Dear Ladies: You Can’t Custom Order A Husband Like You Can A Starbucks Drink

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Sep 2, 2018
29
13
3
California
Ok, full disclaimer, I'm married. But I saw this post on my FB feed and it's getting a lot of feedback. So here is the article,


https://thefederalist.com/2021/05/0...der-a-husband-like-you-can-a-starbucks-drink/

Now when I was single I spent a lot of years traveling and really didn't think about everything I wanted in a man, other than being a Christian. It was a back burner thing for me. But within this article is a link to an article another woman posted "Single Ladies List." Now from the perspective of a married lady I had a chuckle that this. And I thought it's no wonder men are so confused about what women want, I think they are confused themselves. The list is huge, but I want to try and post some and start a discussion, for both sides, about expectations in marriage. I look forward to seeing the answers. Here we go...


Boo must be:


1. -Expressive of love and devotion and affirmation of me

2. -Emotionally expressive, romantic, demonstrative in gifts and gestures

3. -Fun to be around

4.-Confident but not arrogant or cocky or unhealthily charming/too flirtatious

5. -Not afraid to pursue me, or if he is, he still does diligently

6. -Quirky, non-boring sense of humor

7. -Present, not distracted

8. -Easy to be around

9. -Curiosity about me, to study and know and understand and best love me, an interest in where I’ve come from and what makes me me

10. -Unafraid to affirm and show affection

11. -Great listener

12. -Is clear about his priority of me

13. -Sensitive and aware

14. -Not an approval addict , -Not an attention addict

15. -Notices and pays attention to little things: dates, anniversaries, details, places that are significant to us and me and him

16. -Values my words and contributions to conversation

17.-Pays attention to me when with friends, wants to serve and be near

18.-Sentimental and soft-hearted

19.-Rugged and appreciates nature and beauty

20.-Writes notes and communicates love regularly

21. -Whimsical and cares about living a great story together

22, -Loves children, old people, friends, family, lingering

23. -Regularly shows me affection in various ways and reminds me he’s thinking of me

24. -Supportive always, even in disagreement

25. -Cares deeply about my wounds

26. -Nurtures, loves and promotes my voice literally and figuratively

27. -Recognizes and respects my physical limitations with great love and sympathy

28.-Cares about and prioritizes and sacrifices for my needs

29. --Cares about my experiences with romance, loss, sense of curse, feelings of worthlessness, knows and tends to wounds

30. -Hunger to understand my background influences and experiences

31. -Not patriarchal

32. -Great with money

33. -Willing/adventurous eater -Loves exploring -Loves eating out, enjoys little luxuries -Plans vacations and trips with and for me

34. -Loves to cook with me and for me



Ok, this even all her list, but these are some of the interesting things she posted. I'd like to hear your opinions on this.
In all honesty, if a man truly loves Jesus and studies how Jesus interacted uniquely to meet the needs of each individual, his Agape love would transcend this list. In fact, the list would fade or even become a source of endearment.
 
Jun 22, 2020
1,231
741
113
Australia
This is one of the main reasons why I've stopped looking for a woman. It's just not worth it. Plus I don't make the cut anyway... LoL

Do u know the

Now I'm a free stallion. A brumby running wild in the open fields.
Sometimes I still do miss the tender touch of woman's love I admit. But I can never go back. Not me. Not now.
Ok, full disclaimer, I'm married. But I saw this post on my FB feed and it's getting a lot of feedback. So here is the article,


https://thefederalist.com/2021/05/0...der-a-husband-like-you-can-a-starbucks-drink/

Now when I was single I spent a lot of years traveling and really didn't think about everything I wanted in a man, other than being a Christian. It was a back burner thing for me. But within this article is a link to an article another woman posted "Single Ladies List." Now from the perspective of a married lady I had a chuckle that this. And I thought it's no wonder men are so confused about what women want, I think they are confused themselves. The list is huge, but I want to try and post some and start a discussion, for both sides, about expectations in marriage. I look forward to seeing the answers. Here we go...


Boo must be:


1. -Expressive of love and devotion and affirmation of me

2. -Emotionally expressive, romantic, demonstrative in gifts and gestures

3. -Fun to be around

4.-Confident but not arrogant or cocky or unhealthily charming/too flirtatious

5. -Not afraid to pursue me, or if he is, he still does diligently

6. -Quirky, non-boring sense of humor

7. -Present, not distracted

8. -Easy to be around

9. -Curiosity about me, to study and know and understand and best love me, an interest in where I’ve come from and what makes me me

10. -Unafraid to affirm and show affection

11. -Great listener

12. -Is clear about his priority of me

13. -Sensitive and aware

14. -Not an approval addict , -Not an attention addict

15. -Notices and pays attention to little things: dates, anniversaries, details, places that are significant to us and me and him

16. -Values my words and contributions to conversation

17.-Pays attention to me when with friends, wants to serve and be near

18.-Sentimental and soft-hearted

19.-Rugged and appreciates nature and beauty

20.-Writes notes and communicates love regularly

21. -Whimsical and cares about living a great story together

22, -Loves children, old people, friends, family, lingering

23. -Regularly shows me affection in various ways and reminds me he’s thinking of me

24. -Supportive always, even in disagreement

25. -Cares deeply about my wounds

26. -Nurtures, loves and promotes my voice literally and figuratively

27. -Recognizes and respects my physical limitations with great love and sympathy

28.-Cares about and prioritizes and sacrifices for my needs

29. --Cares about my experiences with romance, loss, sense of curse, feelings of worthlessness, knows and tends to wounds

30. -Hunger to understand my background influences and experiences

31. -Not patriarchal

32. -Great with money

33. -Willing/adventurous eater -Loves exploring -Loves eating out, enjoys little luxuries -Plans vacations and trips with and for me

34. -Loves to cook with me and for me



Ok, this even all her list, but these are some of the interesting things she posted. I'd like to hear your opinions on this.
What do you usually order at Starbucks? I usually get a cappuccino with 2 sugars...
These lists have gone beyond ordering a coffee with so many demands... LoL... :)

Have u heard of the princess and the plough horse?
Its a beautifully written story that conveys the experience of many of us and describes where im at now...

 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,726
9,656
113
This is one of the main reasons why I've stopped looking for a woman. It's just not worth it. Plus I don't make the cut anyway... LoL

Do u know the

Now I'm a free stallion. A brumby running wild in the open fields.
Sometimes I still do miss the tender touch of woman's love I admit. But I can never go back. Not me. Not now.


What do you usually order at Starbucks? I usually get a cappuccino with 2 sugars...
These lists have gone beyond ordering a coffee with so many demands... LoL... :)

Have u heard of the princess and the plough horse?
Its a beautifully written story that conveys the experience of many of us and describes where im at now...

"The Princess and the Plough Horse" is thinly disguised MGTOW propaganda, quite bitterly written, and just as distasteful as feminist propaganda.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,726
9,656
113
Talking about lists of "what I want in a man" reminds me of what one comedian said.

"I used to say I'll never date a man who wears cargo pants. Now... my husband is my purse, and I'm okay with that. Lipstick, nail file, he has everything in some pocket or other."
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
I am guessing some people consider foreplay and porn what most women consider abusive because they dont want it.

Women dont want to be forced to play sexual games sir. No means NO. And she can change her mind at any point.

when love is genuine, there is no need to 'play games'
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
This is one of the main reasons why I've stopped looking for a woman. It's just not worth it. Plus I don't make the cut anyway... LoL

Do u know the

Now I'm a free stallion. A brumby running wild in the open fields.
Sometimes I still do miss the tender touch of woman's love I admit. But I can never go back. Not me. Not now.


What do you usually order at Starbucks? I usually get a cappuccino with 2 sugars...
These lists have gone beyond ordering a coffee with so many demands... LoL... :)

Have u heard of the princess and the plough horse?
Its a beautifully written story that conveys the experience of many of us and describes where im at now...


A couple points. I felt like you did. I was headed into my forties, I'd never dated. My younger sister had married in her 20s. I was certainly thinking I didn't make the cut either. Little gray hairs were starting to show, I wasn't thin like all the women around me. I wasn't fat but I didn't have that boy body every guy seemed to be in to. I certainly didn't have a personality for dating. My flirter must have gotten broke the day I was born. Couldn't play the damsel in distress to save my life. I was reading relationship books about how a woman should act more like a man. Then I very briefly dated a moron that reminded me of why I avoided men in the first place.A real piece of work that had been holding secrets from me the entire time. So yeah, I totally get how you feel.

My family started saying I was going to be alone in a nursing home, already nearly had me booked, in my 40s. Yeah they were a real encouragement. My sister tried to hook me up with a guy that was more feminine than I was, if you get my drift. Then she called me one day an asked me how I felt about old men, not older, old men. Another time she asked how I felt about "fat people", considerably overweight. smh Digging up everyone they could find so they wouldn't have to deal with me being "alone".

I gave up. I was so down and depressed, I just didn't care. It was almost to the point of being dangerous. And then I met my husband. Bright, intelligent, hard worker, and pretty handsome if I do say so myself.My family seemed stunned. I didn't have a long list, he met all my needs. Christian, willing to go to church with me,hard worker, honest and faithful. Check, check, check. It was too easy. Today we still marvel that we found each other. Yeah, we both have flaws, we aren't perfect, but we're perfect for each other. So don't count yourself out, don't think all women have these lists, and be open minded. You never know who you'll meet. When I wasn't looking is when I found someone and I can't imagine my life without him. He's been a blessing in so many ways. Just saying, never say never.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
Ive heard of the PaperBag Princess but not the Princess and her horse, though theres a LOT of pony books for girls out there.

I never got into them..drive a car lol
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
I am guessing some people consider foreplay and porn what most women consider abusive because they dont want it.

Women dont want to be forced to play sexual games sir. No means NO. And she can change her mind at any point.

Once a couple becomes engaged and go for counseling these issues need to be discussed and made very clear before you marry. All expectations need to be laid on the table. All that needs to be dealt with before the wedding ever takes place.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
I think if God wants you couple up, He'll arrange it. You dont need to put yourself out there. Hunting for husbands is for predators. and being prey isnt fun either.

of course if its your number one priority, you arent going to listen to anyone.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
Once a couple becomes engaged and go for counseling these issues need to be discussed and made very clear before you marry. All expectations need to be laid on the table. All that needs to be dealt with before the wedding ever takes place.
well couples can say, only on Mondays. though some think that means tuesdays they can go somewhere else. and wednesdays...who knows. I dont know how Solomon did it.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
In exchange for the free use of your body you can be chained to my palace and I will give you an allowance to spend on clothing and shoes?

or something to that effect?
 
Aug 28, 2020
79
24
8
This is a single guy speaking here, and if ALL THIS is what many of today's women want, I can pretty much kiss finding someone goodbye. That's WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY more than what I, or any normal guy, can offer. Right now, as much as I want to find a good godly woman, I'm in a spot where opting out. Much of this seems too needy and tends to get into micro-management territory. Ladies, if this helps, here's an easier list if you're looking for a guy:

1. Given his life to Christ and follows in His ways (regardless of the guy's shortcomings)

2. Caring and kind towards others, and puts them first before himself

3. Masculine

4. A hard worker and responsible for his own actions

Educated and being funny can be seen a number of ways, but you get the picture. I figured this is a much easier list, and while it may seem too simplified and incomplete (fill in as you see fit), you get the picture on this. Now, what is a guy like me looking for in a woman? Here's my list (at least the essentials):

1. Given her life to Christ and follows in His ways (regardless of the lady's shortcomings)

2. Caring and kind towards others, and puts them first before herself

3. Feminine

4. A hard worker and responsible for her own actions

Yeah, a copy and paste (except for number 3), and there may be other things that certain may be looking for, but, again, this is a good starter for us. We don't ask for much, but rather just things that actually matter. And most guys are looking for a loving relationship with a woman. If some of us need to change in order for us to be with a woman, we will and have God make the transformation. Just my two cents
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,070
3,461
113
It isn't often anymore that a thread comes around that peaks my interest enough to to make the time to actually respond.

Ultimately, when I hear about some of the lists that some women have I can't help but think that (unbeknownst to them) they are looking for their best (female) friend wrapped up in a male meat sack.

When it comes to how we relate to others, men and women are (for the most part) polar opposites. Men tend to be driven by logic, whereas women tend to be driven by emotions and if a woman is looking for a man to relate to her like her besty does, she is going to be disappointed the vast majority of the time.

I can guarantee that I would not make the cut when compared to the list that many women have yet I'm sure that if you were to ask my wife (for those of you who aren't aware, I married for the first time at 45) although I don't necessarily what she thought she wanted, I do meet what she needed.


Believe me I know that I have many shortcomings, but I daily strive to do what is best for my family; ultimately that gives her the security that every woman desires.

My advice to women is quit looking for the guy that stars in the latest movie on the Hallmark Channel and start looking for a real man. A man who will love his bride as Christ loves the church and also will lead her as Christ is the head of the church. Yes, the two come as a package.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
It isn't often anymore that a thread comes around that peaks my interest enough to to make the time to actually respond.

Ultimately, when I hear about some of the lists that some women have I can't help but think that (unbeknownst to them) they are looking for their best (female) friend wrapped up in a male meat sack.

When it comes to how we relate to others, men and women are (for the most part) polar opposites. Men tend to be driven by logic, whereas women tend to be driven by emotions and if a woman is looking for a man to relate to her like her besty does, she is going to be disappointed the vast majority of the time.

I can guarantee that I would not make the cut when compared to the list that many women have yet I'm sure that if you were to ask my wife (for those of you who aren't aware, I married for the first time at 45) although I don't necessarily what she thought she wanted, I do meet what she needed.

Believe me I know that I have many shortcomings, but I daily strive to do what is best for my family; ultimately that gives her the security that every woman desires.

My advice to women is quit looking for the guy that stars in the latest movie on the Hallmark Channel and start looking for a real man. A man who will love his bride as Christ loves the church and also will lead her as Christ is the head of the church. Yes, the two come as a package.
I'll take that as a compliment. lol We have something in common, I married for the first time in my early 40s. But in between the first person I dated and meeting my husband I read relationship books. They all seemed to be telling women not to be women but to act more like men. No wonder everyone is confused. In an age where real men aren't appreciated, actually castigated, women settle for whatever is left. Men are "toxic" in todays world. I certainly feel for people out trying to date today. Both sexes have their jobs cut out. Sometimes I wonder if the list is for them, or for them to show off to other people what a "catch" they got.
 

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
Aug 10, 2019
9,883
4,345
113
mywebsite.us
"The Princess and the Plough Horse" is thinly disguised MGTOW propaganda, quite bitterly written, and just as distasteful as feminist propaganda.
Talking about lists of "what I want in a man" reminds me of what one comedian said.

"I used to say I'll never date a man who wears cargo pants. Now... my husband is my purse, and I'm okay with that. Lipstick, nail file, he has everything in some pocket or other."
And this is thinly-veiled feminism.
 

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
Aug 10, 2019
9,883
4,345
113
mywebsite.us
Once a couple becomes engaged and go for counseling these issues need to be discussed and made very clear before you marry. All expectations need to be laid on the table. All that needs to be dealt with before the wedding ever takes place.
And, you don't necessarily need counseling if you just communicate honestly and effectively with each other.

;)

:)
 
Jun 22, 2020
1,231
741
113
Australia
"The Princess and the Plough Horse" is thinly disguised MGTOW propaganda, quite bitterly written, and just as distasteful as feminist propaganda.
Whats that?

I never felt like i was used as a workhorse in my situation although many others have.
i just feel like the horse in the end galloping free in the rolling meadows, unbridled, wind blowing through the main