How is loneliness while single different from loneliness in marriage?

[TheIndianGirl]

We all know that not all singles and not married couples are lonely. However, people in both groups admit to being lonely. How is being lonely while single different from being lonely while married? Are they different or equally terrible? While everyone's views are welcome, I believe only people who have been both single (living alone) for an extended time and have been in long-term relationships/marriages can offer wise words on this topic.

 

[tourist]

Singles that are lonely can still be hopeful that one day the loneliness will end while those that find themselves lonely even though married might feel disillusioned and have resigned to live alone in their thoughts having abandon all hope of tomorrow.

 

[Encouragement]

We all know that not all singles and not married couples are lonely. However, people in both groups admit to being lonely. How is being lonely while single different from being lonely while married? Are they different or equally terrible? While everyone's views are welcome, I believe only people who have been both single (living alone) for an extended time and have been in long-term relationships/marriages can offer wise words on this topic.

Yes people can most definitely feel lonely in marriage for a variety of reasons.The dynamics are different from being lonely when single as the loneliness when being single range from just missing the warmth of having someone special in ones life..missing romantic/physical intimacy...missing having someone to come home too ect..
Yet the feeling of loneliness can very much overlap too as the person one is married to can be emotionally/physically withdrawn..ie away on business so they are not physically around..also things like mis understandings or disagreements can cause one to feel lonely because they are not understood or appreciated by their spouse.At times a wife can even feel lonely just being a housewife due to the lack of interaction from her spouse during the day as he maybe at work of even involved in ministry or important meetings ect.
Loneliness within marriage can also be red flags of being vulnerable as left unresolved someone else other than ones spouse can provide whatever is being yearned for by the married person like attention,,understanding,emotional or physical intimacy (like just having them available to talk too...even just making them smile or laugh)...leading to inappropriate emotional attachments.
Loneliness when single stems mostly from the absence of not having a partner in ones life..loneliness in marriage stems from the feelings of unforfillment,dis satisfaction..feeling unable to connect with the one one is married too in one way or another which triggers feelings of feeling isolated,hurt ect.
Having said that loneliness can also be caused by wrong expectations ect or having wrong motives..
Example..
A husband comes home from work late and wants to be physically intimate with his wife..however having spent all day with the 4 youngs kids..dropping them off at school..picking then up..cleaning the house..preparing their tea...organising their bath time..reading them bedtime stories ect ect..his wife is just too worn out..tired and fatigued and just wants a nice soak in the bath and an early night..physical intimacy is the last thing on her mind.
Her husband misreads her lack of sexual interest as rejection and goes to bed feeling unloved and lonely..his wife also feels unappreciated by him and isolated with the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother..as a woman she feels alone in this experience..

 

[southernf]

Yes people can most definitely feel lonely in marriage for a variety of reasons.The dynamics are different from being lonely when single as the loneliness when being single range from just missing the warmth of having someone special in ones life..missing romantic/physical intimacy...missing having someone to come home too ect..
Yet the feeling of loneliness can very much overlap too as the person one is married to can be emotionally/physically withdrawn..ie away on business so they are not physically around..also things like mis understandings or disagreements can cause one to feel lonely because they are not understood or appreciated by their spouse.At times a wife can even feel lonely just being a housewife due to the lack of interaction from her spouse during the day as he maybe at work of even involved in ministry or important meetings ect.
Loneliness within marriage can also be red flags of being vulnerable as left unresolved someone else other than ones spouse can provide whatever is being yearned for by the married person like attention,,understanding,emotional or physical intimacy (like just having them available to talk too...even just making them smile or laugh)...leading to inappropriate emotional attachments.
Loneliness when single stems mostly from the absence of not having a partner in ones life..loneliness in marriage stems from the feelings of unforfillment,dis satisfaction..feeling unable to connect with the one one is married too in one way or another which triggers feelings of feeling isolated,hurt ect.
Having said that loneliness can also be caused by wrong expectations ect or having wrong motives..
Example..
A husband comes home from work late and wants to be physically intimate with his wife..however having spent all day with the 4 youngs kids..dropping them off at school..picking then up..cleaning the house..preparing their tea...organising their bath time..reading them bedtime stories ect ect..his wife is just too worn out..tired and fatigued and just wants a nice soak in the bath and an early night..physical intimacy is the last thing on her mind.
Her husband misreads her lack of sexual interest as rejection and goes to bed feeling unloved and lonely..his wife also feels unappreciated by him and isolated with the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother..as a woman she feels alone in this experience..

This is such an incredibly wise answer! And I think every single married person should read your example and think about that. I think even in marriages where the husband and wife are fulfilling their roles and taking care all of their family responsibilities, the enemy can sneak in and take advantage by creating friction. It is so important for spouses to make time for each other even when it feels like the kids are taking every ounce of time. It is not easy but so important to think about.

 

[Mak33]

Singles that are lonely can still be hopeful that one day the loneliness will end while those that find themselves lonely even though married might feel disillusioned and have resigned to live alone in their thoughts having abandon all hope of tomorrow.

wow, what a ray of hope and sad at the same time for the latter part.

 

[Dino246]

I could echo what Tourist said....

I don't get lonely easily, though I have experienced it a few times, both while single and while married. In my experience, loneliness while being married is worse, because your expectations are higher and your options for mitigating are fewer. It is better to find solutions that don't depend on specific (other) people.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

Meh, life is suffering, anyone who tells ya otherwise is selling you something. I like being alone sometimes, and not so much other times. I'm married, and have been for 25 years now. I can assure you that there are lonely times because I can not burden my wife with some of my personal issues. It is my job to be the protector. I am the man, the husband, the father, this is what God has called me to be, so I bear it. I take up my cross and follow Jesus. I lay my burdens at the feet of Jesus, and then soldier on.

 

[inukubo]

I thought loneliness was intolerable when I was young and single and then I experienced true loneliness in an emotionally abusive marriage. The difference is night and day. I was never as utterly lonely and hopeless as I was in my marriage. I could not even talk to myself or talk to God because she was constantly around and criticizing my every action. I managed to escape last year. Now I am alone, but no longer lonely.

 

[Lighthearted]

There is loneliness as in a temporary lack of company and then there is loneliness in marriage which is often associated with emotional and physical neglect and abuse. It is oppressive.

 

[Runningman]

We all know that not all singles and not married couples are lonely. However, people in both groups admit to being lonely. How is being lonely while single different from being lonely while married? Are they different or equally terrible? While everyone's views are welcome, I believe only people who have been both single (living alone) for an extended time and have been in long-term relationships/marriages can offer wise words on this topic.

Loneliness while single is feeling lonely because someone is literally alone.

Loneliness while married is feeling lonely because the partner is neglecting the other.

With being single there is no expectation of someone to keep you company, but in marriage a partner is expected to be there for their spouse.

If a partner either cannot or will not be there for their spouse then there are probably some major issues going on.

So I would say that loneliness in marriage is different than loneliness from being single because it's harder. Married people aren't supposed to feel lonely and if they do there's a big problem. Single people are supposed to feel lonely.

 

[Lighthearted]

Loneliness while single is feeling lonely because someone is literally alone.

Loneliness while married is feeling lonely because the partner is neglecting the other.

With being single there is no expectation of someone to keep you company, but in marriage a partner is expected to be there for their spouse.

If a partner either cannot or will not be there for their spouse then there are probably some major issues going on.

So I would say that loneliness in marriage is different than loneliness from being single because it's harder. Married people aren't supposed to feel lonely and if they do there's a big problem. Single people are supposed to feel lonely.

I disagree. No one is supposed to feel lonely. That is why we are encouraged to fellowship and lift one another up. That is why God gives us purpose to fill our lives. God never leaves or forsakes us...so we are never truly alone.
Loneliness ultimately boils down to a personal choice.

 

[shittim]

Same here, when we fellowship with the indwelling Christ we can never be alone.
He will NEVER leave us or forsake us.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

I can't speak for everyone, I was married for a long time, almost 28 years, and what I learned in my marriage was the more open I was with my husband, the less lonely I felt. Now that he's passed, lonliness comes with anger. anger toward my husband for leaving, anger towards myself, for wasting so much time and effort while he was alive, but mostly anger towards God. I feel so cheated. We were supposed to be doing all of this together.
But the good news is, to me, God HAS to be real. I can't be this angry with someone who doesn't exist....right?

 

[Runningman]

I disagree. No one is supposed to feel lonely. That is why we are encouraged to fellowship and lift one another up. That is why God gives us purpose to fill our lives. God never leaves or forsakes us...so we are never truly alone.
Loneliness ultimately boils down to a personal choice.

As with everything, context is vital to proper reading comprehension. You're right that we should not feel lonely in a general sense, but we're talking about relationship status.

In relationships you're either married or you're not. Married couples are not supposed to feel lonely. Single people do not have a significant other meaning they do not have someone to keep them company. So therefore they should feel alone. I'll double-down and triple-down on this because I'm right.

You should take time to think your responses through before slapping a red x on something. You probably just feel embarrassed now.

 

[shittim]

"Single people do not have a significant other meaning they do not have someone to keep them company. So therefore they should feel alone. I'll double-down and triple-down on this because I'm right."
Not true for a born again, Holy spirit filled Christian walking in relationship with our lord and Savior.
True for an outward form, carnal living "Christian" who may play "church" once a week and is not in relationship as required.
best wishes

 

[Runningman]

"Single people do not have a significant other meaning they do not have someone to keep them company. So therefore they should feel alone. I'll double-down and triple-down on this because I'm right."
Not true for a born again, Holy spirit filled Christian walking in relationship with our lord and Savior.
True for an outward form, carnal living "Christian" who may play "church" once a week and is not in relationship as required.
best wishes

God isn't a human that we can marry, build a family with, etc.

While I agree with what you're saying, I think we aren't even talking about the same thing.

I am talking specifically about human relationships such as marriage or being single. Single people are alone because they aren't married.

This is what the original post (op) was about. I'm not discussing relationship with God not even slightly.

 

[shittim]

we are talking about the same thing, one of us us born again, spirit filled and walking in viral relationship and one is still a carnal, or sense ruled Christian, if Christian at all.
He will grow us all as much as we desire and allow to be grown.
Many stay as outward form Christians, Jesus told us clearly that would be the case in these last days, they would hold to an outward form of godliness denying the power thereof, others would grow and go one to do greater works than He Himself.
best wishes

 

[inukubo]

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. As believers we are never "alone" even if we are locked in a cell by ourselves with no human contact. It is possible, however, for everyone to be lonely even though they may never be alone.

 

[shittim]

The Christ who indwells the believer promises to never leave or forsake.

 

[Encouragement]

I disagree. No one is supposed to feel lonely. That is why we are encouraged to fellowship and lift one another up. That is why God gives us purpose to fill our lives. God never leaves or forsakes us...so we are never truly alone.
Loneliness ultimately boils down to a personal choice.

What???🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️
Are you serious?