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K
In pondering the things that have been shared in this thread, I have to admit that when it comes to those who are constantly giving negative feedback, I often wonder what their lives are like.
Maybe I'm even slightly envious. As I've said, I always feel like the Holy Spirit is waving His finger at me when I go to reach for the Big Red X, and when I do manage to listen
, I can't help but wonder if He's just picking on me , or if He truly does not convict others in the same way.
I start to wonder if He ever tries to tell someone not to press the button and like me, they just fail to listen, or would the Holy Spirit actually LEAD people to constantly fire that Red X? I don't know, as I can't say for sure how He works with different people. But I can't help but wonder if they have to repeatedly override their conscience in order to do it. I suppose not, because the ones who use it the most are often 110% convinced that they are simply standing for the truth, even if it means tearing down others (all the more justifiable, I suppose, because they probably see this as "fighting the good Christian fight," and to "count it all joy".)
How do we stay on track as far as clinging to God's truth, in the way He wants it spoken, and... a version of the truth that is our own, and in the way we want to say it?
The example I've come to use by default is this:
Let's say your beloved father is in the hospital, and you're waiting for a doctor to come out of his room and give you an update.
Doctor #1 comes to you and says, "I am so very sorry, but your father passed away. I am so, so sorry for your loss, and am here to answer any questions you have to the best of my knowledge. I am here for you during your time of need."
Doctor #2 says, "Welp, the old man just kicked the bucket. My work here is done, so I'm moving on to the next sad soul in line."
Which doctor spoke truth? Because neither one of them told a lie... But which doctor would you rather choose to have deliver that truth?
This is what disheartens me most about growing up in, and continuing to participate in Christian circles. So many people have the mannerism of the second doctor, but they don't see it in themselves, and they don't think they're doing anything wrong because technically, they ARE telling the truth. But they don't seem to understand that there is a much better way of conveying it.
Now I'm certainly not saying that there isn't a time for firm, or even harsh, answers. I've done plenty of that myself, and still do, so I'm very much on the steep end of the learning curve as well. But I also often wonder what kinds of environments people are from, because I've been around some people whom I thought were the meanest, most critical souls ever to walk the earth, then I met their parents/siblings/friends, and the people around them were so much worse, they made the first person actually look NICE in comparison! These people truly didn't know any better, because that's all they'd ever known.
At any rate... Sorry for the mad ramble.
All I really wanted to say was, Kayla, I hope you and others here won't get too discouraged and will stick around.
One thing I've greatly appreciated about your posts is that you have a lot of insider knowledge about the inner problems behind the scenes of ministries that put on a holy face. I know that when I first started reading your posts, I was relieved, because I thought, "Wow, this is someone who actually understands what it's like!"
I also always want to encourage wise and compassionate marrieds to stop over to Singles once in a while. We need to be reminded that marriage is hard work and not all fluffy visions of adoration, especially with Single's Awareness Day (aka, Valentine's) fast approaching.
I understand that it's probably not ideal for married and single people to hang out too regularly, lest any lines be crossed? For instance, I don't ever want to make a married person feel as if they wish they were single again. I tell all my married friends, "If you've found someone you can live with, stick with them, because dating is a nothing but a shark tank!!!"
But please consider stopping in once in and having a laugh and a joke on us. Tourist also has some of the best comebacks in the Singles Forum, so we'd love to have you join in with a few quips of your own.
After all, if churches somehow expect marrieds and singles to co-exist in one body, why not here as well?
Maybe I'm even slightly envious. As I've said, I always feel like the Holy Spirit is waving His finger at me when I go to reach for the Big Red X, and when I do manage to listen
, I can't help but wonder if He's just picking on me , or if He truly does not convict others in the same way.I start to wonder if He ever tries to tell someone not to press the button and like me, they just fail to listen, or would the Holy Spirit actually LEAD people to constantly fire that Red X? I don't know, as I can't say for sure how He works with different people. But I can't help but wonder if they have to repeatedly override their conscience in order to do it. I suppose not, because the ones who use it the most are often 110% convinced that they are simply standing for the truth, even if it means tearing down others (all the more justifiable, I suppose, because they probably see this as "fighting the good Christian fight," and to "count it all joy".)
How do we stay on track as far as clinging to God's truth, in the way He wants it spoken, and... a version of the truth that is our own, and in the way we want to say it?
The example I've come to use by default is this:
Let's say your beloved father is in the hospital, and you're waiting for a doctor to come out of his room and give you an update.
Doctor #1 comes to you and says, "I am so very sorry, but your father passed away. I am so, so sorry for your loss, and am here to answer any questions you have to the best of my knowledge. I am here for you during your time of need."
Doctor #2 says, "Welp, the old man just kicked the bucket. My work here is done, so I'm moving on to the next sad soul in line."
Which doctor spoke truth? Because neither one of them told a lie... But which doctor would you rather choose to have deliver that truth?
This is what disheartens me most about growing up in, and continuing to participate in Christian circles. So many people have the mannerism of the second doctor, but they don't see it in themselves, and they don't think they're doing anything wrong because technically, they ARE telling the truth. But they don't seem to understand that there is a much better way of conveying it.
Now I'm certainly not saying that there isn't a time for firm, or even harsh, answers. I've done plenty of that myself, and still do, so I'm very much on the steep end of the learning curve as well. But I also often wonder what kinds of environments people are from, because I've been around some people whom I thought were the meanest, most critical souls ever to walk the earth, then I met their parents/siblings/friends, and the people around them were so much worse, they made the first person actually look NICE in comparison! These people truly didn't know any better, because that's all they'd ever known.
At any rate... Sorry for the mad ramble.
All I really wanted to say was, Kayla, I hope you and others here won't get too discouraged and will stick around.
One thing I've greatly appreciated about your posts is that you have a lot of insider knowledge about the inner problems behind the scenes of ministries that put on a holy face. I know that when I first started reading your posts, I was relieved, because I thought, "Wow, this is someone who actually understands what it's like!"
I also always want to encourage wise and compassionate marrieds to stop over to Singles once in a while. We need to be reminded that marriage is hard work and not all fluffy visions of adoration, especially with Single's Awareness Day (aka, Valentine's) fast approaching.
I understand that it's probably not ideal for married and single people to hang out too regularly, lest any lines be crossed? For instance, I don't ever want to make a married person feel as if they wish they were single again. I tell all my married friends, "If you've found someone you can live with, stick with them, because dating is a nothing but a shark tank!!!"
But please consider stopping in once in and having a laugh and a joke on us.
Tourist also has some of the best comebacks in the Singles Forum, so we'd love to have you join in with a few quips of your own.After all, if churches somehow expect marrieds and singles to co-exist in one body, why not here as well?
Thank you sister, I think I need to swim in calmer waters at CC. I was firing with the red x back at those throwing it at me. I sure don't want to portray myself as innocent, that would be hypocritical as I claim others to be. But I felt the x was not because they disagreed with my POV but simply disliked me. And I think that's unfair use of the x, no matter which "side" does it. So it wasn't very spiritually mature of me to react back. And your post has reminded me of that. Conviction isn't fun, but it certainly helps us to be better Christians. Thank you for the gentle reminder sis. I think I'd be like the sons of thunder in the Bible. I feel so righteously indignant that I react before I think. I'm going to try and slow down on that from here on out.
Yes, I did spend many years in ministry, more years than I've been married, so my advice may actually be better in that category. lol Neither are to be entered into lightly. I see so many who have a heart for ministry and I fear that they will be discouraged when they get on the other side and see some of the things that go on. We need more people with a heart for ministry. I was a young girl when I felt called into ministry. I use to listen to a man named Keith Green, and it was his music that started the fire in me to want to serve in ministry. I couldn't have known how tiring, how difficult and the things I would have to face in those 20 yrs. but I wouldn't change a thing. I have been away from traveling ministry for 10 yrs now and I still have people say to me in public " I remember you! You came to our church!" I so surprised that people still remember after all these years. The odd thing is that I was out of ministry several years when I met my husband. So he knows nothing about that part of my life. Every once in a while my family is together at our home church and we're asked to sing. It's always odd to me to see my hubby sitting there in the crowd. He's so sweet, he always comes up kisses my head ( he's tall, Im short) and says " you sing like an angel". I usually tell him he needs his hearing checked. lol Both ministry and marriage have many rewards, but it's not for the faint of heart. Two places where satan really attacks, marriage and people trying to reach others in ministry. I don't want to discourage people, but I do want to make sure people understand the hard work that goes into both. There now I've rambled on and on. I shouldn't write so early in the morning. Seems I'm a chatter box. lol
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ramble away
I am one for rambling as it gets everything out in the open.
I read a bio of Keith Green. Before my time but was quite shocked he died so young. He made beautiful music, the song Lord your beautiful stands out to me. So heartfelt. You dont really hear much soulful songs like that these days in church.
I think its easy to be a bit burned out in ministry after a while so you need to take breaks every now and then. Its not the same as having a regular job I find because ppl are always concerned about whether you get paid. They dont see it as real work if its not paid. and of course it hard to sustain if you dont have enough to pay bills etc.
But the rewards are eternal.
I am one for rambling as it gets everything out in the open.
I read a bio of Keith Green. Before my time but was quite shocked he died so young. He made beautiful music, the song Lord your beautiful stands out to me. So heartfelt. You dont really hear much soulful songs like that these days in church.
I think its easy to be a bit burned out in ministry after a while so you need to take breaks every now and then. Its not the same as having a regular job I find because ppl are always concerned about whether you get paid. They dont see it as real work if its not paid. and of course it hard to sustain if you dont have enough to pay bills etc.
But the rewards are eternal.
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G
First Keith Green I remember hearing (when I was 14 or 15, after recovering from attempting suicide)
I found it hard to believe
Someone like you cared for me
You put this love in my heart
I tried but could not refuse
You gave me no time to choose
You put this love in my heart
I want to know where the bad feelings go
When I'm depressed and I get down so low
And then I see you coming to me and it's alright
I want to tell you right now
I'm not afraid to say how
You put this love in my heart
There are sometimes when I doubt
But you always find me out
You put this love in my heart
Cause when I see all that you've done for me
It's hard to doubt, I just have to believe
Cause you followed and proved it all of your life
Well I know
the loneliness I had before
Is gone now
I'll never feel it anymore
Cause your love has released me
From all that's in my past
And I know I can believe you
When you say I'll never be forsaken
Your love is gonna last
There's so much more I should say
If I could just find a way
You put this love in my heart
Is all this real or a dream
I feel so good I could scream
You put this love in my heart
I want to know where the bad feelings go
When I'm depressed and I get down so low
And then I see you coming to me and it's alright
You put this love in my heart
You put this love in my heart
You put this love in my heart
I found it hard to believe
Someone like you cared for me
You put this love in my heart
I tried but could not refuse
You gave me no time to choose
You put this love in my heart
I want to know where the bad feelings go
When I'm depressed and I get down so low
And then I see you coming to me and it's alright
I want to tell you right now
I'm not afraid to say how
You put this love in my heart
There are sometimes when I doubt
But you always find me out
You put this love in my heart
Cause when I see all that you've done for me
It's hard to doubt, I just have to believe
Cause you followed and proved it all of your life
Well I know
the loneliness I had before
Is gone now
I'll never feel it anymore
Cause your love has released me
From all that's in my past
And I know I can believe you
When you say I'll never be forsaken
Your love is gonna last
There's so much more I should say
If I could just find a way
You put this love in my heart
Is all this real or a dream
I feel so good I could scream
You put this love in my heart
I want to know where the bad feelings go
When I'm depressed and I get down so low
And then I see you coming to me and it's alright
You put this love in my heart
You put this love in my heart
You put this love in my heart
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Leadership of an all volunteer group is very difficult... herding cats is easier. People always want to preach at you or judge you. They want you there on their schedule instead of yours making for long days away from your family that you actually like. They want you to pray for things that are usually wrong as if their voice to God was insufficient.
If a lightbulb burns out inside the church they gotta tell you about it and preach at you...when all you really want to do is go eat some lunch as you skipped breakfast. But you can't tell them that as then they will judge you for setting a bad example of time management for your children.
It's a job that is not physically demanding or tedium. But it is very much annoying in every capacity.
Those guys who try to do it right get my sympathies every time. The others who do it for other reasons? Meh...
If a lightbulb burns out inside the church they gotta tell you about it and preach at you...when all you really want to do is go eat some lunch as you skipped breakfast. But you can't tell them that as then they will judge you for setting a bad example of time management for your children.
It's a job that is not physically demanding or tedium. But it is very much annoying in every capacity.
Those guys who try to do it right get my sympathies every time. The others who do it for other reasons? Meh...
K
I found he was such a dynamic person. He died before I knew of him. But a pastors wife that I knew said she was in a church he came to sing at. She was just young and said she remembered sitting on the piano bench with him as he played. I was in my teens when I first heard "Jesus Commands Us to Go" and felt called into the ministry. My parents were surprised to say the least. My father had been a soloist for years. The night I first stood on a stage to sing, my mother almost stayed home from church, she was that nervous. lol The church I grew up in was shocked. I had never sung in Christmas plays, never wanted to be noticed and was extremely, painfully shy. All I knew was I felt a call to minister. I was 15yrs old. Just a small part of my testimony. The Lord allowed me to travel in two countries for the next 20 yrs. Met so many wonderful people. It was an unusual but interesting life. I often think of all those churches full of people I visited and pray for them.
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K
JohnDB... DB doesn't stand for decibels, does it?
Reason I ask is, I'm a music nerd. We can always use another music nerd in any conversation.
Reason I ask is, I'm a music nerd. We can always use another music nerd in any conversation.
pretty sure you're wrong.
'trophies' are meaningless - after you make 1,000 posts and receive 250 likes, there's no further 'awards' and they don't have any effect on anything. it's not even prominently displayed anywhere, you have to dig through someone's profile to see them. most of the people who were on the board when we migrated forum software automatically maxed out all of them. i think it was just a built-in feature of the forum software that couldn't be turned off.
the things on the front page are all sorted by 'most recent' -- as far as i'm aware there is no algorithm in the forum that 'promotes' posts threads or people that have a lot of positive reactions, and negative reactions don't do anything either.
of course, if i'm wrong, please correct me too
'trophies' are meaningless - after you make 1,000 posts and receive 250 likes, there's no further 'awards' and they don't have any effect on anything. it's not even prominently displayed anywhere, you have to dig through someone's profile to see them. most of the people who were on the board when we migrated forum software automatically maxed out all of them. i think it was just a built-in feature of the forum software that couldn't be turned off.
the things on the front page are all sorted by 'most recent' -- as far as i'm aware there is no algorithm in the forum that 'promotes' posts threads or people that have a lot of positive reactions, and negative reactions don't do anything either.
of course, if i'm wrong, please correct me too
At the end of the day this website is a business that will succeed or fail based on the interest it attracts. High quality posts deserve more recognition than low effort posts and the reaction system is sufficient to quantify how much recognition a posts deserves.
If a thread is downvote bombed by someone just because they have sour grapes it doesn't actually encourage good, healthy, organic discussion. Actually people seem to get defensive. It isn't a problem if a single person is doing it, but message boards can get wrecked by dozens of people voting maliciously. It can get messy if there isn't some sort of voting rules.
I guess it's just for show and doesn't mean anything or they have it in place for future purposes.
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JohnDB... DB doesn't stand for decibels, does it?
Reason I ask is, I'm a music nerd. We can always use another music nerd in any conversation.
Reason I ask is, I'm a music nerd. We can always use another music nerd in any conversation.
But I live in Nashville TN...
Music is so much a part of this city. Rock and Roll stars as well as country and a lot of Jazz and Blues stars all live here. This is the central place for agents, lawyers, promotion houses, recording studios, and video editing.
With the huge influx of people recently it's kinda losing a lot of that.
It wasn't uncommon to see, meet, and interact with the big stars on a street level. I'm waiting for the day someone writes a hit song about pancake pantry or San Antonio Taco Company's patio. It's a coming...
My church has a full orchestra...as big as any harmonic symphony. Singers as talented and wide of range as any of the famous. It's kind of unnerving what you can grow accustomed to here.
I have admin-ed and moderated several sites. From that experience I can tell you that actually I don't really like them. I would rather people quoted and posted a response to keep the numbers up of posts on a daily basis. But from the user side of things...it's wonderful and a way to say something without having to type anything.
And because of the popularity...it is something that is almost a necessity today in Social Media. FB started it... everyone else is just keeping up with the Joneses.
And because of the popularity...it is something that is almost a necessity today in Social Media. FB started it... everyone else is just keeping up with the Joneses.
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Yeah. Some people are just spoiled children. Ignore them.
I remember one Communist got so upset at the truth I was using to destroy her lies, she went through all of my recent posts and x marked them all, before putting me on ignore. Lol. Just like a Communist. Cowardly and pathetic.
I had to cross mark your post, because I really like the crosses, but just like guns, they can be used or misused. The crosses allow me to tell someone (and others) a post is incorrect, without wasting precious words and time, in the event that such a one is too ignorant to understand truth. Also, if a few people have already x-marked an incorrect post, it can save you time even bothering to read it.
I agree that some people will misuse this function, but a number of the cowardly Communists I have seen misusing the crosses eventually end up banned.
I remember one Communist got so upset at the truth I was using to destroy her lies, she went through all of my recent posts and x marked them all, before putting me on ignore. Lol. Just like a Communist. Cowardly and pathetic.
I had to cross mark your post, because I really like the crosses, but just like guns, they can be used or misused. The crosses allow me to tell someone (and others) a post is incorrect, without wasting precious words and time, in the event that such a one is too ignorant to understand truth. Also, if a few people have already x-marked an incorrect post, it can save you time even bothering to read it.
I agree that some people will misuse this function, but a number of the cowardly Communists I have seen misusing the crosses eventually end up banned.
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