Good afternoon. I grew up christian, but didn't go to church, didn't live much different. September last year I started going to church.(OPC)
I went for about 2.5-3 months, and started praying, and then the Holy Spirit came into my life. For the first 2 weeks, I was just IN LOVE with God.
I stopped swearing very quickly, the hate in my heart went away, my talk otherwise cleaned up. That went away, (being IN LOVE with God, I think Satan got involved) and I got very anxious and depressed. I cut out everything bad in my life that were obvious, visible sins. Stopped watching ungodly TV, radio, etc. Looked away from any woman when driving down the road. I still struggled, but overall I was really trying, which might have fed my pride, which I prayed about.
There were times of great peace, when I truly felt like everything made sense, Christ died for my sins,etc. I confessed my sins and the guilt started going away, though I don't know if I have saving faith. I was starting to walk in grace a bit, when I realized I made a mistake, I'd confess it. I tended to focus on the worst versus in the Bible, Parable of the Sower, Hebrews 10:26, etc. I also just started reading The Pilgrims Progress, and the man in the cage stood out to me. On Thursday (last week), I was on my phone, and got this conviction that I shouldn't be. I finished the email and repented, but everything felt HORRIBLE. Like the Holy Spirit had left me. I feel hard. For a few days, I felt extremely empty, but now I feel sort of normal. I've struggled I feel very convinced that I'm hell bound. I've talked to 3 pastors and another man I trust, and they think I'll be fine. They mostly think that 10:26 applies to apostacy, but the way it reads, I don't like it. What are your thoughts?. Thank you
I went for about 2.5-3 months, and started praying, and then the Holy Spirit came into my life. For the first 2 weeks, I was just IN LOVE with God.
I stopped swearing very quickly, the hate in my heart went away, my talk otherwise cleaned up. That went away, (being IN LOVE with God, I think Satan got involved) and I got very anxious and depressed. I cut out everything bad in my life that were obvious, visible sins. Stopped watching ungodly TV, radio, etc. Looked away from any woman when driving down the road. I still struggled, but overall I was really trying, which might have fed my pride, which I prayed about.
There were times of great peace, when I truly felt like everything made sense, Christ died for my sins,etc. I confessed my sins and the guilt started going away, though I don't know if I have saving faith. I was starting to walk in grace a bit, when I realized I made a mistake, I'd confess it. I tended to focus on the worst versus in the Bible, Parable of the Sower, Hebrews 10:26, etc. I also just started reading The Pilgrims Progress, and the man in the cage stood out to me. On Thursday (last week), I was on my phone, and got this conviction that I shouldn't be. I finished the email and repented, but everything felt HORRIBLE. Like the Holy Spirit had left me. I feel hard. For a few days, I felt extremely empty, but now I feel sort of normal. I've struggled I feel very convinced that I'm hell bound. I've talked to 3 pastors and another man I trust, and they think I'll be fine. They mostly think that 10:26 applies to apostacy, but the way it reads, I don't like it. What are your thoughts?. Thank you
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