Hey Everyone,
Growing up smack-dab in the middle of church culture, I often find myself trying to process the many things I've seen that still troubles me on a regular basis.
For instance, have any of you ever been told by someone, "I forgive you," but you're left wondering exactly what it was you did wrong? I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we haven't wronged a person who said that, but I was thinking of two examples in particular.
I've had many situations at work where someone wants me to break the rules for them because they see themselves as being an exception, and when I try my best to politely refuse, they will say something like, "Shame on you!" There was one time when I'd finally had enough, and I just told the person, "No, because doing my job isn't anything deserving of shame."
Now please understand, I'm certainly NOT saying that I never do anything wrong -- like anyone else, if I do something right, it's all because of the grace of God. But with today's "Entitlement" culture, things like this seem to be happening more and more, and I was wondering how others deal with it.
My second example involves two women in the church. I'll call the first, Sister Abby -- a woman in her 50's who has been in ministry most of her life. Abby has taken a young woman in the church, Sister Beth (in her 20's) under her own wing, and sees her as someone who could be a good helper to Abby's own personal ministry, as well as someone who might be able to take it over in later years.
Sister Abby has a very introverted, guarded personality; by contrast, Sister Beth is very extroverted, warm, and outgoing. Sister Abby almost always waits for people to approach her first; while the young Sister Beth always makes an effort to approach others first and ask how they are doing.
Over time, Sister Abby sees that the people are becoming much more drawn to Sister Beth, and starts to see this young woman as basically stealing her ministry. She starts to cut Sister Beth out of the loop, excluding her from important events and information, and when Sister Beth asks why, Sister Abby tells her, "I forgive you for all the wrong you've done to me. We just have to forgive each other and move on."
But Sister Beth is left utterly confused over exactly how it is that she has wronged Sister Abby, since she has done everything that Sister Abby asked for her without complaint and in an honoring way.
Now again, I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")
But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.
* Have the rest of you been through this, or seen it happen to someone else, and if so, how do you feel is the best way to handle it?
I'm looking forward to hearing how other Christians deal with this.
I actually feel this is very important to talk about within the Single Christian Community. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like singles are often targeted within the church to be molded into things that other people want them to be, and if we hesitate or question their motives, we are often accused of being rebellious or not being true Christians to begin with.
The older I get, the more I've come to discern between people who want me to be more like Jesus -- and people who simply want me to be more like them.
How about the rest of you? What's your story?
Growing up smack-dab in the middle of church culture, I often find myself trying to process the many things I've seen that still troubles me on a regular basis.
For instance, have any of you ever been told by someone, "I forgive you," but you're left wondering exactly what it was you did wrong? I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we haven't wronged a person who said that, but I was thinking of two examples in particular.
I've had many situations at work where someone wants me to break the rules for them because they see themselves as being an exception, and when I try my best to politely refuse, they will say something like, "Shame on you!" There was one time when I'd finally had enough, and I just told the person, "No, because doing my job isn't anything deserving of shame."
Now please understand, I'm certainly NOT saying that I never do anything wrong -- like anyone else, if I do something right, it's all because of the grace of God. But with today's "Entitlement" culture, things like this seem to be happening more and more, and I was wondering how others deal with it.
My second example involves two women in the church. I'll call the first, Sister Abby -- a woman in her 50's who has been in ministry most of her life. Abby has taken a young woman in the church, Sister Beth (in her 20's) under her own wing, and sees her as someone who could be a good helper to Abby's own personal ministry, as well as someone who might be able to take it over in later years.
Sister Abby has a very introverted, guarded personality; by contrast, Sister Beth is very extroverted, warm, and outgoing. Sister Abby almost always waits for people to approach her first; while the young Sister Beth always makes an effort to approach others first and ask how they are doing.
Over time, Sister Abby sees that the people are becoming much more drawn to Sister Beth, and starts to see this young woman as basically stealing her ministry. She starts to cut Sister Beth out of the loop, excluding her from important events and information, and when Sister Beth asks why, Sister Abby tells her, "I forgive you for all the wrong you've done to me. We just have to forgive each other and move on."
But Sister Beth is left utterly confused over exactly how it is that she has wronged Sister Abby, since she has done everything that Sister Abby asked for her without complaint and in an honoring way.
Now again, I am not saying that the other person may not have done anything wrong. But I am seeing this time and time again among Christian groups I know: Person X doesn't like the way Person Y is handling things or is getting a larger/more positive following, and therefore, Person X accuses Person Y of doing something wrong to them (such as "stealing their sheep.")
But would God say that Person Y has actually done something wrong? And if they haven't, what should this Person Y do? In my younger days, if someone would accuse me of doing wrong, I was much more apt to hang my head, immediately apologize, and beg the other person's forgiveness. These days, I'm much more prone to analyzing the situation first rather than immediately catering to the first accusation.
* Have the rest of you been through this, or seen it happen to someone else, and if so, how do you feel is the best way to handle it?
I'm looking forward to hearing how other Christians deal with this.
I actually feel this is very important to talk about within the Single Christian Community. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like singles are often targeted within the church to be molded into things that other people want them to be, and if we hesitate or question their motives, we are often accused of being rebellious or not being true Christians to begin with.
The older I get, the more I've come to discern between people who want me to be more like Jesus -- and people who simply want me to be more like them.
How about the rest of you? What's your story?
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