Reasons for leaving a church..

[true_believer]

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

I agree leaving was best. When pastor's treat their congregation in such a manner it often makes me think of cult behavior. Using guilt and shame into forcing obedience. Also attempting to segregate you from others because they feel all of your attention should be on the church. As well as that overall attempt to control your behavior.
Obedience, whether to or a pastor or even God should be a choice, not a manipulation. So I'd say leaving was the right choice.

 

[IToreTheSky]

I think you were probably right in leaving. Sounds to me like that was a very religious thing to say to you,not to mention rude.
I don't think Jesus would say that to someone.
I left a church I was a member at for 8 years . I was in the music ministry,as well as various other aspects of the church. I worked a 40 he a week job and put in another 15-25 more at church.
I felt God telling me I needed to step down,and I told the pastor this as well as some of the elders and worship team. Not long after the worship leader came to me and said pastor wants everyone in ministry to sign a contract stating our dedication and to be there at all times. To me that was a real red flag and confirmation to me that I should go.
Many ppl stopped speaking to me after that....ppl that were my spiritual family.
Even though I left on good terms with the pastor, many of my friends acted like I didn't exist anymore.
Oddly enough a few yrs later the church pretty much fractured and there's only a few original ppl left from my day. Gradually some of the ppl that judged me for leaving came to me and said they were sorry for judging me and told me I was right to leave when I did.
Validation. Yet I was comforted more by knowing I did do what God wanted me to do. Period.
So all this long windedness to say that God knows your heart and He will make a way for you
Too many ppl stick with abusive churches .... Not saying yer church was abusing you but guilting ppl with scripture or catchy phrases to get them to act how you want them to be isn't if God.

 

[Lanolin]

what? you missed this church ONE day and were scolded?!

I left one church I attended when board members were being obstructive and not accepting any ministry. They wouldnt tell me certain things and basically they just said they didnt do anything cos of money. They then had a meeting with me and said they were planning to bust down the church and build a new one but nobody else was supposed to know about it, which is why they didnt want anyone gardening it.

So I couldnt stay as I was tired of being given the run around. Oh and the person they hired to mow the lawns ran over the shrubs I planted and killed them.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

Not that this matters in your decision, but how long have you attended the church?

I would feel uncomfortable too, and would not like it if my pastor acted that way or gave that sort of reasoning. I think that was a nice thing you did to accompany your sick family member to the graveyard.

I believe that the universal church is our "real" family, meaning Christians are our family because of common beliefs/values. However, I have a hard time when people say that a specific congregation/the church that we attend is our "real" family. People come and go in our congregations sometimes without even notifying anyone, the bonds are too loose to be considered a real family. Our own church is no more a "real" family than a neighboring church. People put their "own" family first ahead of the church family - that is the reality even among Christians who say church family is the real family.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Question for everyone -

If you found out that virtually all of the members of the church have political views contrary to yours, would you leave the church?

 

[IToreTheSky]

Question for everyone -

If you found out that virtually all of the members of the church have political views contrary to yours, would you leave the church?

It would depend on if they were pushing their political views within the church or from the pulpit.
God and politics aren't very good bedfellows.
I would imagine a church where the majority of ppl there had a vastly different political view than me,I'd wonder what else might be vastly different.
Not sure if I'd have even joined to begin with but if it was really an issue and it conflicted what I felt God was telling me,then yes I'd probably leave.

 

[Mezame83]

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

Jesus teaches to have compassion on others, he even demonstrated this by eating with sinners and healing Gentiles. I think you did the right thing by being there for the family member that asked for your company.

Unfortunately, I have experienced this as well. I found myself becoming burdened by the opinions of people. We're suppose to be free to worship and serve God as the Bible says to, not be weighed down by the 'commandments' of people.

Maybe this will depend on how long you were involved with that church, but just some friendly warning, be prepared for people to talk (behind your back or to your face). After leaving, I've had people tell me I'm wrong, say I'm sinning, call me a back slider, say I'm not doing what I've been called to do, tell me I need to repent, to love others, I need to forgive. So yeah, all sorts of things may be spoken about you but if you're heart you know you've made the right decision, that's all that matters.

God bless.

 

[true_believer]

Not that this matters in your decision, but how long have you attended the church?

I would feel uncomfortable too, and would not like it if my pastor acted that way or gave that sort of reasoning. I think that was a nice thing you did to accompany your sick family member to the graveyard.

I believe that the universal church is our "real" family, meaning Christians are our family because of common beliefs/values. However, I have a hard time when people say that a specific congregation/the church that we attend is our "real" family. People come and go in our congregations sometimes without even notifying anyone, the bonds are too loose to be considered a real family. Our own church is no more a "real" family than a neighboring church. People put their "own" family first ahead of the church family - that is the reality even among Christians who say church family is the real family.

Just over 2 years.

 

[true_believer]

what? you missed this church ONE day and were scolded?!

I left one church I attended when board members were being obstructive and not accepting any ministry. They wouldnt tell me certain things and basically they just said they didnt do anything cos of money. They then had a meeting with me and said they were planning to bust down the church and build a new one but nobody else was supposed to know about it, which is why they didnt want anyone gardening it.

So I couldnt stay as I was tired of being given the run around. Oh and the person they hired to mow the lawns ran over the shrubs I planted and killed them.

I was always quite consistent with my church attendance. I'm not sure why visiting a deceased relative's grave on their birthday set him off so much?

 

[true_believer]

Question for everyone -

If you found out that virtually all of the members of the church have political views contrary to yours, would you leave the church?

Well if they tried to force those views upon me...yes.

 

[Lanolin]

I kind of expect church to be a politics-free zone.

Thought there are some churches around that act like polling booths and offices for election candidates.

 

[UCA4J]

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

firstly, could you have visited the cemetery on a saturday and not missed church ? secondly, has the pastor lectured you before about anything ?

 

[UCA4J]

Question for everyone -

If you found out that virtually all of the members of the church have political views contrary to yours, would you leave the church?

i would consider leaving, depending whether the political views were a constant hindrance, or whether my views were constantly dismissed.

 

[true_believer]

firstly, could you have visited the cemetery on a saturday and not missed church ? secondly, has the pastor lectured you before about anything ?

Considering I'm middle-aged and this is the 21st century, I have no need to give a pastor permission to visit a graveyard to accommodate an ill relative.
*facepalm*

 

[Scribe]

I came at a crossroads recently as to whether or not or I should leave a church that I had grown accustomed to.
I am a Christian, but many of my family members aren't. Several months ago, a family member asked me to accompany her during a visit to a graveyard for one of our deceased relatives. This family member also has breast cancer and didn't want to make the trip alone. I missed church that day due to making this trip. The pastor at my church called me the following day and asked why I missed the service. I explained to him about the request of my relative.
Much to my surprise,...I was scolded. In a nutshell, I was told that because these two family members are non-Christian, I should not have missed church. The members of my church family are my "real" family and not my non-believing relatives.
So after much discussion with some of my close Christian friends, I have decided to leave this congregation behind.
It's seems very clear to me that this was the right thing to do.
Considerate observations and advice are welcome...

I would have made the same choice. The pastor was way out of line. That sounds like a controlling spirit.

 

[Scribe]

I would have made the same choice. The pastor was way out of line. That sounds like a controlling spirit.

He's supposed to be a servant, an example, an undershepherd, not a Lord over the flock. Calling you to see why you missed a meeting is disturbing.

 

[UCA4J]

Considering I'm middle-aged and this is the 21st century, I have no need to give a pastor permission to visit a graveyard to accommodate an ill relative.
*facepalm*

fair enough, i was just wondering would a saturday give you more time for the cemetery, to then go to church on sunday.

 

[Bingo]

"In actual reality, 'a falling away from God' should come as no great mystery.
Each may come to their own conclusion, and this too has been told of...'to be'.
Perhaps in lieu of spiritual integrity, often personalities before principles bring
cause of grave consequences."

 

[Billyd]

If we are not in church, our pastor checks to see if we are okay, or need help. We really appreciate his support.

If he called just to criticize, he would be looking for a new job.