Should men be able to express themselves in a relationship?

[seoulsearch]

Hi Encouragement,

Thanks for another great thread.

Over in the Star Wars thread, we were talking about the latest episode of The Mandalorian. I saw a few YouTube reaction videos about this in which men of all ages, from millennials to grandfathers, were reacting with an entire gamut of emotions, ranging from shouts of joy to all-out sobbing. I would personally hope that a guy I was with would be at least this comfortable and much more so when expressing how he feels when he is talking to me. I certainly wouldn't want him to think that the only time he could express emotion was during his favorite show or while watching a football game!

I tend to be a very highly expressive person myself, so I am someone who prefers to slug through even intense emotions rather than keep them hidden or try to ignore them.

I've only had 4 relationships, but out of the 4, 3 of them had highly traumatic events occur within their childhoods (at least, that they would talk about,) and so that strengthened my resolve to try to always be a safe place for others to be able to express themselves too.

Granted, it's always a work in progress. I tend to bottle things in for too long because I don't want to trouble people. When I do let go, my emotions explode all over the place, so if he were the same way, it could wind up being like a tornado smashing into an active volcano if our timing was off.

Fortunately, God has blessed me with a few very passionate -- and patient -- friend, both girls and guys, who have been willing to put up with a lot during the duration of our friendships.

Everything I have learned about conflict resolution is what they have taught me by just being there, and I'm hoping that it is part of my training to one day meet a very passionate and expressive special someone.

 

[tourist]

Of course there are individuals who are in relationships who have difficulties in expressing certain kinda of thoughts and feelings

I am sure that there are and also know that being unable to express yourself seriously hampers the communication process.

 

[tourist]

what exactly do you mean?🤷‍♀️

Just kidding my friend, nothing serious in my post, it just seemed amusing at the time, sort of like tech support for communication problems.

 

[Encouragement]

Hi Encouragement,

Thanks for another great thread.

Over in the Star Wars thread, we were talking about the latest episode of The Mandalorian. I saw a few YouTube reaction videos about this in which men of all ages, from millennials to grandfathers, were reacting with an entire gamut of emotions, ranging from shouts of joy to all-out sobbing. I would personally hope that a guy I was with would be at least this comfortable and much more so when expressing how he feels when he is talking to me. I certainly wouldn't want him to think that the only time he could express emotion was during his favorite show or while watching a football game!

I tend to be a very highly expressive person myself, so I am someone who prefers to slug through even intense emotions rather than keep them hidden or try to ignore them.

I've only had 4 relationships, but out of the 4, 3 of them had highly traumatic events occur within their childhoods (at least, that they would talk about,) and so that strengthened my resolve to try to always be a safe place for others to be able to express themselves too.

Granted, it's always a work in progress. I tend to bottle things in for too long because I don't want to trouble people. When I do let go, my emotions explode all over the place, so if he were the same way, it could wind up being like a tornado smashing into an active volcano if our timing was off.

Fortunately, God has blessed me with a few very passionate -- and patient -- friend, both girls and guys, who have been willing to put up with a lot during the duration of our friendships.

Everything I have learned about conflict resolution is what they have taught me by just being there, and I'm hoping that it is part of my training to one day meet a very passionate and expressive special someone.

Hi seoulsearch nice of you to pop by and check out this thread.Yes guys can Express lots of passion for things they feel strongly about soccer,favourite band,wrestler and certain movies for sure.. I have seen guys openly weep when there favourite sports team either wins or loses an important match.

There can be various degrees of intensities that come with expressing certain emotions and what you describe about yourself is after a certain period of things building up within you you at some point have an emotional outburst where it all comes out.Kinda like how when a kettle reaches a certain temperature then it let's off steam.👍🏻
So when this happens you would need not so much another emotional outburst to counteract your own outburst (thought for some people it somehow works)..but one who can handle it and even guide you through it to take you to the other side...Your blessed to have friends like you mentioned then..😊😊

The fact that you have experienced guys who have gone through traumatic stuff I their childhood and were able to share this with you is a great thing and I am sure it gave you such an insight into their past in a much deeper way.This now gives you a greater awareness that guys have stuff in their lives that they may wanna share too.
A thread like this obviously could be the other way round too.
I think its important to have some degree of understanding about someone special on many different levels coz it can only bring you closer if handled appropriately and some people are like onions...there are different layers to discover with Gods help.
Having a good scope of emotional awareness and emotional intelligence are gems to have..
love reading your comments as always..
Man i would love to be a guest at ur wedding..😉😉

 

[Encouragement]

Just kidding my friend, nothing serious in my post, it just seemed amusing at the time, sort of like tech support for communication problems.

Ok got ya!😉

 

[Encouragement]

I am sure that there are and also know that being unable to express yourself seriously hampers the communication process.

We that's just the thing..Some guy can communicate on certain levels and struggle on others.
I know of a man that couldn't express anything other than prodominantley abusive language and emotional hatred and evil.
Yet can communicate on superficial with others....but as a husband and father....total failure..👎👎
So many times I have hear women say things like.."he wont open up".."he doesn't tell me what's going on inside that head of his"..but they still love the dude.Yet getting him to open up on certain levels is like open a rusty door that's not been opened for ages...man itz a struggle...💪💪💪

 

[Lanolin]

I think boys start getting shy around girls at puberty and because they are going through changes and becoming young men they want to do things around males more.

I notice that I have a lot less response from boys than I have from girls about reading books. But if say it was a male teacher or librarian they might not be as shy about sharing their reading.

its nothing to do with the proportion of male to female authors, which is about the same, But many boys will NOT read 'girly' books, with girls as main heroines wheras its kinda ok for girls to read books with boys as heroes in them. (or maybe there is less choice)

Im not sure why that is really, but boys are conditioned to be tougher while girls are conditioned to be weaker, but that dynamic certainly changes according to birth order, family circumstances etc.

I think ideally there needs to be a balance, but its rarely so in people who want to marry, they are mostly looking for the parts in themselves they lack in the opposite sex instead of being a self contained individual .

wives who complain about husbands not opening up often arent themselves opening up to their husbands, most women are only open about things to other women/sisters (which is why we have womens support groups) cos men wouldnt understand all the goings on of a female mind anyway. (its confusing even for us females at times)
if a husband has good mates /brothers he will open up with them, but more important is that Father figure which of course is our God.

 

[UCA4J]

The last time I had a conversation with a woman, was over ten years ago. For me, most females are acquaintances.

 

[echoChrist]

No we should do exactly as we’re told our feelings don’t count and it’s all about the woman.lol

 

[theLastEndWatcher]

Hi folks just a pretty straightforward question really.
In a relationship do you think it's important for a guy to be able to express himself.Many guys in general can express anger for example which is a powerful forceful amount of emotional energy...what what about sharing his innermost feelings?Things that hurt him,fears,concerns ect..traumas?
Many women have been frustrated as their partner doesn't express how he really feels or thinks about certain things and therefore makes it difficult for her understand his point of view and if he feels sad,anxious or even worried about things in life.
Unfortunately various cultures as well a society can dictate how men express themselves mentally and emotionally and some can see expressing certain emotions as being unmanly or weak.Also in the home many fathers don't express themselves emotionally to their sons so many sons can grow up not being emotionally self aware.
Some men are lead to believe they aren't supposed to cry,be scared...be vulnerable ect...so many men at times seek to hide these things and put on a front which isn't a reflection of who they REALLY are.Many feel the constant pressure or demand to be strong,the leader....the warrior type figure...
Personally I have no problems expressing my emotions verbally e t because of having to go through counselling in the past and just being really aware of that's going on inside me.Anyway it be good to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Look forward to hear from you.
Just how important is it for a guy to be able to express himself in a relationship emotionally and mentally...coz some guys say they dont do emotions..🤦🏼‍♂️

The problem I've had with the above situation as a male, and again this is just my personal experience, is I tend to share. And it tends to go poorly.
I will have women complain that I don't express myself, my vulnerabilities, insecurities, etc. And when I do, they instead later lose attraction because once I simply talk about it, express my desires or needs in a very simple, straight forward way (not the same as using it to guilt someone mind you) they suddenly either find ways to use it against me when they are upset or don't get THEIR way, or simply dump me and go date some other emotionally closed off male (and sometimes the cycle repeats).

I believe yes a guy should have no issues being able to be honest about his feelings. And if a woman cannot be respectful of him and still see him as an attractive male for doing so afterwards, should not ask him to do so or pester him about it. In fact, don't pester him about it at all. If he wants to share it, he will. And if he does, just simply appreciate it rather than demand it.

I dunno. Maybe I've just dated toxic women or over the years I've noticed how screwed up our society has become with all the so called "progressive" movements but my thought is while yes a man SHOULD be able to, it's often wise NOT to do so.

It's like the women who date messed up men because they want to fix them, and then when they "fix" them, the cheating starts, and then she blames it on lack of attraction, then acts like the guy is a bad person for being upset about being cheated on.

Too many problems. Too many double standards for me. I know all women aren't like this (like my existing gf, though she DID have these behavioral issues at one point. A year apart fixed that.)
I dunno. Talking about my feelings with a woman far too often lands me in the "friend zone" (which isn't a bad thing when I'm taken or not interested in her). Then I get to listen to her gripe about her current bf, how he's a jerk, how she wishes he was like me... (while I'm like... well you picked him over me).

I blame society and the way we've encouraged women to behave, and the way we've encouraged men to be doormats in emotionally abusive relationships, calling it "being a man."

Oh and when you point this out, you're either told to shut up, called a sexist/misogynist, and told that you're the problem and you should do better, even when it's blatantly obvious you're the one being mistreated. While the masses make sad attempts to get between the two of you and get in her pants and stroke her sense of victim hood instead of holding women responsible for their behavior.

Gotta love "equality."

 

[theLastEndWatcher]

Guess not much has changed since the Garden of Eden. Or we're reverting back to listening to the Serpent's lies.

 

[UCA4J]

No we should do exactly as we’re told our feelings don’t count and it’s all about the woman.lol

well I suppose for a man not to be emotional, like that of the woman, but to be "emotional" in a different manner, which is expressed in the manly way. 😀

 

[echoChrist]

well I suppose for a man not to be emotional, like that of the woman, but to be "emotional" in a different manner, which is expressed in the manly way. 😀

Men have sensitive feelings to we just try to be macho and hide them.

 

[Lynx]

Not sure why you posting this in singles though! More of a family issue if a couple is trying for a family.

Or the User2User Tech Support Forum.

Now THAT was funny!

 

[UCA4J]

Men have sensitive feelings to we just try to be macho and hide them.

bottling up just ends up being, pointless.

 

[tourist]

Men have sensitive feelings to we just try to be macho and hide them.

It is best to be macho and face them. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

 

[Lanolin]

someone talked about culture, like russian culture
I notice in british culture men tend to be reserved and only when men go to the pub and drink do they kind of let loose their emotions. Its the whole 'stifff upper lip' thing.

I guess thats why people call it drowning their sorrows.

Again I think if men have a daily prayer life with God (like Jesus did with his Father) they are more able to handle things, whatever comes their way. Why because no matter how weak we as humans are, God is a thousand times stronger.

Women are not really meant to take the place of God in a mans life. That would be idolatry. Actually it might even be too much for a woman to handle a mans weakness. If she has children, she may already dealing with nurturing and growing boys, for that a boy can go to his own mother, though they actually learn how to be a man from their own fathers.

 

[Lanolin]

example from the bible
Samson and Delilah, Samson confessed his weakness to her and she betrayed him by cutting off his hair. But then she was a philistine.

 

[PC123]

This is a generalization off course... Men aren't all the same just like women aren't all the same.
But the generalization is true, most women are more emotional than most men.

Some guys are very level headed and rarely display extreme emotion.
Others may not want to show much weakness as most women find it unattractive.

This can also be an attack on masculinity by some people as it is taught to be toxic.
Many masculine behaviors are being discouraged including stoicism.

I would suggest stop trying to change him into something he isn't.
What if he told you to be less emotional, would that be fair? Off course not. Well its the same thing

These days women are more like men and men are more like women which is contributing to the destruction of the modern family.

 

[tourist]

example from the bible
Samson and Delilah, Samson confessed his weakness to her and she betrayed him by cutting off his hair. But then she was a philistine.

I believe that being a Philistine is a step below the social ladder of being a Pharisee.