I think you are dodging the point, that being an individual person HAVING BEEN ELECTED before obedience was ever displayed to begin with! Yes you might find that uncomfortable but that's what the Bible clearly states. That's what Roman 9:11 clearly states.God clearly wanted Paul... yet even Paul stated...
“Therefore, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision,
Gal 1:15
But when God, the One having selected me from my mother's womb and having called me by His grace, was pleased
I think you will find these scriptures very interesting indeed. I know I do....
Isa 10:6-10
I will send him (Assyria) against a godless nation; I will dispatch him against a people destined for My rage, to take spoils and seize plunder, and to trample them down like clay in the streets. But this is not what he intends; this is notwhat he plans. His purpose is to destroy and cut off many nations.
Assyria had no idea that they were the rod of Gods anger. Not a clue. They thought they were doing their own free will. So did Pharoah by the way.