be miserable, and going back and forth from being hot and cold (friendly and then angry) towards her all because of what you're internally speculating just isn't fair to either of you.

You've written all this out for us -- why not try going and writing this all out for her, or even directing her to this thread if you don't know what to say?

I know rejection is painful. Today is the long-term anniversary date of a reminder of one of the biggest rejections I had in my life, too. And I do understand a lot of what you express here on the site -- rejection sucks, and unfortunately (or so it feels at the time,) life goes on.

But being direct and finding out an answer, even if it's painful, is a whole lot better than sitting around killing yourself emotionally by keeping it all inside.

And if you're going to constantly go back and forth at being angry with her because you're upset by the fact that she might go out and live her life in a direction you are going to be jealous of, then yes -- you are going to have to cut her off, because it's not fair to try to "punish" her for going her own way, even if it's not with you.

Believe me, I'm telling you all this because I've made all the same bad choices.

Yes, I think I need to get over her. Unfortunately my only chance is that group I quit. I exhausted all other options online. The concept of finding someone my type at a church around here is laughable so local dating is not an option.

 

[soberxp]

Yes, I think I need to get over her. Unfortunately my only chance is that group I quit. I exhausted all other options online. The concept of finding someone my type at a church around here is laughable so local dating is not an option.

Can't you rejoin The group?

 

[Kojikun]

Can't you rejoin The group?

Ive already quit and rejoined twice. I had an issue with another member. Im sure they all think im a raving lunatic at this point.

 

[soberxp]

Ive already quit and rejoined twice. I had an issue with another member. Im sure they all think im a raving lunatic at this point.

It doesn't matter. Just tell them you're emotional sometimes and say sorry

 

[Kojikun]

It doesn't matter. Just tell them you're emotional sometimes and say sorry

Im not sure. Either way its going to hurt regardless of what I do.

 

[soberxp]

Im not sure. Either way its going to hurt regardless of what I do.

Then make the right decision and rejoin that group. Since you feel pain no matter what you do, it's better to express it boldly

 

[Kojikun]

Then make the right decision and rejoin that group. Since you feel pain no matter what you do, it's better to express it boldly

Hmmm okay, I will talk to an admin there.

 

[soberxp]

Hmmm okay, I will talk to an admin there.

Waiting for your good news

 

[seoulsearch]

Yes, I think I need to get over her. Unfortunately my only chance is that group I quit. I exhausted all other options online. The concept of finding someone my type at a church around here is laughable so local dating is not an option.

I admit it's been a few years since I've looked into dating online, but may I please ask, how can this one group possibly be your absolute only online last resort?

There are thousands, probably hundreds of thousands of dating sites and resources out there -- may I ask, why are you limited to only one group, and one that you've quit and gone back to multiple times?

 

[Kojikun]

I admit it's been a few years since I've looked into dating online, but may I please ask, how can this one group possibly be your absolute only online last resort?

There are thousands, probably hundreds of thousands of dating sites and resources out there -- may I ask, why are you limited to only one group, and one that you've quit and gone back to multiple times?

Its actually a group for Christian nerds who want to date. So niche as it is it is the only place of its kind rn. As for dating apps there of little worth unless your rich amodel or extremely lucky. Unfortunately the Christian ones are no better with women as just as impolite. In fact I find Christian women much harder to get a hold of because many seem to have such high standards. I had a far easier time dating pagans and atheists. As for pay sites im extremely hesitant to pay just to be ignored.

 

[seoulsearch]

Its actually a group for Christian nerds who want to date. So niche as it is it is the only place of its kind rn. As for dating apps there of little worth unless your rich amodel or extremely lucky. Unfortunately the Christian ones are no better with women as just as impolite. In fact I find Christian women much harder to get a hold of because many seem to have such high standards. I had a far easier time dating pagans and atheists. As for pay sites im extremely hesitant to pay just to be ignored.

I understand what you're saying.

Believe me, it's no easier on the other end either, as I can assure you that many single Christian men have just as high of standards.

After all, you yourself said you are only attracted to exceptionally beautiful girls, which is what I find on the Christian dating sites as well.

And in a group of "Christian nerds," I can see why looks might be even more heavily emphasized, seeing as most participants in such groups are flooding themselves with anime/video/gaming perfection and then somehow expecting to find someone in reality who can measure up to the fantasy they try to surround themselves with 24/7.

I'm not saying that as a criticism -- it's just a social fact.

 

[cinder]

And here I was thinking maybe I should look up the christian nerd dating site. But then I'm concerned I might be the most normal one in the group and I don't know how to be the normal one.

 

[seoulsearch]

And here I was thinking maybe I should look up the christian nerd dating site. But then I'm concerned I might be the most normal one in the group and I don't know how to be the normal one.

Stick with me, kiddo.

I'll be happy to show you the ropes.

*Seoulsearch probably hasn't been stereotypically "normal" a single day in her life.* Lol.

 

[Kojikun]

I understand what you're saying.

Believe me, it's no easier on the other end either, as I can assure you that many single Christian men have just as high of standards.

After all, you yourself said you are only attracted to exceptionally beautiful girls, which is what I find on the Christian dating sites as well.

And in a group of "Christian nerds," I can see why looks might be even more heavily emphasized, seeing as most participants in such groups are flooding themselves with anime/video/gaming perfection and then somehow expecting to find someone in reality who can measure up to the fantasy they try to surround themselves with 24/7.

I'm not saying that as a criticism -- it's just a social fact.

Yeah, pretty much. Japanese culture is far worse tbh most dont even want real partners. My 20 plus year porn addiction isnt helping. I really hope it gets easier after marriage...knowing my luck ill end up divorced..

 

[Kojikun]

Stick with me, kiddo.

I'll be happy to show you the ropes.

*Seoulsearch probably hasn't been stereotypically "normal" a single day in her life.* Lol.

I can help lol

 

[Kojikun]

I understand what you're saying.

Believe me, it's no easier on the other end either, as I can assure you that many single Christian men have just as high of standards.

After all, you yourself said you are only attracted to exceptionally beautiful girls, which is what I find on the Christian dating sites as well.

And in a group of "Christian nerds," I can see why looks might be even more heavily emphasized, seeing as most participants in such groups are flooding themselves with anime/video/gaming perfection and then somehow expecting to find someone in reality who can measure up to the fantasy they try to surround themselves with 24/7.

I'm not saying that as a criticism -- it's just a social fact.

Speaking of depressing nerd culture im currently working on a CYOA book in the model of a Japanese dating sim lol

 

[Kojikun]

So, ive been talking to several people about the situation and I am perhaps not ready to date rn. My mental health should probably come first. Unfortunately thats a tall order

 

[JesusWhereRU]

Does it ever feel like God set you up for failure. Like you want to be his but he hates you and you can't do anything about? The Bible says get married if you burn with passion, yet finding a date with another Christian (one your attracted to) is almost impossible. ity

I have had these kinds of desires that dont seem to stop but I overcame them... well, not I but the Lord in me..

I would tell u how I (WE) did that but you probably wouldn't want to hear it... if you are like most protestants i have met. But you kind of have to do an exorcism on yourself... and I learned the best way to do that.. but again, a lot of protestants are anti-Catholic and don't want to hear anything Catholic.

There are evil people in the hierarchy, to be sure but that doesn't mean there is no good in the Church. They aren't big enough.. the evil ones... to destroy the Church.

 

[Kojikun]

I have had these kinds of desires that dont seem to stop but I overcame them... well, not I but the Lord in me..

I would tell u how I (WE) did that but you probably wouldn't want to hear it... if you are like most protestants i have met. But you kind of have to do an exorcism on yourself... and I learned the best way to do that.. but again, a lot of protestants are anti-Catholic and don't want to hear anything Catholic.

There are evil people in the hierarchy, to be sure but that doesn't mean there is no good in the Church. They aren't big enough.. the evil ones... to destroy the Church.

I am not Anti catholic, however I have many issues with there teachings. You are correct im sure theres plenty of good in the Catholic church but they're dragged down by the bad much like televangelist and many mainstream megachurches for protestants. Rn I need to find a church first and foremost. I have one in mind however there maybe issues there and I will have to look into it. Thankfully my town has no shortage of churches.