Christian Dating in the Digital Age

[BrotherMike]

The ultimate reason to go to church is to worship God and learn about Him through His word. As long as you have peace from the Holy Spirit, it doesn’t matter where you worship. I’ve tried lots of apps and social media and you don’t really get to know that person until you see them face to face and almost on a daily basis. There are a lot of weirdos out there so ask the important questions ASAP and even talk on the internet phone or video chat. I still think the best way to find someone is through your church, but it’s good to give it to God to wherever God has opened the doors for you.

 

[Scribe]

I am deeply conflicted about this issue and changing churches. I feel I should go to a church with a better dating pool and in general more opportunities to make friends, but I know this is not the ultimate reason to go church. Sometimes I feel going to my church is more like a "duty," because I also volunteer some, and maybe because I don't have a decent social network there (I only have two friends there with whom I hang out with outside church). I've already been committed to my church for seven or so years. Based on my experience, people do not like it when are you visit, or are involved in, multiple churches; they believe, especially the pastor, that you should be entirely focused/committed to your own church.

You can go to more than one. Pastors are glad to have you. You might be involved and committed to one church and go to another church on days of the week that your normal church does not meet. A mega church might have many services and ministry opportunities and if you go every week to say a Saturday service you will be accepted as a regular member, if you ever even meet the pastor, he won't care. So if you go to your normal church on Sundays and another church on Saturday or Wednesday etc or are involved in volunteer ministry in a church that does not conflict with your normal church it is amazing how many people you will get to know and we are all one family and no one cares if you are attending services at times that church does not even meet. Who would care about that? Only a catholic priest. I think you have to get permission from priest parishes to do that in that manmade system.

 

[Lynx]

How about visiting a mega church? Before you find fault suggesting that is a carnal reason to go to a church, I would ask that in the context of using digital dating sites or going to a mega church and getting involved in more ministry opportunities and increasing your chances of meeting someone which is more carnal? Or which one sounds like it has a better chance of success and less risk of meeting wierdos and fruitcakes? At least in the mega church you can tell if they are a fruitcake before you ask them on a date.

I don't know. I am just now coming up with this dating advice. It is all just a theory in my head. I don't date and I don't want to. I don't even know why I am in this thread.

I am going to leave now...

A megachurch? In southwest Tennessee? I'd love to see that.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I am deeply conflicted about this issue and changing churches. I feel I should go to a church with a better dating pool and in general more opportunities to make friends, but I know this is not the ultimate reason to go church. Sometimes I feel going to my church is more like a "duty," because I also volunteer some, and maybe because I don't have a decent social network there (I only have two friends there with whom I hang out with outside church). I've already been committed to my church for seven or so years. Based on my experience, people do not like it when are you visit, or are involved in, multiple churches; they believe, especially the pastor, that you should be entirely focused/committed to your own church.

If a church doesn't like visitors then it's a bad church.
And if people don't like you going to more than one church, who cares?

But I've always disagreed with people treating church as a place to meet men/women. If it happens, that's fine. But to treat it like Christian Mingle just feels wrong.
Then again most Christians are too obsessed with marriage to begin with.

 

[Scribe]

If a church doesn't like visitors then it's a bad church.
And if people don't like you going to more than one church, who cares?

But I've always disagreed with people treating church as a place to meet men/women. If it happens, that's fine. But to treat it like Christian Mingle just feels wrong.
Then again most Christians are too obsessed with marriage to begin with.

What confuses me is when those that have been through a bad marriage are super obsessed with getting married again willing to missionary date or worse. Don't they know that their ain't no education in the second kick of a mule? Supposed to have learned the first time. Walk back behind that mule again and now you're just dumber than a box of rocks.

 

[Lanolin]

hmm no I havent been to an assemblies of God church. The big mega church I did go in my early days I was put off by their WOF teachings.
I dont know if Assemblies of God is sort of the same. But nobody I know goes to one.

I am kinda churched out at the moment. The Quaker one I had been going to is too far away and the members were always traveling from one meeting to another across the country, it seemed like they were all expats from england. The baptist one was founded 60 years ago and most of the lifelong members are of retirement age, or they are really young families with toddler age children. Nobody sits next to me as they all sit in the exact same spot in church they sit in every single week with their own families.
The presy one, while small and had many families going, got taken up with political concerns, and you can never get anything past the church board. Theres a messianic one that meets on friday evenings, but by that time I am not really awake enough to go.

I dont fit in anywhere but thats ok I am completely used to it. This has got nothing to do with dating, but as far as I know in every single church Ive visited, dating is not a thing.

The thing is, you go find a date only if youve attended a christian college and you are studying theology or to be a minister, thats when you find your "perfect christian boyfriend" and then you drop all your studies to become a wife and mother. All the (american) christian dating books say this, but I usually dont take much notice, just go oh thats interesting. As God hasnt ever said to me to go to the Bible college (which is just up the road) the one time I did go I asked the librarian there do you believe and he said no.

They have since busted down all the student accomodation and have now sold the land for a retirement village. I am not sure what to make of this. enrollment are down? Or its become too liberal? Because actually I would have liked to have studied the Bible formally but it would have been prohibitvely expensive since just one term paper costs at least $700, a one year diploma costs $6,200

 

[Lanolin]

the reason why I say school is because when you are in school you would see each other nearly every day of the week, or when you have classes as opposed to just once a week or so at church, therefore you have more time to get to know someone.
But of course you dont go to school forever. Then you go to work and you kind of dont REALLY want to go out with your workmates. Not really, although there are husband and wife couples at work, but I find that theres always this sort of weird thing going on between those kinds of couples like they have some kind of power play over whos the boss.

of course if the business falls through that often spells the end of the marriage, seems to be the way.

 

[Scribe]

hmm no I havent been to an assemblies of God church. The big mega church I did go in my early days I was put off by their WOF teachings.
I dont know if Assemblies of God is sort of the same. But nobody I know goes to one.

I am kinda churched out at the moment. The Quaker one I had been going to is too far away and the members were always traveling from one meeting to another across the country, it seemed like they were all expats from england. The baptist one was founded 60 years ago and most of the lifelong members are of retirement age, or they are really young families with toddler age children. Nobody sits next to me as they all sit in the exact same spot in church they sit in every single week with their own families.
The presy one, while small and had many families going, got taken up with political concerns, and you can never get anything past the church board. Theres a messianic one that meets on friday evenings, but by that time I am not really awake enough to go.

I dont fit in anywhere but thats ok I am completely used to it. This has got nothing to do with dating, but as far as I know in every single church Ive visited, dating is not a thing.

The thing is, you go find a date only if youve attended a christian college and you are studying theology or to be a minister, thats when you find your "perfect christian boyfriend" and then you drop all your studies to become a wife and mother. All the (american) christian dating books say this, but I usually dont take much notice, just go oh thats interesting. As God hasnt ever said to me to go to the Bible college (which is just up the road) the one time I did go I asked the librarian there do you believe and he said no.

They have since busted down all the student accomodation and have now sold the land for a retirement village. I am not sure what to make of this. enrollment are down? Or its become too liberal? Because actually I would have liked to have studied the Bible formally but it would have been prohibitvely expensive since just one term paper costs at least $700, a one year diploma costs $6,200

I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Google Assemblies of God Church near me. They do not believe in the Word of Faith movement. You can find out what their doctrine is like by this link. https://ag.org/beliefs/statement-of-fundamental-truths
and also their views on many other topics argued often here in CC from this link https://ag.org/Beliefs/Position-Papers

Before this turns into a thread on denominations or what people do not agree with about the AOG or a viscious slam on Spiritual Gifts please understand that my only motive for mentioning it is that I have met countless scores of people through the years who came from Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist churchs in a local community and began attending the AOG after they visited simply because they found that Sincere, Real, Sold Out to Jesus group of people they knew were in town somewhere but could not find at the other churches. That is such common testimony that I hear.

Every AOG church can be different than the next. They don't have a denominational culture because they are all autonomous and believe in prayer, and following the Holy Spirit for their own local church vision and mission. They all have their own individual church cultural. Some are reserved like a baptist or Presbyterian church you might be familiar with but with an intensity toward being who they are in church all the time and not just on Sunday. Most of them however are a bit more lively than your typical Baptists, Methodist, or Presbyterian, like an Elevation, or Bethel, or Hill Song type, (in worship style, not necessarily the message) and most of them preach a strong message about living holy in the light of the soon return of the Lord and being involved in the great commission which is why they formed in the first place, to poll their resources together to get the mission accomplished but not become a denomination and allow each church to be lead by the Holy Spirit without denominational control. And that is all I will say about it as I don't care what denomination people prefer my only purpose was to suggest that you check them out and see if they might be the group of friends you are looking for.

Also check out Global University they have affordable graduate bible college online, courses are about 100 or less. They do have post graduate Masters in Div and Doctorates programs but they are like $800 a course. They are used world wide by other denominations because they have a great reputation for educating ministers who are past the age of going to a campus college setting or who are already engaged in fulltime ministry.

 

[Lanolin]

hmm ok thanks something to look into. I was church hopping a little last year as I had left the presy and was going to quakers but virus has meant I havent been able to get to any others lately.
I know enough to stay away from Bethel and elevation, though it has a younger crowd, because of certain teachings. what I found sad about the mega church which had more people my age is it was rather TOO concerned with being financially successful and people were praying for THINGS like increase and houses and cars and such, not that its not wrong to have those things as they seem so necessary for modern life but God was treated like a genie with an atm in that kind of church. And though lively, which me being resserved thought it was a bit overhyped.

I went to a life group connected to a mega church and was hassled by a member who kept coming on to me and wouldnt let up. Even one I started that was mixed one guy who joined was hassling everyone for money. and then after that I ended up seeming to always go to ladies only bible studies, cos then you dont get hassled. its weird because I am certainly NOT rich to keep giving money to people, barely earning enough to pay my own way let alone someone elses.

 

[Mikhal]

Sadly, I have met enough Wolves in sheeps clothing at church, I quit dating years ago so I can focus on the Lord. But if One looks at the current state of our World, its really no Surprise.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Sadly, I have met enough Wolves in sheeps clothing at church, I quit dating years ago so I can focus on the Lord. But if One looks at the current state of our World, its really no Surprise.

I came across one guy (deacon) and another guy from church on an online dating site. Both lied about their age.

 

[Mikhal]

I came across one guy (deacon) and another guy from church on an online dating site. Both lied about their age.

That is terrible, ANY lies are. Im sorry you experienced that, especially from so-called leadership.

 

[melita916]

i didn't meet my husband at my local assembly.

just saying. lol

 

[kinda]

I believe in separation of church and date. I'm not sure if dating is even Biblical. Can you show me examples of dating in the Bible?

 

[kinda]

I found these to be pretty good quotes....


"Not only is there nothing in the Bible specifically about dating, but the concept of dating didn’t even exist in biblical times. Even today in many areas of the Middle East, dating is a relatively new concept and couples can’t even be seen together in public unless they are officially “engaged” to be married.

In biblical times, the process of meeting a spouse had very little to do with compatibility and personality traits, and everything to do with family lineage and economic status. Finding a mate functioned a lot more like a bartering system than dinner and a movie. "


https://relevantmagazine.com/life5/relationships/what-does-bible-actually-say-about-dating/

So, don't date. Find a partner that lines up with your family values....Faith, financial class, political, and cultural back grounds.

Did kinda just stumble upon the key to a suitable partner? Don't even want to get married, but hope this helps someone.

 

[Scribe]

I found these to be pretty good quotes....


"Not only is there nothing in the Bible specifically about dating, but the concept of dating didn’t even exist in biblical times. Even today in many areas of the Middle East, dating is a relatively new concept and couples can’t even be seen together in public unless they are officially “engaged” to be married.

In biblical times, the process of meeting a spouse had very little to do with compatibility and personality traits, and everything to do with family lineage and economic status. Finding a mate functioned a lot more like a bartering system than dinner and a movie. "


https://relevantmagazine.com/life5/relationships/what-does-bible-actually-say-about-dating/

So, don't date. Find a partner that lines up with your family values....Faith, financial class, political, and cultural back grounds.

Did kinda just stumble upon the key to a suitable partner? Don't even want to get married, but hope this helps someone.

And yet most women do not care for this ancient model. The idea of marrying someone they hardly know because of financial security and other parental preferences seems to be an oppressive concept that we have been liberated from.

 

[kinda]

And yet most women do not care for this ancient model. The idea of marrying someone they hardly know because of financial security and other parental preferences seems to be an oppressive concept that we have been liberated from.

Could explain why the divorce rate is so high. Rejecting God's ways is a good way to fail miserably. We just have to keep trusting Jesus, no matter what happens.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Falling in love prior to marriage probably did not exist back then, as it does now. The only way to prevent people from falling love before marriage is to keep the genders separated somehow, so basically no co-ed schools etc. and girls basically stay at home. High school sweethearts fall in love at 14 or 15, etc. It is oppressive if you fall in love before marriage but forced to marry someone else.

Arranged marriage is seen as off-putting to many, especially westerners, because the marriage is basically stamped as business deal either financially or in terms of networking (joining families together based on some beneficial criteria, etc.). The article states, "In biblical times, the process of meeting a spouse had very little to do with compatibility and personality traits, and everything to do with family lineage and economic status. Finding a mate functioned a lot more like a bartering system than dinner and a movie." I'm not convinced family lneage and economic status are good reasons for marriage. If it is, why do men and women (and vice versa) put down each other if the other seeks a well-to-do spouse, someone highly educated, or someone with connection, and though he/she is a gold-digger? What's the difference?

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Could explain why the divorce rate is so high. Rejecting God's ways is a good way to fail miserably. We just have to keep trusting Jesus, no matter what happens.

Divorce rate would have been very high back then as well if women could/would divorce for adultery and/or abuse. In OT, it sounds like it was acceptable for men to take multiple wives or etc; women nowadays would not put up with that.

 

[TheIndianGirl]

Arranged marriage could result in the same situation as Jacob with Rachel and Leah (such as being married to someone who doesn't love you). The Bible makes it clear that Jacob did not love Leah, such is the case in many arranged marriages.